DR. REALITY STEVE RETURNS!

Dear Dr. Steve,

My problem won't seem like much of a problem to some people, but it's really causing me some distress. I am on my second marriage to a wonderful guy who truly is the perfect man for me. My first marriage ended after that husband proceeded to cheat on me a number of times (once with a stripper!). After years of dating disasters and finding all the wrong guys, my current husband entered my life. So, what's the problem?

Now that I am married, I am attracting the attention of more guys than I ever did when I was single! I wear my wedding ring and all of these guys know I am married. One of the guys even suggested that I call on him when I'm through with my husband. I have no intention of ever divorcing my husband - I love him so much. But the blatant flirting, sexual inuendos, and over-the-top attention is too much. I'm scared I might have a weak moment and do something I may regret. I abhore cheaters and don't want to become one. How can I avoid these situations, aside from becoming a recluse in my own home?

Sincerely,
Loving & Hating the Attention

Dear Attention,

So are you saying that you weren't getting the attention of guys in between your divorce and marrying Mr. Wonderful? Kinda weird to imagine that you went from getting zero attention whatsoever to now everyone is dropping sexual inuendos and flirting with you. It definitely could be the fact that these horndogs you're encountering are doing exactly what you women have perfected: chasing after men that are unattainable. Never really understood that fascination. You know why? Cuz' when you get him, you don't want him anymore. Sure, men are guilty of that as well, but not nearly as much as women.

And honey, just to let you know, wearing your wedding ring means absolutely nothing to men. Especially married men. You might as well have a slab of meat wrapped around your finger. Just turn on NBC's dateline "To Catch a Predator" and then tell me what you think of how married men can act.

So how can you avoid this? I'm not so sure you want to. You're a woman. C'mon, just admit you're loving this attention. The fact you even brought up the "well, what if I have a moment of weakness" line makes me think it's definitely crossed your mind. Hey, the decision is yours. If one of these douches flirting capabilities is strong enough to get you to bite, I'd reassess your marriage. But if you are able to come to your senses that this is nothing other than a case of man chasing woman, you should be fine.

You keep getting all the bad emails about dating sites. I met my fiance on Yahoo personals. We will have been together 1 year on January 13 and we are getting married on June 2. So yes, there are some success stories. Just not many I know.

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Wow! Yahoo personals? People actually use that thing? I thought it was only for teenagers and people who have already failed on Match, True, EHarmony, Craigs List, American Singles, Singles World, If You're Lonely Try Us, and Desperation is Our Middle Name. Congrats on the Yahoo personals wedding. I suggest you notify them of your success story. You might be their only one. Good luck.


Dear Love Doctor,

I've always read your reality round up-- hilarious. By the way, I went to Duke University, where Andy "Captain America" Baldwin sat in front of me in Statistics for Pre-Health Sciences. One day, he turned around and said, "You know, you're kind of hot. Like, really hot. Do people tell you that a lot?" He proceeded to copy my homework for weeks, and eventually he asked me out on a "date". Our "date" consisted of me meeting him at his PKA fraternityhouse in Wannamaker dormitory (not kidding) and watching the movie "Heat" with some of his smelly sweaty buddies. He told me I had great stomach muscles (?).

He was the creepiest dude, talking in the same monotone voice, saying the same weird staged things. He was the most awkward guy I'd ever met, I was convinced he was gay. I couldn't wait to leave. I ended up at the fraternity party down the hall, walking home with a girlfriend while making fun of Andy. That was our last date. Oh, and by the way, he did not turn away fromhis supposed Navy Seals future due to a med school scholarship. That's just an outright lie. He knew he would get a scholarship, so long as he wore a dapper white uniform on Mondays and Wednesdays, did his campus ROTC duties, and copied stats answers from naïve coeds like myself. Turns out his lawn mower business he ramped up as a fetus just didn't pay dividends.I've got to hand it to ABC-- they've managed to find the only guy on earth whose own words are actually cornier than anything the producers could possibly dream up.

Unsigned (this woman actually gave me her name, but due to confidentiality agreements between Dr. Reality Steve and his patients, she wishes to remain anonymous)

Well, I can't imagine anyone would go through the trouble of making a whole email up like that. That seems pretty real. And hell, even if it isn't, she's a great storyteller. Especially considering what we've seen from Andy through six weeks. "Heat"? Wow. What a Cassanova that guy is. Why not just rent "Faces of Death"? What a catch this guy is. I can't wait to see who actually accepts this guys proposal. Was she high during filming? Was she threatened at knife point? Maybe, just MAYBE, I could understand whoever he chooses continuing to date him. But engaged? Please.


Hi Steve,

I'm a regular reader of your "Bachelor" recaps and it makes for an interesting read every tuesday when the Bachelor is on........I have a problem that might probably seem silly to u (considering the way u tear apart those girls for even their smallest perks on the show)........I am 25.......I was in a relationship with a guy for 5 yrs, i broke up with him a while ago and now I am getting married to this guy (my parents hooked me up with him). Hez sweet, kinda religious like me, we r pretty compatible (in terms of conversation and being on the same wave length) and I'm in love with him.

But I have one problem, from my conversations with this guy, hez never been in a serious relationship and it would probably not sit well with him if i told him i'm not a virgin (at least from the country I come from, most ppl tend to wait after marraige to have sex).......I think if i tell him about my sex life, he will take it with a grain of salt and marry me anyway, but will prolly be distrustful of me for the rest of our married life and I will not get the respect of a wife (keep in mind that girls in my country r supposed to be virgins when they marry)............I know or rather have read that marriage is all about honesty and being upfront and being able to share everything with ur life partner but I think in this case, it will do more damage than if he did not know about it........my friends r giving me the crap that I should tell him about it, so now its playing on my conscience to tell him or not........what do u think I shud do?

I would really appreciate if u could answer me.
Thanx Steve.

~Ann

Dear Ann,

I can't say I'm too familiar with marriages in other countries and how they work, but if I were you, I wouldn't tell him. No need to. Especially if he actually is assuming you're a virgin. By telling him you're not, when he thinks you are, well, let's just say this wedding might not even happen. Talk about letting the air out of the balloon. Yikes. Let's just hope he doesn't read this column and figure out its you. I really never want to be responsible for a wedding not coming off. Unless it involves Jennifer Love Hewitt.

And I don't know if I have enough information to go off here, but it seems to me you should probably get to know your fiance a little bit better. How do you know he hasn't been in many serious relationships? Did you ask? If you haven't, why not? Is he a virgin? I'd be careful if he is. You need look no further than Andy. He's a virgin, and he's a mess.

And the line "I know or rather I have read that marriage is all about honesty and being upfront.....". I take it you are not from this country, but, the fact you're learning about American marriages through books is a little scary to me. Who wrote these books? Dr. Phil? Dr. Laura? Oh boy. I wouldn't want to learn about marriage through books. Audio tapes maybe. Possibly the internet. But not through books.

Steve:

Okay, I love your site, been a regular reader for a long time now. Here's a question for you to solve...

I work in a mid-sized law firm where two of the male attorneys constantly stare at my chest while talking to me. I'm not Pamela Anderson material, just a regular gal, and I am sick of them ogling. I have tried holding a file folder in front me me, crossing my arms, but sometimes I'm caught without a defense. I haven't tried the classic, lowering my head to where my chest is and waving saying, "hello?" up here, my face is up here." Is there a polite way to address this situation to put an end to the ogling without embarrassing myself or them? This is not sexual harassment, it's just a pain in the ass to have to deal with every time I see them. Oh, and there are plenty of regular male attorneys who do not ogle. I dress in typical conservative law firm attire.

Thanks!

Pam

Dear Pam,

Sorry. Can't help you. Guys look at chicks breasts. Its what we do. Its what makes us guys.

And if its not bothering you that much, and you don't consider it sexual harrassment, then what's the issue here? You just want them to stop? Why? Are you married? Are you not interested in any of them? If you say, "this is not sexual harrassment", then they must be good looking guys. Because we all know, as Chris Rock put it best, "It's only sexual harrassment if the guy is ugly". Amen brother. If the Jude Law looking guy in your office is hitting on you, usually you go along with it and dont report him. But when its the pencil pushing, paper repair guy who smells and hits on everything in the office, then its sexual harrassment.

Hi Steve,
My name is Andrea and I personally love your funny recaps!

I was referred to you by someone I won’t say, but I have a little problem with a boyfriend, they said you could help me out on this one… Is it normal for guys to drink everyday (Beer) with a child and a girlfriend? I mean when we go out he gets really wasted and has a mean attitude and gets pretty selfish, on the weekends when we are finally together as a family, he has beer all day, and all night. I mean it’s EVERY WEEKEND and mostly everyday, he has a 2nd shift job, and works pretty hard and all, but all this alcohol is a big turn off for me? Is this normal? Am I being too picky? PLEASE HELP?

Thank you for your time.

Andrea

Dear Andrea,

So is this child yours, his, or both of yours? Not that it matters. I'm just curious to see whether I should call this guy a douchebag or a captain douchebag.

I think you answered your own question, didn't you? You said alcohol is a big turn off for you. And your boyfriend drinks every weekend with you guys when you want family time. Id say that's a major problem. Are you being too picky? Ummmm, well, unless you like an alkie hanging around your kid all the time, then no.

Ever asked him why he needs to drink so much? What was his answer? If it was anything but, "I'm sorry, if it really bothers you that much, I'll stop", I'd say you have a pretty big problem on your hands. Especially with a child involved. That can't be a good thing, and I don't care how much this guy is trying to hide it, or if the child isn't old enough to understand. I'd have a sit down with this guy, tell him you don't like the drinking, and if it doesn't stop, you're done. Because if you don't tell him it doesn't bother you or for him to stop, then it's not going to. And oh yeah, you're not happy about it. Yet another reason he should stop.