LETTERS, LETTERS, AND MORE LETTERS....

The letters just keep on coming. I really appreciate all the emails received over the last couple of days. Definitely something that I’m looking forward to continuing as a regular feature. Remember, I’m here to advise, educate, and entertain. All for free. You don’t have to pay me a penny, I’m not going to tell you to go buy some book of mine (because I don’t have any), and you’ll definitely leave feeling satisfied. I hope. Now, onto the letters…..

Love the new Letter section. Good answers too and funny. That's rare. You usually get the Dear Abby kind or the completely unhelpful but funny kind. Maybe some magazine will pick up "Dear Steve". I think they have some guy in Glamour magazine so why not you. It's better than a lot of what I've seen.

I noticed the women who wrote seemed mostly middle aged this time. I'm 45 so I was wondering if that's a new audience for you. Not sure from looking at your MySpace if that's exactly the fan base you want but I can tell you that middle-aged women are very loyal. Look at Barry Manilow. Oops. Never mind. Sorry. I promise never to mention you and Barry Manilow in the same sentence again. I also promise not to send you any questions about menopause. I'm sure that's a big relief to you.

Had fun watching the finale. My husband actually watched it with me which was a novelty. He really watched it because it was in Italy. If it had been set in Detroit, I'm sure he would have found some bills that needed paying. However, while Lorenzo, Jen and Sadie are spouting their deep, meaningful and entirely nauseous "amazing" love for each other, my husband's going, "Hey check out that door. That's a nice door". "Look at that mural, I like that." "I wonder where we could get a statue like that?". Obviously not the romantic "Princely" type.

About your article on the Bachelor parents not liking the girls: Didn't Horndog Bob's Mom like Estella better than Kelly Jo? I know. It's sad that I even remember that. Anyway, will miss your articles till February. I'll try to catch the letters though. Those are good!

Maria

Maria,

See, you don’t even have to send me something regarding your own relationship, or about your sex life for your letter to get read. But Maria did mention a couple things I’d like to hit on.

Maria mentioned my audience of middle aged women that wrote letters and was surprised because based off of my MySpace page, she thought all my readers were of the younger variety. I do know this: Most of my readers are women. Why? I’m still trying to figure that out, but probably because women dominate television ratings, I’m guessing the “Bachelor” audience is about 90% women. Why would a guy watch that show religiously? I do for entertainment purposes, but if I wasn’t writing a column on it, I wouldn’t watch it. No way.

As for the Reality Steve MySpace page, it’s very deceiving. If you ask for a friend request, I’ll accept you. I never had a MySpace page before the column, so I figured if you want to be added, you’re a fan of the column. Who am I to discriminate who I should or shouldn’t add? Everyone gets added. We’re all one big happy family. But of all the people I’ve added, I only actually “know” about 8 of those people. Some of the people on my page I’ve dated, some I’ve met, and there I some I communicate with through email, but I don’t know over 90% of the people on my friends list. I do find it comical though that people seem to think because I have all these younger good looking women on my page, that I’ve bedded all of them. Funny. Ha ha…I wish. That’s why I’m not the biggest fan of MySpace. It can be VERY deceiving in both a good or bad way. My page was strictly created to bring more traffic to the website. And since most of my readers are women, I guess that’s why there are only women on my page.

I’ve never been compared to Barry Manilow before. Hmmmmm….is that a compliment? Now if you want to compare me to Neil Diamond, be my guest.

Maria’s husband, I think, is in the majority of men who watch this show. Because their wife or girlfriend wants them to. Hey, whatever can bring your relationship closer together. I’m happy Lorenzo and Jen could bring you and your husband together in front of the TV. Lovely. Maybe the show isn’t such a total train wreck after all.

And I'm trying to forget the Bob/Estella/Kelly Ho season ever existed. You should too.


Dear Reality Steve,

Thanks again for all the laughs and giggles you give us weekly.

Now on to the good stuff. I joined Match.com for one month 3 months ago, my girlfriends twisted my arm, so with that said, I thought what the heck, might as well, it seems to be the way people are meeting people these days, right? Well I place my profile up and was bombarded with e-mails daily, I could have hired a assistant to take care of all the e-mails.... (side note, my profile was closed more then it was open due to the overwhelming responses I received).

Okay so hear is my question, in the 30 days I was on match and my profile was 'open' for 7 days out of the 30, I had 6 dates, yes I was speed dating you could say- however....all 5 dates were awful/terrible, but my 6th date with a man went seemly well, we met at PF Changs for lunch and had great conversation and flirted with each others for over 2 hours. I was excited that it was going so well. Well at the end of the date, he told me... and I quote "he would like me to take my profile down, lets move forward and see where this goes, and go back to his house and F*&K". Yes those were his words. My mouth must of hit the floor. So my question to you is.. Should I join Match.com again and give it another try?

Signed,
Matchless in Washington, DC

Dear Matchless,

Well, well, well....our first Match.com story. Let me take a deep breath before answering this one.

Let's just say, there is nothing that surprises me off Match.com. Nothing. Tried it, don't like it, and wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Now, I just recently had a friend of mine get engaged from someone he met on Match.com. So can it work? I guess. But that is few and far between. Do you really want to subject yourself to a boatload of dates from creeps before MAYBE finding someone you like? Not worth it to me. Just know that you pretty much are getting what you pay for with Match.com. You'll have way more horror stories than you will success stories, I guarantee it.

So to answer your question, no. I wouldn't sign up again. If you're an attractive woman, and you put your pictures up, you are going to get bombarded with emails. So if you want to sit back and pick and choose who you'd like to date and just become a serial dater, go for it. But I honestly don't think you're gonna find guys of quality off that site. If you want attention, you want your ego stroked, and you want quantity over quality, then Match.com is for you. But let's just say I think it's crap. Have I been burned from it and am I bitter? Yes. So maybe I'm not the greatest person in the world to ask.


Dear Steve,

First I just have to congratulate you, hilarious column, absolutely hilarious. I don't actually watch "The Bachelor," but I read your column for pure entertainment.

Second, my girlfriend of three weeks and I recently went to a health club and worked out. Afterward, we both went into the hot tub there. Now, I am an extremely manly guy, so I grow a coarse facial hair (I have a five o'clock shadow by about lunch time) and a thick coat of chest hair.

Anyway, this was the first time she had ever seen my sweater, and, far from being impressed and attracted, she seemed disgusted and wouldn't let me put my arm around her. I didn't want to make a scene right in the middle of the club, but on the way home, I asked her what her problem with my chest was. Now, I was in Jamaica last summer and I met several girls, much more beautiful than my recent ex, that had no problem with my sweater. No problem at all, if you know what I mean. But she kept bitching on about how gross it was, so when I dropped her off at her apartment, I told her not to call me again. What was her problem? What kind of red-blooded, human female doesn't like chest hair?

Sincerely,
Hector

Hector,

Good for you. I would've broomed her as well. Do you really want to date someone who's put off by a physical appearance of yours? I certainly wouldn't. And if she told you to shave it to stay together, would you have? Doesn't sound like it. Someone that superficial deserves to be put in her place.

Hey, some women like chest hair. Some don't. I get that. But if she's avoiding PDA's with you because you have chest hair, just move on and forget it. Not worth your time.

Now does your "sweater" mean it extends onto your back? That might be an issue. There are women who like chest hair, but I don't think most women are turned on by back hair. Nevertheless, how you groom yourself is your choice. I'm gonna go Stuart Smalley for you here: Just keep telling yourself, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." And go tell your ex to suck it. What a beyotch.

I'm in lust with my boss. I'm a married, sex-starved 45 year old lady who can easily pass for 35. Up until a few years ago, I would even get carded on a few occasions. Anyways, the boss is a 64-year-old married Jewish man and I'm a good Catholic woman (I think). My husband has been impotent for several years now and will not seek treatment for it. He even said he
didn't care if I ran off with someone else. So I'm all by my lonesome.

My boss lives practically on the other side of the country but will come into town once in a great while as he still has business ties here and is basically wrapping up his work. How can I let him know I have the hots for him and see if he's interested? I talk to him on the phone a couple of times a day at work and we get along very well and he always praises all the work I do for him. He always seems to be in a hurry on the phone and very business like, but once in a while he'll actually ask how I'm doing. He's just really a powerful, go-getter type of guy and I really find that a
turn on.

Mary

Mary,

Never in my wildest dreams when I started this feature did I ever think people would be asking me whether or not they should cheat on their spouse. Yikes. Uhhhh.....

First off, I love how every older woman is making sure to mention how young they look. Interesting phenomenon. I'm not doubting them, I just find it interesting.

Your husband is impotent, doesn't care to get treatment for it, and says he wouldn't mind you running off with someone else? Well, didn't you just answer your own question then? It seems like you've already made up your mind to cheat on him, and you just want to know how to do it.

Before I get to that, I have a few questions. Why are you still married if this is bringing you down so much? Do you still love him? If you don't know the answer to either of these questions, then leave. You're obviously not happy. Why stay with someone who doesn't make you happy? If it's because you don't feel like going out and meeting new people and its just convenient to stay together, or maybe you're staying together because you have kids, then you're cheating yourself. Get out if you're miserable. Won't do him or you any good.

If you decide to follow through with approaching your boss, you have to be willing to accept the possible ramifications. This could backfire. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if you get fired because of it? What if he agrees to it, his wife finds out, and then you have to deal with that mess?

In your first sentence you said you were in "lust" with your boss. So that means you're just looking for a little side action when he comes into town, I assume. If you really think that possibly ruining your marriage over one night of passion is worth it, then that's your decision. Personally, I don't think it is. Despite how lonely you feel, I have a feeling you'll feel even worse if you go through with this. Figure out what in the world you want in your marriage, and if you and your husband aren't on the same page, then you need to separate. I'm sure this won't be the first time I say this to someone who writes in, but there is absolutely no point in staying with someone who doesn't make you happy.

Never dip your pen in the company ink. Wait, is that the right phrase if you're telling the woman not to sex up with a male co-worker?

Hi Steve,

Love your column, just started reading since this seasons bachelor. What a geek this guy was.

Okay to my question. I have been with my husband for almost 4 years now. Married a year and a half. He is a good man values wise. A bit of a wimp in some cases. Has been taken care of his whole life. But has and education too. He is great with the kids. My question is how do I teach him how to perform foreplay correctly on me. It has been a frustrating battle. For 4 years. Despite the fact that he really isn't the best love maker, and completely distant. If he could get it about the foreplay I may be a little happier. He isn't just getting the going down on me part but also any other gentle touching to lead up to more intense sex.

I feel really empty and have for a long time. Not just his physical way needs a little improvement but if he has a romantic or emotional side that would be a start. We are separated right now and he has no problem when he gets horny trying to be all sweet and wanting sex. But I have no desire anymore. There is no intimacy. I am going to counseling to work out some issues that would help me grow as a person. He wants nothing to do with it. Why does he want to be with me and work out our marriage if he knows how empty he makes me feel? Foreplay has become a chore and I don't even want him to do it. Its a frustrating mess. And yes, I have told him and showed him how I like it and what to do. I guess my question has turned out to be several. I could write a book. Got any good advice? Do I continue to try and be frustrated or just accept things the way they are and be lonely and empty. Or if you have any other advice I'll listen.

P.S. - I tried to make this about sex as much as I could. (saw one of your comments) lol

Jenn in Michigan

Jenn,

Great. We go from "Should I cheat on my husband?" to "Hey, how can I tell my guy to give me better oral sex?" Oh boy. I've definitely bitten off more than I can chew.

So what are your reasons for separating from your husband? Are you working on getting back together? It didn't seem like it based on you going to counseling and he wants none of it. Problem #1. You want to make it work, and he doesn't.

Initially, your question seemed to just be about oral sex and how bad he is. But then it turned into more of "well, he's not a great lover, completely distant, and no romantic or emotional side". Problem #2. So why are you with him? Doesn't sound like this is the guy for you. But similar to the last email, it seems like kids are involved, so I know that makes it tougher.

It doesn't even seem like if he somehow becomes the greatest oral sex performer in the world that would be enough for you. And in addition, you said towards the end, "I don't even want him to do it. It's become a frustrating mess", so there are too many other things he's lacking for you to be happy. Could he change that about himself? Sure he could. But it doesn't seem like he wants to. Communication once again is huge here. You need to ask him how badly he wants your marriage to stay together. And he has to show you by his actions, not his words. If he doesn't, you then have to decide whether or not you want to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of your family. Staying with someone who "isn't a great lover, completely distant, and has no romantic or emotional side" doesn't seem like someone for you. If he's not willing to try to be more receptive to your needs, it's probably time to end the marriage.

And last but not least, someone has to want to be good at oral sex. If he doesn't want to, he's never going to be good. Sorry.

Keep your questions, comments, praises, criticisms, queries, and all the other good stuff coming. I'm here to educate, advise, and entertain. Send all emails to steve@realitysteve.com.