REALITY ROUNDUP PODCAST #6
LAGUNA BEACH
-I’m heading to Vegas this week, so yes, it’ll be another two weeks before another pod cast is up. You can download podcast #6 right here. We have three weeks of “Laguna Beach” to cover along with a few other shows. The reaction I’ve heard most since “Laguna Beach” started is, “I don’t like this cast.” I know, I know. All of us are used to Stephen and Kristin and LC and the whole rest of the gang. Of course when they do a complete overhaul of the cast, it’s going to feel a little strange at first. I’m sure a lot of you weren’t happy when Shannen Doherty left 90210 and saw she was being replaced by Kelly Kapowski from “Saved by the Bell.” Then look what happened. Valerie Malone became one of the best characters in that shows history. And the hottest. I love me some Valerie Malone I tell ya’. So I say give it more time before we start to pass judgment on these pre-pubescent teens.
-You can see where they’re going with Tessa as the narrator. She’s definitely the LC of this season. She has the male friend that has dated on and off since she was a kid in Chase, she’s attractive, and she’s the sweet innocent girl. Easily the most likable girl they have on this show. However, this whole Chase/Tessa storyline I don’t think is gonna last much longer only because if I’m not mistaken, I could’ve sworn when they showed the upcoming clips this season, they showed Tessa hooking up with Cameron. I thought I saw that. I could be wrong on this one, and I hope to God for her sakes that I am, but, I thought that’s what I saw.
-I think it’s safe to say Cameron will be playing the role of Jason this season. He’s already hooked up with Jessica and Kyndra. He’s lied to both of them in the first three episodes, and something tells me lying is part of his game to try and get in as many girls pants at that school that he can. Call me crazy. You just know this guy is gonna cheat on someone this season. Hell, he’s already pretty much cheating on Jessica. So Cameron, are you with her or not? It’s funny he’s telling his guy friends during the basketball game, “No way man, Jessica and I are just friends. I’m not hanging out with the girls.” Then the next scene he’s at lunch with her. Or the time where he’s at lunch with Kyndra and she asks him about Jessica. He’s like, “We’ve only hooked up once.” And Kyndra goes, “Really? Oh.” And Cameron responds back, “Yeah.” You pig. Quit lying to the ladies. Sure doesn’t seem like you’ve hooked up with Jessica once.
-Can we get a clear definition of what these kids are talking about when they say they “hooked up”. I’m serious here. When I was a junior in high school, to use the baseball analogy, here is what the levels of “hooking up” were:
1st base - Kissing (I.E. - macking, necking, swapping spit, etc…)
2nd base - Any petting done outside of the female clothing (I.E. - dry humping)
3rd base - Usually meant any sort of petting done with clothes off and some sort of penetration was happening not with genatalia. I think you can figure that one out. If you listen on the pod cast, I pretty much spell it out for you. This is a PG column. The pod cast this week is probably rated PG-13.
Home Run - any form of sex.
I haven’t been a junior in high school since 1992. A lot has changed since then. For one, if you’re a fourteen year old Philipino kid, you apparently are allowed to boink your teacher and have two kids with her. So when I watch these high school shows now, I have a feeling their “hooking up” dialect means something completely different than what it used to mean. When I hear Cameron tell Kyndra, “Yeah, Jessica and I hooked up”, I automatically just assume they bumped uglies. That’s just me. When Cameron says he hooked up with Jessica and then tells his buddies he “stayed the night at Kyndra’s” the night of her pool party, we have to assume he hit that too. I guess it all depends on the girl he’s talking about. God forbid Cameron says, “Yeah, Cami and I messed around last night”, it’s safe to say that night probably included porn, her being loud, and him regretting it afterwards.
-Cami is a piece of work, I tell ya’. What a bundle of sunshine that girl is, huh? There isn’t a single character I’ve despised more in reality TV history than Cami. There is nothing about her I find remotely appealing. She’s not attractive, she’s rude, she’s a bitch, and she’s just sloppy. I think that’s the best word you can use to describe Cami: sloppy. I read online this week that both Alex’s from last season, the one that was in the band, and the one that lived with Kristin before moving out, have both said that Cami and Kyndra aren’t nearly as mean as the show is making them out to be. Well, I’m sorry. The Alex’s must be friends with those girls if that’s their take on things. The camera can’t make you say something you didn’t say. It can only edit things out. Kyndra and Cami have done nothing but be complete bitches to Rocky and Tessa. They’ve made fun of the way Tessa talks and laughs and even referenced how ugly they think Rocky is. How is that not edited? They were sitting on beach chairs talking about it. Sorry. I don’t believe that one. Cami is an evil whore and Kyndra is just trying to be the next Kristin Cavalleri. I don’t think there’s any other way to describe it. Although Rocky’s friend at the party did a pretty good job of it when she allegedly called Cami “dirty.” Yeah, I’m guessing Cami’s been around the block once or twice or a thousand times.
-Which brings us to Jessica. Poor girl. I was all over Jessica last season for being the most naïve girl on the planet. Which she still is. Is it not funny that Jessica is the only one from last year’s cast that would get involved with someone still at the high school? And he’s a junior nonetheless. Now granted, I know all the other Laguna kids moved up to L.A. but still. Were you really all THAT shocked to see Jessica was sleeping with a guy who was still at Laguna Beach High? Please. Jessica hasn’t changed. And neither has her chest.
-Speaking of giant cans, did you see Kyndra’s MILF? I thought she wanted to rip Cameron’s clothes off more than her daughter did. Let’s just say the silicone doctors down in Laguna Beach are plenty busy these days. And even though they haven’t really focused on her yet, have you taken a good look at that girl Lexi? I’d be willing to bet anything that some doctor went Ashlee Simpson on that beak of hers. Had to have. We haven’t seen a lot of her yet, but I’m sure we will. Then I’ll be able to make a more accurate assessment of her nose.
-As for the rest of the cast, we don’t know too much about them other than they all have the same hairdo. You know that very trendy do’ going around where the guys take all their hair and brush it into that Mohawk look? Yeah, the real metro sexual look. I guess it’d be o.k. if say, maybe, one them had it? Just not all of them. Do what you want with your hair kiddies. Who am I to tell you how to groom yourself? This is coming from a guy, who in the last two weeks, just got his first maincure, pedicure, and facial. Yes, I did. Yes, I enjoyed them immensely. And yes, I’m still straight.
REAL WORLD: KEY WEST
-Nothing overly dramatic to end the season, pretty much the same as past ones. But when did they do all this work at Mystic Tan? They acted like they worked their asses off and slaved around for four months, when really, did you ever see a customer come through that store? I mean, I’m sure they had customers, but it’s not like people were banging down the doors of Mystic Tan. I have an idea: go outside. There’s sun in Key West in case you didn’t know. And the goofballs running Mystic Tan will be fine without you. Nice five grand bonus for each, huh? Not bad for doing nothing. I wonder if that place is even still up and running? Maybe someone should float phone call down there to see what’s up.
-I liked watching the group to have one final dinner with each other. I don’t know who said it, but I remember one of them saying something to the effect of “We’ll always be family, and no one can ever make fun of any of us, because they didn‘t live with us. They don‘t know us.” I can. Don’t tell me who I can and can’t make fun of, ok? I saw the way you acted on television. You people have given the rest of America plenty of reason to make fun of you. Especially Paula. She picks her scabs. She screams “Kiss My Ass” at everyone. And judging by her recent biting incident, hasn’t learned a damn thing about herself. Good luck, Paula. Have a sandwich.
-You know what else I noticed this season? Not one of the roommates ever hooked with another roommate? That’s gotta be a first doesn’t it? I can’t remember the last time a whole season went by and not even on one drunken night did any two people ever hook up. Svetlana was too into Martin all season, Janelle thought she was above every guy in the house, and well, who’d want to hook up with Paula? What was the last season we had where no one hooked up? I can’t remember. Austin, Vegas, New Orleans, Hawaii, San Diego, Chicago, Paris, New York….that’s the last eight seasons right there. And I know I could name at least one hookup from each of those if I had an extra thirty seconds on my hands. But I don’t. Sorry.
TWO-A-DAYS
-Another show on MTV that just started two weeks ago. It’s basically “Varsity Blues” as a reality show. Follows around the Hoover High School football team in Hoover, Alabama during last season. No way I was gonna miss this one. This show is right up my alley: high school relationships, football, cheerleaders, you know, stuff that all 31 year old heterosexual men are into right? Right? It’s just another guilty pleasure of mine. So addicting.
-The coach is straight out of the “Varsity Blues“ coach played by Jon Voigt. Always spitting, yelling and cursing at the players, telling them they suck. This was obviously done for dramatic purposes and I’m sure coach was hamming it up knowing that he had a microphone strapped to his belt. Coach, your team is one of the tops in the state. You can quit trying to pretend you’re Mr. Dictator and your leadership is why you’re so good.
-The narrator of the show is Alex, one of the defensive stars. He dates Kristin, a cheerleader. NO WAY!!!! The star football player is drilling the cheerleader? How odd? Where do they come up with such a storyline? Anyway, before the first game of the year last season, which was televised nationally by ESPN, rumors start floating around that Alex was with another girl behind Kristin’s back. Oh no! Tell us it’s not true Alex! The skank he allegedly hooked up with was Kaegan. And Kaegan painted Alex’s number on herself for the big game. This did not sit well with Kristin. Or apparently anyone else in the stands. Kristin proceeded to tell us that during the biggest game of the year on ESPN, during the game, all the talk in the stands was about Alex and if he cheated on Kristin. Kristin felt embarrassed because she knew everyone was looking at her and Alex. Ummm, whatever sweetie. Believe what you want. I’m guessing no one gave a rat’s ass who Alex was doinking on the side. All they care about is what down it is, what’s the score, and if the bottle of moonshine can last them through the whole game.
-Hoover won the opener 50-29. Although, the producers would have you believe the final was 36-29 and Max, another character they focus on, made the big play to seal the victory. But intuitive people like me who have TiVo used the super slo-mo at the end of the game when the parents were on the field, to glance in the back ground at the scoreboard. There it was: HOME: 50. VISITOR: 29. Nice try though. And oh yeah, when Alex tried to give Kristin a hug after the game, she wanted none of it. Oooooooohhhhhh, things are getting goooooooooood. How dare he make out with Kaegan.
-Whereas all the “Laguna Beach” boys have the brushed Mohawk hairdo, all the ‘billies down in ‘Bama have the same hair too. Except its just a giant mop on top of their heads that they don’t comb. Every single one of the white football players had hair down past his eyebrows. If you don’t, and you go to Hoover, they probably put you in special classes or something. Make you eat at different tables too.
-So they showed one of the groups nights out and, surprise! They all went to Applebee’s. Nothing says “fine dining cuisine” more than Applebee’s. It’s kinda funny to watch where the kids from “Laguna Beach” go on their dates, then the next show is “Two-A-Days” and everyone’s havin’ a rip roaring night out at Applebee’s. I find that funny. Anyway, on this night, Kristin is on video camera at Applebees asking friends who they’re siding with in her and Alex’s break up. What? Who does this? The funniest part was her friend Goose, who’s the funny fat kid, kind of in the Bob Guiney mold, that has always been on the outside looking in at Kristin and Alex’s relationship. He wants to get in Kristin’s pants, but she’s always been with Alex. So when she asks him on film, he pleads the fifth. He‘s not taking either person‘s side in this breakup. Translation: Kristin, now will you at least look at me? I don‘t want to say I’m on your side on camera cuz then there'll be video proof I'm c***blocking him and he'll come beat my ass.
-Later that night at the bowling alley, Goose and Kristin are flirting. And Alex is texting Kristin saying he wants to talk to her. Kristin tells Goose, “You smell good.” Uh oh. Things are heatin’ up between these two. Although Alex is the football stud, Goose apparently can really charm the pants off the ladies. Well, Kristin at least. She says he’s been there for her whenever she’s needed him. Of course he has Kristin. It’s because he’s never had a girl touch him before. The guy would sever his own testicle for you if you would just grab his hog just once. C’mon. Just once. I don’t think this love triangle is over. Great show.
CELEBRITY NEWS
-Since I last wrote, Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson have separated and the rumors started that she and Owen Wilson were together. However, this past weekend, its reported and her and Chris Robinson are trying to patch things up and the Owen thing was just a rumor. WHAT???? Chris Robinson is the ugliest human alive right now. And Kate Hudson is gorgeous. Something’s not right. Women like Kate Hudson don’t date, let alone marry, homeless guys like Chris Robinson unless there’s some blackmail involved. He must have nude photos of her or something. I refuse to believe she actually fell for him and the shopping cart he rolls around town with. When I see a woman like Kate Hudson with something like Chris Robinson, it actually gives me hope. Until I remember that he’s a musician, and no matter how repulsive looking you are, history has proven time and time again, if you can play an instrument or you can sing, then you can get ass. It’s as simple as that. Chicks just like the strung out druggie, who weighs a 110 lbs, and hasa body filled with tattoos. Makes them all horny and stuff. I don’t know. Never understood that.
-Donald Trump has fired Carolyn. She’s saying her and Donald had different views for her direction at the company. Trump said her ego took off after all the publicity from the show. I think we all know the reason Carolyn was fired. The ratings to that show stink now, so to increase interest, replacing Carolyn with his hot piece of ass daughter Ivanka made the most sense. Its basically Donald Jr. and Ivanka in the boardrooms this season. Hey, did Carolyn get to be egomaniac? Was she slacking on her job? Did she not see eye to eye with Donald? Who knows and who cares. If Ivanka wants to be in the boardroom, let Ivanka be in the boardroom. That’s what I say. I’ve got no problem with that at all. Great decision Donald.
-The VMA’s were on Thursday. That show has really lost it over the years. I remember how big of an event it used to be growing up. Now, it’s so geared towards a younger crowd, and half the people that perform I’ve never even heard of, so, I guess I’m just getting old. I used to love the VMA’s. I remembered one year when Bobby Brown performed, I taped it, and for the next two weeks, I’d watch it every day after getting home from school to practice my dance moves. And no, it didn’t get me laid. I think Bobby sang “Every Little Step”. Or that song he did for “Ghostbusters 2”. Whatever it was, it was cool. And I looked like the dorkiest white kid in the world trying to copy it.
With me being in Vegas this week for some nice R & R, there will be no column or pod cast. But I’m guessing I might have a story or a hundred from Vegas when I get back. Maybe I’ll do a whole column on my trip next week, then the week after resume with show and celebrity news. Any questions, comments, queries, criticisms, praise, thoughts on if you think I'm officially gay now having gotten a mani, pedi, and facial in the same week, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com, or just leave a comment on the website. Until next time...
Reality Television Show Links
-I’m heading to Vegas this week, so yes, it’ll be another two weeks before another pod cast is up. You can download podcast #6 right here. We have three weeks of “Laguna Beach” to cover along with a few other shows. The reaction I’ve heard most since “Laguna Beach” started is, “I don’t like this cast.” I know, I know. All of us are used to Stephen and Kristin and LC and the whole rest of the gang. Of course when they do a complete overhaul of the cast, it’s going to feel a little strange at first. I’m sure a lot of you weren’t happy when Shannen Doherty left 90210 and saw she was being replaced by Kelly Kapowski from “Saved by the Bell.” Then look what happened. Valerie Malone became one of the best characters in that shows history. And the hottest. I love me some Valerie Malone I tell ya’. So I say give it more time before we start to pass judgment on these pre-pubescent teens.
-You can see where they’re going with Tessa as the narrator. She’s definitely the LC of this season. She has the male friend that has dated on and off since she was a kid in Chase, she’s attractive, and she’s the sweet innocent girl. Easily the most likable girl they have on this show. However, this whole Chase/Tessa storyline I don’t think is gonna last much longer only because if I’m not mistaken, I could’ve sworn when they showed the upcoming clips this season, they showed Tessa hooking up with Cameron. I thought I saw that. I could be wrong on this one, and I hope to God for her sakes that I am, but, I thought that’s what I saw.
-I think it’s safe to say Cameron will be playing the role of Jason this season. He’s already hooked up with Jessica and Kyndra. He’s lied to both of them in the first three episodes, and something tells me lying is part of his game to try and get in as many girls pants at that school that he can. Call me crazy. You just know this guy is gonna cheat on someone this season. Hell, he’s already pretty much cheating on Jessica. So Cameron, are you with her or not? It’s funny he’s telling his guy friends during the basketball game, “No way man, Jessica and I are just friends. I’m not hanging out with the girls.” Then the next scene he’s at lunch with her. Or the time where he’s at lunch with Kyndra and she asks him about Jessica. He’s like, “We’ve only hooked up once.” And Kyndra goes, “Really? Oh.” And Cameron responds back, “Yeah.” You pig. Quit lying to the ladies. Sure doesn’t seem like you’ve hooked up with Jessica once.
-Can we get a clear definition of what these kids are talking about when they say they “hooked up”. I’m serious here. When I was a junior in high school, to use the baseball analogy, here is what the levels of “hooking up” were:
1st base - Kissing (I.E. - macking, necking, swapping spit, etc…)
2nd base - Any petting done outside of the female clothing (I.E. - dry humping)
3rd base - Usually meant any sort of petting done with clothes off and some sort of penetration was happening not with genatalia. I think you can figure that one out. If you listen on the pod cast, I pretty much spell it out for you. This is a PG column. The pod cast this week is probably rated PG-13.
Home Run - any form of sex.
I haven’t been a junior in high school since 1992. A lot has changed since then. For one, if you’re a fourteen year old Philipino kid, you apparently are allowed to boink your teacher and have two kids with her. So when I watch these high school shows now, I have a feeling their “hooking up” dialect means something completely different than what it used to mean. When I hear Cameron tell Kyndra, “Yeah, Jessica and I hooked up”, I automatically just assume they bumped uglies. That’s just me. When Cameron says he hooked up with Jessica and then tells his buddies he “stayed the night at Kyndra’s” the night of her pool party, we have to assume he hit that too. I guess it all depends on the girl he’s talking about. God forbid Cameron says, “Yeah, Cami and I messed around last night”, it’s safe to say that night probably included porn, her being loud, and him regretting it afterwards.
-Cami is a piece of work, I tell ya’. What a bundle of sunshine that girl is, huh? There isn’t a single character I’ve despised more in reality TV history than Cami. There is nothing about her I find remotely appealing. She’s not attractive, she’s rude, she’s a bitch, and she’s just sloppy. I think that’s the best word you can use to describe Cami: sloppy. I read online this week that both Alex’s from last season, the one that was in the band, and the one that lived with Kristin before moving out, have both said that Cami and Kyndra aren’t nearly as mean as the show is making them out to be. Well, I’m sorry. The Alex’s must be friends with those girls if that’s their take on things. The camera can’t make you say something you didn’t say. It can only edit things out. Kyndra and Cami have done nothing but be complete bitches to Rocky and Tessa. They’ve made fun of the way Tessa talks and laughs and even referenced how ugly they think Rocky is. How is that not edited? They were sitting on beach chairs talking about it. Sorry. I don’t believe that one. Cami is an evil whore and Kyndra is just trying to be the next Kristin Cavalleri. I don’t think there’s any other way to describe it. Although Rocky’s friend at the party did a pretty good job of it when she allegedly called Cami “dirty.” Yeah, I’m guessing Cami’s been around the block once or twice or a thousand times.
-Which brings us to Jessica. Poor girl. I was all over Jessica last season for being the most naïve girl on the planet. Which she still is. Is it not funny that Jessica is the only one from last year’s cast that would get involved with someone still at the high school? And he’s a junior nonetheless. Now granted, I know all the other Laguna kids moved up to L.A. but still. Were you really all THAT shocked to see Jessica was sleeping with a guy who was still at Laguna Beach High? Please. Jessica hasn’t changed. And neither has her chest.
-Speaking of giant cans, did you see Kyndra’s MILF? I thought she wanted to rip Cameron’s clothes off more than her daughter did. Let’s just say the silicone doctors down in Laguna Beach are plenty busy these days. And even though they haven’t really focused on her yet, have you taken a good look at that girl Lexi? I’d be willing to bet anything that some doctor went Ashlee Simpson on that beak of hers. Had to have. We haven’t seen a lot of her yet, but I’m sure we will. Then I’ll be able to make a more accurate assessment of her nose.
-As for the rest of the cast, we don’t know too much about them other than they all have the same hairdo. You know that very trendy do’ going around where the guys take all their hair and brush it into that Mohawk look? Yeah, the real metro sexual look. I guess it’d be o.k. if say, maybe, one them had it? Just not all of them. Do what you want with your hair kiddies. Who am I to tell you how to groom yourself? This is coming from a guy, who in the last two weeks, just got his first maincure, pedicure, and facial. Yes, I did. Yes, I enjoyed them immensely. And yes, I’m still straight.
REAL WORLD: KEY WEST
-Nothing overly dramatic to end the season, pretty much the same as past ones. But when did they do all this work at Mystic Tan? They acted like they worked their asses off and slaved around for four months, when really, did you ever see a customer come through that store? I mean, I’m sure they had customers, but it’s not like people were banging down the doors of Mystic Tan. I have an idea: go outside. There’s sun in Key West in case you didn’t know. And the goofballs running Mystic Tan will be fine without you. Nice five grand bonus for each, huh? Not bad for doing nothing. I wonder if that place is even still up and running? Maybe someone should float phone call down there to see what’s up.
-I liked watching the group to have one final dinner with each other. I don’t know who said it, but I remember one of them saying something to the effect of “We’ll always be family, and no one can ever make fun of any of us, because they didn‘t live with us. They don‘t know us.” I can. Don’t tell me who I can and can’t make fun of, ok? I saw the way you acted on television. You people have given the rest of America plenty of reason to make fun of you. Especially Paula. She picks her scabs. She screams “Kiss My Ass” at everyone. And judging by her recent biting incident, hasn’t learned a damn thing about herself. Good luck, Paula. Have a sandwich.
-You know what else I noticed this season? Not one of the roommates ever hooked with another roommate? That’s gotta be a first doesn’t it? I can’t remember the last time a whole season went by and not even on one drunken night did any two people ever hook up. Svetlana was too into Martin all season, Janelle thought she was above every guy in the house, and well, who’d want to hook up with Paula? What was the last season we had where no one hooked up? I can’t remember. Austin, Vegas, New Orleans, Hawaii, San Diego, Chicago, Paris, New York….that’s the last eight seasons right there. And I know I could name at least one hookup from each of those if I had an extra thirty seconds on my hands. But I don’t. Sorry.
TWO-A-DAYS
-Another show on MTV that just started two weeks ago. It’s basically “Varsity Blues” as a reality show. Follows around the Hoover High School football team in Hoover, Alabama during last season. No way I was gonna miss this one. This show is right up my alley: high school relationships, football, cheerleaders, you know, stuff that all 31 year old heterosexual men are into right? Right? It’s just another guilty pleasure of mine. So addicting.
-The coach is straight out of the “Varsity Blues“ coach played by Jon Voigt. Always spitting, yelling and cursing at the players, telling them they suck. This was obviously done for dramatic purposes and I’m sure coach was hamming it up knowing that he had a microphone strapped to his belt. Coach, your team is one of the tops in the state. You can quit trying to pretend you’re Mr. Dictator and your leadership is why you’re so good.
-The narrator of the show is Alex, one of the defensive stars. He dates Kristin, a cheerleader. NO WAY!!!! The star football player is drilling the cheerleader? How odd? Where do they come up with such a storyline? Anyway, before the first game of the year last season, which was televised nationally by ESPN, rumors start floating around that Alex was with another girl behind Kristin’s back. Oh no! Tell us it’s not true Alex! The skank he allegedly hooked up with was Kaegan. And Kaegan painted Alex’s number on herself for the big game. This did not sit well with Kristin. Or apparently anyone else in the stands. Kristin proceeded to tell us that during the biggest game of the year on ESPN, during the game, all the talk in the stands was about Alex and if he cheated on Kristin. Kristin felt embarrassed because she knew everyone was looking at her and Alex. Ummm, whatever sweetie. Believe what you want. I’m guessing no one gave a rat’s ass who Alex was doinking on the side. All they care about is what down it is, what’s the score, and if the bottle of moonshine can last them through the whole game.
-Hoover won the opener 50-29. Although, the producers would have you believe the final was 36-29 and Max, another character they focus on, made the big play to seal the victory. But intuitive people like me who have TiVo used the super slo-mo at the end of the game when the parents were on the field, to glance in the back ground at the scoreboard. There it was: HOME: 50. VISITOR: 29. Nice try though. And oh yeah, when Alex tried to give Kristin a hug after the game, she wanted none of it. Oooooooohhhhhh, things are getting goooooooooood. How dare he make out with Kaegan.
-Whereas all the “Laguna Beach” boys have the brushed Mohawk hairdo, all the ‘billies down in ‘Bama have the same hair too. Except its just a giant mop on top of their heads that they don’t comb. Every single one of the white football players had hair down past his eyebrows. If you don’t, and you go to Hoover, they probably put you in special classes or something. Make you eat at different tables too.
-So they showed one of the groups nights out and, surprise! They all went to Applebee’s. Nothing says “fine dining cuisine” more than Applebee’s. It’s kinda funny to watch where the kids from “Laguna Beach” go on their dates, then the next show is “Two-A-Days” and everyone’s havin’ a rip roaring night out at Applebee’s. I find that funny. Anyway, on this night, Kristin is on video camera at Applebees asking friends who they’re siding with in her and Alex’s break up. What? Who does this? The funniest part was her friend Goose, who’s the funny fat kid, kind of in the Bob Guiney mold, that has always been on the outside looking in at Kristin and Alex’s relationship. He wants to get in Kristin’s pants, but she’s always been with Alex. So when she asks him on film, he pleads the fifth. He‘s not taking either person‘s side in this breakup. Translation: Kristin, now will you at least look at me? I don‘t want to say I’m on your side on camera cuz then there'll be video proof I'm c***blocking him and he'll come beat my ass.
-Later that night at the bowling alley, Goose and Kristin are flirting. And Alex is texting Kristin saying he wants to talk to her. Kristin tells Goose, “You smell good.” Uh oh. Things are heatin’ up between these two. Although Alex is the football stud, Goose apparently can really charm the pants off the ladies. Well, Kristin at least. She says he’s been there for her whenever she’s needed him. Of course he has Kristin. It’s because he’s never had a girl touch him before. The guy would sever his own testicle for you if you would just grab his hog just once. C’mon. Just once. I don’t think this love triangle is over. Great show.
CELEBRITY NEWS
-Since I last wrote, Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson have separated and the rumors started that she and Owen Wilson were together. However, this past weekend, its reported and her and Chris Robinson are trying to patch things up and the Owen thing was just a rumor. WHAT???? Chris Robinson is the ugliest human alive right now. And Kate Hudson is gorgeous. Something’s not right. Women like Kate Hudson don’t date, let alone marry, homeless guys like Chris Robinson unless there’s some blackmail involved. He must have nude photos of her or something. I refuse to believe she actually fell for him and the shopping cart he rolls around town with. When I see a woman like Kate Hudson with something like Chris Robinson, it actually gives me hope. Until I remember that he’s a musician, and no matter how repulsive looking you are, history has proven time and time again, if you can play an instrument or you can sing, then you can get ass. It’s as simple as that. Chicks just like the strung out druggie, who weighs a 110 lbs, and hasa body filled with tattoos. Makes them all horny and stuff. I don’t know. Never understood that.
-Donald Trump has fired Carolyn. She’s saying her and Donald had different views for her direction at the company. Trump said her ego took off after all the publicity from the show. I think we all know the reason Carolyn was fired. The ratings to that show stink now, so to increase interest, replacing Carolyn with his hot piece of ass daughter Ivanka made the most sense. Its basically Donald Jr. and Ivanka in the boardrooms this season. Hey, did Carolyn get to be egomaniac? Was she slacking on her job? Did she not see eye to eye with Donald? Who knows and who cares. If Ivanka wants to be in the boardroom, let Ivanka be in the boardroom. That’s what I say. I’ve got no problem with that at all. Great decision Donald.
-The VMA’s were on Thursday. That show has really lost it over the years. I remember how big of an event it used to be growing up. Now, it’s so geared towards a younger crowd, and half the people that perform I’ve never even heard of, so, I guess I’m just getting old. I used to love the VMA’s. I remembered one year when Bobby Brown performed, I taped it, and for the next two weeks, I’d watch it every day after getting home from school to practice my dance moves. And no, it didn’t get me laid. I think Bobby sang “Every Little Step”. Or that song he did for “Ghostbusters 2”. Whatever it was, it was cool. And I looked like the dorkiest white kid in the world trying to copy it.
With me being in Vegas this week for some nice R & R, there will be no column or pod cast. But I’m guessing I might have a story or a hundred from Vegas when I get back. Maybe I’ll do a whole column on my trip next week, then the week after resume with show and celebrity news. Any questions, comments, queries, criticisms, praise, thoughts on if you think I'm officially gay now having gotten a mani, pedi, and facial in the same week, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com, or just leave a comment on the website. Until next time...
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posted by reality steve at 11:03 PM
7 Comments:
Love your column; you crack me up - keep up the good work! Your biggest fan in Beverly Hills ;-)!
Love you, love you, love you! After breaking up with my boyfriend this afternoon, this was the laugh I needed...keep it up!
You used to be so funny and timely. Does anyone really watch the stupid shows you comment on? Key West? Laguna Hills? Two a Day I've never even heard of. What about Big Brother, Survivor, The Amazing Race? Hope you just aren't writing for teens now a days.
You are still every bit as funny as ever, Steve. However, I do wish you'd write more because you have such a GREAT sense of humor. and yes, people do watch the "stupid" shows you comment on. Survivor and the Amazing Race has only been on for a week. It would be hard to write about shows that aren't airing. Sheesh!
You are still every bit as funny as ever, Steve. However, I do wish you'd write more because you have such a GREAT sense of humor. and yes, people do watch the "stupid" shows you comment on. Survivor and the Amazing Race has only been on for a week. It would be hard to write about shows that aren't airing. Sheesh!
are you about ready to orgasm that the bachelor premier is less than a week away?
I hope you check the bachelor board; you have a TON of fans. Give us a shout-out over there if you ever check us out!
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