We have the pleasure of being joined this week by my favorite cougar, Jayanna from â€œAge of Loveâ€. In case you havenâ€™t heard the hour long pod cast I did with Jayanna a couple months ago, check it out on the site. Itâ€™s good. This is definitely a woman who isnâ€™t afraid to speak her mind. And we here at Reality Steve appreciate honesty, insightfulness, and women who openly admit to buying toys with buttons on them. Keep reading, youâ€™ll understand. Onto the latest edition of â€œDr. Reality Steveâ€â€¦.
1) Hey Dr. Reality Steve! I LOVE this column. Keep it up! So here’s my dilemma: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. Your typical couple that makes you sick to your stomach: always kissing, always holding hands, always lovey dovey with each other (we each have pet nicknames for each other that I’m sure would even make you more sick!). Anyway, we are very happy together, both in our early 20’s, and have already discussed marriage. Here’s my only little problem (and please don’t use my real name, I feel so embarrassed asking this): He is, shall we say, not as well endowed as other men I’ve been with.
I know that sounds horrible! But it’s true. I think the sex could be better if he weren’t so….small. Does that make me a bad person that I want someone who’s bigger? I don’t know how big of an issue it is, but the fact I’m emailing a complete stranger about it makes me think it might be. Is this something I could actually bring up to him? He’d feel crushed, wouldn’t he? I don’t know what to do! Help!
Reality Steve: I really wish I could help you here, but due to my lack of knowledge in the area of small packages, Iâ€™m at a loss for words. This is completely foreign territory to me. Iâ€™ll defer to Jayanna on this one.
Jayanna: Dear Confused,
I think it’s great that you are so “sickening” in love….it’s a beautiful thing! I LOVE, LOVE!! Now regarding your dilemma, the last thing you should do (after dating this guy for 2 years) is bring to his attention that he has a small penis… “HE KNOWS HIS JUNK IS LITTLE…..TRUST ME! That conversation will crush him! If you are wanting to be with someone else because you are looking for a bigger package, I’m not so sure you are in love with him as much as you think. I have been in your shoes and all I can say is, “If you love this guy, you’ll stick with him and go invest in a nice, fat, fun dildo (with lots of buttons)!” Think about it…#1, this will add some new excitement into your relationship, #2, you get to keep the love of your life (so you say) and #3, you don’t have to risk losing this guy for some jerk with a BIG JOHNSON that treats you like crap and cheats on you! (Not that all guys with big c**ks are like that) I’m just playing the devils advocate on this one. You need to ask yourself if this boyfriend of yours is a better friend or lover. If he was “the one”, I’m sure the small problem wouldn’t be an issue….(for you that is…I personally like them big!)
Reality Steve Note: Gee Jayanna, tell us how you really feel. Iâ€™d like a little more honesty from my guest columnists.
2) Hey Steve….great column. My girlfriends and I read them to each other on a weekly basis and then come up with how we would answer them. Please continue this column once the Bachelor ends. We need something to talk about at lunch every week.
Anyway, this one is short and sweet. My girlfriends and I were discussing this and couldn’t come up with a majority answer. What’s the main reason men cheat?
All of us have been in realtionships with guys we thought would last forever, until we found out he cheated on us. I particularly, did everything for my boyfriend – cooked, cleaned, let him watch sports, etc..and then after a year, he breaks up with me (by lying to me of course), and then I find out not only did he cheat on me the last couple months of our relationship, it was with a stripper! Still makes so mad to think about that….GRRRRR!!! Anyway, why would a guy who had everything in the palm of his hand, give it up to go fool around with some trashy pole dancer? I don’t get it.
Keep up the good work.
Reality Steve: Why not just ask me “Why is the sky blue?” I don’t even know if there is an answer to this question. And if there is, even someone as omnipotent as myself doesn’t have the answer. But I sure as hell will try.
Why do guys cheat? I don’t know. Boredom? Money? Because they can? Options? I think there are a lot of factors. None of which I would really know too much about since I haven’t cheated on anyone since high school. And that shouldn’t count since every guy cheated in high school. We were walking hormones back then. If I had to guess, I’d say guys cheat for the same reason women probably do: they like someone else better. Or the person they’re with just doesn’t do it for them anymore. Those are the only two I can think of that make the most sense.
Now, let’s have a little fun with your ex-boyfriend. How’d that work out for him? I mean, strippers lead such a calm, stable lifestyle. I’m sure they’re very in love. Does she pay for dinner every once in a while with $1 bills? Does she wear her clear heels out to the nice restaurants? Does she have a Kardashian stripper pole in her place? Have you ever read the paper she wrote on the after effects of the Cold War? I’m sure it was very insightful. Strippers are smart. Just ask them. They all seem to be stripping so they can put themselves through college and get their Masters. Uh huh. Sure you are honey. Your thong has a better chance of ending up in the Smithsonian than you do.
Jayanna: Hey Alison,
WHY DO MEN CHEAT?????? There is no (one) right answer to this question. Men cheat for different reasons…as do women!! And remember, NOT ALL MEN CHEAT! Here are my answers as to why I think men cheat: Insecurity, Lack of confidence, Lack of respect for themselves & the women they’re with, Validation (to prove they can get it). Which is kind of a funny one, because the smart man could prove to himself he could get action without having to go through the motion. It’s called “catch & release”. LISTEN UP GUYS! You can reel a women in with your charm, have her eating out of the palm of your hand by the end of the night and then GO HOME TO YOUR GIRL! But I think the biggest reason of all is FEAR OF DEATH!! They need to get it while they got it! As far as your last boyfriend is concerned (the one that cheated with the stripper)…he did not appreciate you at all! He is the kind of guy that needs to be with a demanding bitch from hell. You did WAY too much for him! Don’t change who you are. Stay being the loving , caring, kind girlfriend and you will find “YOUR MAN”…and he will totally love you and appreciate you!
Reality Steve Note: I like this Jayanna woman. Sheâ€™s goinâ€™ places.
3) Hey Steve…..I’m a 34 year old married woman that looks Iike I could pass for my mid 20’s (so I’ve been told). My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for the last 2. I work in an office of mostly men in their mid 20’s, a lot of them are extremely good looking guys, and even though know I’m married, are constantly hitting on me. One even told me specifically last week, “I bet your husband doesn’t appreciate what he has.” That was really nice to hear, and the guys at work constantly are complimenting me, and treating me to lunch.
All this flattery sometimes makes me want to stray. I don’t think I ever will because I love my husband very much, but in all honesty, these guys are better looking than my husband (I can admit it). So I guess my question is, do you think this is just me liking all the attention, or deep down, maybe do I want to be with someone else? I don’t think I do, but when I hear what these guys say to me, it’s really flattering and I kinda like it. Or are these guys just feeding me lines? Thanks for your help.
Reality Steve: Donna, I feel your pain. I know. What are we to do when beautiful people such as ourselves are constantly looked at as pieces of meat by the opposite sex? Can’t we just be loved for our minds? It sucks being so damn perfect.
I’m sure if you’re in an office with a bunch of horny, mid 20’s sales guys, and you’re one of the few attractive women, then yes, you are going to get hit on. A lot. Whether or not it’s warranted is up for debate. And that’s no knock on your looks since I don’t know you at all, but when all the guys in office are horny, and there’s only one decent looking female, her looks get enhanced to the 100th degree. It’s kind of like the beer goggles analogy, only without the alcohol. If that makes any sense. Basically, you’re their only option at this point and they’re with you for most of their day. And the fact that you’re married, gives them an even bigger challenge. Because you’re unattainable, it makes them
want you more.
If I were you, I’d tease them to death. Flirt with all of them. Even hint that you’re not happy with your husband, and the thought of leaving him has crossed your mind more than once. Then after a while, start focusing in one guy, pay more attention to him, maybe even have lunch with him. Then when he thinks he’s got you and starts to make his move, act completely surprised, tell him he must have taken your signals the wrong way, and that you have no intention of ever getting with or anyone else because you’re married. His ego will be shot down, every one in the office will think you’re a giant tease, and they’ll leave you alone. Then go file a sexual harrassment suit, get millions of bucks, and leave the company with a big smile on your face. Problem solved.
Jayanna: Hi Donna,
I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU!!!! You are going to be just fine!!! Don’t you know that those hot little “boy toy” hotties in your office are in their prime?? And guess what….SO ARE YOU!!!! I do not believe that they are feeding you lines when they compliment you. I’m sure they want to pull you in the janitors closet and do all sorts of naughty things to you…but who wouldn’t? You sound hot! My suggestion, take it all in while you still got it girl! Drive those boys crazy….they will love you even more, and respect you especially if you do not stray from your man. Because trust me, you will probably be disappointed in the end. Your husband loves you and he knows exactly what he has….that’s why he married you!! PS: Can you e-mail me some pics of those cute young boys? They sound yummy!
Reality Steve Note: I donâ€™t know if Jayannaâ€™s boyfriend would like her being sent pictures of yummy 20 year olds. But maybe they have an open relationship, who knows? If they do, Iâ€™d like to suggest a yummy 32 year old for her.
4) Help me Dr. Reality Steve, you’re my only hope. I hoped you liked my Princess Leia reference.
I have a best friend of mine (a female), who wants me to set her up with one of my best friends, who’s a guy. I’ve known him, let’s call him “Dan”, for 8 years now, and we’ve done a lot together. We tried dating about 6 years ago and it didn’t work, but grew very close after that. I’ve set him up with a couple of my friends before, but nothing ever came of it. Well, just recently, “Dan” seems to be paying even more attention to me and is even throwing compliments my way when we go out like “You look really nice” and “I can’t believe you’re still single”, stuff he’s NEVER said before.
So with that said, it’s made me feel that maybe “Dan” and I should try something again since we’re a little older and more mature now. But with my friend begging me to set her up with him, am I being selfish? I just know she’s gonna say, “You haven’t liked him like that for 6 years and now all the sudden you want him?” So I don’t really know what to do? Should I just put my feelings aside, since I really don’t know what his feelings are, and set him up with my friend? Or, should I talk to him about us maybe trying something, and not bring up my friend?
I love your column by the way. Your answers are hilarious! I hope you actually have to good advice for me though! Ha
Reality Steve: Julie, Iâ€™d keep him for yourself. He obviously wants you. Why? Because he compliments you. Guys donâ€™t compliment chicks they donâ€™t have an interest in. Or, at least want to get sex from.
The bigger issue here is your friend. Why does she have to have â€œDanâ€? Isnâ€™t there any other guy out there for her? How long have you been friends with her? You might want to question your friends loyalty to you. It could be a case of her wanting what she canâ€™t have. Maybe she sees â€œDanâ€ likes you and just wants to butt in because she doesnâ€™t want to see you with him for whatever reason. I say get with â€œDanâ€, then tell her all the details and see her reaction. If sheâ€™s happy for you, or at least acts happy, then no one gets hurt. But if she gets mad at you, then she wasnâ€™t a real friend to begin with. Sometimes you just gotta be selfish. Especially when it includes you getting some. â€œJulie and Dan sittin in a treeâ€¦..â€
Jayanna: Julie! Julie! Julie!â€¦What the hell are you thinking!? Put “your” feelings aside? Are you kidding me? Dump your friend off a bridge and tell her to go find her own man! OK, that’s a little harsh. Maybe you should set her up with your brother or something! Anyways, Dan is yours! It sounds like the feelings between you and him are mutual and now the timing just might be right for you both. Think “JULIE FIRST”. The reason nothing has worked out with your other friends dating him is because he wasn’t into them. If you put another girlfriend in front of him, you might as well tell him to go take a hike! It sounds like he wants to see “your” interest in him. So, go get him and fill us in with the juicy details!
Thanks again to Jayanna for helping us out this week. Hope you guys enjoyed it. I know I did. I think sheâ€™s a keeper. Keep the emails coming to firstname.lastname@example.org. Next week, our guest columnist is someone who let go by Brad this season. Iâ€™ll give you a hint: Naaaahhhh, youâ€™ll have to wait. Tell your friends. Tell your friendsâ€™ friends. And guys, tell your mistresses. See ya next weekâ€¦.