REALITY ROUNDUP PODCAST #7
So I’m FINALLY back with “Reality Roundup” Podcast #7. You can download it by right clicking here or click on the link in the column on the right to subscribe in itunes. I know it‘s been a while, you have every right to curse me. And you have. I’ve seen the emails. Especially since I told you 2 months ago I’d be back the following week. Woops. Anyway, there are tons of things to get to - reality shows, celebrity gossip, my latest thoughts “Lost”, the season 6 trailer for “24”. Yeah, this is going to be a long podcast. It’s about 35 minutes. So I hope you’re on a treadmill listening or something. Or maybe you listen to me as you fall asleep. Uhhh, or not. Rather than re-hash two months worth of episodes to about eight different shows, I’m basically just gonna have to do a summary of what’s currently happening on the show. Just too many episodes I’ve missed up to this point. And what better place to start than Laguna Beach where our favorite band of misfit teenagers just went on spring break and are getting ready for prom.
LAGUNA BEACH
-Why don’t they just re-title this show “Laguna Orgy”? That’s essentially what this show is. Every girl has hooked up with every guy, and they just pass around partners like they pass around their joints. That was wrong of me. I should never suggest that high school teenager smoke pot. How unprofessional of me. Anyway, I read this in the New York Post recently. Apparently parents in the area are pissed about how Laguna Beach is being portrayed in the show. Here’s how the writer described the show:
“….The show, which focuses on seven new seniors each year, is a compendium of dates gone wrong, illegal drinking and shopping sprees. Witty adolescent banter relies highly on the use of the word “whatever.”
Anyone out of high school forced to watch more than an hour of “Laguna Beach” might possibly feel the urge to beat themselves about the head with a large stick….”
What is a compendium of dates gone wrong? Compendium? Do you think anybody with an interest in Laguna Beach could even spell, let alone define “compendium”? And secondly, it looks like I’m gonna beat myself to death with a stick considering I’ve seen every episode this show has ever put out. I love how this writer is shocked by the fact high school consists of bad dates, illegal drinking, and shopping sprees. Teenagers drink? Really? When did this start? And why wasn’t I notified about this? Did he think “Laguna Beach” would be about watching these kids study for their S.A.T.’s? What an idiot. Let the show be what it is. Trash. We all love it, and want to see more of it. End of story.
-How many different couples have we had to focus on this season? About fifteen? Last week’s Cabo episode was the single best episode they’ve ever had in any season. What debauchery. I loved it. So just in that episode alone, you had the Kyndra/Cameron/Tyler love triangle, Derrick and Breanna, Kelan and Lexie (and even though nothing happened it was still a story), then you had the Rocky and Alex factor. And Tessa is involved indirectly with the Derrick and Breanna hookup. Awesome. Who couldn’t like that episode?
-Let’s start with the Kyndra/Tyler/Cameron triangle. Was there a better moment this season than seeing a drunk Kyndra, telling Cameron she’s single, then giving the ol’ “C’mon let’s go”, which translated meant “C’mon, let’s go have sex”, only to be stopped by ex-boyfriend Tyler on the way out the door, who professes his love to her, tells her how much she means to him, totally c**kblocks Cameron, gets Kyndra to cry, then starts making out with her. Unbelievable. All the while Cameron standing there by himself looking at her like, “What the hell is going on here? I was just about to get laid and this douchebag moves in and I’m out?” Yeah, pretty much Cameron. But considering you’re in Cabo, and there’s about a 1,000 other drunk horny women in that bar, something tells me he got a piece that night. Of course, the next night, Tyler’s undying love for Kyndra magically disappeared down the throat of some other skank on the dance floor so he had to go find it with his tongue. While Kyndra looks on from the balcony crying and calling said girl a “slut”. I wish that episode was three hours long.
-Cameron’s little apprentice, Derrick, seems to be learning from his master. I mean, last week, he gave Tessa the “let’s just be friends line”, and this week, he’s moved on to LC’s little sister. Is it safe to assume Derrick gave Tessa the friends line because he knew he was going to Cabo the next week and she wasn’t? Just curious. I’m sure Tessa had a blast hanging out with family over spring break while everyone and their mother was down in Cabo having sex. Good times. Derrick knew exactly what he was doing, knew exactly who he wanted to hook up with, and took every step necessary to make sure that happened. Should we fault him for this? He’s following the Cameron “Rules of Playing High School Girls” book perfectly. So Derrick tongues Breanna and Breanna doesn’t care that Tessa just got dumped by him. Because Breanna and Tessa USED to be friends. Not anymore. Something to do with not being invited to a party and Rocky hogging all of Tessa’s time. You know, important stuff.
-So Kelan and Lexie had an interesting night. They’re at the bar watching Breanna and Derrick make out, and Kelan has the balls of a 4th grader, and doesn’t even make a move on Lexie. That was quite uncomfortable if you ask me. So after Derrick is done wiping saliva off his face, he’s like, “Duuuuuuuude, why didn’t you do anything? What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t kiss her?” And Kelan basically responded with, “I have no balls. I got nervous and wetted myself”, or something to that effect. Nice one, Kelan. Very slick. Lexie was there for the taking and you pussed out. Girls don’t like that. Especially Laguna girls. Don’t waste their time if you’re not gonna try and lay pipe.
-Which leaves us with Rocky and Alex’s normal relationship. I think Rocky should’ve probably gotten a clue from this goon, when she told him at dinner that she loved him and he didn’t respond. Then when she asked, “Do you love me?”, he says, “I think so.” Then in the very next episode he‘s skateboarding around with his buddy saying, “Yeah, Rocky totally got all serious on me last night. I don’t know dude.” Yeah, you‘re pretty much clueless. You the man, Alex. And very well spoken I might add. Ten word vocabularies definitely get the girls all hot and bothered. Well, last time I checked it didn’t. But what do I know?
-So last night was the big prom episode. At the time of writing this column, I hadn’t seen it yet. I don’t remember by the clips who was going with who, but I’m sure there was tons of drama. Someone will steal someone else’s date, someone will be crying (I think it was Rocky crying over Alex in the clip), and someone will probably get pregnant. That’s how proms go, right? Or is it just at Laguna Beach high where all this drama happens? You know what I’m really interested to know? Is Jessica gonna go to prom with anyone? I bet Jessica has been waiting all year to go back to prom and would say yes to Cameron in a heartbeat if he asked. You know she wants to be part of prom. I’m surprised she didn’t flunk senior year so she could stay. Something tells me Jessica will be a Laguna Beach lifer. The Kristin Cavalleri and Lauren Conrad lifestyle isn’t for her. For the next three or four years, I’m sure she’ll be hooking up with high school seniors. Good for her. At least she’s setting her goals high in life.
-In case you haven’t heard, LC is now dating Brody Jenner. Yes, that Brody Jenner who already bagged Kristin Cavalleri and Lindsay Lohan. What a life he must lead. And how must you feel if you’re LC? First Kristin gets Stephen before you, and now your sloppy seconds again to Brody Jenner. This doesn’t bother her at all? Can she not sleep with someone who’s already been inside Kristin? Is that too much to ask? Geez. There are numerous other C-list celebrities you can hook up with who haven’t been with Kristin. I think. You know what, let me check on that first. Maybe there aren’t any left. She might’ve just spread her legs for all of them.
DANCING WITH THE STARS
-And now onto one of my favorite reality shows, “Dancing with the Stars”. Outside of “American Idol”, this is consistently the most watched reality show out there. I think it’s great. I’m probably one of few straight males that actually likes it, but I think it’s great. You know my favorite part? The scoring system, which three years in, no one still seems to understand. Why isn’t this explained to us? Funny how the two top voting reality shows, “DWTS” and “American Idol”, both never really show us how the audience voted. Hmmmm….
-You know Carrie Ann Inaba was one of the initial fly girls on “In Living Color”, right? She’s hot. And she’s dating some guy from “So You Think You Can Dance” who’s about 15 years younger than her and Russian. I think we can now throw backup dancers into the category of musicians, to where, if either one of those is your main profession, you can pull any kind of tail you want. Women eat those guys up. And I have no idea why.
-I had no idea who America would kick off last night. They’re all good. I never thought America would vote for Taylor Hicks and he won, so what do I know? Hey, if they’re voting on character and personality alone, then Mario Lopez has no chance. That guy’s breaking the rules every week, he’s doinking his partner, he’s showing his ass on Nip/Tuck, he’s trying to break up Eva Longoria and Tony Parker….what a mess he is. And I haven’t even mentioned his personal life where he somehow got Ali Landry to marry him, only to dump him two weeks later when she realized the guy was bagging every hottie in Hollywood. Imagine that: This guy had Ali Landry as his wife and couldn’t keep it in his pants more than two weeks before screwing it up. How fired up do you think he was to go back to his old high school this week in Chula Vista? I mean, the high school trim he probably pulled just hanging out there for an hour would make the football captain jealous. Mario just probably stole his girl right out from under him. If Mario Lopez didn’t walk out of there with at least five phone numbers, then Zack Morris is still king. And did you see Jesse Spano in attendance on Tuesday night watch AC Slater perform? Man, if only those two could’ve re-created the magic from the Dance-off at the Max. That could’ve been Emmy award winning if you ask me.
-How many scandals has this show produced this year? Mario Lopez sleeping with his dance partner, and probably others partners too. Sara Evans finds out her husband is a dirty pig who watches porn in front of the children. Shanna Moakler’s marriage ended because her husband Travis Barker decides he wants to slide it in Paris Hilton. Then Paris and Shanna get into a fight at club over him? When two women are fighting over Travis Barker, you just know something is wrong. Oh wait. Travis Barker. Musician. Enough said. Proves my point yet again. Couldn’t we have some sort of Joey Lawrence sleeps with Blossom type scandal as well? He’s so squeaky clean, he shines.
-You know what the most UN-talked about subplot is to the show this season? What Joey’s partner is going to wear, or shall we say, what she’s NOT going to wear on a weekly basis. A normal outfit for her consists of tape on her nipples and running a string of dental floss to cover her nether regions. Jesus. Is she a stripper? Who makes her wardrobe? Good Lord, that woman’s outfits are so much more risqué than anyone else on that show, I’m shocked they show it in primetime. I bet she’s a riot in bed. Just a hunch.
-All around, one of the better reality shows out there. Look, I have no dancing background. I was never professionally trained or took classes or anything like that, and I honestly really enjoy this show. I am thoroughly entertained for all 90 minutes of that show. And for the life of me, I can’t give you one reason why. It’s addicting though, I will say that.
SURVIVOR
-Survivor’s been really interesting this season because there isn’t that one person that EVERYONE is talking about. One thing Survivor does have this season that I read, is that about six or eight of the 20 original cast members have done some acting work before. I did read that. Do they honestly expect us to believe that the casting people scour through thousands upon thousands of audition tapes to pull these people? Anytime someone from “Survivor” is from L.A., just assume they’re an out-of-work actor, they work at a bar, or some b.s. part-time job, and their headshot landed on the desk of the casting agency who brought them in. No way they continuously go through different audition tapes every season. Especially when we come to find out a lot of them are actors.
-Is there really a way to predict a winner this season? Especially now? Yul is obviously in the final four with his Immunity Idol, but who knows if his alliance with Becky and Jonathon is going to work. And by the way, Jonathon has been a character actor on quite a few TV shows and movies, so I’ve read. What about Ozzie? He’s turning into the Fireman Tom/Colby/Boston Rob dominant man of the challenges. Which is kinda odd because he weighs about a buck twenty soaking wet. Not the most menacing individual to say the least. But damn, that guy is like Mr. Nature. Climbing trees, spearing fish, cooking food, etc. Pretty soon he’s going to be dragging women around by their hair and beating on his chest saying, “Me Tarzan, you Jane.”
-I guess the one real character on the show would be Parvati. Did you know her last name is “Shallow”? Parvati Shallow. How many drugs do you think her parents took in the 60’s? Or are still doing? And Parvati is a female boxer in L.A. for those interested. Translation: Out of work actress looking to get discovered, so she boxes on the side to pay for her grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.
BREAKING BONADUCE
-I’ve mentioned this show in the past, but never really wrote about it. You think the “Bachelor”, or “Flavor of Love”, or “Laguna Beach” are train wrecks, trying watching this half hour of brilliance. Danny Bonaduce is the craziest person on television. He makes Flava Flav look like a priest. Now, they're completely different shows. Flava is looking for some ho' to get with, and Danny is married with two kids, his wife doesn’t like having sex with him, and he has anger management problems. Not the greatest mix in the world. All you need to know about the Bonaduce marriage is that they got married on the night of their first date. And have been together ever since. Despite the fact that he’s been in and out rehab, he’s an admitted steroid user, and had an admitted affair that he talked about on his radio show. Very healthy marriage. Doesn't make too much sense at all. Which makes the show so great.
-I don’t even know when the exact airing of this show is, I just have it set to TiVo all new episodes, and then I wait for it to show up in there. It’s fascinating, really. If any of you reading the column, and you’re married, and maybe you think you and your spouse have hit a rough patch, or maybe you’re not feeling loved, or maybe the kids are taking some alone time away from you two and you really don’t know what to do. I have a solution. Turn on "Breaking Bonaduce" and realize your marriage is 20 times better than these two who have been married for 15 years. I’m sure that’ll cheer you up.
-I’ve always had a fascination with other people’s relationships. I don’t know why, but I have. Maybe because I don’t have one of my own, I have to live vicariously through other people and their relationship issues. I don’t know. I don’t think that’s it because when I am in a relationship…..I’m still fascinated by other peoples relationships. Anyway, just watching Danny and his wife sitting in with their marriage counselor….I could seriously watch that stuff for hours. Maybe because I like to analyze things so much. And I like to analyze relationships more than anything. I’m a over thinker. I tend to take one small thing and analyze it like you wouldn’t believe. Just ask the last girl I dated. Drove her crazy. Hence the reason we’re probably not together anymore. Ok, I think that's enough info about me. I'll stop.
LOST
-You know, I don’t like talking too many non-reality shows or writing about them, just because people will start asking, “Well, why don’t you cover this show? Can you talk about 'Big Brother'? When are you going to cover 'Project Runway'?” I get that a lot, and, frankly, I can’t watch EVERY show out there. I need some sort of life. I think. But “Lost” is definitely one of those water cooler shows, so, I gotta throw my two cents in because I've had a little problem with the show. Until last night, I suppose.
-I’m sick and tired of all the questions this show poses, with very few answers. I think a lot of the fans are. The flashbacks seem like they’ve become nothing more than filler time. And they’re just there to re-emphasize stuff we already know. Jack is intense, Sawyer is a con man, Sun a liar, Locke is a hunter, Eko is a sinner, and Kate’s a fugitive. We get it. The flashbacks, which used to be what made the show so interesting, suddenly are the worst part of the show. So they addressed the issue of all the breaks and repeats from last season. Last night was the end of a 6 episode arc, that left us with a nice little cliffhanger. That was by far the best episode this season. So we get our break until Feb. 7th when it returns, and then we’ll get it every week, uninterrupted, until the finale. Which I think was a smart move. There are only two shows on network television that run all the way through uninterrupted with no repeats, and that’s "24", and "American Idol". "24" just started doing that two seasons ago and it’s gotten its highest ratings yet. Great move. The "Lost" producers said they didn’t want to wait til January for fear of losing their fans, so the six episode arc was just something to wet our appettite. That's acceptable.
-But something I read yesterday kind of settled me down. I read an interview with the creators of the show where they addressed a lot of the issues fans have been having. One thing they said imparticular really eased my mind, and calmed me down. This was the exact quote in relation to people asking about are we going to get answers to all these questions. Quote:
"....We are absolutely committed to giving you those answers. We know what the answers are, and we're telling them in the most creatively satisfying way for us as storytellers....."
So that makes me happy. The interview was very good, and they really answered all the concerns most people have been having. And after last night’s episode, I for one, can’t wait til it returns on Feb. 7th. Here is a link to that interview from tvguide.com in case you're interested. They really answered a lot of questions fans had, so, be happy.
http://www.tvguide.com/News-Views/Columnists/Ask-Ausiello/default.aspx
-As for the greatest show on television, "24", that returns in January. I have a very unhealthy obsession with that show. I can’t even begin to tell you about it or else you might form a different opinion about me. And, well, I want to be liked. Not laughed at. But in case you didn’t know, the trailer for season 6 is out, and I think I’ve watched it 50 times looking for clues. Just know the trailer is one of the best they’ve ever released, and for the 3rd time in six seasons, Jack begins the season looking like he hasn’t showered in months and has a beard (although, if you really want to get technical), he looked like a bum and had long hair in the Season 5 prequel that was on the Season 4 DVD, but when Season 5 actually started, he was clean shaven). Sorry to go complete geek on you there, but I’m sure some other nut of the show would’ve corrected me. Or not. Anyway, the trailer is out, it’s awesome, and we’re only about two months away from season 6 and less than a month away from the season 5 DVD.
CELEBRITY GOSSIP
-So I already put the Britney/K-Fed divorce on the website, and man, I couldn’t be happier. But there are some updates as to what went down. Apparently she did it over text message. That is awesome. How country of her. Ending a marriage over a text message might be the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. We here at Realitysteve.com are very proud to announce that we have gotten the exclusive text, right from K-Fed’s phone. Nobody else has this. My reporting team was all over this, so I commend them for it. Here is word for word exactly what Britney wrote in the text message to end her marriage:
“….I hate u. Lets knot b marrud any more. I’m gettun custody of our 2 boyz. Go away luzer. Back up danzin is for sissies. U don't git half. Ha ha. Bye :( …”
But according to sources, here’s how the divorce will break down:
- He doesn't get any of her money because of the pre-nup that was signed.
- The mansion will be divided 50/50 and is worth anywhere between 7-10 million dollars
- Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to Britney since she was the purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle she gave him for Xmas. I wonder what he got her in return? Maybe a curling iron? Bought some groceries?
- She’s gonna pay him $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning one year. So 30k x 12 mos is $360,000.
- Britney doesn't have to pay child support. And he's still responsible for the two kids with Shar Jackson.
-Remember earlier how I mentioned I have such an interest in other people’s relationships? Is it wrong of me to be thrilled due to these events? Am I going to hell because of it? God I hope not. Obviously Britney’s publicist and her people got to her in sort of a “Bailey, you’re drinking too much” intervention, and said, “Look, this douche bag is killing your career. He's a loser, he’s the laughingstock of the industry, and the more you stick up for him, the more people are going to hate you. Look at yourself. You’re over 200 lbs, you’re smoking like a chimney, you walk around barefoot everywhere….shake yourself. Get rid of this guy. Go back to being the old Britney, put out some hot videos, and let the male population drool over you again.” I think that’s how it went. In any case, you can kinda see the transition already of her going back to looking hot again. She looked much better on "Letterman" the other night. Well, better than she has at any point the last two years.
-Then recently we just had the Reese and Ryan split because of alleged infidelity. Shocking. Really. Ryan Phillippe may have tagged a co-star on some bad movie he was filming. You don’t say? I always remember one of the greatest sports quotes ever anytime a young, good looking couple splits up. Whenever a Reese Witherspoon gets cheated on, or a Brad Pitt dumps Jennifer Aniston, I will never forget what golfer Lee Trevino said once. And I’m gonna tone down the language a tad since this is a family column. He said, “Anytime you see a hot single woman walking by, just know that there was at least one guy out there, that at some point, got tired of having sex with her.” Couldn’t have said it any better Lee. Thanks for the insight.
- Doogie Howser is gay. And what a surprise? He ran to "People" magazine so they could bring their third person out of the closet in the last six months? What’s going on here? Am I missing something? Why are guys running to people magazine to tell us their gay? First there was Lance Bass “Hello World….I’m Gay" headline. Then the guy from Grey’s Anatomy who Patrick Dempsey decided to get in a fight over because the black guy called him a fag. And now Doogie. Why do I think this is going to start a trend? Who’s next? Seacrest out? Tom Cruise? I find this all very fascinating. Something tells me it won’t be long before a 4th person joins the club and goes running to "People".
-It was good to be back and on and I promise it won’t be another two months before we do this again. Next time, I would like to go back to incorporating some of your emails. Questions, comments, criticisms, praises, whatever you want, just email me at steve@realitysteve.com and maybe your email will be read on the next pod cast. Also, don’t forget the reality Steve myspace page. Which is at:
http://www.myspace.com/StevieC24
Anyone wants to put a comment on there, wants to add me as a friend, go ahead. More pictures will be going up soon, all my columns and pod casts are all on the site as well , plus, we’re looking to do a couple other things with the MySpace page in the near future, so stay tuned. Until next time...
Reality Television Show Links
LAGUNA BEACH
-Why don’t they just re-title this show “Laguna Orgy”? That’s essentially what this show is. Every girl has hooked up with every guy, and they just pass around partners like they pass around their joints. That was wrong of me. I should never suggest that high school teenager smoke pot. How unprofessional of me. Anyway, I read this in the New York Post recently. Apparently parents in the area are pissed about how Laguna Beach is being portrayed in the show. Here’s how the writer described the show:
“….The show, which focuses on seven new seniors each year, is a compendium of dates gone wrong, illegal drinking and shopping sprees. Witty adolescent banter relies highly on the use of the word “whatever.”
Anyone out of high school forced to watch more than an hour of “Laguna Beach” might possibly feel the urge to beat themselves about the head with a large stick….”
What is a compendium of dates gone wrong? Compendium? Do you think anybody with an interest in Laguna Beach could even spell, let alone define “compendium”? And secondly, it looks like I’m gonna beat myself to death with a stick considering I’ve seen every episode this show has ever put out. I love how this writer is shocked by the fact high school consists of bad dates, illegal drinking, and shopping sprees. Teenagers drink? Really? When did this start? And why wasn’t I notified about this? Did he think “Laguna Beach” would be about watching these kids study for their S.A.T.’s? What an idiot. Let the show be what it is. Trash. We all love it, and want to see more of it. End of story.
-How many different couples have we had to focus on this season? About fifteen? Last week’s Cabo episode was the single best episode they’ve ever had in any season. What debauchery. I loved it. So just in that episode alone, you had the Kyndra/Cameron/Tyler love triangle, Derrick and Breanna, Kelan and Lexie (and even though nothing happened it was still a story), then you had the Rocky and Alex factor. And Tessa is involved indirectly with the Derrick and Breanna hookup. Awesome. Who couldn’t like that episode?
-Let’s start with the Kyndra/Tyler/Cameron triangle. Was there a better moment this season than seeing a drunk Kyndra, telling Cameron she’s single, then giving the ol’ “C’mon let’s go”, which translated meant “C’mon, let’s go have sex”, only to be stopped by ex-boyfriend Tyler on the way out the door, who professes his love to her, tells her how much she means to him, totally c**kblocks Cameron, gets Kyndra to cry, then starts making out with her. Unbelievable. All the while Cameron standing there by himself looking at her like, “What the hell is going on here? I was just about to get laid and this douchebag moves in and I’m out?” Yeah, pretty much Cameron. But considering you’re in Cabo, and there’s about a 1,000 other drunk horny women in that bar, something tells me he got a piece that night. Of course, the next night, Tyler’s undying love for Kyndra magically disappeared down the throat of some other skank on the dance floor so he had to go find it with his tongue. While Kyndra looks on from the balcony crying and calling said girl a “slut”. I wish that episode was three hours long.
-Cameron’s little apprentice, Derrick, seems to be learning from his master. I mean, last week, he gave Tessa the “let’s just be friends line”, and this week, he’s moved on to LC’s little sister. Is it safe to assume Derrick gave Tessa the friends line because he knew he was going to Cabo the next week and she wasn’t? Just curious. I’m sure Tessa had a blast hanging out with family over spring break while everyone and their mother was down in Cabo having sex. Good times. Derrick knew exactly what he was doing, knew exactly who he wanted to hook up with, and took every step necessary to make sure that happened. Should we fault him for this? He’s following the Cameron “Rules of Playing High School Girls” book perfectly. So Derrick tongues Breanna and Breanna doesn’t care that Tessa just got dumped by him. Because Breanna and Tessa USED to be friends. Not anymore. Something to do with not being invited to a party and Rocky hogging all of Tessa’s time. You know, important stuff.
-So Kelan and Lexie had an interesting night. They’re at the bar watching Breanna and Derrick make out, and Kelan has the balls of a 4th grader, and doesn’t even make a move on Lexie. That was quite uncomfortable if you ask me. So after Derrick is done wiping saliva off his face, he’s like, “Duuuuuuuude, why didn’t you do anything? What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t kiss her?” And Kelan basically responded with, “I have no balls. I got nervous and wetted myself”, or something to that effect. Nice one, Kelan. Very slick. Lexie was there for the taking and you pussed out. Girls don’t like that. Especially Laguna girls. Don’t waste their time if you’re not gonna try and lay pipe.
-Which leaves us with Rocky and Alex’s normal relationship. I think Rocky should’ve probably gotten a clue from this goon, when she told him at dinner that she loved him and he didn’t respond. Then when she asked, “Do you love me?”, he says, “I think so.” Then in the very next episode he‘s skateboarding around with his buddy saying, “Yeah, Rocky totally got all serious on me last night. I don’t know dude.” Yeah, you‘re pretty much clueless. You the man, Alex. And very well spoken I might add. Ten word vocabularies definitely get the girls all hot and bothered. Well, last time I checked it didn’t. But what do I know?
-So last night was the big prom episode. At the time of writing this column, I hadn’t seen it yet. I don’t remember by the clips who was going with who, but I’m sure there was tons of drama. Someone will steal someone else’s date, someone will be crying (I think it was Rocky crying over Alex in the clip), and someone will probably get pregnant. That’s how proms go, right? Or is it just at Laguna Beach high where all this drama happens? You know what I’m really interested to know? Is Jessica gonna go to prom with anyone? I bet Jessica has been waiting all year to go back to prom and would say yes to Cameron in a heartbeat if he asked. You know she wants to be part of prom. I’m surprised she didn’t flunk senior year so she could stay. Something tells me Jessica will be a Laguna Beach lifer. The Kristin Cavalleri and Lauren Conrad lifestyle isn’t for her. For the next three or four years, I’m sure she’ll be hooking up with high school seniors. Good for her. At least she’s setting her goals high in life.
-In case you haven’t heard, LC is now dating Brody Jenner. Yes, that Brody Jenner who already bagged Kristin Cavalleri and Lindsay Lohan. What a life he must lead. And how must you feel if you’re LC? First Kristin gets Stephen before you, and now your sloppy seconds again to Brody Jenner. This doesn’t bother her at all? Can she not sleep with someone who’s already been inside Kristin? Is that too much to ask? Geez. There are numerous other C-list celebrities you can hook up with who haven’t been with Kristin. I think. You know what, let me check on that first. Maybe there aren’t any left. She might’ve just spread her legs for all of them.
DANCING WITH THE STARS
-And now onto one of my favorite reality shows, “Dancing with the Stars”. Outside of “American Idol”, this is consistently the most watched reality show out there. I think it’s great. I’m probably one of few straight males that actually likes it, but I think it’s great. You know my favorite part? The scoring system, which three years in, no one still seems to understand. Why isn’t this explained to us? Funny how the two top voting reality shows, “DWTS” and “American Idol”, both never really show us how the audience voted. Hmmmm….
-You know Carrie Ann Inaba was one of the initial fly girls on “In Living Color”, right? She’s hot. And she’s dating some guy from “So You Think You Can Dance” who’s about 15 years younger than her and Russian. I think we can now throw backup dancers into the category of musicians, to where, if either one of those is your main profession, you can pull any kind of tail you want. Women eat those guys up. And I have no idea why.
-I had no idea who America would kick off last night. They’re all good. I never thought America would vote for Taylor Hicks and he won, so what do I know? Hey, if they’re voting on character and personality alone, then Mario Lopez has no chance. That guy’s breaking the rules every week, he’s doinking his partner, he’s showing his ass on Nip/Tuck, he’s trying to break up Eva Longoria and Tony Parker….what a mess he is. And I haven’t even mentioned his personal life where he somehow got Ali Landry to marry him, only to dump him two weeks later when she realized the guy was bagging every hottie in Hollywood. Imagine that: This guy had Ali Landry as his wife and couldn’t keep it in his pants more than two weeks before screwing it up. How fired up do you think he was to go back to his old high school this week in Chula Vista? I mean, the high school trim he probably pulled just hanging out there for an hour would make the football captain jealous. Mario just probably stole his girl right out from under him. If Mario Lopez didn’t walk out of there with at least five phone numbers, then Zack Morris is still king. And did you see Jesse Spano in attendance on Tuesday night watch AC Slater perform? Man, if only those two could’ve re-created the magic from the Dance-off at the Max. That could’ve been Emmy award winning if you ask me.
-How many scandals has this show produced this year? Mario Lopez sleeping with his dance partner, and probably others partners too. Sara Evans finds out her husband is a dirty pig who watches porn in front of the children. Shanna Moakler’s marriage ended because her husband Travis Barker decides he wants to slide it in Paris Hilton. Then Paris and Shanna get into a fight at club over him? When two women are fighting over Travis Barker, you just know something is wrong. Oh wait. Travis Barker. Musician. Enough said. Proves my point yet again. Couldn’t we have some sort of Joey Lawrence sleeps with Blossom type scandal as well? He’s so squeaky clean, he shines.
-You know what the most UN-talked about subplot is to the show this season? What Joey’s partner is going to wear, or shall we say, what she’s NOT going to wear on a weekly basis. A normal outfit for her consists of tape on her nipples and running a string of dental floss to cover her nether regions. Jesus. Is she a stripper? Who makes her wardrobe? Good Lord, that woman’s outfits are so much more risqué than anyone else on that show, I’m shocked they show it in primetime. I bet she’s a riot in bed. Just a hunch.
-All around, one of the better reality shows out there. Look, I have no dancing background. I was never professionally trained or took classes or anything like that, and I honestly really enjoy this show. I am thoroughly entertained for all 90 minutes of that show. And for the life of me, I can’t give you one reason why. It’s addicting though, I will say that.
SURVIVOR
-Survivor’s been really interesting this season because there isn’t that one person that EVERYONE is talking about. One thing Survivor does have this season that I read, is that about six or eight of the 20 original cast members have done some acting work before. I did read that. Do they honestly expect us to believe that the casting people scour through thousands upon thousands of audition tapes to pull these people? Anytime someone from “Survivor” is from L.A., just assume they’re an out-of-work actor, they work at a bar, or some b.s. part-time job, and their headshot landed on the desk of the casting agency who brought them in. No way they continuously go through different audition tapes every season. Especially when we come to find out a lot of them are actors.
-Is there really a way to predict a winner this season? Especially now? Yul is obviously in the final four with his Immunity Idol, but who knows if his alliance with Becky and Jonathon is going to work. And by the way, Jonathon has been a character actor on quite a few TV shows and movies, so I’ve read. What about Ozzie? He’s turning into the Fireman Tom/Colby/Boston Rob dominant man of the challenges. Which is kinda odd because he weighs about a buck twenty soaking wet. Not the most menacing individual to say the least. But damn, that guy is like Mr. Nature. Climbing trees, spearing fish, cooking food, etc. Pretty soon he’s going to be dragging women around by their hair and beating on his chest saying, “Me Tarzan, you Jane.”
-I guess the one real character on the show would be Parvati. Did you know her last name is “Shallow”? Parvati Shallow. How many drugs do you think her parents took in the 60’s? Or are still doing? And Parvati is a female boxer in L.A. for those interested. Translation: Out of work actress looking to get discovered, so she boxes on the side to pay for her grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.
BREAKING BONADUCE
-I’ve mentioned this show in the past, but never really wrote about it. You think the “Bachelor”, or “Flavor of Love”, or “Laguna Beach” are train wrecks, trying watching this half hour of brilliance. Danny Bonaduce is the craziest person on television. He makes Flava Flav look like a priest. Now, they're completely different shows. Flava is looking for some ho' to get with, and Danny is married with two kids, his wife doesn’t like having sex with him, and he has anger management problems. Not the greatest mix in the world. All you need to know about the Bonaduce marriage is that they got married on the night of their first date. And have been together ever since. Despite the fact that he’s been in and out rehab, he’s an admitted steroid user, and had an admitted affair that he talked about on his radio show. Very healthy marriage. Doesn't make too much sense at all. Which makes the show so great.
-I don’t even know when the exact airing of this show is, I just have it set to TiVo all new episodes, and then I wait for it to show up in there. It’s fascinating, really. If any of you reading the column, and you’re married, and maybe you think you and your spouse have hit a rough patch, or maybe you’re not feeling loved, or maybe the kids are taking some alone time away from you two and you really don’t know what to do. I have a solution. Turn on "Breaking Bonaduce" and realize your marriage is 20 times better than these two who have been married for 15 years. I’m sure that’ll cheer you up.
-I’ve always had a fascination with other people’s relationships. I don’t know why, but I have. Maybe because I don’t have one of my own, I have to live vicariously through other people and their relationship issues. I don’t know. I don’t think that’s it because when I am in a relationship…..I’m still fascinated by other peoples relationships. Anyway, just watching Danny and his wife sitting in with their marriage counselor….I could seriously watch that stuff for hours. Maybe because I like to analyze things so much. And I like to analyze relationships more than anything. I’m a over thinker. I tend to take one small thing and analyze it like you wouldn’t believe. Just ask the last girl I dated. Drove her crazy. Hence the reason we’re probably not together anymore. Ok, I think that's enough info about me. I'll stop.
LOST
-You know, I don’t like talking too many non-reality shows or writing about them, just because people will start asking, “Well, why don’t you cover this show? Can you talk about 'Big Brother'? When are you going to cover 'Project Runway'?” I get that a lot, and, frankly, I can’t watch EVERY show out there. I need some sort of life. I think. But “Lost” is definitely one of those water cooler shows, so, I gotta throw my two cents in because I've had a little problem with the show. Until last night, I suppose.
-I’m sick and tired of all the questions this show poses, with very few answers. I think a lot of the fans are. The flashbacks seem like they’ve become nothing more than filler time. And they’re just there to re-emphasize stuff we already know. Jack is intense, Sawyer is a con man, Sun a liar, Locke is a hunter, Eko is a sinner, and Kate’s a fugitive. We get it. The flashbacks, which used to be what made the show so interesting, suddenly are the worst part of the show. So they addressed the issue of all the breaks and repeats from last season. Last night was the end of a 6 episode arc, that left us with a nice little cliffhanger. That was by far the best episode this season. So we get our break until Feb. 7th when it returns, and then we’ll get it every week, uninterrupted, until the finale. Which I think was a smart move. There are only two shows on network television that run all the way through uninterrupted with no repeats, and that’s "24", and "American Idol". "24" just started doing that two seasons ago and it’s gotten its highest ratings yet. Great move. The "Lost" producers said they didn’t want to wait til January for fear of losing their fans, so the six episode arc was just something to wet our appettite. That's acceptable.
-But something I read yesterday kind of settled me down. I read an interview with the creators of the show where they addressed a lot of the issues fans have been having. One thing they said imparticular really eased my mind, and calmed me down. This was the exact quote in relation to people asking about are we going to get answers to all these questions. Quote:
"....We are absolutely committed to giving you those answers. We know what the answers are, and we're telling them in the most creatively satisfying way for us as storytellers....."
So that makes me happy. The interview was very good, and they really answered all the concerns most people have been having. And after last night’s episode, I for one, can’t wait til it returns on Feb. 7th. Here is a link to that interview from tvguide.com in case you're interested. They really answered a lot of questions fans had, so, be happy.
http://www.tvguide.com/News-Views/Columnists/Ask-Ausiello/default.aspx
-As for the greatest show on television, "24", that returns in January. I have a very unhealthy obsession with that show. I can’t even begin to tell you about it or else you might form a different opinion about me. And, well, I want to be liked. Not laughed at. But in case you didn’t know, the trailer for season 6 is out, and I think I’ve watched it 50 times looking for clues. Just know the trailer is one of the best they’ve ever released, and for the 3rd time in six seasons, Jack begins the season looking like he hasn’t showered in months and has a beard (although, if you really want to get technical), he looked like a bum and had long hair in the Season 5 prequel that was on the Season 4 DVD, but when Season 5 actually started, he was clean shaven). Sorry to go complete geek on you there, but I’m sure some other nut of the show would’ve corrected me. Or not. Anyway, the trailer is out, it’s awesome, and we’re only about two months away from season 6 and less than a month away from the season 5 DVD.
CELEBRITY GOSSIP
-So I already put the Britney/K-Fed divorce on the website, and man, I couldn’t be happier. But there are some updates as to what went down. Apparently she did it over text message. That is awesome. How country of her. Ending a marriage over a text message might be the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. We here at Realitysteve.com are very proud to announce that we have gotten the exclusive text, right from K-Fed’s phone. Nobody else has this. My reporting team was all over this, so I commend them for it. Here is word for word exactly what Britney wrote in the text message to end her marriage:
“….I hate u. Lets knot b marrud any more. I’m gettun custody of our 2 boyz. Go away luzer. Back up danzin is for sissies. U don't git half. Ha ha. Bye :( …”
But according to sources, here’s how the divorce will break down:
- He doesn't get any of her money because of the pre-nup that was signed.
- The mansion will be divided 50/50 and is worth anywhere between 7-10 million dollars
- Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to Britney since she was the purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle she gave him for Xmas. I wonder what he got her in return? Maybe a curling iron? Bought some groceries?
- She’s gonna pay him $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning one year. So 30k x 12 mos is $360,000.
- Britney doesn't have to pay child support. And he's still responsible for the two kids with Shar Jackson.
-Remember earlier how I mentioned I have such an interest in other people’s relationships? Is it wrong of me to be thrilled due to these events? Am I going to hell because of it? God I hope not. Obviously Britney’s publicist and her people got to her in sort of a “Bailey, you’re drinking too much” intervention, and said, “Look, this douche bag is killing your career. He's a loser, he’s the laughingstock of the industry, and the more you stick up for him, the more people are going to hate you. Look at yourself. You’re over 200 lbs, you’re smoking like a chimney, you walk around barefoot everywhere….shake yourself. Get rid of this guy. Go back to being the old Britney, put out some hot videos, and let the male population drool over you again.” I think that’s how it went. In any case, you can kinda see the transition already of her going back to looking hot again. She looked much better on "Letterman" the other night. Well, better than she has at any point the last two years.
-Then recently we just had the Reese and Ryan split because of alleged infidelity. Shocking. Really. Ryan Phillippe may have tagged a co-star on some bad movie he was filming. You don’t say? I always remember one of the greatest sports quotes ever anytime a young, good looking couple splits up. Whenever a Reese Witherspoon gets cheated on, or a Brad Pitt dumps Jennifer Aniston, I will never forget what golfer Lee Trevino said once. And I’m gonna tone down the language a tad since this is a family column. He said, “Anytime you see a hot single woman walking by, just know that there was at least one guy out there, that at some point, got tired of having sex with her.” Couldn’t have said it any better Lee. Thanks for the insight.
- Doogie Howser is gay. And what a surprise? He ran to "People" magazine so they could bring their third person out of the closet in the last six months? What’s going on here? Am I missing something? Why are guys running to people magazine to tell us their gay? First there was Lance Bass “Hello World….I’m Gay" headline. Then the guy from Grey’s Anatomy who Patrick Dempsey decided to get in a fight over because the black guy called him a fag. And now Doogie. Why do I think this is going to start a trend? Who’s next? Seacrest out? Tom Cruise? I find this all very fascinating. Something tells me it won’t be long before a 4th person joins the club and goes running to "People".
-It was good to be back and on and I promise it won’t be another two months before we do this again. Next time, I would like to go back to incorporating some of your emails. Questions, comments, criticisms, praises, whatever you want, just email me at steve@realitysteve.com and maybe your email will be read on the next pod cast. Also, don’t forget the reality Steve myspace page. Which is at:
http://www.myspace.com/StevieC24
Anyone wants to put a comment on there, wants to add me as a friend, go ahead. More pictures will be going up soon, all my columns and pod casts are all on the site as well , plus, we’re looking to do a couple other things with the MySpace page in the near future, so stay tuned. Until next time...
Reality Television Show Links
posted by reality steve at 7:12 PM
4 Comments:
Have you ever watched The Girls Next Door? If not, you should! You said you liked shows about relationships. If you take requests, you should watch it and write about it in your next reality round-up. Thanks for the hard work you put into your columns. You really know how to make people laugh (and cheer people up after a bad day)!
Kristin Cavallari is now banging slash dating LC's ex Jason. There were pictures of them together on a couple of the gossip websites one day this week. High school never ends.
Oh and didn't LC bang Stephen before Kristin, right? She just didn't "date" him?
Hey, Steve, just read your podcast and I am glad that you like Dancing with the Stars. It's one of my fav shows -- love Emmitt!! And we were just talking about Brit and Kev and "what took her so long" and the fact that she texted the break-up to him. So funny/sad!! He's a loser times 3.
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