WE'LL TOTALLY BE BFF....YEAH RIGHT

LAGUNA BEACH

-The opening scene this week really brought me back a ways. High school yearbook signings. I think I've mentioned this before in a previous column, but it's worth mentioning again. Ever having a bad day, ever get really down and not in a good mood? Try this. Take out your high school yearbook and read what people wrote. I guarantee you'll laugh your ass off. Of course, my favorite being the "BFF (Best Friends Forever)". Look how many people wrote that in your yearbook. Then check to see if you've spoken to that person for more than five minutes since graduation. What they should really write is "B.F.U.I.G.T.C.A.M.A.N.F.A.F.A.Y." which stands for "Best Friends Until I Get To College and Make All New Friends and Forget About You". Never fails.

-Talan never graduated? What?? His hopes and dreams crushed? I thought for sure he was headed for a Rhodes Scholarship. At least he went out and got himself a nice, solid G.E.D. That and fifty cents can get him a pack of gum. But why would Talan care about some meaningless high school education when his music career is about to skyrocket? Are you kidding me? When he sells tens of albums, he'll be swimming in poverty and won't need an education to fall back on. And latching on to Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Cabrera at Hollywood parties probably isn't hurting his cause either. He's goin' places people.

-I don't know what was funnier: Watching LC and Jason's non-verbal communication date last week, or this week listening to LC describe it to her friends?

Friend: "What'd you guys talk about?"
LC: "I don't know. Stuff."

Couldn't have said it better myself. But then again, how can you describe a date like that when your male friend speaks in mono-syllabic words, grunts like a caveman, and basically has the vocabulary of a 3rd grader? Yet they're in love. I'm going to go stick my head in the toilet now.

-You don't think they're in love? He took her to his grandparents house. Yeah, so maybe they weren't home, she never actually met them, and he basically just wanted to show off their mansion, but so what? He was nice enough to have the jacuzzi heated so they could jump in there half-naked? I'm telling you, this Jason guy is really growing up before our very eyes. I have a question though. When they were in the car before going into the house, they were making out. But for whatever reason, anytime these kids are in water, they're like woodpeckers kissing each other. Why is that? Is there something in the Laguna Beach water that doesn't physically allow these kids to share their saliva with each other? That really annoys me and I need an answer to this.

-The episode also brought back graduation memories. You had your studious kids who were all excited and their parents were so proud to watch them walk. Then you had your athletes who all sat together and told sports stories during the ceremony. Then you had the "outsider" crowd that tried to do the rebellious thing by writing something nasty on their cap, or do what cedric did, and wore nothing under their gown. I never really understood this whole phenomenon. Go to your ceremony, get your diploma, go home. Is making a spectacle of yourself that important? Are you really being that creative wearing just your boxers under your gown? Of course, that was the guy that all the chicks found to be hilarious and he nailed some hottie later on at Grad Night, so maybe I'm the one who's wrong here.

-Of course, then you have our Laguna Beach females, who dressed like they were going to a wedding under their gowns. I understand there were probably parties to attend afterwards, but what's with the fashion show going on under the gowns? Especially considering they're already going to spend an hour and half re-doing their hair once the cap comes off, why not just go in something less formal? And what about Jessica wanting to wear the same color as Alex H.? Why? No one can see what you're wearing anyway? Do you really need to match under your gown? Women are weird sometimes. I think I've mentioned that one or thousand times before. Just wanted to point it out again.

-I like the fact that these kids parents gave them such inexpensive, subtle, and thoughtful graduation gifts. Don't most people just get money? Maybe sometimes the parents will buy you a new suit, or if you're a girl, they'll get a new outfit, but for the love of God, diamond earrings? Diamond necklaces? Pretty funny to see that Kristin got herself a nice frying pan. Sure, she acted like she loved it, but I'm guessing when she went over to Jessica and Alex's house, she was none too happy to see what they received compared to her frying pan she'll never use. Thanks Dad. Then again, he did foot the bill for the BMW. That helps.

-Loved seeing the big blowup next week between Jason and LC, although if you pick up a "People" Magazine or an "US Weekly", you'll find out these two are still together, so I guess it wasn't much of a fight. Jason is too loyal of a guy. Why would LC possibly get upset at his wandering eye? He's a one woman man. Always has been, always will be.

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