DR. REALITY STEVE IS ALREADY IN SESSION

Ask and you shall receive, I guess. Thank you to everyone who's already emailed in with your questions for our new feature at www.realitysteve.com. Keep em' coming. I'm only gonna do a few to start off with, but I've got plenty to get to eventually. Not everyone's will get answered, so don't be offended. It's just that the amount of emails is already exceeding what I thought I would get. I might have bitten off more than I could chew here. Is that the right phrase? I always get confused on that one.

Anyway, just to give people a heads up on my advice that will be given in the column. I'm about as brutally honest as they come, whether you like it or not. I'm here to advise, educate, and entertain. But I really don't plan on holding anything back. This is my time to give back to those in need. That's what I'm here for. I'm a people person. A younger Dr. Phil with more hair who isn't as annoying. So here we go....

Steve.....First of all love your column....now on to the good stuff. I am going to preface this by saying I am 56 years old. I am dating a guy that is 52, and have been for almost 6 months now and we've had no sex. NONE. He is religious, but not overtly. We went away for a weekend, he walked out of the bathroom naked and said, "I have something you want" ....and still no sex. Ok, there are a lot of PDA's and a lot of touchy feely stuff, but he takes me to the cliff and doesn't throw me off. What is going on here? He has not been married. Does this mean he is a virgin? I am so hung up on this but don't know what to do. I would never cross the line and jump on him and hump away, but on the other hand, what is a woman to do? I like him a lot, he is good to me, he's funny and we have a lot of the same interests. I just want to be thrown off the cliff.

Nancy

Nancy,

Ummm, where do I start? Let me first say I’m not too familiar with the sexual mating habits of males and females in their 50’s. I think the libido tends to regress the older you get, correct? Whatever the case, you have a problem on your hands. But you’re gonna have to help me out here. Does he know you want to have sex with him? That might be your first step. If he does, then what are the reasons he’s given you for not wanting to have it?

The whole weekend getaway thing was somewhat creepy. And disturbing. When he walks out of the bathroom naked and says, “I have something you want”, yet still didn’t close the deal, what exactly did he have that you wanted? And who does that? This is a 52 year old man? Really? I think you may be on to something if it’s even crossed your mind if he’s a virgin. If he’s a 52 year old virgin, cut your losses and get out now. You have no use for him. I’m sure you can pull something better than that.

You need to sit his puny ass down and say look, “We’re grown adults here. We’ve been dating for 6 months and haven’t had sex. Give me a reason.” Get your answer and decide what to do from there. But I think you’re not going to get an answer you’ll like. That’s embarrassing. Good luck.

I am engaged and almost 50 years old. My guy is still a horn dog. I recently lost a ton of weight and have the body of a goddess now. No kidding. The guy won't leave me alone. I understand the whole men are interested in silence, sex, food thing. Well, for my guy, it is sports on tv too. Snooze and yawn. I am interested in yoga and shopping. My question is, and don't use my first name if you put this on your web site because I gave him that link once, although he is a big horndog and I am NOT, like most women at all interested in sex other than a means to an end. (Do most guys understand this? This is true?) As we know, Christmas time is about a month away. Would it be in my best interests as far as getting good gifts to up the ante on the sex for the next month? I kind of started escalating it the past week so he isn't suspicious. Anyway, I don't want to waste my time if I don't have to.

Thanks
XXX

Mystery Woman,

I’m a little perplexed by exactly what you’re asking here. From what I can gather, your man wants to have sex all the time, you recently lost weight and look better than ever, but you don’t seem to like sex as much as he does. In fact, you pretty much look at sex as a job you’re expected to perform, rather than something you want to do. Uhhhh, that’s a problem. Especially when your horn dog guy wants it a lot. That’s not gonna be fun for either party. Let me tell you what happens when one person is into it, and the other one isn’t. Sex sucks. I’d rather knit a freakin’ sweater than have sex with someone who’s not into it. Do you not like having sex with him? And he’s gonna be your husband soon? You might want to address that before walking down the aisle.

So now you’re using sex to get better gifts at Christmas? Wow. Hey, if it works, and your man is that gullible, then why not? If you spoil him with kinky hot sex for the next month and it gets you a diamond necklace, I guess you completed your mission. His fault for falling for it. He’s the idiot. And you have jewelry to show for it. Ding! Ding! You win.

Hi Steve,

I love your column. It makes me laugh.

I have an advice question for you. I was on my death bed recently. A male "friend" drove 7 hours and literally slept by my bedside while I was in a coma. He told his mom, in tears, that he wished he had told me how he felt before the coma. He told my sister that I was so beautiful, while gazing at me, not having had even a sponge bath in a week, sporting icky, scraggly hospital hair, etc. (You get the picture.)

After I recovered, I spent about 8 hours w/ him. We never touched, kissed, etc., yet he said we were dating. A month later, he came out to visit me for the weekend, but at the end, w/ tears in his eyes (I know, you're going to call him wimpy), he told me he only wanted to be friends. Then he sent me flowers and told his mother it was the worst day of his life.

We now talk on the phone for about 7 hours/week and when I bring up the subject of girls, even from a friendship point, he changes the subject. (He is not dating anyone.)

Help! Can you comment on this one? He has us all puzzled.

J

Dear J,

Geez, and I thought I was only gonna be answering a bunch of sex questions. This is getting a little serious for me. Let’s see if I can help.

I think I’m just as puzzled as you about your “friends” recent actions. First and foremost, nice to hear you’re out of a coma. I’m guessing that was a tad scary. Now, when this guy told your mom that he wished he would’ve told you how he felt before the coma, I’m assuming he meant he should’ve told you that he loved you, or there were stronger feelings than what you had originally expected, right?

I seem to sense that you guys don’t live close to each other because you said he came to visit you a month later. Yet, he specified that he just wanted to be friends. And now clams up when you bring up girls? Other girls, or bring up the two of you together? This behavior is ridiculous actually. Ask him directly what the hell his problem is, why he acted that way when you were in a coma, and now that you’re doing better, he doesn’t seem to want much to do with you romantically.

What do you want out of him? A relationship, or just an answer to why he’s acting like such a boob? If he still avoids the question or changes the subject, I’d cut your losses. Not worth it. That’s game playing. And I’m guessing you’re still pretty fragile emotionally after coming out of a coma. You don’t need crap like that. Get the answer you want from him by asking directly what his problem is.

Keep sending any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, queries, stories, etc to steve@realitysteve.com. Keep checking back periodically for updates. I'm here to educate the masses.