REALITY ROUNDUP PODCAST #5
Less than two weeks, and I've already returned with a new podcast. This must be some sort of record or something. You can download podcast #5 right here. This week's podcast covers my return flight from New York (yes, I flew in on Thursday), LC and Jason's breakup, "America's Got Talent", "RW/RR Challenge", "Real World: Key West", and some celebrity news. I'm trying to keep all the podcasts around 20 minutes now so it's not too long, but it's not too short. And that it also leaves me some material for the next podcast. There were a few things I didn't get to this week. Some of you are asking if there's anything different in the podcast than the column and vice versa. Yes and no. There are certain things in the column that might not appear in the podcast, and on the flip side, there might be something in the podcast that doesn't appear in the column. Like my trip to New York for example. Not in the column this week. Quick summary: I came back from New York on Thursday. The worst possible flying day we've had since 9/11. Gee, that was fun. So do with that what you will. Enjoy....
THE HILLS
-It’s official….LC and Jason are no longer. You can all let out a sigh of relief now. Yes, these two are no longer. I know, I know. Hard to believe. Sorry to break the bad news. Boy, how stupid must LC feel now? Let’s see, “Yeah, I think I’ll stay here in Malibu all summer with my boyfriend. Let Whitney spend three months in Paris with the greatest internship ever. Jason and I are in love and we’re gonna have one sentence conversations all summer long.” Woops. Nice decision, LC. I’m sure you won’t be kicking yourself for years to come with that brilliant choice.
-The worst part about the breakup is that they haven’t started filming season two of the "Hills" yet, so we’re not gonna see any of it on cameara. Thanks god for the “NY Post.” They reported it’s a violent break up and that Jason went “psycho“. He did? Jason had other emotions outside of grunting? Didn’t think that was possible. Also, the apartment complex she lived in this year has already been informed LC and Heidi are moving out, and, the management at the apartment complex is under strict orders to remove Jason physically if he tries to get in. Sweet. The next thing you’ll tell me is that Jason is a belligerent drunk. Should this come as a surprise to any of us? I mean, seriously. What would be surprising is if somehow Jason weasels his way back onto the show next season. Somehow, someway I bet he finds his way back on there. Even if its so that LC can give him a swift kick to the groin. Groin kicks are always funny.
-According to “US Weekly“, or as I like to call it, "The Bible", LC was in Las Vegas and had a Jason tattoo removed. It’s nice to hear that she got it removed, but from where? Let me guess, her lower back? Or, as its professionally known, the “Tramp Stamp“. I can’t believe she got a tattoo with Jason's name. Well, yes I can. I guess when you’re 19, stupid, and naïve, you do things like that. Inking your loved ones name on your body doesn’t make you become more in love with them last time I checked. Just ask Angelina and Billy Bob.
-So what about next season? Who are LC and Heidi going to be chasing now? I’m assuming Jason and Jordan are out of the picture. Jason because LC dumped him and Jordan because he’s still balled up in the fetal position crying hysterically over Heidi. That’s what I hear. Or made up. Do we get Whitney and Audrina next season as well? Something tells me we just might see a return of Stephen next season. I bet he makes some sort of appearance in her life again for season two. Even if it’s just to fetch her some coffee. Or to suggest a threesome with her and Heidi. That would be the smart play right there. If they say "no", hey, at least you tried. That’s just wishful thinking on my part.
AMERICA’S GOT TALENT
-I really would love to talk more about this show, but frankly, nothings really happening. Other than the finale this week. We've seen all the acts more than once. I still have no clue who’s gonna win this thing, the Hoff is getting more bizarre every week, Brandy’s neck is ET-like freakish, and Colin Firth keeps making the acts cry. What a freak show that is. I’ve changed my pick though. I don’t think the little yodeler is gonna win anymore. I think the dude that throws his chick around in the air will win. I don’t know what they call themselves, but, they’re my pick now and I have no reason for the change. Although I can’t do any of the things that the finalists can do, I think people will be more impressed with that act than a yodeler. Yodeling just doesn’t get you where it used to nowadays. Or something like that.
-There is some other “AGT” news though. And of course, it revolves around the Hoff. He showed up at an Orange County nightclub called Club Vegas as a favor to the kid who played his son on “Baywatch”. Remember that kid? What was his name? I’ve drawn a blank. Cody? Cory? Oh wait. Hobie. That’s it. Let’s not forget, after “Baywatch” ended, which essentially meant he was out of work, he got caught up in drugs and alcohol. I know. Shocker. Should this kid really be hanging at Club Vegas’ VIP section with the Hoff? Anyway, he got the Hoff to show up and the Hoff was acting like, well, the Hoff. He shows up at the club unannounced, hangs out in the VIP room all night, and according to the story “spent most of his time inviting area residents into the VIP area for a memorable night with him”. I’m serious. That was the quote from the story. What exactly would a memorable night with the Hoff in the VIP section of a posh Orange County dance club consist of? Him lip synching for them? You know what? I don’t think I want to know the answer to that.
RW/RR CHALLENGE
-You know, for as crappy a team as Wes and Casey are in every challenge, they sure kick everyone’s ass in the Exile. They haven’t lost in five appearances there. If you look back at all the exiles they’ve won, they only have a little over 100 pounds of luggage to carry around. Everyone else has at least 150-175 that they’ve gone up against. One team had over 200 lbs of luggage. Hence the reason they haven't lost. How much luggage do you need for a couple months in Australia, really? A bunch of shorts, t-shirts, and bathing suits. And then some dress clothes for the nightclubs when they all get freaky dirty with each other. And by the way, I’m not the least bit surprised that Derrick and Diem are about to start slobbering all over each other. I’m sure Katie isn’t too happy about that.
-Despite kicking ass in the Exile, Wes and Casey won‘t win it all for one very simple reason: She sucks at every challenge. Especially this past week’s. She wouldn’t dive off a cliff four stories high into water? Did you hear her reasoning? “Who wakes up in the morning and decides to just jump off a cliff 4 stories high?” Umm, everyone you’re competing against? She made it seem like jumping off the cliff was like running the 4-minute mile. Way to be a team player. As much as I’ve disagreed this season with Wes acting like a complete sexist pig, I think he had the right to chew her out after that performance. She was as useless as birth control is to Kelly Ripa.
REAL WORLD
-Funny to see half of last week’s episode was surrounding Paula Walnuts final visit to the therapist and how much she’s grown, and how proud the doctor is of her. Pretty damn funny. I wonder how that doctor feels now knowing that Paula fell off the wagon and started biting people? And how about the email she left for mommy. How sad. I’m sure Paula really did want to make up with her mom, convinced her she wasn’t a lunatic anymore, started to develop a relationship again and shocker of all shockers, she goes and bites Keith. Maybe Paula should just start taking relationship advice from Svetlana. She seems to know what she’s doing.
-Svetlana and Martin’s relationship is so far beyond the realm of comprehension to me that it’s not even worth talking about. They argue just to argue. She admits that she’s a drama queen, and, well, Martin just has to live with that. WHAT??? Forget it. I don’t care how big her rack is, I couldn’t stand ten seconds with her before wanting to pummel her with a shovel. Martin is still a young lad, he knows Svetlana’s hot, he probably just likes to have the trophy girl on his arm. But once he realizes that his life span will be shortened by 30 years living with someone as annoying as her, he’ll pull the plug. On the relationship. Not her.
CELEBRITY NEWS
-Remember our winning couple from “Skating with Celebrities”, Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler? Well, they’re now expecting a baby on Valentine’s Day of next year. Awwwww….how adorable really. The birth of a child is exactly what these two lying, cheating bastards deserve. To this day, Eisler is continuing to deny anything ever happened with him and Swanson while he was still married. And I guess he expects to believe it too. Here’s a timeline of Lloyd’s troubled and cheating love life:
-Aug. of 05‘, Lloyd leaves to start taping “Skating with Celebrities”. At the time, his wife was four months pregnant.
-Oct. of 05’, wife visit’s him during the taping of the show and gets suspicious of an affair between him and Swanson.
-Nov. of 05’, she tells him to move out. He moves out Nov. 30th.
-Jan. of 06’, Lloyd and his wife he’s now separated from, have a baby, and “Skating with Celebrities” begins airing.
-Feb. of 06‘, Eisler’s now ex-wife comes public and claims that he and Swanson were having an affair. Lloyd still denies it.
-March of 06’, Eisler and Swanson win “Skating with Celebrities”, and a week later admit they’re in a relationship.
-May of 06’, Eisler and Swanson boink one night and conceive a child.
And now Eisler and Swanson are having a baby around Valentine’s Day. Lloyd Eisler: Grade A scumbag. Great father. You think when the kids he has with his ex get older, and mommy shows them the tape of daddy winning “Skating with Celebrities”, she‘ll say, “Yeah kids. This was the beginning of the end for your dad and I. Right there. When he balanced her over his head with his hand up her skirt.”
-Anything I say about “Flavor of Love 2” couldn’t possibly be as funny as watching it for yourself. I’m serious. It’s the “Bachelor” on crack, HGH, steroids, crystal meth, and heroin. If you haven’t seen it, just watch it. Sunday nights on VH-1. In case you just think its just another trashy dating show, just know that the season premiere last week was the highest rated premiere of any show in the HISTORY of VH-1. And the season finale of the first “Flavor of Love” was the most watched broadcast in VH1’s history. Just goes to show, you put trash on TV, there will be an audience.
-Katharine McPhee broke her foot slipping backstage at one of the “American Idol” concerts, but she’s still on the tour and performing. Good for her. This is the third year in a row the runner-up to “Idol” has been injured on the tour so they’re saying now there’s a curse. Last year on the tour, Bo Bice broke his foot. And the year before that, Diana Digarmo slipped down a flight of stairs and tore ligaments in her foot. Maybe there is a curse. I mean, I think you could take it even further. After season 2 ended, Clay Aiken stumbled upon homosexuality. And even after season 1, Justin Guarini fell into obscurity. Maybe there is something to the curse.
Reality Television Show Links
THE HILLS
-It’s official….LC and Jason are no longer. You can all let out a sigh of relief now. Yes, these two are no longer. I know, I know. Hard to believe. Sorry to break the bad news. Boy, how stupid must LC feel now? Let’s see, “Yeah, I think I’ll stay here in Malibu all summer with my boyfriend. Let Whitney spend three months in Paris with the greatest internship ever. Jason and I are in love and we’re gonna have one sentence conversations all summer long.” Woops. Nice decision, LC. I’m sure you won’t be kicking yourself for years to come with that brilliant choice.
-The worst part about the breakup is that they haven’t started filming season two of the "Hills" yet, so we’re not gonna see any of it on cameara. Thanks god for the “NY Post.” They reported it’s a violent break up and that Jason went “psycho“. He did? Jason had other emotions outside of grunting? Didn’t think that was possible. Also, the apartment complex she lived in this year has already been informed LC and Heidi are moving out, and, the management at the apartment complex is under strict orders to remove Jason physically if he tries to get in. Sweet. The next thing you’ll tell me is that Jason is a belligerent drunk. Should this come as a surprise to any of us? I mean, seriously. What would be surprising is if somehow Jason weasels his way back onto the show next season. Somehow, someway I bet he finds his way back on there. Even if its so that LC can give him a swift kick to the groin. Groin kicks are always funny.
-According to “US Weekly“, or as I like to call it, "The Bible", LC was in Las Vegas and had a Jason tattoo removed. It’s nice to hear that she got it removed, but from where? Let me guess, her lower back? Or, as its professionally known, the “Tramp Stamp“. I can’t believe she got a tattoo with Jason's name. Well, yes I can. I guess when you’re 19, stupid, and naïve, you do things like that. Inking your loved ones name on your body doesn’t make you become more in love with them last time I checked. Just ask Angelina and Billy Bob.
-So what about next season? Who are LC and Heidi going to be chasing now? I’m assuming Jason and Jordan are out of the picture. Jason because LC dumped him and Jordan because he’s still balled up in the fetal position crying hysterically over Heidi. That’s what I hear. Or made up. Do we get Whitney and Audrina next season as well? Something tells me we just might see a return of Stephen next season. I bet he makes some sort of appearance in her life again for season two. Even if it’s just to fetch her some coffee. Or to suggest a threesome with her and Heidi. That would be the smart play right there. If they say "no", hey, at least you tried. That’s just wishful thinking on my part.
AMERICA’S GOT TALENT
-I really would love to talk more about this show, but frankly, nothings really happening. Other than the finale this week. We've seen all the acts more than once. I still have no clue who’s gonna win this thing, the Hoff is getting more bizarre every week, Brandy’s neck is ET-like freakish, and Colin Firth keeps making the acts cry. What a freak show that is. I’ve changed my pick though. I don’t think the little yodeler is gonna win anymore. I think the dude that throws his chick around in the air will win. I don’t know what they call themselves, but, they’re my pick now and I have no reason for the change. Although I can’t do any of the things that the finalists can do, I think people will be more impressed with that act than a yodeler. Yodeling just doesn’t get you where it used to nowadays. Or something like that.
-There is some other “AGT” news though. And of course, it revolves around the Hoff. He showed up at an Orange County nightclub called Club Vegas as a favor to the kid who played his son on “Baywatch”. Remember that kid? What was his name? I’ve drawn a blank. Cody? Cory? Oh wait. Hobie. That’s it. Let’s not forget, after “Baywatch” ended, which essentially meant he was out of work, he got caught up in drugs and alcohol. I know. Shocker. Should this kid really be hanging at Club Vegas’ VIP section with the Hoff? Anyway, he got the Hoff to show up and the Hoff was acting like, well, the Hoff. He shows up at the club unannounced, hangs out in the VIP room all night, and according to the story “spent most of his time inviting area residents into the VIP area for a memorable night with him”. I’m serious. That was the quote from the story. What exactly would a memorable night with the Hoff in the VIP section of a posh Orange County dance club consist of? Him lip synching for them? You know what? I don’t think I want to know the answer to that.
RW/RR CHALLENGE
-You know, for as crappy a team as Wes and Casey are in every challenge, they sure kick everyone’s ass in the Exile. They haven’t lost in five appearances there. If you look back at all the exiles they’ve won, they only have a little over 100 pounds of luggage to carry around. Everyone else has at least 150-175 that they’ve gone up against. One team had over 200 lbs of luggage. Hence the reason they haven't lost. How much luggage do you need for a couple months in Australia, really? A bunch of shorts, t-shirts, and bathing suits. And then some dress clothes for the nightclubs when they all get freaky dirty with each other. And by the way, I’m not the least bit surprised that Derrick and Diem are about to start slobbering all over each other. I’m sure Katie isn’t too happy about that.
-Despite kicking ass in the Exile, Wes and Casey won‘t win it all for one very simple reason: She sucks at every challenge. Especially this past week’s. She wouldn’t dive off a cliff four stories high into water? Did you hear her reasoning? “Who wakes up in the morning and decides to just jump off a cliff 4 stories high?” Umm, everyone you’re competing against? She made it seem like jumping off the cliff was like running the 4-minute mile. Way to be a team player. As much as I’ve disagreed this season with Wes acting like a complete sexist pig, I think he had the right to chew her out after that performance. She was as useless as birth control is to Kelly Ripa.
REAL WORLD
-Funny to see half of last week’s episode was surrounding Paula Walnuts final visit to the therapist and how much she’s grown, and how proud the doctor is of her. Pretty damn funny. I wonder how that doctor feels now knowing that Paula fell off the wagon and started biting people? And how about the email she left for mommy. How sad. I’m sure Paula really did want to make up with her mom, convinced her she wasn’t a lunatic anymore, started to develop a relationship again and shocker of all shockers, she goes and bites Keith. Maybe Paula should just start taking relationship advice from Svetlana. She seems to know what she’s doing.
-Svetlana and Martin’s relationship is so far beyond the realm of comprehension to me that it’s not even worth talking about. They argue just to argue. She admits that she’s a drama queen, and, well, Martin just has to live with that. WHAT??? Forget it. I don’t care how big her rack is, I couldn’t stand ten seconds with her before wanting to pummel her with a shovel. Martin is still a young lad, he knows Svetlana’s hot, he probably just likes to have the trophy girl on his arm. But once he realizes that his life span will be shortened by 30 years living with someone as annoying as her, he’ll pull the plug. On the relationship. Not her.
CELEBRITY NEWS
-Remember our winning couple from “Skating with Celebrities”, Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler? Well, they’re now expecting a baby on Valentine’s Day of next year. Awwwww….how adorable really. The birth of a child is exactly what these two lying, cheating bastards deserve. To this day, Eisler is continuing to deny anything ever happened with him and Swanson while he was still married. And I guess he expects to believe it too. Here’s a timeline of Lloyd’s troubled and cheating love life:
-Aug. of 05‘, Lloyd leaves to start taping “Skating with Celebrities”. At the time, his wife was four months pregnant.
-Oct. of 05’, wife visit’s him during the taping of the show and gets suspicious of an affair between him and Swanson.
-Nov. of 05’, she tells him to move out. He moves out Nov. 30th.
-Jan. of 06’, Lloyd and his wife he’s now separated from, have a baby, and “Skating with Celebrities” begins airing.
-Feb. of 06‘, Eisler’s now ex-wife comes public and claims that he and Swanson were having an affair. Lloyd still denies it.
-March of 06’, Eisler and Swanson win “Skating with Celebrities”, and a week later admit they’re in a relationship.
-May of 06’, Eisler and Swanson boink one night and conceive a child.
And now Eisler and Swanson are having a baby around Valentine’s Day. Lloyd Eisler: Grade A scumbag. Great father. You think when the kids he has with his ex get older, and mommy shows them the tape of daddy winning “Skating with Celebrities”, she‘ll say, “Yeah kids. This was the beginning of the end for your dad and I. Right there. When he balanced her over his head with his hand up her skirt.”
-Anything I say about “Flavor of Love 2” couldn’t possibly be as funny as watching it for yourself. I’m serious. It’s the “Bachelor” on crack, HGH, steroids, crystal meth, and heroin. If you haven’t seen it, just watch it. Sunday nights on VH-1. In case you just think its just another trashy dating show, just know that the season premiere last week was the highest rated premiere of any show in the HISTORY of VH-1. And the season finale of the first “Flavor of Love” was the most watched broadcast in VH1’s history. Just goes to show, you put trash on TV, there will be an audience.
-Katharine McPhee broke her foot slipping backstage at one of the “American Idol” concerts, but she’s still on the tour and performing. Good for her. This is the third year in a row the runner-up to “Idol” has been injured on the tour so they’re saying now there’s a curse. Last year on the tour, Bo Bice broke his foot. And the year before that, Diana Digarmo slipped down a flight of stairs and tore ligaments in her foot. Maybe there is a curse. I mean, I think you could take it even further. After season 2 ended, Clay Aiken stumbled upon homosexuality. And even after season 1, Justin Guarini fell into obscurity. Maybe there is something to the curse.
Reality Television Show Links
posted by reality steve at 11:42 PM
1 Comments:
I can't believe you didn't comment on the girl sh*tting on the floor on Flavor of Love! That was by far one of the most disgusting/funniest things on TV ever!
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