The Bachelor 11 - Brad

The Bachelor Recap – 11/12/07

-As loyal followers of this column know, I have written an episode recap of every single “Bachelor/ette” season, except for “Bachelor” 1 & 2. And I never did those because I didn’t see them. And the “Women Tell All” episode is one I’ve always covered, albeit a much shorter column, because there’s never really anything new in it. Much the same last night. However, for whatever reason, last nights show had absolutely NOTHING in it that was worth writing about. Did it? Did I miss something? Other than Bettina seeming like she was pissed to be there all night and even her being surprised that Brad gave her rose, there wasn’t anything I learned last night that I didn’t already know or read online. Very disappointing. So I’m gonna make this column short and sweet before I head out to play a little golf this morning.

-Hillary did mention that she thought Brad was “hotter than David Beckham.” Look, I’m comfortable enough with my own sexuality to admit when a guy is good looking, and yes, Beck is an attractive guy. Too bad he talks like a weenie. Ever heard him speak? Yes, I know he’s from England and they all sound like that, but for some reason, his voice doesn’t match his appearance. Sorry. Maybe that’s just me, but I’d prefer it if he didn’t sound like a girl. Be a man. Go get yourself a deep voice. You know, like me. I feel like he should be performing opera and is really big into theater. And I’m sure this opinion will be disagreed upon by every female reading this, but that’s ok. Just stating the truth. He sounds like a little priss. Grow a pair, Becks. And stay away from that crazy Cruise/Holmes twosome. Tell them youre not interested in their whack ass religion and you’d rather continue enjoying life the way it is married to that Fembot you’re married too. Don’t get me started on her. There’s two Spice Girls I’d take before her. Yuck.

-The show was in rare form last night was their hatchet editing job. The WTA episode is almost unwatchable once they chop up all the answers, and one second the crowd is clapping or laughing and then the next shot it’s come to a complete stop. Same ol’, same ol’ last night. And shame on the producers for not giving Realitysteve.coms own Michele Leavy any airtime. Are you kidding me? You couldn’t give her a couple minutes to talk about her giant tumble down the stairs? Instead you had to give some time to a contrived cat fight between McCarten and other girls? That was terrible. Michele had a good story to tell. And I’m sure she would’ve given Realitysteve.com a nice plug on national television. Or not. Whatever the case, why even invite her to the show if the only word we get to hear her speak is “Jenni”? There were 10 girls there last night. Every single one of them spoke more than her. I’m sure she had plenty to say about The Tumble, but was edited out. Damn them. That sucked. Just bring her back as the next Bachelorette and all will be forgiven in my book.

-For those that were curious, no, I did not attend the “Women Tell All” tapings. I got my dates mixed up. I don’t leave for L.A. until this Friday. Got some big happenings next week. My nephews baptism, taking my niece to the movies to see some flick Dustin Hoffman is in that I’ve never heard of (Yes, she already saw the “Bee” movie), Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving morning with all the boys (I’m quite sure my team will completely steamroll Sauce’s gang of misfits that he brings), and believe it or not, I have meeting on Saturday night with Jayanna from “Age of Love”. Meeting is a good word. Maybe I’ll tell you about it next week. Or not. I have no idea what we’re doing or where we’re going, but I’m sure it will be fun. Hey, maybe I’ll take some pictures to put up on the site or the MySpace page. Oh wait. I don’t own a camera. Forget it.

-Oh yeah, Brad told Hillary last night, “I think more highly of you than you know.” He does? Really? I have a question: Why? You were impressed by the fact she lost it on national television for all of the world to see? I think last night was his chance to tell her that since it’s the first time he could respond to her drunken sailor-like sexual fantasy of him. It was fun seeing that again. I was hoping they’d show more, but it was pretty much the same as what we saw during the season. Her talking about him ravaging her, ripping her clothes off, bending her over, and slapping her ass. Quite classy. And hot I might add. I’m telling you, I know you don’t believe me, but I like Sillary. Other than that awful dress she wore the night of her elimination that restricted blood flow throughout her body and pushed her boobs up under her chin, she’s all right in my book. So she cries a lot. All women cry a lot. Especially during that time of month. Over nothing. I don’t pretend to understand what it’s like to turn into a monster once a month, but I’ll just say thank God we don’t have to.

-So yeah, that’s all I got for last night. I’m telling you, there was nothing. If you saw the show, it really wasn’t anything we hadn’t seen or heard yet. If you didn’t see it, well, you didn’t miss much. Nothing revealing came out of it at all. Oh yeah, Bettina said she was turned off by Brad when he went on the defensive. Big deal. Bettina looked none too happy to be there last night. None of the girls seemed to like her and I don’t think she smiled once all night. I probably wouldn’t either if I had to re-live my parents raking Brad through the coals again. And finding out that no one likes you. Sucks to be her. I’m sure she’ll get through it. She lives in Hermosa Beach for pete’s sake. You telling me she can’t find anyone down there. Hell, Sheena’s met someone since the show ended (allegedly) and he’s already posting corny videos of the two of them on You Tube. Even I was able to pull in Hermosa one night, and that’s saying a lot. Bettina, I’m telling you, there are plenty of Grade A douchebags on Pier St. you could saddle up with on any night of the week. And they won’t think because you’re divorced you’re like a used car. In fact, it’ll probably be a turn on. Trust me on this.

-Ok, that’s it. As I said, next week I will be vacationing in L.A. and having to watch the finale there. Since the finale recap usually isn’t as long as other columns, expect more of the same next week. Too many other things going on to care, and I really don’t feel like re-capping a 2 hour show. Dr. Reality Steve will return next week because, well, I had no one to be guest columnist this week. But I found someone for next week that I have quite an interesting history with. Until then….

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