REALITY ROUNDUP - 5/10/06
Sorry it's been a while. Some of us have a life. I'm kidding. No I don't. I've just been lazy. And I was in the hospital. Thanks for the concern. But I got through it. It happened a couple weeks ago. After Katharine's yellow dress unbuttoned on national television and I went slo-mo on the Tivo so I could see her hoo-ha, I basically went into cardiac arrest. But I'm fine. Sort of. I just get the shakes and start convulsing anytime I'm near yellow panties. But I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I'm a trooper. Lotta stuff to get to. Let's get started...
AMERICAN IDOL
-I'm actually a little worried heading into tonight's voting. Katharine didn't perform terribly last night, but it certainly wasn't one of her best nights either. Last week, she avoided the bottom two, so you would think all she would've had to have done last night was perform somewhat respectably to advance another week. I think she did that. But if America sees differently, there could be some problems. Yes America, that's right. I will have a serious problem with all you. Be afraid.
-Katharine really tested my heart last week. I mean, I'm a week removed from cardiac arrest, the pacemaker is settling in nicely, then I'm forced to watch her sing a song about Black Horses and Cherry Trees from her knees. Whoa. That was almost too much for me to handle. I mean, could she have possibly gotten more young boys across America, and myself, any more excited after that performance? Short of laying on her back and singing a song with her legs behind her head, I'd say no.
-And I'm only going to say this once. This goes out to you Tommy Mottola. Get your hands off Katharine. Why do you just know that Tommy enjoyed working with her much more than the other three. Tommy likes the young female talent. And then he marries them. And then makes their life a living hell. And then they divorce him and go on to make millions of dollars making better albums. Back off Tommy. Katharine's not a cheap slut like Mariah was.
-Can we put Priscilla Presley in the MILF category? I think so. I mean, the Priscilla from the "Naked Gun" movies was much more yummy than the pale white, botox injected one we saw last night. But still, hey, I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
-I hope America didn't listen to Simon's advice last night regarding Elliott. Was anyone other than me not buying the personality behind his 2nd song last night, "Trouble"? The song came across as some big, tough, burly guy looking for trouble, yet there's this 5'7" muppet looking character on stage trying to act all hard. Sorry. Didn't buy it at all. It'd be nice to see him leave us tonight and go back to all his friends and family at Fraggle Rock.
-I just can't imagine a final three of all guys. It's never happened before, and something tells me it won't happen this year either. My only question is are we looking at a Chris/Katharine final or a Chris/Taylor final? Chris is pretty much a given to be one of the final two, and obviously I'm biased towards Katharine and her yellow panties, but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if we got a Chris/Taylor final. From reading enough message boards that I've read, apparently there might be enough hatred of Katharine out there to keep her out of the final two. The consensus is that she's conceited, full of herself, and is way too cocky. I don't really see it, but then again, women hate women. That's a known fact. Let's put it this way: More people dislike Katharine than they do Taylor or Chris. Way more.
-I've said it before, but it bears repeating. The reason why "American Idol" is so successful is two-fold. #1- It was the first major reality show where the viewing audience gets to choose the winner. #2- It brings about the widest range of opinions regarding its contestants. No other show can bring about that much emotion regarding its contestants than this show. It's not even close. There are people who think Katharine will sell millions of albums and people will love her, and on the other end, there's enough people that think she couldn't sing her way out of a paper bag. Same with Chris. Same with Taylor. Same with Elliot. Which is why Simon, Paula, and Randy are all signed up for another three seasons of this. And when that contract runs out, I'm sure there'll be another three years tacked on. This show could go on forever since it really never changes its format and it's showing no signs of slowing down.
-With all that said, I'd like to see more behind-the-scenes stuff on this show. No, not Katharine in her dressing room or coming out of the shower or anything like that. Please. I'd at least wait til she's dressed. "American Idol Extra" on the Fox Reality Channel is pretty good, although it's cheesedick of a host almost makes it unwatchable. He essentially asks the booted contestants the same question every week, and always has these scripted one-liners that he thinks are hilarious that...well...aren't. But that's about as good as you'll get in terms of knowing what goes on behind-the-scenes. Check it out if you get a chance and you'll see what I'm saying. You'll just have to suffer through the host of the show. He's a real ass clown.
SURVIVOR: PANAMA
-Poor Shane. Never saw that one coming, did he? That's all right. I'm sure all his buddies on whatever planet he's from will understand. Boy, in all the seasons of "Survivor", there hasn't been anyone we've ever seen as weird as Shane. But almost in a likable way. A lot of people couldn't stand him. I thought he was hilarious, and I honestly think having had to cut down from three packs a day to no packs a day, plus being away from his son, drove him to insanity. There's no doubt in my mind he went crazy out on the island.
-In the upcoming "Survivor" editions, are they just going to call individual Immunity challenges the "Terry Challenge"? "The Terry necklace is now up for grabs." They should. I don't think anyone has dominated individual Immunity challenges like him. I remember Colby did well in season 2, Boston Rob did in "All Stars", and Fireman Tom did during his season. But I don't think any one of them won EVERY SINGLE individual challenge. But I could be wrong.
-The spoilers are already out there for who wins this season and of course, I couldn't NOT read them. And I'm not going to ruin it for you. Some offshore gambling site had an inordinate amount of money come in on one particular player, so they had to shut down all betting on the show. Any time this has happened in the past (Apprentice Season 3, Bachelor Season 2, Survivor: Pearl Islands) to name a few, where a lot of money was coming in on one player, in the end, it always turned out to be the one who ended up winning.
-By looking at the final four, I think it's pretty easy to figure out who the final two will be. I'm really looking forward to the final tribal council. I'd like to see where some peoples heads are at. Usually in the past, once they got down to the final four, the finale was aired three nights later on Sunday night. This season, they go from four down to three tomorrow night, then the finale will be just with three people. I think they only did that one other time that I can remember.
REAL WORLD: KEY WEST
-There are times I think Svetlana is the stupidest, most uncultured, naive person on the planet. She's in a horrible relationship, she doesn't know sh** about sh**, she's always pouting about something, and just overall seems like a very unhappy individual. With all that said, there isn't a single guy watching that show that wouldn't love to have their way with her. In many different ways.
-Did you catch some of her act last night? Running around in her underwear, not knowing anything about gay people, accusing her boyfriend of being gay, etc. She's really a piece of work. My favorite line was after Tyler brought home the gay Russian. "That boy doesn't look gay at all. I can't tell that stuff." Really? Why not? Because he wasn't wearing a billboard around his neck that said, "I'm gay"? Svetlana needs to get out more. And by get out, I mean further than a 5 mile radius from where she lives.
-2nd best line of the night: "Your penis goes up when you see a guy. Martin's penis goes up when he sees me." She's a real brain surgeon this one. What are her thoughts on the Theory of Relativity? Can she give me a summation of "War and Peace"? I'd be interested to know what she thinks of the current Immigration issues we're having. I don't know this for a fact, but I'd be willing to bet that if you asked Svetlana anything that didn't have to do with Prada bags, MTV, or US Weekly, her head might explode.
-Then on the other end, you've got Paula and her case of the crazies. Every season they cast people with personal problems with the thinking that the show can be used as a way to face their problems, and with the help of their roommates, eventually get over their problems. Uhhhhh, not so much with Paula. It's almost like she brings too much craziness to the table and they just realized it way too late and said, "Screw it. Let her figure it out by herself."
-Can't wait til' next week when John gets in Paula's kitchen again about how she hasn't eaten in a week and she picks at her scabs. I think it's safe to say that John seems to be a pretty normal guy when there's no blood in his alcohol stream. However, after a few pops, all bets are off. He's a nightmare when he's drunk. Calling Paula a lesbian, accusing Paula of c**kblocking him, telling Paula to eat more, yeah, not the most fun guy to be around when inebriated.
Another column with more shows, emails, and your latest "Reality Steve Fact" on Friday. I promise. Really. I do.
Reality Television Show Links
AMERICAN IDOL
-I'm actually a little worried heading into tonight's voting. Katharine didn't perform terribly last night, but it certainly wasn't one of her best nights either. Last week, she avoided the bottom two, so you would think all she would've had to have done last night was perform somewhat respectably to advance another week. I think she did that. But if America sees differently, there could be some problems. Yes America, that's right. I will have a serious problem with all you. Be afraid.
-Katharine really tested my heart last week. I mean, I'm a week removed from cardiac arrest, the pacemaker is settling in nicely, then I'm forced to watch her sing a song about Black Horses and Cherry Trees from her knees. Whoa. That was almost too much for me to handle. I mean, could she have possibly gotten more young boys across America, and myself, any more excited after that performance? Short of laying on her back and singing a song with her legs behind her head, I'd say no.
-And I'm only going to say this once. This goes out to you Tommy Mottola. Get your hands off Katharine. Why do you just know that Tommy enjoyed working with her much more than the other three. Tommy likes the young female talent. And then he marries them. And then makes their life a living hell. And then they divorce him and go on to make millions of dollars making better albums. Back off Tommy. Katharine's not a cheap slut like Mariah was.
-Can we put Priscilla Presley in the MILF category? I think so. I mean, the Priscilla from the "Naked Gun" movies was much more yummy than the pale white, botox injected one we saw last night. But still, hey, I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
-I hope America didn't listen to Simon's advice last night regarding Elliott. Was anyone other than me not buying the personality behind his 2nd song last night, "Trouble"? The song came across as some big, tough, burly guy looking for trouble, yet there's this 5'7" muppet looking character on stage trying to act all hard. Sorry. Didn't buy it at all. It'd be nice to see him leave us tonight and go back to all his friends and family at Fraggle Rock.
-I just can't imagine a final three of all guys. It's never happened before, and something tells me it won't happen this year either. My only question is are we looking at a Chris/Katharine final or a Chris/Taylor final? Chris is pretty much a given to be one of the final two, and obviously I'm biased towards Katharine and her yellow panties, but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if we got a Chris/Taylor final. From reading enough message boards that I've read, apparently there might be enough hatred of Katharine out there to keep her out of the final two. The consensus is that she's conceited, full of herself, and is way too cocky. I don't really see it, but then again, women hate women. That's a known fact. Let's put it this way: More people dislike Katharine than they do Taylor or Chris. Way more.
-I've said it before, but it bears repeating. The reason why "American Idol" is so successful is two-fold. #1- It was the first major reality show where the viewing audience gets to choose the winner. #2- It brings about the widest range of opinions regarding its contestants. No other show can bring about that much emotion regarding its contestants than this show. It's not even close. There are people who think Katharine will sell millions of albums and people will love her, and on the other end, there's enough people that think she couldn't sing her way out of a paper bag. Same with Chris. Same with Taylor. Same with Elliot. Which is why Simon, Paula, and Randy are all signed up for another three seasons of this. And when that contract runs out, I'm sure there'll be another three years tacked on. This show could go on forever since it really never changes its format and it's showing no signs of slowing down.
-With all that said, I'd like to see more behind-the-scenes stuff on this show. No, not Katharine in her dressing room or coming out of the shower or anything like that. Please. I'd at least wait til she's dressed. "American Idol Extra" on the Fox Reality Channel is pretty good, although it's cheesedick of a host almost makes it unwatchable. He essentially asks the booted contestants the same question every week, and always has these scripted one-liners that he thinks are hilarious that...well...aren't. But that's about as good as you'll get in terms of knowing what goes on behind-the-scenes. Check it out if you get a chance and you'll see what I'm saying. You'll just have to suffer through the host of the show. He's a real ass clown.
SURVIVOR: PANAMA
-Poor Shane. Never saw that one coming, did he? That's all right. I'm sure all his buddies on whatever planet he's from will understand. Boy, in all the seasons of "Survivor", there hasn't been anyone we've ever seen as weird as Shane. But almost in a likable way. A lot of people couldn't stand him. I thought he was hilarious, and I honestly think having had to cut down from three packs a day to no packs a day, plus being away from his son, drove him to insanity. There's no doubt in my mind he went crazy out on the island.
-In the upcoming "Survivor" editions, are they just going to call individual Immunity challenges the "Terry Challenge"? "The Terry necklace is now up for grabs." They should. I don't think anyone has dominated individual Immunity challenges like him. I remember Colby did well in season 2, Boston Rob did in "All Stars", and Fireman Tom did during his season. But I don't think any one of them won EVERY SINGLE individual challenge. But I could be wrong.
-The spoilers are already out there for who wins this season and of course, I couldn't NOT read them. And I'm not going to ruin it for you. Some offshore gambling site had an inordinate amount of money come in on one particular player, so they had to shut down all betting on the show. Any time this has happened in the past (Apprentice Season 3, Bachelor Season 2, Survivor: Pearl Islands) to name a few, where a lot of money was coming in on one player, in the end, it always turned out to be the one who ended up winning.
-By looking at the final four, I think it's pretty easy to figure out who the final two will be. I'm really looking forward to the final tribal council. I'd like to see where some peoples heads are at. Usually in the past, once they got down to the final four, the finale was aired three nights later on Sunday night. This season, they go from four down to three tomorrow night, then the finale will be just with three people. I think they only did that one other time that I can remember.
REAL WORLD: KEY WEST
-There are times I think Svetlana is the stupidest, most uncultured, naive person on the planet. She's in a horrible relationship, she doesn't know sh** about sh**, she's always pouting about something, and just overall seems like a very unhappy individual. With all that said, there isn't a single guy watching that show that wouldn't love to have their way with her. In many different ways.
-Did you catch some of her act last night? Running around in her underwear, not knowing anything about gay people, accusing her boyfriend of being gay, etc. She's really a piece of work. My favorite line was after Tyler brought home the gay Russian. "That boy doesn't look gay at all. I can't tell that stuff." Really? Why not? Because he wasn't wearing a billboard around his neck that said, "I'm gay"? Svetlana needs to get out more. And by get out, I mean further than a 5 mile radius from where she lives.
-2nd best line of the night: "Your penis goes up when you see a guy. Martin's penis goes up when he sees me." She's a real brain surgeon this one. What are her thoughts on the Theory of Relativity? Can she give me a summation of "War and Peace"? I'd be interested to know what she thinks of the current Immigration issues we're having. I don't know this for a fact, but I'd be willing to bet that if you asked Svetlana anything that didn't have to do with Prada bags, MTV, or US Weekly, her head might explode.
-Then on the other end, you've got Paula and her case of the crazies. Every season they cast people with personal problems with the thinking that the show can be used as a way to face their problems, and with the help of their roommates, eventually get over their problems. Uhhhhh, not so much with Paula. It's almost like she brings too much craziness to the table and they just realized it way too late and said, "Screw it. Let her figure it out by herself."
-Can't wait til' next week when John gets in Paula's kitchen again about how she hasn't eaten in a week and she picks at her scabs. I think it's safe to say that John seems to be a pretty normal guy when there's no blood in his alcohol stream. However, after a few pops, all bets are off. He's a nightmare when he's drunk. Calling Paula a lesbian, accusing Paula of c**kblocking him, telling Paula to eat more, yeah, not the most fun guy to be around when inebriated.
Another column with more shows, emails, and your latest "Reality Steve Fact" on Friday. I promise. Really. I do.
Reality Television Show Links
posted by reality steve at 9:40 AM
8 Comments:
Ok, Steve, we believe that you will have a new column on Friday. Really. We do. :-)
You're great! But Elliott is by far the best singer on AI.
Heard you on the sma errrr calbinasian off. Dont know why Romie has such a stiffer for him. I thought Greg in Vegas shoulda won it.
Oh look..its me reading your blog.
Wait- what name does Steve use in the Smack errrr Cablinasian- off?? I listen to that, I had no idea.
By the way, you were wrong about AI finals, Steve. So was everyone.
Katherine,your girl, could be it now.
I'm a female and I love Katharine. I'd like to see her win it all. Bet you were shocked to see Chris go last night (as we all were). It's anyone's ballgame! Toodles and have a great day.
Stevie Carbone aka Little Stevie from LMU aka phone slap aka Charles Nelson Carbone.
I missed Steve on the smack off-any one know if you can find it somewhere online?
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