"THE BACHELOR" RECAP - 2/6/06
-Do you realize how pissed off I was when I found out we had a two hour episode last night? Are you kidding me? When was the last time we had a two hour hometown visit episode? Has this ever happened? Can we get some research on this? Very rarely do I get annoyed a stupid little things like that, but when I'm thinking all week I have a one hour show to recap and they spring two on me, all hell is breaking loose in my apartment. Ok, maybe I just threw the latest issue of Maxim with Stacy Kiebler on the cover, but you get the point. And if you think a two hour episode means you're gonna get double the coverage, think again. How much meaningless extra footage did we get last night? God that was painful to watch. Onto the the show....
-They started off with a five minute recap of past hometown dates that were the most memorable. I always love trips down memory lane. They make me realize how much this show has sucked in the past and how much I've forgotten about the show's history. And since I never saw the first two bachelors, there was two pieces of footage I had never seen. So Gay Alex tried to rip a two year olds arm out of his socket? That must've gone over well. Nothing like impressing the family by making the little one cry. Crazy he's still single, isn't it? And Brooke's family had a shrine, or as her father called it, "God's country", dedicated to Alabama football. Wow. Let me tell you something. If I ever meet that future someone special, and that woman's family has a room with Kenny Stabler's jock strap enshrined in a glass case, I think I might be forced to take my own life at that point. I'm glad he spends all his time, energy, and every living breathing second worshipping a second rate SEC school. Congrats sir. Get a life. And finally, one of the only other clips we saw was of "Funnyman Bob Guiney trying to understand Mary's family members." When did Bob Guiney earn the nickname "Funnyman"? Did I miss this? And when does his $4.73 check come in the mail for the royalties from last night's episode? I'm sure he's thrilled. On a side note, I just received the 2-disc special edition of "The Scorned" yesterday in the mail. Yes, I only bought it for the nudity scenes. I can't contain my excitement right now.
-Travis informs us he will be heading to meet each girl tonight in their hometowns and is real excited because now he finally gets to see them in their own element and that each girl is completely different from one another. Yeah, we know. You couldn't have found four more opposite women if you tried. Here's what he said about each followed by what he actually meant:
Susan: "She's obviously beautiful....And what I like most about her is that she clearly hasn't let it go to hear head." Translation: She's the hottest of the four remaining women and that's why she's still here.
Sarah Canada: "We've had a connection since day one." Translation: She's the young horny one that I know I could get a little more action from before I send her home.
Sarah Tennessee: "Her and I have a great friendship. I'm just waiting to see if a romance develops." Translation: Is this woman asexual? Has she ever seen a grown man naked? Has she ever been in a Turkish prison? Does she like movies about Gladiators?
Moana: "There's just something about her that's sexy and mysterious." Translation: In keeping with show's tradition of at least one final four member being the most hated and aloof member of the group, I've decided to keep Moana around. Oh yeah she's slutty and in her bikini I can see her tramp stamp.
-Storky's first hometown date is in San Clemente, California to visit Moana's family. San Clemente is only a hop, skip, and a jump from Laguna Beach. I was waiting for Kristin Cavalleri to make an appearance considering she's everywhere now. I was positive she'd find her way onto this show. And of course, Moana's waiting for him at the beach, with surfboard in tow, as he shows up in a long sleeve collared dress shirt and shorts. Nice duds, Travis. Did they spring on you at the last minute you were going to the beach? Board shorts and a tank top might've been more appropriate. Of course, he shows up with no bag on his arm, but somehow has a change of clothes waiting for him. Unless Moana went shopping for him when he was gone, he ended up in a bathing suit when these two went in the water to go surfing.
-Travis can't surf. So they spent their time sitting on the surfboards kissing. Moana was definitely excited about this. Moana: "I want Travis now. That wasn't just a kiss, kiss. That was an amazing first kiss." Good job Trav. Nothing like blowing her socks off with a good first kiss. Especially with Moana since I'm guessing her tongue's been in more guy's than Jake Gyllenhaal's. Although, I wasn't too thrilled with the camerawork here. Couldn't we have sent someone out in the water with them for some footage instead of staying on shore and filming this from 50 yards away? Is it too much to ask for one of these guys to get in the water with them? I mean, Charlie and Trista were making out right on the edge of the water and we were all front and center watching him pitch a tent. These two head out into the water and we're stuck zooming in on them. What if they were touching each other in the water? I hope that camerman had money deducted from his paycheck for this episode.
-So Travis meets the three headed monster known as Moana's family: Her dad Ray, mom Cheryl, and step mom Virginia. Nice of Papa Ray to invite his ex over. Probably wasn't awkward at all. Immediately these three were right in Travis' kitchen. The stepmom started out first with her disgust about how the show is the "undermining of the home and marriage." Ouch. Then why'd you let you're stepdaugther go on it? Next up was Papa Ray, or as I'd like to call him, Ray the Prick. Ray: "So what do you believe in? Are you Christian?" Travis: "Actually I grew up Presbyterian. I've learned to be tolerant." The Prick: "I want to hear what that means." Easy Ray. Calm down. I can see now where Moana gets her charm from. The apple certainly doesn't fall far from the tree in this family. Definitely the most skeptical bunch of people we've ever seen. I think if Travis were to tell them the sky was blue, they'd have about ten follow up questions that begged to differ. Not an easy group to please. Feel free to crack a smile while your daughters home too. It might make her feel important since everyone back in Paris hates her.
-Out of sheer intimidation of The Prick, Travis during the course of the day with the family said, count em', four times "I want to thank you guys for having me over". Ok Travis, we get it. You're kissing ass because this family absolutely scares the piss out of you. Quit repeating yourself. And considering we saw him say it four times, assume he probably said it about ten. Yet, Moana's family seemed to like him even though they were all skeptical about the whole thing. Moana pulled The Prick aside to talk to him and said, "Well, you proposed to Mom after three months. How did you know she was the one?" The Prick: "I don't have an answer for that one." Moana: "Neither do I." Something tells me this hometown date pretty much ruined her chances of winning. Travis is too much of a family bumpkin to marry into this pack of wolves. He knows better. So at the end of the night, he said his fake goodbyes, told everyone how he'd much rather have slit his wrists than hung out with them, then went outside to make out with Moana. If I didn't know any better, I would've figured at this point, The Prick would've pulled out a shotgun and blown Travis away for putting his hands on his daughter. But he didn't. That would've been murder.
-The next date saw Travis head to Winnipeg where Sarah was feeding the ducks waiting for him. I don't know what part of Canada Winnipeg is in, but is it anywhere near Windsor? During this past Super Bowl week, there was a great article on how close in proximity Detroit is to Windsor, Canada. The reason why this was newsworthy is because in Windsor, the drinking age is nineteen, gambling is legal, and there's legalized prostitution. Of course, this is all relevant because anyone with a brain knows that the first order of business the NFL has to attend to when deciding who gets to host the Super Bowl is, "Is this is a good market for strip clubs?" Well, they hit the jackpot in Detroit with Windsor being so close. The whole story revolved around sending some guy to one of the local brothels to interview a girl who talked about what a boom to theWindsor economy having the Super Bowl in Detroit would be. See, these are the Super Bowl week stories that fascinate me. I've heard enough about football and the players to make my eyes bleed. I want to hear stories about how extra girls were brought on shift at the clubs because they knew all the suits and CEO's and company presidents would be in town and they'd be heading to Windsor to cheat on their wives. Great article. Long live the NFL.
-Sarah informs Travis they'll be going to the house where she grew up to meet her mom and two little brothers. Sweet. We get to see Sarah in her element. In Winnipeg, at home, and in her room where at night she opens up the window and smokes a doobie like Seth Cohen. This is gonna be good. But first off, they head to the local pub to shoot some pool and to where Sarah can grill Travis on why Moana is still around. Probably not her greatest move yet. And when did someone punch Sarah in the mouth? Why is the left side of her top lip not moving when she talks? Either I haven't been paying attention for four weeks, or this just happened in a freak cat fighting incident with Moana which should be released on the unedited version. Whatever. She has a fat lip and it's very noticeable.
-Commercial. Some woman is making national news because she's the first woman ever to have a face transplant? What is happening in this world? A face transplant? Why didn't she just go the Extreme Makeover route and get touched up a bit? Who would possibly want surgery to get someone else's face put on them? Did you see this woman? Gee, sure looked like that worked out well for her. Must feel real comfortable. Either the damn thing is crooked, or she got a face implant from one of the ugliest women in America. What a disturbing picture I hope I never see again. Does she go into the doctor's office and just choose which new face she wants? And who on the other hand is willing to give up their face to someone else? What does she get in return? Or does she just go faceless the rest of her life? "You know what, I'm sick of my face. Give it to someone else. I'll just have a gaping hole above my neck the rest of my life." Some people in this world are really freakin' stupid I tell ya'.
-So we get to meet Sarah's mom Julie her two brothers, Steven and David. Oh yeah, these two have definitely taken a few tokes in their life. Like brother like sister. So Travis is making small talk with the mom saying he had no idea where Winnipeg was and that he had to look at a map. He just knew where Windsor was. Legalized prostitution. "Honey, me and the guys decided we're gonna do the Super Bowl this year. I'll be gone for about a week or so." "Is it in San Diego this year?" "Nah, Detroit." "Honey, it's 15 degrees and snowing in Detroit this time of year." "Yeah, but we thought this was the year to go. Lot of great stuff to do in Detroit. And don't call me on my cell either. It'll be a pretty busy week. Take care of the kids. Bye." That story kills me. Anyway, the phone rings at Sarah's house and mom says that's the first time it's rang in a while. It's been pretty quiet since Sarah's been gone. Yep. Our 23 year old student still lives at home with the fams. If at this point you didn't think Sarah was going home at the next ceremony, you weren't paying attention. That pretty much hit Travis over the head with a hammer that Sarah is still living at home, still getting calls from boys, and still smoking out in her room. Uhhhh...bye bye.
-Even at dinner Sarah killed the mood talking about the girls in the house, even further solidifying her exit from the Chateau. So while Travis is talking to the brothers about God knows what, Sarah and her mom get some alone time. Not that it wasn't evident from the minute Travis arrived, but it was at this point Sarah's push-up bra became the focal point of the scene. I don't even remember what her and her mom were talking about. Something about being true to herself, and fighting for what she wants, blah blah blah. All I remember is she was laying on her back on the bed and she still somehow managed to have cleavage. So the next scene showed Travis in the room with her and these two start kissing making out on her bed. Something that she's probably done many a nights with many different guys. However, at this point, Sarah's push-up bra became the focal point of the scene. I don't even remember what they were talking about.
-Sarah: "I believe you create your own destiny. I need to trust what's going on between me and you." Uh huh. I trust that he's in your bed right now, you're high as a kite, you want to get your freak on, but Travis is scared because you'll make too much noise. You can just tell. Sarah's a loud one, no doubt. But we don't want the headboard banging with two little brothers right next door. That would definitely give off the wrong message to send to the younger crowd. And what would that message be? That your older sister is a whore.
-So time for Wilbanks' hometown date in Nashville, Tennessee. Come to find out not only are these two from the same city, uhhhhh, they live a block away from each other. A block away? What? Oh yeah. Wilbanks: "We work out at the same gym, we go to the same grocery store, and we go to the same park." Is that possible? I mean, c'mon. We're expected these two live one block from each other, share all those possible common meeting places, and they've never once seen each other? Impossible. Then again, I've been in my apartment complex five years now and haven't said more than three words to anyone in the building, so I guess it's possible. However, something about this is still a bit fishy. Just a little too suspicious for my taste. The whole "he lives a block away" has to be embellished, doesn't it? All the sudden I'm turning into Moana's dad and I'm skeptical about everything that goes on in this show. Hey, wait a minute. Is Travis really straight?
-Travis: "Sarah is just great. We definitely have the same interests. She likes to go biking, hiking, and running. What I need to figure out, is this someone I'd go hiking with or someone to spend the rest of my life with?" Yes, you do need to figure that out. And to help you along, you might want to ask her if she likes boys too. Up to this point, you two have about as much physical chemistry and Tom and Katie. And she ended up pregnant somehow. So we get to meet Wilbanks' dad Addison, her mom Vernita, and two sisters Addy and Lindsey. Dad Addison and sister Addy. Wow. Only in Nashville. Couldn't break out the book of names, could ya' pops?
-So Travis, Wilbanks, and Travis' dog Nala head to the park to talk. This is where Travis informs Wilbanks that he'd like to become Grizzly Adams someday and move to the mountains. Well, he hinted at it. She made it clear all her family's in Nashville and that she'd like to stay close to family. Travis seems to want to get the hell out of there as soon as humanly possible. Could pose a problem. Later topic for a later conversation since Wilbanks' kindergarten class just showed up with her two sisters. And I think for one of the first times in the shows history, we actually heard one of the peoples last names when Travis called Sarah "Ms. Stone." So Ms. Wilbanks-Stone gathers her kids around and introduced them to Travis. I don't know who felt more uncomfortable, Travis around the kids, or me watching Travis around the kids. Something wasn't right. I think he was just trying too hard. Whatever the case, like the kids even cared who this guy was. Hell, like that was even her class for all we know. I'm sure a few child actors who will eventually turn into drug addicts before the age of fifteen was amongst that group. All this scene did was solidify that he's going to pick Sarah in the end, they'll remain friends, they'll grocery shop together, they'll run the treadmill together, they'll play with his dog in the park together, and ultimately, will never walk down the aisle together.
-Since these two are both from the same hometown (didn't know if they had mentioned that yet), Travis got to take Wilbanks-Stone to his house to show her around. In case you didn't notice, Travis' man card was revoked the minute we got to see he had pink in his rooms. Yes, pink. Good lord. Now only if these two had any sexual chemistry would that offset the pink decorations. But of course, these two are like brother and sister so he didn't once try the horizontal mambo with her in his room. I just don't get this guy. Anyway, the mother, father, and aunt of Wilbanks-Stone come over to Travis' house for dinner. During conversation, Travis told Papa Addison he planned on moving to the mountains in six months. I don't think the family was too keen on having their little daughter move more than 10 feet away from them. Yet another reason why Travis and Sarah will never get married. They'll put on a happy face, they'll say they're still together and will work on things, and I'm sure utter the phrase, "We'll see where this takes us" at some point. But in the end, he wants to chop down trees and build log cabins and she wants to stay in Nashville and pop out babies on occasion.
-Although we did get to see Mrs. Stone bring over Travis a tape of their daughter performing 13 years ago in some play. I think it was some play. Either that or she likes dancing and singing around the house. I couldn't tell. Travis: "That's what I love about Sarah. She doesn't take herself too seriously." I sure hope not. Did you see that performance? Good thing she teaches full time. Anyway, so the family leaves and Travis and Wilbanks-Stone are alone. In his house. With no parental supervision. And he kissed her! Wow! Yippppeeee! Some actual physical contact with these two! A major breakthrough. Maybe next week he'll touch her boobie. Although I was extremely disappointed that he didn't walk her home. I mean, she's only a block away right? He couldn't walk her down the street? What an a-hole. I take back everything nice I said about him.
-Commercial. Heather Locklear for L'oreal. Let me re-phrase. The newly single Heather Locklear for L'oreal. I don't know what surprises me more, that her and Richie Sambora are divorced, or that it took them ten years to do it. Ten years of a Hollywood marriage? Isn't that a record now? Good for Heather. I give her about two weeks before she's linked to someone new. And you know who that someone new will be, don't you? That's right. Dr. Peter Burns. They were meant for each other. Of course, Michael Mancini might make a play for her as well. But as long as Jake doesn't come back into the picture to have sex on her office desk, I think Peter Burns is the guy for her. What a great show. When are the "Melrose Place" DVD box sets coming out? And why was this the week that former Melrose Place-ers decided to get divorced. Rob Estes and Josie Bissett as well? What's happening here? Who's next? Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin? I would suggest that Lisa might leave Harry for her dance partner, but on second thought, nahhhhhhh. I think he likes dudes.
-And finally, Susan's hometown date somehwere in Kansas. I wasn't paying attention. We were still only an hour and fifteen minutes into the show and I felt I'd been watching for six hours. So they meet at a park, she looks hot, he says that "I couldn't envision not giving Susan a rose at the next ceremony". Translation: If you think I'm passing up a chance for an overnight date with Susan, the crazy, horny, "I love hard nipples on men" lady, you're are out of your mind. Not a chance. Hey, I'm with you Trav. Outside of her shooting heroin into her veins at the park, I'd say she's a lock for an overnight date. Or her saying something ridiculously stupid. Uh oh, here it comes...
-Susan: "I've got a great analogy for relationships that I was once told. Relationships are like two glasses of water. Both glasses are full. But if one glass isn't full, the other one is pouring themself into the other glass, then both of you aren't full anymore. You always want to meet someone who's a full glass." Uhhhhh...ok. Whatever. Just take off your clothes.
-After Susan's brilliant Dr. Phil analogy, Susan and Travis decide to throw the football around. Susan admits to throwing like a girl, but does say that, "I can punt a ball." Ah hah! I bet you can. You know why Susan can punt a ball? Later in the episode we find out that Susan had just recently before the show started called off an engagement. Well, that engagement was rumored to be to a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs. Some scrub that never plays. I don't even think he's still with the team, but she was definitely engaged to him and will probably run back to him once she doesn't win this thing. So after punting the ball around, they decide to kiss. Susan: "I like it how you do that." Travis: "Do what?" Susan: "How you kiss." Awwwwww....that's two kissing compliments Travis has gotten in one episode. You wanna know something? Nah. Too personal. And by the way, Susan has an uncanny ability to always be glancing at the camera right before or right after she kisses Travis. I'm just waiting for the directors to say, "Aaaaannnnnd cut! Beautiful Susan. Next time, with a little more force."
-So we get to meet dad Ken, mom Kathy, and brothers Brian and Matt. This whole conversation with the parents turned into a Susan bashing. Both parents are skeptical of their daughter that she's doing this for the right reasons. Which is probably the most refreshing thing I've seen on this show in a while. Finally, a set of parents that I liked. Susan's Mom: "I don't think Susan's ready for a relationship." Wow. I don't think we've ever had a parent say that. They usually just go along with whatever their kid feels and are just happy to be on TV. And that wasn't all. Susan's Dad: "I don't know whether Susan is into this as much as she says she is." Her dad was also questioning whether or not she thought this would help her Hollywood career and if she'd get noticed. Can we give these parents an award or something? I stood up and gave them a standing ovation in my living room. Good for them. Call Susan out. Make her prove she's here for the right reasons. Then next week when she's on her overnight date, force her to have sex with Travis to show him she's really in this for the right reasons. To get discovered by Hollywood.
-What really amazed me was how Travis basically found out that Susan called off her engagement when her mother told him, not her. They kinda glossed over it like it wasn't that big of deal. Ummmm, I'd say that is. I mean, he did just dump a girl last week for being previously married. Ending an engagement right before the show seems like something she might want to have told him before now. So Susan reinforces to Travis she's real and she's here for the right reasons. So she tells him when they're back at her hotel. Susan: "You know, I was engaged but you should have nothing to worry about. It doesn't matter." Good enough for Travis. I guess that's all he needed to hear since essentially he never wavered one or another when she said it, he leaned over, and stuck his tongue in her throat for good measure. Wow. He seems deeply affected by her previous relationship. This is gonna take a while for him to get over.
-As we head back to the Chateau, a sight we haven't seen in a long time. The Pick Me! photos. Travis goes into the deliberation room where video messages from each girl awaits him. These are good. Well, at least one of them is.
Sarah Canada: "I felt fireworks from the moment I met you....it's felt unbelievable....I hope so badly you want to do this with me....I'm so stoned right now, I can't even feel my fat lip."
Wilbanks: "You are so much fun...I have so much fun when I'm with you...it was fun meeting my family....you're perfect for me.....will you meet me at lunch under the bleachers so maybe we could kiss again?"
Susan: "I'm totally crazy about you....every time I'm with you the world seems to melt away...I'm really looking forward to falling in love with you....please, please, please pick me so I can get on the inside pages of 'US Weekly'".
Moana: (crying hysterically) "I found a piece of myself in you...the only 100% solid thing in my life is my family....for the first time in my life I've ever felt complete....thank you for being who you are.....but for God's sakes never wear a dress shirt to the beach again you dork".
-Rose ceremony time. But not before Host Chris informs the ladies, "Your relationship took a big step forward this week. You took Travis inside your homes to meet your family." No s*** Sherlock. That's what we've just spent the last hour and forty-five minutes watching. The Master of the Obvious never seems to disappoint.
Susan: Only two more roses away from getting to go on all the talk shows. Just two more Travis, that's all she asks.
Moana: I guess all that forced, fake, hystercial crying in the video message seemed to work.
Host Chris: "L.T., T.I.T.F.R.T.....W.Y.R. And I'm getting paid to say this."
Sarah......from Tennessee: No way that Travis said "Sarah", then paused, then said, "from Tennessee". He didn't do that. That was the editing. That's cruel.
-So Travis pulls Sarah Canada aside to tell her essentially what we all knew from the beginning. Travis: "We're in a different place in life." Translation: There was no way I, a 33 year old doctor, was about to settle down with you, a 23 year old student who still lives at home with her mom and two brothers. But thanks for trying. Here's some rolling papers as a parting gift. Sorry about the lip. See ya.
-Sarah Canada went off crying like they all do. "I'm so confused....I can't believe Travis picked Moana....I feel sorry for him...blah blah blah". Just a little young, confused, and bitter girl that'll get over it as soon as she gets home, the phone rings and it's all her stoner friends wanting to go out and party.
-Next week is the overnight dates where, in the middle of the romantic dinner, Travis gets to pull out The Card. You know, the one that says, "(Name here), I hope you and Travis are enjoying your stay in (City here). However, should you two decide that you've built enough sexual frustration over the last month that you need to release it somewhere, here's a key to the honeymoon suite where you guys can go have crazy animal sex. And here's an extra key for you Travis to unlock Sarah's chastity belt." Or something like that. Until next week....
The Bachelor Links
-They started off with a five minute recap of past hometown dates that were the most memorable. I always love trips down memory lane. They make me realize how much this show has sucked in the past and how much I've forgotten about the show's history. And since I never saw the first two bachelors, there was two pieces of footage I had never seen. So Gay Alex tried to rip a two year olds arm out of his socket? That must've gone over well. Nothing like impressing the family by making the little one cry. Crazy he's still single, isn't it? And Brooke's family had a shrine, or as her father called it, "God's country", dedicated to Alabama football. Wow. Let me tell you something. If I ever meet that future someone special, and that woman's family has a room with Kenny Stabler's jock strap enshrined in a glass case, I think I might be forced to take my own life at that point. I'm glad he spends all his time, energy, and every living breathing second worshipping a second rate SEC school. Congrats sir. Get a life. And finally, one of the only other clips we saw was of "Funnyman Bob Guiney trying to understand Mary's family members." When did Bob Guiney earn the nickname "Funnyman"? Did I miss this? And when does his $4.73 check come in the mail for the royalties from last night's episode? I'm sure he's thrilled. On a side note, I just received the 2-disc special edition of "The Scorned" yesterday in the mail. Yes, I only bought it for the nudity scenes. I can't contain my excitement right now.
-Travis informs us he will be heading to meet each girl tonight in their hometowns and is real excited because now he finally gets to see them in their own element and that each girl is completely different from one another. Yeah, we know. You couldn't have found four more opposite women if you tried. Here's what he said about each followed by what he actually meant:
Susan: "She's obviously beautiful....And what I like most about her is that she clearly hasn't let it go to hear head." Translation: She's the hottest of the four remaining women and that's why she's still here.
Sarah Canada: "We've had a connection since day one." Translation: She's the young horny one that I know I could get a little more action from before I send her home.
Sarah Tennessee: "Her and I have a great friendship. I'm just waiting to see if a romance develops." Translation: Is this woman asexual? Has she ever seen a grown man naked? Has she ever been in a Turkish prison? Does she like movies about Gladiators?
Moana: "There's just something about her that's sexy and mysterious." Translation: In keeping with show's tradition of at least one final four member being the most hated and aloof member of the group, I've decided to keep Moana around. Oh yeah she's slutty and in her bikini I can see her tramp stamp.
-Storky's first hometown date is in San Clemente, California to visit Moana's family. San Clemente is only a hop, skip, and a jump from Laguna Beach. I was waiting for Kristin Cavalleri to make an appearance considering she's everywhere now. I was positive she'd find her way onto this show. And of course, Moana's waiting for him at the beach, with surfboard in tow, as he shows up in a long sleeve collared dress shirt and shorts. Nice duds, Travis. Did they spring on you at the last minute you were going to the beach? Board shorts and a tank top might've been more appropriate. Of course, he shows up with no bag on his arm, but somehow has a change of clothes waiting for him. Unless Moana went shopping for him when he was gone, he ended up in a bathing suit when these two went in the water to go surfing.
-Travis can't surf. So they spent their time sitting on the surfboards kissing. Moana was definitely excited about this. Moana: "I want Travis now. That wasn't just a kiss, kiss. That was an amazing first kiss." Good job Trav. Nothing like blowing her socks off with a good first kiss. Especially with Moana since I'm guessing her tongue's been in more guy's than Jake Gyllenhaal's. Although, I wasn't too thrilled with the camerawork here. Couldn't we have sent someone out in the water with them for some footage instead of staying on shore and filming this from 50 yards away? Is it too much to ask for one of these guys to get in the water with them? I mean, Charlie and Trista were making out right on the edge of the water and we were all front and center watching him pitch a tent. These two head out into the water and we're stuck zooming in on them. What if they were touching each other in the water? I hope that camerman had money deducted from his paycheck for this episode.
-So Travis meets the three headed monster known as Moana's family: Her dad Ray, mom Cheryl, and step mom Virginia. Nice of Papa Ray to invite his ex over. Probably wasn't awkward at all. Immediately these three were right in Travis' kitchen. The stepmom started out first with her disgust about how the show is the "undermining of the home and marriage." Ouch. Then why'd you let you're stepdaugther go on it? Next up was Papa Ray, or as I'd like to call him, Ray the Prick. Ray: "So what do you believe in? Are you Christian?" Travis: "Actually I grew up Presbyterian. I've learned to be tolerant." The Prick: "I want to hear what that means." Easy Ray. Calm down. I can see now where Moana gets her charm from. The apple certainly doesn't fall far from the tree in this family. Definitely the most skeptical bunch of people we've ever seen. I think if Travis were to tell them the sky was blue, they'd have about ten follow up questions that begged to differ. Not an easy group to please. Feel free to crack a smile while your daughters home too. It might make her feel important since everyone back in Paris hates her.
-Out of sheer intimidation of The Prick, Travis during the course of the day with the family said, count em', four times "I want to thank you guys for having me over". Ok Travis, we get it. You're kissing ass because this family absolutely scares the piss out of you. Quit repeating yourself. And considering we saw him say it four times, assume he probably said it about ten. Yet, Moana's family seemed to like him even though they were all skeptical about the whole thing. Moana pulled The Prick aside to talk to him and said, "Well, you proposed to Mom after three months. How did you know she was the one?" The Prick: "I don't have an answer for that one." Moana: "Neither do I." Something tells me this hometown date pretty much ruined her chances of winning. Travis is too much of a family bumpkin to marry into this pack of wolves. He knows better. So at the end of the night, he said his fake goodbyes, told everyone how he'd much rather have slit his wrists than hung out with them, then went outside to make out with Moana. If I didn't know any better, I would've figured at this point, The Prick would've pulled out a shotgun and blown Travis away for putting his hands on his daughter. But he didn't. That would've been murder.
-The next date saw Travis head to Winnipeg where Sarah was feeding the ducks waiting for him. I don't know what part of Canada Winnipeg is in, but is it anywhere near Windsor? During this past Super Bowl week, there was a great article on how close in proximity Detroit is to Windsor, Canada. The reason why this was newsworthy is because in Windsor, the drinking age is nineteen, gambling is legal, and there's legalized prostitution. Of course, this is all relevant because anyone with a brain knows that the first order of business the NFL has to attend to when deciding who gets to host the Super Bowl is, "Is this is a good market for strip clubs?" Well, they hit the jackpot in Detroit with Windsor being so close. The whole story revolved around sending some guy to one of the local brothels to interview a girl who talked about what a boom to theWindsor economy having the Super Bowl in Detroit would be. See, these are the Super Bowl week stories that fascinate me. I've heard enough about football and the players to make my eyes bleed. I want to hear stories about how extra girls were brought on shift at the clubs because they knew all the suits and CEO's and company presidents would be in town and they'd be heading to Windsor to cheat on their wives. Great article. Long live the NFL.
-Sarah informs Travis they'll be going to the house where she grew up to meet her mom and two little brothers. Sweet. We get to see Sarah in her element. In Winnipeg, at home, and in her room where at night she opens up the window and smokes a doobie like Seth Cohen. This is gonna be good. But first off, they head to the local pub to shoot some pool and to where Sarah can grill Travis on why Moana is still around. Probably not her greatest move yet. And when did someone punch Sarah in the mouth? Why is the left side of her top lip not moving when she talks? Either I haven't been paying attention for four weeks, or this just happened in a freak cat fighting incident with Moana which should be released on the unedited version. Whatever. She has a fat lip and it's very noticeable.
-Commercial. Some woman is making national news because she's the first woman ever to have a face transplant? What is happening in this world? A face transplant? Why didn't she just go the Extreme Makeover route and get touched up a bit? Who would possibly want surgery to get someone else's face put on them? Did you see this woman? Gee, sure looked like that worked out well for her. Must feel real comfortable. Either the damn thing is crooked, or she got a face implant from one of the ugliest women in America. What a disturbing picture I hope I never see again. Does she go into the doctor's office and just choose which new face she wants? And who on the other hand is willing to give up their face to someone else? What does she get in return? Or does she just go faceless the rest of her life? "You know what, I'm sick of my face. Give it to someone else. I'll just have a gaping hole above my neck the rest of my life." Some people in this world are really freakin' stupid I tell ya'.
-So we get to meet Sarah's mom Julie her two brothers, Steven and David. Oh yeah, these two have definitely taken a few tokes in their life. Like brother like sister. So Travis is making small talk with the mom saying he had no idea where Winnipeg was and that he had to look at a map. He just knew where Windsor was. Legalized prostitution. "Honey, me and the guys decided we're gonna do the Super Bowl this year. I'll be gone for about a week or so." "Is it in San Diego this year?" "Nah, Detroit." "Honey, it's 15 degrees and snowing in Detroit this time of year." "Yeah, but we thought this was the year to go. Lot of great stuff to do in Detroit. And don't call me on my cell either. It'll be a pretty busy week. Take care of the kids. Bye." That story kills me. Anyway, the phone rings at Sarah's house and mom says that's the first time it's rang in a while. It's been pretty quiet since Sarah's been gone. Yep. Our 23 year old student still lives at home with the fams. If at this point you didn't think Sarah was going home at the next ceremony, you weren't paying attention. That pretty much hit Travis over the head with a hammer that Sarah is still living at home, still getting calls from boys, and still smoking out in her room. Uhhhh...bye bye.
-Even at dinner Sarah killed the mood talking about the girls in the house, even further solidifying her exit from the Chateau. So while Travis is talking to the brothers about God knows what, Sarah and her mom get some alone time. Not that it wasn't evident from the minute Travis arrived, but it was at this point Sarah's push-up bra became the focal point of the scene. I don't even remember what her and her mom were talking about. Something about being true to herself, and fighting for what she wants, blah blah blah. All I remember is she was laying on her back on the bed and she still somehow managed to have cleavage. So the next scene showed Travis in the room with her and these two start kissing making out on her bed. Something that she's probably done many a nights with many different guys. However, at this point, Sarah's push-up bra became the focal point of the scene. I don't even remember what they were talking about.
-Sarah: "I believe you create your own destiny. I need to trust what's going on between me and you." Uh huh. I trust that he's in your bed right now, you're high as a kite, you want to get your freak on, but Travis is scared because you'll make too much noise. You can just tell. Sarah's a loud one, no doubt. But we don't want the headboard banging with two little brothers right next door. That would definitely give off the wrong message to send to the younger crowd. And what would that message be? That your older sister is a whore.
-So time for Wilbanks' hometown date in Nashville, Tennessee. Come to find out not only are these two from the same city, uhhhhh, they live a block away from each other. A block away? What? Oh yeah. Wilbanks: "We work out at the same gym, we go to the same grocery store, and we go to the same park." Is that possible? I mean, c'mon. We're expected these two live one block from each other, share all those possible common meeting places, and they've never once seen each other? Impossible. Then again, I've been in my apartment complex five years now and haven't said more than three words to anyone in the building, so I guess it's possible. However, something about this is still a bit fishy. Just a little too suspicious for my taste. The whole "he lives a block away" has to be embellished, doesn't it? All the sudden I'm turning into Moana's dad and I'm skeptical about everything that goes on in this show. Hey, wait a minute. Is Travis really straight?
-Travis: "Sarah is just great. We definitely have the same interests. She likes to go biking, hiking, and running. What I need to figure out, is this someone I'd go hiking with or someone to spend the rest of my life with?" Yes, you do need to figure that out. And to help you along, you might want to ask her if she likes boys too. Up to this point, you two have about as much physical chemistry and Tom and Katie. And she ended up pregnant somehow. So we get to meet Wilbanks' dad Addison, her mom Vernita, and two sisters Addy and Lindsey. Dad Addison and sister Addy. Wow. Only in Nashville. Couldn't break out the book of names, could ya' pops?
-So Travis, Wilbanks, and Travis' dog Nala head to the park to talk. This is where Travis informs Wilbanks that he'd like to become Grizzly Adams someday and move to the mountains. Well, he hinted at it. She made it clear all her family's in Nashville and that she'd like to stay close to family. Travis seems to want to get the hell out of there as soon as humanly possible. Could pose a problem. Later topic for a later conversation since Wilbanks' kindergarten class just showed up with her two sisters. And I think for one of the first times in the shows history, we actually heard one of the peoples last names when Travis called Sarah "Ms. Stone." So Ms. Wilbanks-Stone gathers her kids around and introduced them to Travis. I don't know who felt more uncomfortable, Travis around the kids, or me watching Travis around the kids. Something wasn't right. I think he was just trying too hard. Whatever the case, like the kids even cared who this guy was. Hell, like that was even her class for all we know. I'm sure a few child actors who will eventually turn into drug addicts before the age of fifteen was amongst that group. All this scene did was solidify that he's going to pick Sarah in the end, they'll remain friends, they'll grocery shop together, they'll run the treadmill together, they'll play with his dog in the park together, and ultimately, will never walk down the aisle together.
-Since these two are both from the same hometown (didn't know if they had mentioned that yet), Travis got to take Wilbanks-Stone to his house to show her around. In case you didn't notice, Travis' man card was revoked the minute we got to see he had pink in his rooms. Yes, pink. Good lord. Now only if these two had any sexual chemistry would that offset the pink decorations. But of course, these two are like brother and sister so he didn't once try the horizontal mambo with her in his room. I just don't get this guy. Anyway, the mother, father, and aunt of Wilbanks-Stone come over to Travis' house for dinner. During conversation, Travis told Papa Addison he planned on moving to the mountains in six months. I don't think the family was too keen on having their little daughter move more than 10 feet away from them. Yet another reason why Travis and Sarah will never get married. They'll put on a happy face, they'll say they're still together and will work on things, and I'm sure utter the phrase, "We'll see where this takes us" at some point. But in the end, he wants to chop down trees and build log cabins and she wants to stay in Nashville and pop out babies on occasion.
-Although we did get to see Mrs. Stone bring over Travis a tape of their daughter performing 13 years ago in some play. I think it was some play. Either that or she likes dancing and singing around the house. I couldn't tell. Travis: "That's what I love about Sarah. She doesn't take herself too seriously." I sure hope not. Did you see that performance? Good thing she teaches full time. Anyway, so the family leaves and Travis and Wilbanks-Stone are alone. In his house. With no parental supervision. And he kissed her! Wow! Yippppeeee! Some actual physical contact with these two! A major breakthrough. Maybe next week he'll touch her boobie. Although I was extremely disappointed that he didn't walk her home. I mean, she's only a block away right? He couldn't walk her down the street? What an a-hole. I take back everything nice I said about him.
-Commercial. Heather Locklear for L'oreal. Let me re-phrase. The newly single Heather Locklear for L'oreal. I don't know what surprises me more, that her and Richie Sambora are divorced, or that it took them ten years to do it. Ten years of a Hollywood marriage? Isn't that a record now? Good for Heather. I give her about two weeks before she's linked to someone new. And you know who that someone new will be, don't you? That's right. Dr. Peter Burns. They were meant for each other. Of course, Michael Mancini might make a play for her as well. But as long as Jake doesn't come back into the picture to have sex on her office desk, I think Peter Burns is the guy for her. What a great show. When are the "Melrose Place" DVD box sets coming out? And why was this the week that former Melrose Place-ers decided to get divorced. Rob Estes and Josie Bissett as well? What's happening here? Who's next? Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin? I would suggest that Lisa might leave Harry for her dance partner, but on second thought, nahhhhhhh. I think he likes dudes.
-And finally, Susan's hometown date somehwere in Kansas. I wasn't paying attention. We were still only an hour and fifteen minutes into the show and I felt I'd been watching for six hours. So they meet at a park, she looks hot, he says that "I couldn't envision not giving Susan a rose at the next ceremony". Translation: If you think I'm passing up a chance for an overnight date with Susan, the crazy, horny, "I love hard nipples on men" lady, you're are out of your mind. Not a chance. Hey, I'm with you Trav. Outside of her shooting heroin into her veins at the park, I'd say she's a lock for an overnight date. Or her saying something ridiculously stupid. Uh oh, here it comes...
-Susan: "I've got a great analogy for relationships that I was once told. Relationships are like two glasses of water. Both glasses are full. But if one glass isn't full, the other one is pouring themself into the other glass, then both of you aren't full anymore. You always want to meet someone who's a full glass." Uhhhhh...ok. Whatever. Just take off your clothes.
-After Susan's brilliant Dr. Phil analogy, Susan and Travis decide to throw the football around. Susan admits to throwing like a girl, but does say that, "I can punt a ball." Ah hah! I bet you can. You know why Susan can punt a ball? Later in the episode we find out that Susan had just recently before the show started called off an engagement. Well, that engagement was rumored to be to a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs. Some scrub that never plays. I don't even think he's still with the team, but she was definitely engaged to him and will probably run back to him once she doesn't win this thing. So after punting the ball around, they decide to kiss. Susan: "I like it how you do that." Travis: "Do what?" Susan: "How you kiss." Awwwwww....that's two kissing compliments Travis has gotten in one episode. You wanna know something? Nah. Too personal. And by the way, Susan has an uncanny ability to always be glancing at the camera right before or right after she kisses Travis. I'm just waiting for the directors to say, "Aaaaannnnnd cut! Beautiful Susan. Next time, with a little more force."
-So we get to meet dad Ken, mom Kathy, and brothers Brian and Matt. This whole conversation with the parents turned into a Susan bashing. Both parents are skeptical of their daughter that she's doing this for the right reasons. Which is probably the most refreshing thing I've seen on this show in a while. Finally, a set of parents that I liked. Susan's Mom: "I don't think Susan's ready for a relationship." Wow. I don't think we've ever had a parent say that. They usually just go along with whatever their kid feels and are just happy to be on TV. And that wasn't all. Susan's Dad: "I don't know whether Susan is into this as much as she says she is." Her dad was also questioning whether or not she thought this would help her Hollywood career and if she'd get noticed. Can we give these parents an award or something? I stood up and gave them a standing ovation in my living room. Good for them. Call Susan out. Make her prove she's here for the right reasons. Then next week when she's on her overnight date, force her to have sex with Travis to show him she's really in this for the right reasons. To get discovered by Hollywood.
-What really amazed me was how Travis basically found out that Susan called off her engagement when her mother told him, not her. They kinda glossed over it like it wasn't that big of deal. Ummmm, I'd say that is. I mean, he did just dump a girl last week for being previously married. Ending an engagement right before the show seems like something she might want to have told him before now. So Susan reinforces to Travis she's real and she's here for the right reasons. So she tells him when they're back at her hotel. Susan: "You know, I was engaged but you should have nothing to worry about. It doesn't matter." Good enough for Travis. I guess that's all he needed to hear since essentially he never wavered one or another when she said it, he leaned over, and stuck his tongue in her throat for good measure. Wow. He seems deeply affected by her previous relationship. This is gonna take a while for him to get over.
-As we head back to the Chateau, a sight we haven't seen in a long time. The Pick Me! photos. Travis goes into the deliberation room where video messages from each girl awaits him. These are good. Well, at least one of them is.
Sarah Canada: "I felt fireworks from the moment I met you....it's felt unbelievable....I hope so badly you want to do this with me....I'm so stoned right now, I can't even feel my fat lip."
Wilbanks: "You are so much fun...I have so much fun when I'm with you...it was fun meeting my family....you're perfect for me.....will you meet me at lunch under the bleachers so maybe we could kiss again?"
Susan: "I'm totally crazy about you....every time I'm with you the world seems to melt away...I'm really looking forward to falling in love with you....please, please, please pick me so I can get on the inside pages of 'US Weekly'".
Moana: (crying hysterically) "I found a piece of myself in you...the only 100% solid thing in my life is my family....for the first time in my life I've ever felt complete....thank you for being who you are.....but for God's sakes never wear a dress shirt to the beach again you dork".
-Rose ceremony time. But not before Host Chris informs the ladies, "Your relationship took a big step forward this week. You took Travis inside your homes to meet your family." No s*** Sherlock. That's what we've just spent the last hour and forty-five minutes watching. The Master of the Obvious never seems to disappoint.
Susan: Only two more roses away from getting to go on all the talk shows. Just two more Travis, that's all she asks.
Moana: I guess all that forced, fake, hystercial crying in the video message seemed to work.
Host Chris: "L.T., T.I.T.F.R.T.....W.Y.R. And I'm getting paid to say this."
Sarah......from Tennessee: No way that Travis said "Sarah", then paused, then said, "from Tennessee". He didn't do that. That was the editing. That's cruel.
-So Travis pulls Sarah Canada aside to tell her essentially what we all knew from the beginning. Travis: "We're in a different place in life." Translation: There was no way I, a 33 year old doctor, was about to settle down with you, a 23 year old student who still lives at home with her mom and two brothers. But thanks for trying. Here's some rolling papers as a parting gift. Sorry about the lip. See ya.
-Sarah Canada went off crying like they all do. "I'm so confused....I can't believe Travis picked Moana....I feel sorry for him...blah blah blah". Just a little young, confused, and bitter girl that'll get over it as soon as she gets home, the phone rings and it's all her stoner friends wanting to go out and party.
-Next week is the overnight dates where, in the middle of the romantic dinner, Travis gets to pull out The Card. You know, the one that says, "(Name here), I hope you and Travis are enjoying your stay in (City here). However, should you two decide that you've built enough sexual frustration over the last month that you need to release it somewhere, here's a key to the honeymoon suite where you guys can go have crazy animal sex. And here's an extra key for you Travis to unlock Sarah's chastity belt." Or something like that. Until next week....
The Bachelor Links
posted by reality steve at 9:11 AM
48 Comments:
I always look forward to your recaps and it was worth the extra days wait. Thanks, Steve!
Great recap, as usual! Now that your computer is working again, how about another "News & Notes" segment?
You really have issues with women don't you?
Oh my God! So funny yet again. You're the best! It was well worth waiting the extra day. My favorite line was you saying Susan just needed to shutup and take her clothes off! ha ha! Hilarious! Keep up the great work!
i cannot believe that you did not mention the "chickendance" that Sarah TN did in front of Travis when she was playing with the kids. Not something you should do on a date i would think....
Do you think Susan's parents were genuinely concerned about her intentions, or did she tell them to make sure they asked her about her it in front of the camera on purpose? You know, any KIND of publicity she can get HAS to be good, right?
I thought you did a nice job with this weeks recap, however, I think you needed to mention more of what Susan's dad talked to her about. He point blank asked her if her intentions were honorable or whether she thought this show would benefit her career. Her response was that she would do whatever was necessary to have her name known. I think Susan is so fake that even she doesn't know whether or not she's telling the truth.
As always the best recap of the show - better than the show. Travis is truly a sheltered boy - which is why these women are all so different - he is trying to play catch up - Sara Canada was his late teen years, Moana is the slutty years, Susan is a continuance of the slut years maybe with a tad more class and Sara Tenn is the one you might marry. But since Travis has no chemistry with any of them - this will all be a waste of time for ABC - Unfortuantely I think now too many go on this program for the WRONG reason - think they will get fame and fortune!
Steve, you never disappoint me.
Steve writes with all the energy of an eight year old hyped up on a steady diet of sugar, and with all the sarcasm and bitterness of a seventy year old geezer who's never been laid.
Keep up the good work!
I don't get why you people think hes so funny. He's not even remotely fuuny, he's an annoying asshole who never gets laid so he retaliates by disrespecting women and calling them whores, strippers, baby makers, etc etc etc. He does it every time he writes yet obviously he has several women reading his weekly drivel. They must be too stupid to know they are being made fun of.
Another hilarious column! Apparently "that guy" doesn't understand sarcasm Steve. We love you! I've hooked so many people onto your column, our whole office reads. You're the best. Don't let what that idiot says bother you. You know you have the best recap out there.
What do you mean "second rate SEC school"?? Is BAMA second rate because it's in the SEC, or is it second rate among other SEC schools? neither is corrct, btw.
Great job as always-well worth the wait.
Yeah I noticed that too. Steve may not like 'bama or the SEC but it's far from a 2nd rate school or a 2nd rate conference. I'm not saying that because I'm a Bama fan by any means. LSU is my team. To each their own opinion I guess. The rest was pretty good.
Two words...Bear and Bryant.
Look it up.
Sincerely,
RDD
I haven't laughed so hard in some time. I just read your recap of the 2/6/06 show. FUNNY! I am going back to read recaps of previous shows, and look forward to reading future ones. You are a riot!!!
RedMiataGirl
I can't believe I waited for that crap.
Where's the humor Steve? You sound angry, bitter and frustrated this week. More so than usual.
I absolutely LOVE your writing style. And you're kinda cute too..hee hee. Can't wait til' next week!
My favorite parts:
Sarah still having cleavage when she was laying on her back.
"Wilbanks" being asexual.
Moana's "fake, hystercial crying"
And....
Susan looking at the camera before and after she kisses Travis. Hilarious!
What are some of everyone else's favorite pieces from the column?
We love your column Steve! Everyone here at work reads you. And just about every female has a crush on you.
At least when Sarah goes back to Canada, she won't be alone because she can cuddle up with her teddy again.
PS What was her Mom thinking when she let Travis go up to her room?
My favorite part of the column was when he made fun of that poor woman whose face was mangled and she got the world's first face transplant. Maybe nothing so "weird" will ever happen to Steves wife or mother or sister or daughter.
My other favorite part was when he called Sarah a whore and talked about the men at the super bowl going over to Canada "to cheat on their wives". Probably what ole Steve would do if he had a wife and if he went to Canada.
Yeah girls, keep crushing. He sounds like a GREAT catch! Don't bump your head getting out of your Miatia!
I think the face transplant comments were a little much this week...The family of a brain dead woman donated her organs and facial skin. That's where the face transplant came from. It's pretty sick to joke about someone else's hearbreak.
I think some of you take Reality Steve's comments way too seriously sometimes. I've been reading forever and pretty much have learned to take every joke with a grain of salt. I think others should too. Keep it up!
HA! I was wondering if you noticed susan saying she knew how to punt. I caught that right away, cuz i'm sharp like that.
nice try on the bama comment. better luck next time.
You seem proud of your ignorance concerning the face transplant story.
The story involved tragedy for two families -- the family of the dying woman who donated her face to the woman who has been unable to eat and breathe normally since she was attacked by a dog who basically ripped off her face. HER family has been through rough times, too, as you might be able to imagine. Your grammar is bad, your diction is deplorable, and your tone is just plain nasty. Ugh.
And your understanding of relations between men and women seems limited to needy men and victimized women.
From now on, your byline will be a big red flag for me that says "This column under quarantine."
omg are you serious? please. take a laxative or something. do you think steve is serious about what he writes here? do you think if he were a serious person he'd watch/write about the bachelor in the 1st place? if you dont like it or dont think its funny then dont read it. i mean, duh people.
I always enjoy you recaps because I don't take them seriously, and these people sort of deserve a lot of what they get.
But you are WAY off-base with the comment about the face transplant! The recipient has most of her face ripped off by a dog, can't hardly breathe or eat, only goes outside when it's dark AND she's wearing a scarf or mask. Another poor woman (beautiful by the picture I saw, btw, hence the error of your comment that she had to be ugly...) dies before her time but generously signs as an organ donor. Two families have suffered much pain with and over these two women, and your small-minded, critical comments are beneath any human being.
Stick to picking on reality SHOW contestants, Steve, and leave people from the real world alone; you obviously have no heart.
"Some people in this world are really freakin' stupid I tell ya"
And you are one of them.
Your mind is in the gutter. You have no respect for women. You are not funny. I feel sorry for you and for any woman that you date or marry.
What is wrong with living at home when you are a full time student? College is expensive.
Who ever thinks you are funny is in the gutter with you. I won't waste my time reading you again.
What in the hell happened in the comments this week?
I'll admit that this wasn't the funniest of his recaps and the face thing was a little off-color, but for christ's sake, RELAX.
A tongue-in-cheek blog about a mindless reality show is hardly a forum to dissect someone's relationship with the opposite sex or berate them as if you know anything about them.
It's sarcastic humor, get a grip.
I'm surprised by the harsh criticism of this week's column too... it's supposed to be irreverent humor, people.
The only thing I'm disappointed in was that he didn't notice that Susan's family is average looking (at best) and her parents somehow produced a stunningly beautiful daughter. Adopted, perhaps?
who are you anonymous bastards??? why are you all jumping on Steve personally???? It's a freaking blog... about reality shows. Get a grip, there's no need for hostility here.. not necessary.
Steve you really should start dropping your website hits number in every other paragraph like that Lincee chick. Congratulations, you have a BLOG! You used your PR skills and whored the hell out of your blog site for months and months on every reality tv site on the entire internet and now you want to brag about how many hits you have?
In the header of her column this week "Website count: 69,110"
and then in the comments section she says "86,472
This is how many people we are dealing with. That's a football stadium ladies and gents".
UGH! I'll take down to earth reality steve and his off color humor any day!
Great column Steve. People need to lighten up.
What do Bama fans and maggots have in common? They can both live off of a dead bear for twenty years.
I'm a Tennessee fan myself, but took exception to the "second rate SEC school comment". Let me guess Steve, you're one of those USC 'we're still the best even though we lost' people
11:25 a.m.
I am not a Bama fan, actually a Hog, but I do respect the Bear's accomplishments.
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange all weekend?
Because they can wear it huntin' on Friday, to Neyland Stadium on Saturday, and to pick up trash by the side of the road on Sunday.
Sincerely,
RDD
Why do Tennessee cheerleaders wear panties? To keep their ankles warm.
I laughed hysterically at this one -- Thanks again for the recap!
I'm amazed that the face lady who "can barely breathe" has admitted to still smoking cigarettes.
In Steve's defense, if these girls are stupid enough to go on "The Bachelor", then they've opened themselves up for snark.
Get down, Steve, Go 'head, get down.
I suddenly picture Steve doing the cchicken head dance now. What a horrible visual lol!!
Steve-
You're so funny- I almost pee my pants just reading your page!
Now the comment on "blah blah blah, just take off your clothes" it's so true!!! I'm female and I know this to ring true, duh.... we can tell when a man wants our clothes off, and whomever says anything differently is lying or stupid! And about the face transplant comment...... lighten up people, it's all in entertainment! If you don't like it, turn the TV off- or whatever that saying is. I'm sure these are the same people that bitch and complain that 'Rap and Video' games made their children fall off the deep end.
Keep up the good job, don't change your style of writing for a few fruit-loops!
I'm a woman and I've been reading Steve's comments and not responding for a while now.
Is he irreverent? Absolutely? Does he poke fun at the silly women who choose to behave moronically? Ah, yes. Is he funny? Heck yes.
Did no one notice he was levelling some pretty serious criticism against Dr. Travis, the head doofus? Because I couldn't help missing it myself.
As for the women he chose to mock, I don't necessarily feel they represent the majority of women I know. They are a silly bunch of thoughtless individuals who very much know what is to be expected from being on a show such as this. It's not like this is The Bachelor #1 .
Steve, I hope you don't take this too seriously. Many of us aren't after all.
If you idiots think this blog is soo bad ....why are you reading it?
Good job Steve...Keep up the great work!
Did anyone see Travis on Ellen? I couldn't read him at all. He didn't seem really excited. About Moana he said "we had a lovely time" and about the other two he said "the weather was cold or nice or something like that.
Oh well I'm 99.9% sure he picks Sarah.
Oh and Ellen said "you're not in love" after asking him stuff and he just laughed nervously.
Guess that means he does pick Sarah!
LOL! You are hysterical. I can't wait to see tonight's episode! I'm glad I found your website! Thanks for the smile.
Oh no I can't watch tonight! Gotta go...wanna recap it for me in private later? ;)
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