-Dr. Reality Steve is joined this week by Amanda from last season of the “Bachelor”. Now, some of you may not remember her and are asking, “Which one was she?” I will have you know that Amanda did nothing memorable during her three episode stint on the show, and she’ll have it no other way. Didn’t get piss drunk and start cursing like a sailor, she didn’t cry uncontrollably when dumped, nor did she start any cat fights. So it’s safe to say she’s probably one of the most normal ones who appeared on the show. Which makes me even question why she did it in the first place. Normal people don’t do the “Bachelor”. Its for wannabe actresses or models, or self absorbed women. Hell, I even went back to my first three columns from last season to see if I even said anything about her, and all I found was one paragraph. Good for her. Hats off to Amanda. Hope you enjoyâ€¦.
1) Dear Dr. Steve
I have a problem: I hate both of my brother’s girlfriends. And the Holidays are coming.
My brother in law just recently got unengaged after being engaged (he’s just 21) and brought his rebound girlfriend on a recent family trip. She was a disaster. She tried really hard to be nice to everyone and nobody liked her. We all thought she was trashy and rude. She called my aunt and uncle names and complained when my brother in law spent time with me instead of her. I have not received confirmation that they’ve officially broken up and I’m terrified of her being there to ruin our Hanukkah.
My brother’s girlfriend is a little better but not much. She’s controlling and manipulative and treats my brother like dirt. I get that they used to be good friends once, but being angry with someone because they didn’t say good night to you after a 4 hour phone call which ended at 3 am, the night after your grandpa died is not ok! I’m trying to extend the olive branch with an invite to a football game but she says she doesn’t like football. Who doesn’t like football!?!?
I need some coping/sabotaging skills quick.
Thanks for your help,
Reality Steve: I’d pull your brother-in-laws rebound girlfriend aside at the next family function, and pummel her into submission. That’ll teach her for calling your aunts and uncles names. Or if you want to be a little less subtle than an ass kicking, I’d just embarrass her and degrade her in front of everyone else. She seems to have no problem doing it to your family, so maybe you should return the favor and see how she likes it. And when she doesn’t, she’ll want out of the family altogether, and your bro-in-law can go find a new trashy, rude rebound girlfriend.
And if you’re bro-in-law recently just got un-engaged, and not only got himself a rebound girlfriend, but brought her on a family trip, then yeah, he’s trying way too hard to replace his ex-fiance. Family trips are for someone you’ve been seeing for more than 6 to 9 months in my opinion. You didn’t specify how long they were dating, but it seems like that was the first time you met her (or one of the first times), so I don’t think they’d been seeing each other that long. So I don’t think you have to worry about that relationship lasting long. Either she’ll get the hint you all hate her, or she’ll realize he’s only using her as a defense mechanism for his broken off engagement, and she’ll leave. You should be all right.
Now your brothers girlfriend, whoa. A four hour phone call and she gets upset because he didn’t say goodnight? It’s in situations like these where I usually refer back to an old phrase that I used to throw around in college quite a bit. It’s called “D.T.B.” for short. Dump The B**ch. Plain and simple. If she’s making his life miserable over something stupid like that, I can only imagine what she’s like when he leaves the toilet seat up. Or the dishes pile up in the sink. Or he doesn’t make his bed. Please. I don’t know their situation at all, but pass along that he needs to get out of that as soon as he can or else we’re looking at a â€œSleeping with the Enemy” situation with your brother playing the role of Julia Roberts.
As for you and what you can do, I see one of two options. Tell each of them in private that you don’t really approve of each girl that they’re dating, but you respect their judgment and you’re gonna give it more time because maybe it was that time of the month when you met each girl. Or just stay out of everything completely, watch both relationships fail, and just say “I told you so” in the end. If you think these women have legitimate shots at someday becoming members of your family, I’d go with option #1 and let your feelings known. If not, just lay back and watch both relationships fall apart on their own.
It sounds like you are at least trying to be nice to these girls even though you don’t care for them. That’s good and that’s pretty much all you can do. What I like to do when people are being rude to me or my friends for no reason, is be extra super sugary sweet to them (over the top so they know it’s sarcastic) and it annoys the heck out of them. Sometimes it makes them realize what a jerk they are being. I tried this tactic in the Bachelorette house! haha (just kidding) You need to remember that although your opinion of the girlfriends does not agree with your brothers’, it is ultimately their decision who they want to be with and you need to be supportive as much as possible while still letting them know your concerns. Trust that everything will work out as it should and enjoy the holidays regardless of whose company you are in. It’s a time to bring families together!
Reality Steve Note: We all know Amanda didn’t do that in the Bachelorette house because I would’ve commended her for it and wrote more than one paragraph about her. Amanda should never have gone on the show in the first place. We’ve established that already.
2) Hey Dr. Reality Steve,
Love the column. Please keep it going loooooonnng after the Bachelor ends. Here’s my dilemma that I could use a little help with. My sister is two years older than me and has been dating her boyfriend for almost a year. He’s a good guy, treats her well, and my family seems to like him. Well, lately he’s started to be extra nice to me and even sends me emails just checking to see how I am. He never did this before. If I wasn’t so naive, I’d think he was flirting. Do you think he is, or is he just trying to get in good with his girlfriends sister? I’ve noticed when we’ve all hung out, he’s very touchy feely with both us, which is also kinda new. Should I bring something up to my sister, or just leave it alone until he makes a real move on me? Thanks.
Reality Steve: I think it seems pretty harmless at this point, so it give it a little more time. But the minute he starts feeling you up when your sister isn’t looking, yeah, then you should kick him in the nuts and call the police. This dilemma has all the makings of a good made-for-TV movie on the “Lifetime Channel”. Probably something titled “What My Sister Doesn’t Know”. It would air 10-15 times a week. Tori Spelling would play the naÃ¯ve older sister. Patrick Muldoon would play the creepy boyfriend. And some other “Saved by the Bell” retread would play the role of our friend Sara here who sent in the email. And in the end, the boyfriend will become so infatuated with the younger sister, that at some point, will utter the line, “You’re the one I’ve always wanted. We’re meant to be together!” Dun-dun-dunn!!!!!!!!! I should make movies in my spare time. Or stop watching the Lifetime Channel. One of the two.
Are you sure you don’t have a thing for your sister’s boyfriend and are reading more into this than what is really there? I can totally understand where you are coming from because I too have a sister who is 2 years older than me and we have always looked a lot alike, hence attracting the same type of men. She has a great boyfriend whom I love as a brother and we keep in touch sometimes without her being involved. It’s because as their relationship grew, so did ours since my sis and I are so close. That’s natural and the way it should be if you like the guy and vice versa. Don’t turn it into something creepy without anything happening and definitely don’t mention anything to your sister. Sounds like there is nothing to talk about really.
However, if this is not the case and he is hitting on you, making it more obvious as time goes on, I would just casually mention to your sis that he has been emailing you, etc. and see if she knows about that or is surprised in any way. Don’t say that you think her boyfriend is hitting on you — ever. That should nip it in the bud because either she’ll say “that’s nice of him” or “really? what a jerk! we’ve been having problems lately…blahblahblah.” Either reaction should clear the air.
Reality Steve note: I’m curious to know if Amanda has ever dated the same guy as her sister. Not at the same time, of course. But just in general. You can get back to me on that one.
3) Dr. Steve,
This may sound totally bizarre and off the wall, but I don’t care. I’m attracted to my dentist. Not so much him as a person, but just the way he works. I seem to get pleasure when his fingers are in my mouth. Is there something wrong with me? He’s probably 20 years older than me, but I literally get anxious every time I have an appointment because of the way I feel when I’m in the chair. Should I see a doctor about this?
Reality Steve: Ummmm, K, this is totally bizarre. And I have no idea what to make of this. You enjoy mens fingers in your mouth? Ummmmâ€¦..errrrâ€¦..uhhhhhhâ€¦.check please.
K, if I were a real doctor I probably wouldn’t know what to say to you. Have you shared this with anyone else? What do they say? Did you suck your thumb longer than most kids? Do you always have a pen in your mouth? Do you have any other fetishes I should be freaked out by? I don’t really know what to say. I think you should definitely talk to someone about this but I have no idea who. I don’t think you have a major problem. I just think you have a bizarre one. People shouldn’t get turned on by their dentists fingers.
GET A NEW DENTIST!!! Nobody likes going to the dentist, so if you do for whatever reason, there is something wrong with that! You don’t need to see a doctor, you need to see a new dentist and make it a female!
4) Dr. Reality Steve….ok, you have to help me. I’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do! Let me begin by saying I’m a 23 year old virgin. I don’t mind that people know, it’s something I’m proud of, and pretty much everyone close to me knows this. I always tell any guy I start dating as well, and none of them seem to mind. Well, in the beginning they don’t.
Every single guy I’ve dated recently always says they really respect it, and they’re proud of me, and then I get dumped sooner or later for whatever reason. They say it has nothing to do with me being a virgin when I know it is. It’s too obvious. I’ll be in the moment with them, they’ll always try by giving me some dumb line about “Don’t you want your first to be with me?”, and then when I say no, their whole mood changes.
Well, lately this guy I’ve been seeing for the past few months has wanted it real bad, but I don’t find myself put off by it. I haven’t held out on sex for religious reasons, and I never told myself I was gonna wait until marriage. It’s a choice I’ve made to want to lose my virginity to the right guy. Well, I think this one might be the right guy. But I’m afraid that if I do it, things will change. What if he’s just saying this to get me to sleep with him and he doesn’t really care all that much? What if I do it and regret it later? I know I’m beginning to sound like a 16 year old, but in the past, it’s been easy to say no. I really like this guy and think he could be the one to lose it to. I just don’t know how serious he is. Is there any way to tell? Please help.
Confused in Arizona
Reality Steve: Well, considering I’ve never been a woman and have no idea what it’s like becoming de-virgin zed, this is a toughie. As a guy, we’re all looking to lose our virginity the first opportunity we can get. I’m guessing it’s a little different for women. Call me crazy.
The real answer here is, there is no answer. How will you know if he’s the right guy? You won’t. The answer will only come after you decide to do it and then see how things change, if they do. If they don’t, you know you made the right decision. If he becomes a lying dirt bag after you give it up and adds you as a notch above his bedpost, well, then I guess that’s a life lesson. Every guy has different intentions, so there’s really no way to know for sure. Considering you’ve only been seeing this guy a “few months”, you should probably hold off if you’re that worried about losing your virginity to the wrong person. Give it more time. If he sticks around, then he’s probably serious about it. But if he starts feeding you the “Don’t you want me to be the one?” line, then kick him in the nuts and call the cops. That seems to be a solution for everything nowadays.
Don’t worry, the longer you wait, I’m sure the pressure from friends and society will get much, much better. Because heaven knows how much virgins are put up on a pedestal by those non-virgins. Ummm, yeah. Get to steppin. I think you should have sex tonight just to get it out of your system before you drive yourself crazy.
Confused in Arizona,
I can really relate with this as I have a lot of friends who are waiting as well. Don’t think you’re the only one, by any means. I really admire your courage to stand up to these men for the past 23 years and know that you have decided to do so for personal reasons, whether they be religious, health-conscious, romantic, or just the way you were raised. You said you’ve never told yourself you were going to wait until marriage, but just for the “right guy.” Aren’t those one and the same? You know, and your past experience evidences, that this is not at all the “popular” choice or something that a lot of guys are willing to work around.
But you know what? If you meet the guy for you, he will be willing to wait because he will respect your decision and feel special knowing that you were waiting for him. You’ve already waited 23 years and that’s more than probably 98% of the population can attest to. Do you really want to throw that away on this guy you’ve been seeing for a few months? Stick to your guns and you’ll see how this new guy reacts as time goes on. If he’s willing to wait a long time, like a year, he’s willing to wait however long YOU decide — and that’s all that matters.
Reality Steve note: It’s nice to see women siding with women for a change. I thought you all hated each other? The world is a better place today. I’m gonna go find a rainbow and take a picture.
5) Dear Dr. Steve,
You’re probably going to make fun of me for this, but I figured I’d ask somebody what to do. Please don’t use my real name. A lot of my friends read your column and they might figure out it’s me. Just call me “Abby”, since this is like a “Dear Abby” column.
I’m going to make this short and sweet. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and he’s the greatest guy ever. We just have one major problem. He’s starting to get really bothered by the fact that I don’t like giving oral sex. I haven’t done it the whole time we’re together, and the fact that its built up this long, I have a feeling if I do give in and do it, it’s not going to be any good and things will get worse. I’ve talked to all my friends about it and they say I should, but it’s almost like the pressure is too much right now and there’s no way that anything I do will be good enough. I can’t really say I’m an expert doing that anyway. I have a feeling I’m going to let him down. Am I being a prude for not doing this or is he being a jerk for getting frustrated that I don’t? This is so embarrassing!
Reality Steve: I would first like to get a moment of silence for Abby’s boyfriend. The pain that he has endured over the last year and a half must be excruciating. I feel for ya’ pal. We’re all pulling for you.
So, anyway, Abbyâ€¦.yeah, uhhhhh, you need to fix that problem. Immediately. This is going to become an issue, I’m sorry. No man should have to suffer this type of torture. Do you pull wings off of butterflys too? Do you run a dog fighting ring? Because what you’re doing is pretty much the same form of torture. Ok, maybe not. It’s worse.
Abby, you’re a woman. He’s a man. Just like you have needs, he has needs. And those needs include a hummer every once in a while, whether you like it or not. To be honest, I’m astounded he’s lasted a year and half. Do me a favor. Next time you guys are holding hands, see if his skin seems a little extra coarse to you. If it is, you next to get on the ball (no pun intended), and quick. You could be losing him.
Just remember, your boyfriend doesn’t like watching the â€œNotebook” just as much as you don’t like performing oral sex. But it doesn’t mean he won’t watch it with you. For the sake of humanity, give the guy a little action.
This email brought a tear to my eye.
He’s just being a normal guy and you’re definitely being a normal girl. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s actually more common than you think. Trust me, NO girl likes to do it and EVERY guy has to have it. It’s the way the world works! Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable and if he doesn’t understand and pressures you about it, move on — the guy’s a jerk. However, if you are comfortable enough with him to actually discuss it and he can, for lack of better words, “coach” you through it, make your man happy and just do it! I bet it’s not as bad as you think, and heck, you’ll probably get rewarded for it yourself, and that’s when your sexual relationship will move to the next level. You’re not being a prude, but just relax, it’s really not that big of a deal.
Reality Steve note: Hallelujah! Listen to Amanda. Just suck it up and do it already. Oops. Bad choice of words.
Thanks again to Amanda for her cooperation this week. It’s much appreciated. Be sure to join us next when, hopefully, my ex-girlfriend Jessica will be our guest columnist. I say hopefully because, well, she said she’d do it. Let’s hope she follows through. If not, there’ll be an emergency guest columnist of my choice. I’ve got no doubts that Jessica will do it, I just don’t know if it’ll be next week. Whenever it is, I’m sure it’ll be about the most interesting thing I’ve read in a while. Until thenâ€¦..