Finally back in the swing of things. Quite a few things to cover in this column, starting with the latest “Bachelor” news including your first look at some of our bachelorettes this season, “American Idol”, “The Hills”, “24: Redemption”, the “Survivor” finale, and the thankful ending of “Heroes”, well, at least the latest installment of it. Let’s just pretend “Volume 3: Villians” never happened. I’m certainly going to. But before that, let me update you on a couple things of importance. Most notably, my health and Maddie.
As I mentioned in my last column, I’ve been having back problems for well over a year. Not to the point of I’m turning into a 75 year old grandpa, but substantial discomfort on a daily basis. Usually when I’m getting up from a seat or bed, or getting into a car. Or basically doing anything that might require a quick motion. So I decided to get an MRI and see how bad it was. I was told I have a bulging disc. Now, I’ve been told that many times by ex-girlfriends, so I asked Mr. Doctor man to elaborate a little further. Basically, a disc in my lower back has moved slightly. Or moderately. He used both words. We’re talking 3-4 millimeters. So no surgery is required, but basically, I’m going to be dealing with discomfort for a while unless I stretch and exercise daily like Jack LaLanne. Yoga is a possibility. Pilates has been mentioned. Really? Do I have to do that stuff? I’m really not looking forward to that. So yes, my days of being a world class athlete are over and now I can look forward to a life of back braces, walkers, and eating my dinner through a straw. Or something like that.
The next order of business is Maddie. To all of you who have asked, she’s doing great. In fact, she’s doing beyond great. Incredible probably if you asked her and she could talk back. You see, a month ago I moved into a first floor apartment from my old second floor one, and now Maddie has a yard. She loves her yard. Loves to chase the rabbits when I open the door. Goes potty all day long in that thing. Really, she’s having a blast. One problem though. In the old apartment, Maddie never had a yard to go to the bathroom in, so she only went when I would walk her. Of course, there was the occasional accident inside, which became less and less frequent the longer I had her. Now, she wants to go all the time. Even when Reality Steve is trying to sleep. Let’s see, I’ve been in this apartment since Nov. 18th, and Maddie has now woken me up AT LEAST once a night, EVERY NIGHT that I’ve been here. We still go on our regular walks during the day. We still walk right before bedtime, at which she always goes to the bathroom, yet now that she knows she has a yard to go in, she’s basically using it as a crutch and not taking into account my need for sleep. Sure, it’s very quick. She gets up, goes to the door, scratches on it, I let her out for ten seconds, she goes, she comes right back in, I crawl back in bed. But when it happens a couple times a night, and at any hour of the night, it gets a little old. I’m completely clueless as to how to remedy this situation.
So last night, I figured, “Well, how about I just ignore her scratching on the door, and see how she reacts.” Ummm, bad idea. 4:00am, she goes to the door, I don’t get out of bed, she starts walking around, comes back to my bed and notifies me, “Look, don’t ignore me. I need to get outside.” So I get up and let her out. While she’s out, I look over and she’s already peed on the carpet in the dining room. And she still wanted to go outside! So now I’m really screwed. If I ignore her, she’ll go inside. If I don’t, it means I have to keep getting up and going outside at least once a night no matter what time it is. Yes, yes, I know what you’re saying. “Steve, quit your whining. Just wait til you have kids and they’re keeping you up all night.” Yeah, I know, but I’m prepared for that since that’s natural. You expect that to happen. This caught me by surprise. She could go to the bathroom ten times during the day now, but no matter what, she’s getting up at least once during the night to go. So if Cesar Milan is reading this, what do I do? She never had to go every night when we lived on the second floor, why does she have to now? Should I start cutting her water off at 7 or 8 o’clock? Any suggestions, feel free to email me at email@example.com. Ok, let’s get started…
-As you probably know by now, Jason is engaged. If you didn’t know or hadn’t heard, then well, that’s not my fault. You’re basically living under a rock or don’t check the internet. Everyone’s reporting it and Jason has done numerous interviews about it. Now, what does that mean? Nothing of course. This is the 13th edition of the “Bachelor”, and in the previous twelve, 6 of the bachelors got engaged at the end. None of them have gotten married. It’s just part of ABC’s hype machine to build the season and give it some hope. Host Chris has chimed in and said that the engagement is “beautiful” and there “will definitely be some tears shed”. Wonderful. Can’t wait. Now, doesn’t mean Jason and whoever won’t end up getting married. Doesn’t mean they will either. So in the meantime, I’ll just sit back, enjoy the show and make of it like I do every season. Yes, I’ve said that I think Jason is the most genuine Bachelor they’ve ever cast on the show since he has zero Hollywood aspirations. And yes, I’ve said I also think that this is the one season that might actually produce a married couple. However, whether or not there’s an engagement surely isn’t going to change the fact the show is a complete train wreck and is to be watched for entertainment purposes only. It will not affect the way I watch it one way or another.
-I do want to address those that have a problem with Jason doing the show again and think he’s ditching his kid. No need for me to explain it. I’ll have Jason tell you what went down this season. This is from a recent interview he did with the media.
Despite the large part that Ty plays in his life, Mesnick said his son actually has only a small on-screen role in The Bachelor.
“He plays a very small part in the show,” he told reporters. “I think you’ll see that early on, if you see him, it’s him and I — just him and I.”
Still, Mesnick hinted that when Ty does make an appearance it will be significant.
“I’ve said this once before, I just knew there was no way I could truly fall in love with somebody unless they saw my son,” he said.
Mesnick said the producers were accommodating when it came to allowing him to spend time with his son.
“He was around when he needed to be and went home and saw his mom when he needed to,” added Mesnick.
I think that should satisfy most of you. Look, they’re not going to exploit the kid or endanger him in any way. You really think Jason would do that to his son? He would be rivaling OJ Simpson for “Father of the Year” if he did that. If the guy is gonna go on the show and potentially look for a wife, of course he’s got to involve his kid. And based on what he says, its very minimal. So there. Let’s put that to rest and never bring it up again.
-Earlier this week, ABC gave their first press release on this season, and have all the bachelorettes head shots up on the site. So rather than have you click back and forth between the description that press release gives of certain girls, and their head shot on the page, since I’m Mr. Computer Savvy, I’ll have the quote from the press release followed by each girls picture. Now of course, they didn’t have something to say about all 25 women, so if you want to see all the bachelorettes, just to abc.com and click around. You’ll find it. So here we go:
“…Megan, Stacia, Stephanie and Treasure are the four single moms who are hoping the single dad and his son will complete their families. How will they shake up the chemistry of the group?…”
Ummmm, Treasure is a single mom? Does she bring her kid to the strip club when she can’t find a sitter? “Go play with the tassels on Cinammon’s nipples while Mommy tries to find us a new daddy.” I’m kidding. Treasure doesn’t look like a stripper. Stephanie does. They should switch names.
“…Emily from Seattle tries to press her hometown advantage…”
I’ve always thought that in this show, if you’re really gonna have a chance at the final couple lasting, you need them to live somewhat close to each other. It’s a lot to ask of someone to pick up their life and move halfway across the country for someone they’ve known for six weeks. Especially this season since we know Jason isn’t moving anywhere due to the fact his son is in Seattle. So whoever Jason picked, I hope she enjoys rain and miserable weather 300 days of the year.
“…Nikki, a statuesque brunette, wows Jason by telling him she only came ‘because it was you…’”
I think it’s safe to say that Nikki is officially our stalker this season. Even though she’s hot.
“â€¦Shannon admits she is Jason’s biggest fan and her extensive knowledge of his life floors himâ€¦”
Uhhh, check that. Shannon is our stalker. She’s cute, in that “scrunchy face, giant smile” sort of way.
“…Jillian finds a new way to ‘grill’ a guy when she discloses that she can find out a lot about a man from the condiments he puts on his hot dog and puts Jason to the test on the spot…”
Sweet. Our resident lunatic this season. Really? You can tell a lot about a guy by what he puts on his hot dogs? What if he doesn’t like hot dogs? I think we’ll have fun with Jillian this season. Unless, of course, Jason notices how completely crazy she is and dumps her on opening night.
“â€¦Sharon admits that she quit her job as a school teacher for a chance to be with him…”
Whoa. She quit her job to meet him? How many stalkers did they cast this season? And quite frankly, her eyes are freaking me out.
“…Renee has already envisioned her happy future with Jason by creating a ‘vision board…’”
Huh? A vision board? I’m sure that’ll go over real well. So far we’ve got nothing but baby momma’s looking for a daddy, stalkers, and weirdos. Should be a great season.
“…Raquel invites the Bachelor to join her in a seductive samba…”
Oooh, a little Latina flavor this season. Arriba! Arriba! They say that, right? Or did I just make a horrible generalization?
“…Molly, an all-American girl-next-door, steals him away for a hot slow jazz dance…”
Awesome. Our first catfight of the season. The sexy, samba Latina girl vs Molly, the all-American white girl from Milwaukee. Should be one hell of a battle. I hope they show all the hair being pulled and clothes being ripped off.
“…Stephanie, a beautiful widow, reveals the tragic story of her past…”
Uh oh. Stephanie, the one who looks like she could be a stripper, might be playing the role of Debbie Downer this season. A widow? Yikes. I’m guessing there aren’t gonna be a lot of smiles going around when she has to re-tell that story. Oh boy. Here come the water works.
“…a self-assured Lauren is confident that the first impression rose is hers…”
I love how I can make sweeping generalizations about these women just by looking at their picture. It’s a talent, I tell ya’. And it’s something these women, or anyone for that matter, have to deal with now in the age of blogging. With that said, Lauren just looks like someone who would think she’s better than everyone and deserves the first impression rose. Probably has to do with the loopy earrings.
Well, there’s half the women on the show right there. Seems like your typical crop of crazies, bimbos, and chicks looking to be on TV. Ahhh, but one of them is the love of Jason’s life that he will marry and make babies with. So maybe I should be a little nicer. Or not. Jan. 5th can’t come soon enough.
-Really enjoyed this season. Amazing we’re 17 seasons into this show, and they can still produce seasons just as good as the earlier editions. Remember earlier this season where the tribes had to rank in order who they thought were the strongest to weakest in their tribe? Sugar wasn’t even ranked, Susie was last in her tribe, and Bob was in the bottom three of his tribe, yet that was your final three. That’s why this show is just as much about luck as it is anything else. You could have the greatest strategy in the world and play the game smarter than anyone else, but it guarantees you nothing if luck doesn’t fall your way at some point during the game. Bob created his own luck by winning five immunities in a row, but also needed Sugars help in getting to the final.
-So people ask, “Why didn’t Sugar try to win at the end? Seemed like she didn’t even care at the Final Tribal Council.” Well, that’s because she didn’t. If you read her interview afterwards, Sugar basically knew she wasn’t going to get any votes whether she brought Matty or Bob. That’s where editing comes in. There were definitely plenty of things that happened on the island which weren’t shown to the public, which is understandable. They have a show to produce. And certain people have to be portrayed a certain way. You know how Bob was portrayed as the old, lovable guy that was a father figure to everyone, and how could anyone possibly vote against him? Well, listening to Sugar and Susie and a couple other people talk about him afterwards, not that they weren’t happy he won and didn’t like him, but apparently Bob had a short temper. And was a pervert. Always making comments here and there about the women. So not everything is as seems. Was Corinne a bitch? Was Randy the weirdest guy ever? Yes and double yes. But according to others, Bob wasn’t what he was portrayed to be.
-Do I have a problem with Bob winning? Not at all. I am shocked Susie got three votes, but once again, it goes back to editing. In Susie’s exit interview, she said she wasn’t surprised at all. She said she was really confident she had Matty, Kenny, and Crystal’s vote and figured it would come down to Randy. But anyone watching the show never really would’ve thought that since it seemed Susie didn’t do anything but talk too much and annoy people. Here’s where the debate comes in on “Survivor” when talking about the final vote. Put yourself on the jury. Would you vote for the person that played the best game, or the person that you liked the best who was left? Basically, how much of a grudge would you hold against someone who made it to the final two or three? Some people, no matter how much you screwed them or lied to them will say, “Hey, that’s the game and I give you credit for it.” Others, like Corinne, and Randy, and even Marcus to a certain extent, are bitter that they didn’t win, bitter that their “plan” fell apart, and refuse to acknowledge it. Because let’s be honest, of the final three, the person who played the best game was Sugar, hands down. Ditzy little blonde that found the idol in her first hour on Exile, no one seemed to like her, yet no one ever wrote her name down, and she basically controlled the last half of the game. So no matter how much she annoyed you and had a hand in voting you off, she played the best game. Yet she got zero votes. Always an interesting dynamic when you get down to the final tribal council, and is what makes the show so good.
-Couple interesting notes regarding two of our final three. As we know, Bob is a physics teacher. Did you know that one of his former students was Julie Berry, former “Survivor: Vanuatu” contestant and ex-girlfriend of Jeff Probst? Bob claims he hasn’t spoken to Julie since she left his class ten years ago, but I find that hard to believe. C’mon, of all the people that apply to this show every season, you just happen to pick a former teacher of a former contestant who happens to be Probst’s ex-fling? Too coincidental for me. As for Sugar, just IMDB Jessica “Sugar” Kiper, and you’ll see her credits. She’s done quite a few things in Hollywood and this stuff about her being alone and living out of her car was completely random. She’s an actress and has been a member of SAG for 10 years. As for Randy, I’m guessing 99% of America hates him, and I’ll give you that he was just a crotchety old man, but that guy was pure entertainment. I guarantee you if they do another All-Star edition, or Fans vs Favorites again, he will no doubt be on the show. As will Corinne. They make good TV, whether you like them or not.
-Still a few weeks away before the premiere, but definitely some interesting tidbits about this season. First of which being that we’re gonna have a fourth judge, Kara DioGuradi. Now, Idol executives can spin this all they want and tell us that the original Idol, which started in the UK, had four judges, but there’s one reason and one reason only they’re bringing this chick in: they want a replacement for when Paula quits or is fired. You thought Paula was a little loopy through the first seven seasons? How about now after a stalker fan decided to kill herself right outside Paula’s house? A house that Paula says she hasn’t slept in since the incident happened. Oh yeah, Paula is losing it alright. She says that when this chick tried out in season 5, she knew exactly who she was since she’d been stalking her back then, and told producers to not let her in. Producers are saying they donâ€™t remember it that way at all. I’m sorry, I tend to agree with the producers here. I know TV is all about shock value and ratings, but do you honestly believe they would risk Paula’s well being just so they can show another whack job who couldn’t sing? Please. They have hundreds of those lined up. I’ll make a prediction that this is Paula’s last season, if she even makes it through this season. And you know what? The show won’t suffer in the least bit. The only irreplaceable person on that show is Simon, and they all know that.
-Some other things they’re doing different this season. Bringing back the wild card round. Instead of the final 24 where America starts voting, they’re gonna narrow it down to 36, and people that don’t make the 24 will actually have a 2nd chance. I think the last time they did this was season 2 when Clay Aiken was a wild card. One of the judges saved him and brought him back. Good thing they did or else he wouldn’t be using his sperm to impregnate older lady friends of his all while hanging out in gay chat rooms on the internet looking for boyfriends (Rumors are one “friend” he made over the internet was Charlie from this past season “Survivor”). Also, no more “Idol Gives Back” this season. I’ve got no problem with that. The country has no money yet you’re gonna ask people for the 3rd year in a row to donate to charity? Probably a little much. It’s coming back next season, and every other season thereafter.
-Another thing they plan on doing is showing us more personal profiles of the kids and what goes on behind the scenes. Uh huh. Sure they are. They say that every season and never do it. The question is, when would they be able to anyway? Once we’re down to the final 24 and America voting, the whole performance show is taken up by the singing. You don’t have time to dilly dally around with other features. Then by the next night, people have already made their selection anyway. They are cutting down the audition episodes and adding more Hollywood round episodes. I guess they could do it then. I just think no matter what they do, people are still gonna watch. You grab the attention in the beginning by showing the idiots who can’t sing, then you start weeding them out and getting to the real talent, and then it kicks into gear and the season begins. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Have the ratings dropped in recent years? Yes. But it’s still the #1 watched show every week that it’s on. So they’re getting 31 million a week watching instead of 33 million. The ratings drop is miniscule in the grand scheme of things. I am curious though to see how the four judges work. Hopefully they’ll all gang up on Paula and make her cry every night.
-The popularity of this show continues to baffle me. The face we know about what happens in their lives a month before we see it on TV is one thing. Then the fact that it’s all pretty much scripted out like a TV drama is another. You don’t think so? How come every single episode has drama in it. There’s no possible way that something is constantly happening in all their lives unless its scripted. Plus, the whole Heidi/Spencer wedding is a complete joke. They claim to have a spur of the moment wedding, yet, the cameras followed them to Cabo. And they got married after a drunken night of Patrone shots? Really? How romantic. How could anyone possibly buy that was legit? Please. And oh yeah, if you haven’t heard the latest, on Monday’s finale where they go to court to make the marriage “official”, now there’s a story that the scene was filmed at a Beverly Hills courthouse after hours, and the judge in the scene doesn’t even work there. Yeah, that’s a real marriage. Please. Calling those two media whores is an embarrassment to all media whores. I’m talking to you Paris. And Lindsay.
-And yes, there is going to be a season 5. Of course there is. Would you give up $75,000 an episode if you were Lauren? To do what? Have cameras follow you around and make up drama in your life? Where do I sign up for that? They might all be ridiculous and D-list celebrities, but they’re not stupid. If I were them, I’d do 15 more seasons of that show since the minute it ends, they’re all gonna disappear off the face of the earth. “But Reality Steve, Lauren is writing books now.” Uh huh. If you purchase a Lauren Conrad book, you’re a loser. “But Reality Steve, Lauren has her own fashion line.” Uh huh. That’s completely overpriced and already been yanked from some stores. The whole “Hills” franchise is a cash cow, which is amazing since not a single person on there has one redeeming talent. Well, except for Heidi and Audrina’s fake boobs. I guess those have value to some.
-Plus, without “The Hills”, we don’t get genius spinoffs like “The City” and “Bromance”. As for “The City”, oh I’ll definitely watch, but I’m guessing it’ll be more of the same stuff. Whitney likes a dirty looking Australian guy with a bad beard. Whitney works her way up at DVF. Whitney has boy drama when some shirtless model starts hitting on her. Let’s just hope that Whitney’s new friends are hot. Judging by the previews, me likey. I’m still questioning revolving a show around Whitney, who’s been about the 5th most important character on “The Hills” for three seasons. She’s the most level headed of the bunch, but that doesn’t necessarily make for great TV. We shall see.
-But speaking of great TV, could there possibly be a better MTV creation than “Bromance”? I didn’t think so. So let me get this straight, 12 douchebags are gonna compete to see who can start hanging around Brody Jenner more? And this is supposed to be a good thing for their self esteem? What is that leech Frankie Delgado going to think? Oh wait, what am I thinking? Like Brody is ever gonna be seen with whatever tool job he picks. The premise of this show is really unbelievable. MTV is truly running out of ideas. Brody Jenner is doing a reality show so he can find someone else to hang out with. Just let that sink in for a little bit and get back to me after you pull yourself up off the floor. This is going to be the ultimate train wreck. Especially after seeing trailers with guys in hot tubs fist bumping and guys crying because Brody didn’t pick them. I’ll make a prediction right now: Of the 12 guys they cast, all 12 will have frosted tips. And wear tight clothing. And be complete ass faces. Let’s see if I go 3-for-3 on that prediction. My guess? Yes.
-If you saw it, which I’m hoping all of you did, it was excellent. Not because I’m biased, but it was just good to see it back on the air and producing a solid two hours. No, there wasn’t nearly as much excitement as in a regular season episode, only because you knew there’d be a resolution at the end of two hours. I’m good with it. It set up season 7 very nicely, and showed they could produce a two hour movie someday, which seems to be the plan once the TV show ends. Of course, me being the addict that I am, I went out and bought the dvd two days after it aired. Why? To watch it again? Well, no. I got so that I could watch the first 17 minutes of season 7 which is on disc 2 in the dvd. The only problem? Once the first 17 minutes were over, I was expecting more. Oops. Probably shouldn’t have teased myself like that, but just know that based on those first few minutes, season 7 is going to be really good. They got a lot accomplished in a short time. A car crash, a kidnapping, the return of you-know-who, Jack on trial, and Jack finding out about you-know-who. Jan. 11th can’t get here soon enough. Can I just teleport to three weeks from now like Hiro?
-Unfortunately, it’s now time to talk about “Heroes” and that mishandling of a season they just had. What was that? Let’s just be happy that “Volume 3: Villians” is over. There’s really no point in even talking about it it was so poorly done. Everything that everyone liked about this show was completely turned upside down during what we just saw. Horrible writing, bad storylines, weak characters, and really no direction whatsoever. It just seemed like they threw a bunch of crap at a wall just to see what would stick. Hiro as a 10 year old? Really? Was that supposed to be funny? Nathan now wants to round up all the Heroes and basically put them away for life? Doesn’t this go against everything his character has preached for three seasons? Sloppy writing. And of course, Sylar isn’t dead. To even leave people thinking that he is is just plain dumb. We know he’s not dead considering he’s one of the better characters on the show, and, next season we get to meet who his real father is. For those that don’t know, it’s going to be the guy who played Lionel Luther on “Smallville”, noted gay actor, John Glover. Yippee. Anytime “Smallville” gets props, I’m happy. Especially considering itâ€™s a 50 times better show than “Heroes”.
Whew. That took a while. The next column will be Tues. Jan. 6th which will be our first “Bachelor” column of the season. Any questions, comments, concerns, praises, criticisms, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Until next timeâ€¦.