Dr. Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve 10/23/07

Joining us this week here on “Dr. Reality Steve” is Michele Leavy from this season of the “Bachelor”. She had the unfortunate pleasure of being only the 2nd women in Bachelor history besides Bevin to have the paramedics come and cater to her during the show. Why, you ask? Well, I’ll let her explain, and then on to this weeks questions…..

Hi all!! It is Michele Leavy a.k.a. Jersey Girl here from Season Eleven’s The Bachelor. Yes it is me, Michele, not Michael, but Michele. So let’s make that clear (with a smile). I was so excited that Steve asked me to be a guest columnist for this week that I jumped, not fell, but jumped at the idea.

On that note, my big fall; I want to clear a few things up. On the day in question, the girls and I were out by the pool. At one point I mentioned to Lindsey I could not get stung by a bee because I’m allergic. Low and behold, I jinxed myself. Just about a half-hour later I got stung by a bee right by my crotch…ha-ha I know what a place to get stung. I quickly became dizzy and nauseous, so I just grabbed my towel and went to my room to lie down. Lindsey told the producers that I was allergic so they called in the doctor on hand. I was freezing cold and shaking. The spot were I got stung was swelling up a bit (kind of gross if you think about where I got stung.) After about half-hour, I didn’t want the girls to think I was playing up my so-called injury, so I “attempted” to go downstairs. I don’t remember much other than I was at the top of the stairs with Lindsey and then I was at the bottom of the stairs.

I woke up to screaming and everyone around me including a camera in my face. I knew it was serious because I was having difficulty breathing. The paramedics were called and I was placed on stretcher with a neck brace and they took me to the hospital. I was hospitalized and in extreme pain. In the end, I had a concussion and bruised all my ribs. I was prescribed Vicodin and was not allowed to go on the Malibu date to my dismay. We all know what happened after that. I was sent packing…and crying. Boy was I crying. I have never cried over a guy, not even over my ex-boyfriend of four years, but then here I was crying on national TV over a guy that I only met four days earlier. Gee, I guess it was the Vicodin talking. I am better now though it did take 6 weeks and lots of Vicodin.
I hope you enjoy my responses.

P.S. The stripes are gone…

1) Dear Dr. Reality Steve,

I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of two years. Now, a few months after the break-up, one of his friends is expressing interest in me. We went to dinner once and had a good time. However, the next night he invited me to an annual event held by one of his friends. Well, last year I attended with my ex. So I don’t really want to be “that girl” that goes one year with one guy and the next year with another. That just seems kind of shady (and somewhat incestual), so I rambled something to him about not thinking I’d be comfortable going. But I realize now that I didn’t really explain my reasoning very well, and it’s been nearly a week and he hasn’t called again.

Another issue with this guy is that, although he’s been nothing but sweet to me for the two years I’ve known him, he could be considered a “career criminal.” His record shows no indication of violence, but I just don’t know if I could be with someone with his background. Therefore, regardless of his friendship with my ex, I don’t feel we’d have long-term potential. By the way, he knows that I know he’s been in prison (he did a stint last year), but he doesn’t know that I’ve seen his laundry list of felonies & misdemeanors.

What do you think, Dr. Reality Steve? Should I throw caution to the wind and give this guy a chance?

Sincerely,

“Not That Girl”

Reality Steve: I think you’re being a little too hard on yourself. Criminals are great guys. I think everyone should date criminals. You’ll rarely have any drama in your relationship, I’m sure there isn’t anything he’d ever hide from you, and most definitely, everyone will look at you two as America’s Happiest Couple.

You stated in your email that you thought there was no long term potential, so it seems like you’ve already pretty much made up your mind on your feelings about dating Mr. Ex-Con. The fact that he’s your ex’s best friend, as I stated in an email last week, is never really a good idea. And going to the same event, back to back years, with two different guys who are friends, yeah, I could see where people might look at you a tad differently. Like maybe you were the town slut. Good idea not going.

All in all, it seems like you should just separate yourself from the situation. Sounds like the criminal has blown you off since you blew him off, so I guess there’s not much to worry about. If you find yourself thinking, “Well, maybe I was a little harsh and should’ve given the career criminal a chance to make babies with me”, then I’d just leave it at that – a thought. Yes, everyone deserves 2nd chances in this world, and you can’t judge a book by its cover, but a leopard never changes his spots, and once a criminal, always a criminal, and I’ve completely run out of cliches to use. But you get the point. There are plenty of other great single men out there to choose from. Hey, have you tried online dating? I heard that thing works wonders.

Michele: Dear “Not That Girl”,

First of all, he is a criminal. Why would you ever date a criminal? There are many amazing men out there that hanging out with a criminal is just plain silly. So here is your answer- DO NOT date him anymore. Besides I think that you already knew the answer to your own question.
In response to the “That Girl” factor- to be honest with you, I would NEVER want to be “That Girl”. It may be just me but how people view me is extremely important, sometimes too much. Dating for the past 15 years, I have never dated a guy from the same town, nor have I ever dated someone’s friend that I have previously dated. Then again, my view is a bit too strict for you. Some people may say who cares about how others think of you and just go with what makes you happy. Truthfully I would not date one of my ex-boyfriends friends not matter who dumped who or why the relationship ended. I would stay away from creating a messy situation.

So move on.

Reality Steve Note: Michele’s never dated someone from the same town? Really? That’s odd. Maybe it’s an East Coast thing. I’ve never really heard of someone doing that. Or maybe I just read that wrong.

2) Hi Dr. Steve!

A friend of mine (female) is 23 years old and has never had a boyfriend, never gone on a date and has never been kissed. She’s a fantastic girl, smart, funny, cute (although a bit overweight, still has the great curves) and just generally a great person.

She really would like to date someone, but she’s too shy to go out there and meet new people. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help her with this situation? Thanks!

-A Good Friend

Dear Good Friend….I think you should start hanging around hotter women. I’m kidding. I really think this is more of a girl question. Guys don’t have this problem. I don’t have a guy friend who’s lonely and can’t get a date and asks me for advice. Not saying that all my guy friends are male models, because they’re not, I’m just saying that most of them are married, and even if they weren’t, they’d never ask me what they could do to increase their social life. And keep reading. Michele’s answer is excellent.

Michele: Dear A Good Friend,

Wow, this one stumped me. I have been thinking about how to respond for days. It seems so easy but in all actuality it is a bit tough. So what do I say and how do I start? Well first, tell your friend how amazing she is and how much you respect her. Then ask her to write down what makes her special/unique from the other girls. On the other side of the paper have her write down a few things that she feels she can improve about herself, physically and personally. (Don’t have her write too many, you don’t want to make her depressed.)

After all of the writing, have her reflect. Make her repeat three times out loud the three best qualities she has and ask her to try to change or improve the one quality she feels she should change. Over the next few days, help her and remind her how wonderful she is. Help her with her hair and makeup. Maybe go shopping together and pick out a cute/sexy but not too over the top outfit. Maybe a hot new pair of fitted dark jeans and a sexy v-neck little black sweater. Two very classic pieces that I love to wear out. Buy a new pair of black boots, ones that she can wear under the jeans or if she feels like a rock star can wear over her jeans for that edgier look. Have her buy some new jewelry, either a great necklace or a funky pair of earrings. Lastly pick up the new line of MAC cosmetics. (FYI- If she wants, the makeup artist can do her make up a few hours before the two of you go out. This way she will really look beautiful.) Make plans to go out now that she is a new woman. Help your friend with her hair. Make her wear it up with a messy do then later in the night she can take down to show her sexier side. I suggest a sporting event (my favorite-hockey). I find that sporting events is a good way to grab a guy’s attention.

Now remember, you will need to do a little research before attending the big game. Read up on one player’s stats, what his position is, his number, etc you get my point. While at game make sure your friend sits next to someone of the opposite sex. Even if he may not be her type of guy, this will still work. Have her scream/get excited over a play/player. This will impress the guy next her. It will then be easier to start up a conversation. Then she can ask his opinion on the team, her player and his thoughts about the game. This will make the guy feel important and as if she really cares what he thinks. She can then explain she does not come to events often and may need a little explaining on certain aspects of the game. Again this will make him feel important. If they hit it off, she may be invited to another game. After the game, I suggest going to the local bar nearby. This is where all the real fans go. When the two of you arrive, make her point out the one guy that she wants to talk to. Then she can go up to him and ask him if he was just at the game. This is an easy way to start up a conversation. I hope after all of this she can handle talking to him and is able to hold her own. If all else fails, as a good friend, you can make yourself look stupid so she looks better…also tell her to keep repeating the three great things about herself in her head. Oh and tell her to smile a lot, occasionally touch his arm and laughing- one more thing…tell her to wear the perfume Body by Victoria Secret just behind her ears so when they are whispering he can smell her…

Well if all else fails, have her hang out with me. I will make her dance center stage so that Brad, oops, I mean the man she is interested in, falls for her, while I am left sitting on the couch alone. Hehe…just kidding.

Reality Steve Note: Gee, you think Michele has ever had to do this before for a friend? Man, that thing couldn’t have been any more detailed if she tried. Did really just make that up as a suggestion? No way. And I think it’s genius that women put perfume behind their ears, so when guys lean in at a bar to talk to them, they can smell her. Maybe I’m just a complete idiot, but, not until I read Michele’s answer did I know women did that. I just thought I was smelling whatever they had sprayed or rubbed on them that night. Behind the ears? That’s genius. I guess that means I should spray some of my Bvlgari Black on my….forget it.

3) Dearest Dr. Reality Steve,

I’m in a major pickle right now. I’m currently having an affair with a married man. He’s 36, I’m 28. He’s been married for 3 or 4 years to his wife who’s around his age. The affair has been going on for the last 9 months. I really don’t know what I want out of the whole thing. We haven’t even discussed him leaving his wife, and we both seem content on just keeping this between us. I get confused – sometimes I want him to leave, and sometimes I don’t. But believe it or not, the situation is not making me miserable. I kind of enjoy the way things are going. I still date other guys, but he’s pretty much my “fall back” guy.

One problem: I work with both of them. He’s my manager, and she’s his secretary. I know that sounds horrible, but, it’s just the way it is. As far as I know, his wife doesn’t suspect a thing. The three of us have even been out to lunch together on a few occasions. Yeah, it’s awkward, but I’m surprised they’re even together. They don’t even act like their married.

I know what I’m doing is wrong, intruding on someone else’s marriage, but he doesn’t seem happy with her anyway. Should I just end this now before things get worse? Seems like an easy question to answer, but I’m really torn! Please help.

Anonymous

Reality Steve: I really hope for Anonymous’ sake that her boss and his wife aren’t Reality Steve fans. Holy sh**. You’ve lunched with them before? Do you go shopping with his wife and do each others hair too? Why not just invite them over for Christmas while you’re at it?

Obviously, having an affair with a married man is wrong. It’s even more wrong when you work with him and his wife. The lunch thing just takes this problem into a whole other stratosphere. I can’t believe you’re actually ok with this. I mean really, do you get enjoyment out of this affair? It almost sounds like you wouldn’t even mind if his wife found out. Maybe because then you’d get some finality out of the whole thing. Either she’d end up leaving him and you could have him to yourself, or your affair will end.

I get that people like a challenge, and you always want what you can’t have, but the line has got to be drawn somewhere. And by no means am I pinning all the blame on her, it’s just as much on the douche bag husband than it is on her. Why is he even still married then? What’s the point? I’m guessing probably because kids are involved, but, deep down, I want this guy to get caught. I think it would be better for all parties if someone exposed this whole thing. And then the husband will be either be without a secretary, or the mistress will be looking for another job.

Michele: Dear Anonymous,

First things first, what you are doing is wrong. Of course what he is doing is wrong too but you know better than that. As a woman I would think that you would not do what you are doing to another woman. It is just down right awful. You would never want some woman doing that to you. You have got to think about being in her shoes. Obviously the man is not happy with his wife because if he was he would certainly not be cheating. And come on, he will never leave his wife for you…and if he does would you ever be able to trust him?

You are probably happy playing the field, not getting too emotionally attached and liking the on-off attention, not having to be smothered by someone yet still feeling wanted and adored. I get it; I think we all get it. There are plenty of men out there that are single and available and share the same views as you do. Leave this married guy by the wayside. You can do better and deserve better. Meet someone new, talk to him. You can be in charge of the relationship. You can set the standards and take lead. You can call him when you want, you can make the terms of when you see each other. You can be a “guy”. Try it out. Try being a “guy” in the relationship. Most importantly talk to him. The key is open communication. You do not want to hurt someone or lead them on so be honest with your feeling and where you stand. Who knows your new “fall back guy” may turn into your “prince charming”.

Good Luck!

Reality Steve Note: So Michele likes being the guy in the relationship? I knew there was a reason I liked her.

4) Hello Dr. Reality Steve! I just started dating a guy three months ago that I met through a friend, and things have been great. The only problem is (if you can call this a problem), is we have sex ALL THE TIME!!! I don’t mind it at all, but, I’m not sure if I’m liking him because I’m liking the sex, or if I actually do like the guy. I mean, I don’t want to tell him to slow down because I want it just as much as him. But if it just keeps up at this pace, I’m not sure if this is just a lusty, physical attraction thing or not. What’s the easiest way to tell someone you’re seeing you’d like less sex without hurting their feelings?

Amy

Reality Steve: Amy, for the sake of all that is good, never tell your man you want less sex. No matter how you phrase it, it won’t turn out good in the long run. Yeah, probably this relationship is doomed already since it seems like it’s nothing more than physical lust, so you need to decide if that’s what you want. I’d either end it completely, or just keep doing what you’re doing. There’s no middle ground on this one.

You see, you even admitted that you want it as much as he does. And you’re hesitant to tell him to slow down because you already fear he might take it the wrong way. My diagnosis is you guys are just two little horn dogs who like having sex and the relationship will ultimately fail. But it doesn’t mean it has to fail right now. That’s up to you. Telling him you’re cutting him off will probably send him to someone else. And I get the sense that you’re in need of sex at all times, with no strings attached. Hey, is there another one of you around the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex? Just wondering. You know, for a friend of mine.

Michele: Dear Amy,

I think you should have waited to have sex with him until after you realized if you liked him or not. In my opinion, I think if you wait four months and he is still around then he obviously likes you and you like him then you both could take it to the next level and become intimate. However it is a little too late in this case.
So for now, I suggest making plans to do things out of the bedroom. Go to dinner, go to the movies, and go to a sporting event. (Ha-ha.) Make plans to go out with other people so that you are not just alone at home on the couch or in the bedroom. Have a romantic evening out on the town and make him treat you like Cinderella. Talk more, express your interests and make plans to do something totally crazy and off the wall. Make plans to do something that you would never do but because he is there to support you it would be great for you to both experience it together. For instance, go white water rafting or do something that takes support and encouragement. If he is there for you then you know he is a keeper. If he helps you through climbing a small mountain or takes dance lessons with you, he is there supporting you and obviously cares about you. Try getting to know him better- get in his head…understand him…trust him and love him. Then the sex will be even more amazing…the sex may turn into LOVE.

Reality Steve Note: I love the way women and men think. Michele and I couldn’t have been on more opposite ends of the spectrum on this. She’s talking about love, and understanding, and trusting, and loving, and I’m telling her to either crank up the sex more or get out. Awesome. That’s why having a guest female columnist is a brilliant idea. I deserve a pat on the back for this one.

5) Best column EVER!!!!! We love it over here at the office. I hope someday it ends up in a magazine.

Here is my question: I’m a 25 year single girl in New York City that likes to date. I probably go out 2-3 times a week with different guys. Some are good, some are bad, some are great. What keeps happening though is I seem to be attracting really sleazy guys that are constantly staring at my chest during dinner. I know guys like boobs, and if you have them, you’re gonna get looked at. But it gets uncomfortable at times. And it seems like the guys that I really like are the most guilty ones. The guys who I’m not into as much are the ones that look the least. Is this normal? Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive about it, but, I find myself looking at them to see if they’re looking at my chest all the time now. And I’ve been caught not paying attention to what they’re saying a couple times.

Should I just start wearing less revealing clothing, or, just weed out all the pervs?

Thanks so much. Can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

Leslie

Reality Steve: Leslie, I don’t have breasts, so I have no idea what it’s like to own a pair, but I’m guessing its pretty damn cool. You get a lot of attention, they look good, and if they’re big enough, you’ll even get attention from guys that normally wouldn’t give you the time of day. Why? Cuz’ guys are pigs, that’s why.

Breasts fascinate me. And I’m not talking about size because I could care less how big or small they are, but I’m just talking about how guys act around them. Leslies email is a perfect example. Some guys can’t stop staring, and some guys only stare when she’s not looking. Trust me Leslie, the guys who you don’t think stare are staring. You just haven’t caught them yet. It’s almost like a natural reaction for a guy. Don’t be offended. It’s something that’s been going on since the beginning of time and will continue to go on for centuries to come. Just don’t be naïve enough to think that there are ones out there who aren’t interested in how big your chest is.

So please, for all your dates sake, don’t wear more clothing. That’ll do them no good. Studies have shown that men’s interest in women is in direct correlation to their interest in her breasts. This study was conducted in my apartment by the way. So keep dating, wear what you feel comfortable in, and eventually you’ll find one guy who doesn’t pay any attention to them, and not only will he become your best gay friend, you’ll find yourself asking, “Why isn’t he looking at my breasts?”

Michele: Dear Leslie,

You sound a lot like me. First off, I think it is great that you can go out and have the confidence to date. Good for you. Live it up. Second, we all know that guys can either be totally sleaze balls or perfect gentleman but until we find our true love, we got to go through them all. I do not think wearing a low cut shirt is going to make a man stare. They will stare anyway even if you are wearing a snow suit. If they are nice gentleman the only place they will be staring is into your eyes. It is all of the jerks and idiots that stare at your boobs. The even bigger idiots are those that talk about your boobs on the radio. Sorry I just went off track…umm…you know who you are- and yes you are an idiot.

Okay so back to you. If you feel that you are wearing clothes that are too revealing, then yes, maybe you should cover up a bit. Really though it is all about you and your confidence. Clearly you do not want your boobs on display if you are at a 5 star restaurant but a little cleavage never hurt anyone. Good luck and don’t over think…boys will be boys.

Reality Steve Note: You mean an FM DJ was talking about a Michele’s breasts on air? No way! DJ’s never do that. Was he doing it in his cheesy, puking, DJ voice too? What a douche. Michele, I wouldn’t let it bother you. If he’s talking about them, take it as a compliment since they obviously made an impression on him. I think they made an impression on all of us. And that’s a good thing.

Thanks again to Michele for helping us out this week. She will definitely be back for a return appearance on Dr. Reality Steve in the future. Keep sending your emails in to steve@realitysteve.com as next week, we’ll be joined by Amanda from last season of the Bachelor. Yet another one of Andy’s ex’s. You may not remember Amanda, and frankly, I didn’t write much about her when I went back and checked, but just know she can’t wait to answer your emails. Should be a good time. See you all next week….

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