REALITY ROUNDUP - 3/27/06
-Quite a few shows to get to. I’m gonna go back a few weeks here first off, and talk about our two favorite “Dancing/Skating with Whomever” shows. Boy those were fun. So many long hours they put in. So much time they spent away from their families. So much hard work. For what? Please tell me Kristy Swanson and Drew Lachey won something other than a big Ice sculpture and some glass dancing shoe or whatever it was. Are you kidding me? No money goes to charity? Not a gift certificate to Best Buy or something for their efforts? Geesh. That’s brutal.
SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES
-A truly great show. Who doesn’t want to see Dave Coulier be not funny? And I mean, what were the odds that Todd Bridges “What chu talkin’ bout judge? I mean really. 1 in a million? 2 million? Hilarious stuff. If I only would’ve seen it coming. That was totally out of left field. When I think ice skating from now on, I’ll think Todd Bridges. Such a natural. I wonder if he ever tried a triple lutz while he was cracked out? I think your score would have to count for double if you landed it, right?
-By far, the best story to come out of “Skating With Celebrities” was the Lloyd Eisler ended up leaving his pregnant wife for his partner, Kristy Swanson. I’m sure wifey feels real good about that decision. Lloyd: “Honey, I know we have a baby on the way, but I’m gonna go on this skating reality show for fun.” Wife: “Sure Lloyd. Who’s your partner?” Lloyd: “The chick who played “Buffy” in the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” movies.” Wife: “Really. She seems nice.” (Two months later) Lloyd: “Yeah, honey. Name the kid for me would ya’. Kristy and I really became close after all those times I held her crotch when she was above my head. I’m leaving you. See ya. And by the way, we won.” Lloyd Eisler is a great guy.
-We can now throw Dorothy Hamil into the MILF category. Is she a mom? She’s got to be. Well, whatever the case, if she’s not, just throw her into the “Older ice skating ladies that get me excited” category along with Katarina Witt, Peggy Fleming, and Tonya Harding. I’m kidding about Harding. Have you seen her lately? She’s easily pushing 3 bills and could probably kick all our asses with her pinky. Yet another who’s career has really skyrocketed after her 15 minutes were up. Wow.
-I love how all these shows which have a panel of judges, always tries to incorporate someone that’s a Simon Cowell ripoff. This shows was Mr. John Nicks. Uhhhhh, not quite buddy. Although judging this show, as well as “Dancing with the Stars” is a bit different because essentially you’re taking people who’ve never done this before and they’re learning from scratch. “Idol” is different. Those people have sung before and some have more extensive backgrounds, so Simon can be a little more truthful and get away with it.
-So you’re telling me Jillian Barberie had never ice skated before in her life? Please. Yes she had. From the beginning, you could tell she was way more skilled than the others. She just happened to fall on her ass during her final routine, whereas Kristy and her boyfriend, well, they managed to have intercourse while they skated, so that’s what gave them the title. I think.
-All in all, a great show that needs to be brought back for a 2nd season. Pleeeeeeeease. Here’s the six people I would choose for no reason other than I’d like to see them appear on my television again: James Van Der Beek, Soleil Moon Frye, Mr. Belding, Judith Light, for my Olympian I’ll go with Carl Lewis, and last but not least, let’s get Tracy Gold out there. Those are the six most random people I could come up with. Ok, actually I just thought of five old TV shows I watched and casted accordingly. “Dawson’s Creek”, “Punky Brewster”, “Saved by the Bell”, “Who’s the Boss?”, and “Growing Pains”.
DANCING WITH THE STARS
-Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: Stacy Keibler had no business losing to Jerry Rice. You could make the argument she didn’t beat Drew, but losing to Jerry was embarrassing. C’mon America. I mean really. Jerry tried, Jerry gave 100%, and Jerry took it seriously, but this is Stacy we’re talking about. The amazon with 42” inch legs. She should’ve won just on legs alone. Wow. Do you know how many times while watching her dance that I….forget it.
-Now it did seem to me that having Drew and Stacy in this competition to begin with was a little unfair. Obviously the other eight had never danced a step in their lives before for the most part. But Stacy admitted to growing up taking all types of classes, whereas Drew was in a boy band. I understand it’s not the same as ballroom dancing, but it still made it an uneven field. Whatever. As long as Stacy stuck around, the hell with the others. Especially P.
-Now I know Master P was a late substitute for his son Bow Wow, but that was ridiculous. At least give an effort. And wear some dancing shoes. And take off your hat. What was the big deal with P not wearing dancing shoes? Would his boys think he sold out if he wore the shoes? And why did P keep telling us he was doing the show for the Katrina victims? What did they get out of this? Laughter? Where that came from I have no idea. Was he donating those awful outfits he wore to them? Maybe there was some behing-the-scenes Ebay bidding I wasn’t aware of. Who knows?
-Yet another show with judges that tries to incorporate the Simon Cowell ripoff, except Bruno is twice as gay as Simon. So that didn’t work. And all his lines were scripted out beforehand. Stacy is a “weapon of mass seduction”? Yeah, you thought of that right off the top of your head. And he liked screaming and talking over the old guy and the hot asian chick. She’s asian, right? All I know is she was a fly girl on “In Living Color” back in the day. Watch some of the old ones on BET. You’ll see her on there. The florescent biker pants, the teased bangs, incorporating the running man or the roger rabbit into every routine. That was her.
-I can only imagine our next crop of contestants they’ll choose for this show. And trust me, this show’s gonna go on forever. Why wouldn’t it? People love this stuff. Remember, here’s something you gotta remember when it comes to television and demographics. Time and time again it’s been shown that women are the target audience when it comes to television. And women love this show. I mean, if I were a woman, why wouldn’t I get all excited about Louis Van Amstel tip toeing around the stage? Or having Tony Dobilati prancing around in skin tight pants?
THE GAUNTLET 2
-I’ve been pretty disappointed in this season. Honestly, outside of Anessa and Beth almost coming to blows if they ever would’ve had a gauntlet matchup, has there been any drama this season? Here’s this season in a nutshell: When the veterans lose the male challenge, Derrick beats somebody’s ass in the Gauntlet. If the rookies lose the male challenge, Alton puts a 100%, grade A beat down on whoever he faces. Kina will remain captain because the world might come to an end if she can’t spend every living breathing second with Randy. And the veterans female captain is a lesbian. What else has really happened?
-Are we surprised the rookies have won this much thus far? I’m not. They have Alton who might be the most ripped reality TV person we’ve ever seen. Holy smokes. Has the guy eaten a burger and fries since “Real World: Las Vegas” ended? My god Alton. Its ok to eat things that aren’t organic or that aren’t leaves and berries. Have a Big Mac why don’t you.
-Questions: Who is TJ Lavin? What does he do for a living? Does he ever get excited over anything? For that matter, what do all these “Real World/Road Rules” contestants do for a living? Have Robin’s breasts grown since “Real World: San Diego”? When did Kina become the hottest chick out there without me knowing? Is there a reason I interviewed Katie Doyle right after she got back from filming and she’s pretty much been nowhere to be seen the whole season? Is it safe to say Derrick might be a violent drunk? Is Mark going to compete in this until he’s 40 or 50? Why does everyone always have to clap after TJ says, “….in beautiful Trinidad and Tobago?” Is there ever going to be a moment on MTV where a Gauntlet/Battle of the Sexes/Inferno show will NOT be airing at some point? That should be enough for now.
-My pick for the finale is the rookies. They have Alton. Enough said. And oh yeah, MJ and Landon have matching tattoos on their chest. That’s got to account for something. And Randy and Kina probably did it every night they were there while others watched or joined in. I understand that really has nothing to do with why they’d win, but I just thought I’d throw that in there. Go rookies.
REAL WORLD: KEY WEST
-Quite an interesting cast thus far. Not interesting as in “different”. Heck, every cast of “Real World” is essentially the same. I just mean to say what we’ve found out about each one thus far. The “Real World” casting directors never cease to amaze me. Raise your hand, anyone, if you were the least bit shocked to find out Svetlana was raped by a former boyfriend. Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so. Now, hearing Svetlana say she’s only seen one penis in her life during an episode, now THAT was shocking. Sure you have Svetlana. Sure you have.
-If you’ve seen one Svetlana, you’ve seen a thousand of them. Beautiful girl, good body, naïve, emotional issues with men, has a boyfriend she thinks she’s in love with, they argue all the time, she’s always crying over him, yet she stays with him. Not that there’s a chance in hell her relationship with him lasts, but it really makes me want to throw my remote at the television when I hear her talking to her boyfriend. Just shutup already and dump him. You know it’s not going anywhere. Quit fooling yourself and start whoreing yourself out to guys in Florida. That’s what you were cast for anyway. Not to be some stuck up priss who talks to her boyfriend every night. Man this is infuriating.
-Especially since the chances of Paula getting hot and heavy with anyone are slim and none. No need to joke on her eating disorder since, well, there isn’t much to joke about. For our sake though, let’s just hope we get less and less bikini shots of her and more of her in XXL sweaters and pajama bottoms.
-I’d really like to know why we know nothing about Janelle at this point. Other than her and the gay guy are best friends already since they’re the outcasts. Maybe her storyline comes later since we had to out the anorexic one and the girl who was once raped. And what’s with Tyler? He’s just got a mouth that won’t stop. I mean, I’m sure his boyfriends love that, but can we put a muzzle on him for the time being? Something tells me that since he and Svetlana hate each other now, they’ll end up loving each other by the end of the show. And maybe he’ll learn to shutup.
-What’s crazy haired guys name again? I already forgot. I know John is the frat boy/ladies man/resident drunk who is in the mold of a Wes from “Austin”. Except I have a feeling John will pull much more quality ass than Wes ever did. Starting with Svetlana. Please. You know that’s happening. The minute Martin blows another gasket on the phone to Svetlana and she starts crying, one of these nights she’s heading straight to the bar, getting plastered, coming home, and riding John til the wee hours of the morning. Count on it. Then she’ll forgive Martin for treating her like crap AGAIN, and things will be awkward with her and John. You watch.
-What’s the point of even giving these casts jobs? Seriously. They work at a freakin’ tanning booth? Notice how the jobs have gotten progressively easier over the seasons. In New Orleans, they had to put on a weekly on a public service channel. In Key West, they’re spraying each other down with fake tans. Sounds real tough. Where do I sign up? There have never been any serious consequences for anyone at the job where something drastic happened. So why give them one? To make it just SEEM like it’s not a four month vacation even though we know it is?
-Email of the Week: This comes from Angela M., she writes:
How come you don’t include the “Dear Abby” letters in your column anymore? I loved those! Bring those back.
You know what? I probably should. Those were fun. The only problem is, I never know when a new column is going up, and sometimes I have to remember to save the paper that I found them in. Usually I just throw it out after I’m finished eating my El Pollo Loco. But I’ll try to remember in the future. Anyone else have questions, comments, trivia, criticisms, praises, would like me to babysit, or would just like me to make you a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich (grape, of course), email me at steve@realitysteve.com and maybe I’ll use your email in the next column.
-“Reality Steve Fact”: I exfoliate every morning.
-New column on Friday to include “Survivor”, the “Apprentice”, “American Idol”, “8th and Ocean”, and will probably hit on “24” and the “OC” as well. Until then….
Reality Television Show Links
Skating With Celebrities Links
Dancing With the Stars Links
The Gauntlet Links
Real World: Key West Links
SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES
-A truly great show. Who doesn’t want to see Dave Coulier be not funny? And I mean, what were the odds that Todd Bridges “What chu talkin’ bout judge? I mean really. 1 in a million? 2 million? Hilarious stuff. If I only would’ve seen it coming. That was totally out of left field. When I think ice skating from now on, I’ll think Todd Bridges. Such a natural. I wonder if he ever tried a triple lutz while he was cracked out? I think your score would have to count for double if you landed it, right?
-By far, the best story to come out of “Skating With Celebrities” was the Lloyd Eisler ended up leaving his pregnant wife for his partner, Kristy Swanson. I’m sure wifey feels real good about that decision. Lloyd: “Honey, I know we have a baby on the way, but I’m gonna go on this skating reality show for fun.” Wife: “Sure Lloyd. Who’s your partner?” Lloyd: “The chick who played “Buffy” in the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” movies.” Wife: “Really. She seems nice.” (Two months later) Lloyd: “Yeah, honey. Name the kid for me would ya’. Kristy and I really became close after all those times I held her crotch when she was above my head. I’m leaving you. See ya. And by the way, we won.” Lloyd Eisler is a great guy.
-We can now throw Dorothy Hamil into the MILF category. Is she a mom? She’s got to be. Well, whatever the case, if she’s not, just throw her into the “Older ice skating ladies that get me excited” category along with Katarina Witt, Peggy Fleming, and Tonya Harding. I’m kidding about Harding. Have you seen her lately? She’s easily pushing 3 bills and could probably kick all our asses with her pinky. Yet another who’s career has really skyrocketed after her 15 minutes were up. Wow.
-I love how all these shows which have a panel of judges, always tries to incorporate someone that’s a Simon Cowell ripoff. This shows was Mr. John Nicks. Uhhhhh, not quite buddy. Although judging this show, as well as “Dancing with the Stars” is a bit different because essentially you’re taking people who’ve never done this before and they’re learning from scratch. “Idol” is different. Those people have sung before and some have more extensive backgrounds, so Simon can be a little more truthful and get away with it.
-So you’re telling me Jillian Barberie had never ice skated before in her life? Please. Yes she had. From the beginning, you could tell she was way more skilled than the others. She just happened to fall on her ass during her final routine, whereas Kristy and her boyfriend, well, they managed to have intercourse while they skated, so that’s what gave them the title. I think.
-All in all, a great show that needs to be brought back for a 2nd season. Pleeeeeeeease. Here’s the six people I would choose for no reason other than I’d like to see them appear on my television again: James Van Der Beek, Soleil Moon Frye, Mr. Belding, Judith Light, for my Olympian I’ll go with Carl Lewis, and last but not least, let’s get Tracy Gold out there. Those are the six most random people I could come up with. Ok, actually I just thought of five old TV shows I watched and casted accordingly. “Dawson’s Creek”, “Punky Brewster”, “Saved by the Bell”, “Who’s the Boss?”, and “Growing Pains”.
DANCING WITH THE STARS
-Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: Stacy Keibler had no business losing to Jerry Rice. You could make the argument she didn’t beat Drew, but losing to Jerry was embarrassing. C’mon America. I mean really. Jerry tried, Jerry gave 100%, and Jerry took it seriously, but this is Stacy we’re talking about. The amazon with 42” inch legs. She should’ve won just on legs alone. Wow. Do you know how many times while watching her dance that I….forget it.
-Now it did seem to me that having Drew and Stacy in this competition to begin with was a little unfair. Obviously the other eight had never danced a step in their lives before for the most part. But Stacy admitted to growing up taking all types of classes, whereas Drew was in a boy band. I understand it’s not the same as ballroom dancing, but it still made it an uneven field. Whatever. As long as Stacy stuck around, the hell with the others. Especially P.
-Now I know Master P was a late substitute for his son Bow Wow, but that was ridiculous. At least give an effort. And wear some dancing shoes. And take off your hat. What was the big deal with P not wearing dancing shoes? Would his boys think he sold out if he wore the shoes? And why did P keep telling us he was doing the show for the Katrina victims? What did they get out of this? Laughter? Where that came from I have no idea. Was he donating those awful outfits he wore to them? Maybe there was some behing-the-scenes Ebay bidding I wasn’t aware of. Who knows?
-Yet another show with judges that tries to incorporate the Simon Cowell ripoff, except Bruno is twice as gay as Simon. So that didn’t work. And all his lines were scripted out beforehand. Stacy is a “weapon of mass seduction”? Yeah, you thought of that right off the top of your head. And he liked screaming and talking over the old guy and the hot asian chick. She’s asian, right? All I know is she was a fly girl on “In Living Color” back in the day. Watch some of the old ones on BET. You’ll see her on there. The florescent biker pants, the teased bangs, incorporating the running man or the roger rabbit into every routine. That was her.
-I can only imagine our next crop of contestants they’ll choose for this show. And trust me, this show’s gonna go on forever. Why wouldn’t it? People love this stuff. Remember, here’s something you gotta remember when it comes to television and demographics. Time and time again it’s been shown that women are the target audience when it comes to television. And women love this show. I mean, if I were a woman, why wouldn’t I get all excited about Louis Van Amstel tip toeing around the stage? Or having Tony Dobilati prancing around in skin tight pants?
THE GAUNTLET 2
-I’ve been pretty disappointed in this season. Honestly, outside of Anessa and Beth almost coming to blows if they ever would’ve had a gauntlet matchup, has there been any drama this season? Here’s this season in a nutshell: When the veterans lose the male challenge, Derrick beats somebody’s ass in the Gauntlet. If the rookies lose the male challenge, Alton puts a 100%, grade A beat down on whoever he faces. Kina will remain captain because the world might come to an end if she can’t spend every living breathing second with Randy. And the veterans female captain is a lesbian. What else has really happened?
-Are we surprised the rookies have won this much thus far? I’m not. They have Alton who might be the most ripped reality TV person we’ve ever seen. Holy smokes. Has the guy eaten a burger and fries since “Real World: Las Vegas” ended? My god Alton. Its ok to eat things that aren’t organic or that aren’t leaves and berries. Have a Big Mac why don’t you.
-Questions: Who is TJ Lavin? What does he do for a living? Does he ever get excited over anything? For that matter, what do all these “Real World/Road Rules” contestants do for a living? Have Robin’s breasts grown since “Real World: San Diego”? When did Kina become the hottest chick out there without me knowing? Is there a reason I interviewed Katie Doyle right after she got back from filming and she’s pretty much been nowhere to be seen the whole season? Is it safe to say Derrick might be a violent drunk? Is Mark going to compete in this until he’s 40 or 50? Why does everyone always have to clap after TJ says, “….in beautiful Trinidad and Tobago?” Is there ever going to be a moment on MTV where a Gauntlet/Battle of the Sexes/Inferno show will NOT be airing at some point? That should be enough for now.
-My pick for the finale is the rookies. They have Alton. Enough said. And oh yeah, MJ and Landon have matching tattoos on their chest. That’s got to account for something. And Randy and Kina probably did it every night they were there while others watched or joined in. I understand that really has nothing to do with why they’d win, but I just thought I’d throw that in there. Go rookies.
REAL WORLD: KEY WEST
-Quite an interesting cast thus far. Not interesting as in “different”. Heck, every cast of “Real World” is essentially the same. I just mean to say what we’ve found out about each one thus far. The “Real World” casting directors never cease to amaze me. Raise your hand, anyone, if you were the least bit shocked to find out Svetlana was raped by a former boyfriend. Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so. Now, hearing Svetlana say she’s only seen one penis in her life during an episode, now THAT was shocking. Sure you have Svetlana. Sure you have.
-If you’ve seen one Svetlana, you’ve seen a thousand of them. Beautiful girl, good body, naïve, emotional issues with men, has a boyfriend she thinks she’s in love with, they argue all the time, she’s always crying over him, yet she stays with him. Not that there’s a chance in hell her relationship with him lasts, but it really makes me want to throw my remote at the television when I hear her talking to her boyfriend. Just shutup already and dump him. You know it’s not going anywhere. Quit fooling yourself and start whoreing yourself out to guys in Florida. That’s what you were cast for anyway. Not to be some stuck up priss who talks to her boyfriend every night. Man this is infuriating.
-Especially since the chances of Paula getting hot and heavy with anyone are slim and none. No need to joke on her eating disorder since, well, there isn’t much to joke about. For our sake though, let’s just hope we get less and less bikini shots of her and more of her in XXL sweaters and pajama bottoms.
-I’d really like to know why we know nothing about Janelle at this point. Other than her and the gay guy are best friends already since they’re the outcasts. Maybe her storyline comes later since we had to out the anorexic one and the girl who was once raped. And what’s with Tyler? He’s just got a mouth that won’t stop. I mean, I’m sure his boyfriends love that, but can we put a muzzle on him for the time being? Something tells me that since he and Svetlana hate each other now, they’ll end up loving each other by the end of the show. And maybe he’ll learn to shutup.
-What’s crazy haired guys name again? I already forgot. I know John is the frat boy/ladies man/resident drunk who is in the mold of a Wes from “Austin”. Except I have a feeling John will pull much more quality ass than Wes ever did. Starting with Svetlana. Please. You know that’s happening. The minute Martin blows another gasket on the phone to Svetlana and she starts crying, one of these nights she’s heading straight to the bar, getting plastered, coming home, and riding John til the wee hours of the morning. Count on it. Then she’ll forgive Martin for treating her like crap AGAIN, and things will be awkward with her and John. You watch.
-What’s the point of even giving these casts jobs? Seriously. They work at a freakin’ tanning booth? Notice how the jobs have gotten progressively easier over the seasons. In New Orleans, they had to put on a weekly on a public service channel. In Key West, they’re spraying each other down with fake tans. Sounds real tough. Where do I sign up? There have never been any serious consequences for anyone at the job where something drastic happened. So why give them one? To make it just SEEM like it’s not a four month vacation even though we know it is?
-Email of the Week: This comes from Angela M., she writes:
How come you don’t include the “Dear Abby” letters in your column anymore? I loved those! Bring those back.
You know what? I probably should. Those were fun. The only problem is, I never know when a new column is going up, and sometimes I have to remember to save the paper that I found them in. Usually I just throw it out after I’m finished eating my El Pollo Loco. But I’ll try to remember in the future. Anyone else have questions, comments, trivia, criticisms, praises, would like me to babysit, or would just like me to make you a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich (grape, of course), email me at steve@realitysteve.com and maybe I’ll use your email in the next column.
-“Reality Steve Fact”: I exfoliate every morning. -New column on Friday to include “Survivor”, the “Apprentice”, “American Idol”, “8th and Ocean”, and will probably hit on “24” and the “OC” as well. Until then….
Reality Television Show Links
Skating With Celebrities Links
Dancing With the Stars Links
The Gauntlet Links
Real World: Key West Links
posted by reality steve at 10:39 PM
12 Comments:
Two great round-ups! Awesome as usual. I totally have a girl-crush on Katherine. Girl is gorgeous!
Okay, who is Katy from the Gauntlet going out with? I know that in your interview with her she told you that it is obvious but since they hardly showed her througout the whole thing I have no idea. My guesses? Timmy.. Derek or that other guy who I don't know his name but is Timmy's best friend. Anywho, if you could let us know that would be great since it is driving me crazy. THANKS!
Why are they not showing her? I haven't watched it but whats the deal? Was she passed out the entire time? Too obscene to be on camera? Isn't it Derek she's dating, or was it Diamond Dave and is he even on that show? I watched it one night and didn't see her but I just figured she already got voted off.
No, she was there until the end but she hardly got any camera time. She seemed like she was pretty low key this time around. Not too much drama and when there was it came from Beth. I didn't see Katy with WITH someone, if you know what I mean. I do have to say that Jodi is a major skank though. I don't think that there has been too many people that she hasn't slept with.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v13/hookedonhayes/TaylorBrookeProm.jpg
Taylor Hicks High School pic so CUTE!
What happened to your update today? I thought it was supposed to be on Friday?
Great roundup. I can't wait for the next one.
When are you coming back to write something new?
Ahhhh I'm tired of checking this site and seeing nothing new! MOVING ON TO DLISTED!
You have to say SOMETHING about 8th & Ocean. It's my new guilty pleasure.
3 weeks ago Steve said new column up Friday. Wonder which Friday he means?
At the rate that he is going he's going to have to do shows from next season instead of this season. Come on Steve! We enjoy your recaps but it's getting boring coming back to find nothing new. It's been almost 3 weeks!
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