No doubt I first need to start out with what’s going on with the site. Please, please, please, please do not send any emails saying, “The comments section isn’t working.” I know this. We are working on fixing that for you since I know a lot of you like leaving your wonderfully, well-written, thought out praises of me in those comments. Uh huh. Anyway, as you can see, we’ve got a new layout that will be added to over the next couple months. I really like this new look better. We’re still working on the pictures, the banners, getting some of the archived posts to work, but hang in there. This is going to be a process. To be honest, if we’re gonna start advertising on this site, we had to change the look. The old format frankly doesn’t allow it. By no means is this the final look of the column. We are going to be working on it for the next two months and everything should be set to launch on May 18th, the start of the “Bachelorette” season, which just began filming this week.
In the meantime, as you can see, I would like to welcome our first sponsor aboard, and that’s “Hollywood Secrets”. You may have seen their informercial on television before, if not, check out their product and see what you think. I think this will be a really good partnership between the two of us and I look forward to it. Plus, I know all you women out there are looking to get rid of your wrinkles. Well, voila! Here’s the product just for you.
I want a lot of the new readers who found my blog during this past season of the “Bachelor” to realize something as well. This site, for seven years, has been my sarcastic, slanted, sophomoric, and skewed view on the world of reality television (Hey, that’s what it says at the top of the page). If you’ve come here for inside information on every show you like, sorry, you’re not gonna get it. Reality TV, for the most part, is laughable. I’m here to make fun of it since its usually pretty easy to do. So if you’re new, and you think I have all the inside scoop to shows because of the news I broke on the “Bachelor” this season, I’m sorry. I’ll have some little stuff every once in a while, but this blog has always been about me making fun of what I see on TV. Just wanted to point that out for all the new readers who seem to think I’m leading the downfall of teenage girls across America because I said Kelly Clarkson is a little on the chunk side. Please. I’m the only one saying this? Really? I’d say 99% of you think it. I just happen to verbalize it.
Let’s move on to last night, and I’ll start right off the bat with this: I hate country week. Can’t stand it. They might as well get rid of it. Too many contestants are completely out of their element and, for the most part, a lot of people haven’t heard of these songs. This is a wasted week in my opinion. Country reaches such a niche audience that I think most people would rather see this week eliminated all together. Whether or not Allison Iraheta can sing country music shouldn’t be a determining factor in her staying around. Nor anyone else for that matter. It’s just a bad, boring week of singing and I hate it when they do it, and last nights show proved it. Not many great performances. In addition, can I just say one thing that I can admit I am now fearful of in this world? Randy Travis in HD. Holy crap! That guy is freakin’ scary looking. From the long horse face, to the shiny white veneers, to the unbelievably large forehead. Wow. His head is not proportionate to the rest of his alien body. And no, I’ve never heard one of his songs either. Whatever the case, let’s just say he’s not going to be gracing the cover of “GQ” anytime soon.
A couple notes on the judges. Simon has got to stop scratching his face with his middle finger. Honestly, I’d really like to know if he’s doing that on purpose to be funny, or if he has no clue what he’s doing, but it really is annoying. I can’t imagine he’s purposely flipping people off on the highest rated TV show every week, but, someone’s got to at least tell him to stop. And why doesn’t Kara ever wear her engagement ring? She got engaged a couple months ago, yet, I haven’t seen her wear her engagement ring once since they’ve gone to the live shows for the last few weeks. Bizarre. Maybe she’s just holding out for me. That must be it. Kara, let’s make a deal. I promise to propose to you the minute you slap Paula across the face on national television. How’s that?
A story appeared in the gossip section of the NY Daily News yesterday which claimed a “staffer” on “American Idol” has said the judges and producers have already picked their final four, which are: Danny Gokey, Lil
Rounds, Alexis Grace, and Adam Lambert. They even went as far as to say Danny and Alexis are going to be the final two because “Lil Rounds and Adam are too much like Fantasia and Chris Daughtry”. Read the whole article here:
My take? Ummmm, not really going out on a limb there are they? Ok, so if these do end up being the final four, I mean, would anyone really be all that surprised? Kinda hard to prove whether or not this person is really telling the truth since those are four of the best five singers in this competition, excluding Matt Giraud. So if this ends up as our four, I guess this “staffer” can say they were right, but I don’t think they really went out on a limb with this prediction. However, now that this has been thrown out there, regardless of if its true or not, I can almost guarantee you that “AI” will stay as far away from controversy as possible and this will not be our final four. I’m guessing Matt Giraud sneaks in there now in place of either Alexis or Lil Rounds. On to last nights performances. Excuse my ignorance in country music, but I did not know many of these songs, and the ones I did know were either:
a) by Carrie Underwood
b) performed by Carrie Underwood on “American Idol” before
c) performed by someone else on “American Idol” before
Michael Sarver, “Ain’t Goin’ Down (Til the Sun Comes Up)”: Sorry, never heard this one. And hated it. Totally agree with Simon. Too fast of a song, doesn’t show us anything about Michael’s range in singing, and was about as karaoke as you could get. I’m guessing that song has been tried a billion times at a country karaoke bar. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been to one. I’m just smart like that.
Allison Iraheta, “Blame it on Your Heart”: Never heard of this one either, so her performance wasn’t that memorable. I like the fact that you can tell how young Allison is by the fact that she still has a whole row of braces on her bottom teeth. Outstanding. Do you people realize I had a full set of braces, top and bottom, from 4th grade until sophomore year of high school? Yes, it was embarrassing. Why did I have them that long? Because I didn’t listen to anything they said when they told me what I couldn’t eat and I never wore my headgear. Other than that, I was their best patient ever.
Kris Allen, “To Make You Feel My Love”: 3-for-3. Never heard this one either. However, I liked him without his John Mayer guitar this week. He’s got a really good voice and comes across as likable. Also, he kinda looks like a Monchichi doll. He was much better than last week, and by not talking about the fact he’s married, probably made some of the women feel they have a chance. Hence, he gets more votes. It’s the “Hooters” theory at work in reverse, I’m telling you. Hooters waitresses who don’t mention they have a boyfriend or don’t wear a wedding ring will inherently get tipped better than those that do. Trust me. I’ve done this study throughout numerous Hooters establishments across America. If they appear to be single, guys will tip better thinking they have a chance. It’s a ridiculous, asinine concept, but that’s what makes us guys. If you bring up how your boyfriend is picking you up after your shift, or you prance around wearing a wedding ring, you are absolutely killing your chance for a better tip. Listen to me people. I know things.
Lil Rounds, “Independence Day”: Ah ha! Finally one I’ve heard of. Only because Carrie Underwood sang it about four times during her season if I remember correctly. Of course, since I think dirty things about Carrie when I lay my head down to sleep at night, nothing Lil’ Rounds did could top her, but I thought she did well overall. One thing Lil’ did different was she sang two verses before going into the chorus. The chorus is what makes this song, and it just took too long to get there. What was with all the contestants last night giving their opinions to the judges? Don’t they know to just shut up and let the judges have their say? Gessh. Talking back to, or just even talking up there period, is never a good thing. Just smile, nod your head, and hold up your fingers to tell people to vote for you, since well, if you didn’t do that, I’m guessing we’d all be confused on what numbers to dial.
Adam Lambert, “Ring of Fire”: Awful. I know this song, and what he did last night actually was just flat out creepy. Last week his theatrics didn’t bother me in the least bit. This week? Way over the top. And if you completely turn every song into however you want to sing it, can we even consider what he did last night country? It wasn’t. Far from it. He dressed like Chris Kattan’s “Asrael Abyss” character from “SNL”, and I was squirming in my chair just watching it. But hey, I think America is smart enough to know the guy can sing and not to eliminate him on a week where he’s completely out of his element, so I’m sure he’s safe. But it was still an awful performance.
Speaking of Adam, did you notice the difference of opinions on him last week? It was almost split down the middle. Some people love him and his look, and others think he screams, sounds like Axl Rose, and hate his black nail polish. Hence the reason he won’t win. You either love him, or you hate him. Except me. I don’t love his voice, but I am far from hating him. I think I judge every person who’s ever been on this show on two criterias:
1) Would I buy an album they put out?
2) Could I watch them perform solo in concert for a good 60-90 minutes?
For Adam, I think I could download a couple singles that I like. I don’t think I could ever listen to a whole album of his. Nor could I watch him for an hour. But I could definitely see myself listening to a couple singles, sure. In fact, there are only two people on this show that I would both buy their album, and probably be able to listen to them perform for an hour. Gee, I wonder who that would be?
Scott MacIntyre, “Wild Angels”: Seemed like he did the same thing last week. Wasn’t too impressed, but didn’t think it was terrible either. The piano thing got brought up this week and I have a feeling it will ultimately be his downfall. Good voice, but not great. And it’ll be exposed when he doesn’t sit behind the piano. Never heard this song either.
Alexis Grace, “Jolene”: Blah. Her worst performance I’ve seen thus far. Didn’t Brooke White sing this one last season? I think she did. Anyway, it seems like Alexis is trying to act way older and mature than she really is. Seems like she’s trying waaaaaay too hard now. Obviously, she’s got a great voice for such a little person, but that performance last night sucked. I like her and I want her to go far but man, she could be in trouble. Definitely think she’ll be in the bottom three.
Danny Gokey, “Jesus Take the Wheel”: Not surprised in the least bit he picked a spiritual song. I do agree he took too long to get into the chorus by singing two verses, but once he did, he was really, really good. Obviously you know I’m a fan of his, and there’s no doubt in my mind I would buy his album and could see him in concert. No question. Something about his voice that’s very different and relaxing, and I still hope he wins. That’s two weeks in a row now on the video packages where they haven’t referenced his deceased wife. That’s a good thing. They’re not overdoing it right now. I’m sure it will get brought up again during “Inspiration Week”, but for the time being, they need to let his singing tell his story, and not his tragedy. Another reason I like him? He picks a lot of songs sung by chicks, which usually is the kiss of death.
Anoop Desai, “You’re Always on My Mind”: Showed he’s got a good voice, which I always knew he did. But when you’re jumping around stage singing “My Prerogative” and “Beat It”, that’s not singing. My question about Anoop is this: Who are you as an artist? Ha ha. Kidding. Actually, my question is why does he wear a hoodie every week? Can wardrobe do a better job with this guy. Jeans, collared shirt, and a hoodie in back to back weeks. I don’t know what else I expect him to dress in, but I’m not impressed with the look. However, he sang his ass off last night and he’s definitely not going anywhere this week. I think he’s going to make the top six just based on likability alone.
Megan Joy, “I Go Walking After Midnight”: The best part about her is that since she’s going through a divorce, she’s publicly embarrassing the guy on national television by using “Corkrey” up until this week, then just saying, “Ahhh, screw it. I don’t want his name attached to me anymore.” Awesome. Had no idea about the sickness, but I could kinda tell at one point when her voice cracked during the performance. I figured something was up. I don’t mind the twisting and the dancing. Hey, she’s ridiculously good looking, so she can do whatever she wants up there as far as I’m concerned. When you’re hot, you can get away with doing stupid sh**. Sorry. That’s just the way life works sometimes. I understand that its nearly impossible to cover up a tattoos that runs from your shoulder to three quarters of the way down your arm, but man, she doesn’t even try to hide it. Ever. Every week her tattoo is almost 100% visible. Totally doesn’t fit her either since she’s so attractive and the tattoo is so loud. Whatever. Her body, her tattoo, her choice to do what she wants with it. I’m usually just looking at her boobs anyway.
Matt Giraud, “So Small”: The only other performer whose album I’d buy and I’d sit to watch in a concert. Not flashy at all, but solid all around. He won’t win the competition, but he’s definitely a lot better than most people probably think. He’ll be a guy that finishes 3rd or 4th, but will have a better career than some that finish ahead of time. Without a doubt is going to land a record deal once this is over. As for last night, one of the few Carrie Underwood songs that I really haven’t heard that much, and I loved the performance. This guy is talented.
Reality Steve’s Top 3 Performances:
1. Matt Giraud
2. Anoop Desai
3. Danny Gokey
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Performances:
1. Michael Sarver
2. Alexis Grace
3. Adam Lambert
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Prediction:
1. Alexis Grace
2. Allison Iraheta
3. Michael Sarver
Reality Steve’s Prediction of Who Will Get Eliminated: Tough one, but I’ll go with Allison Iraheta. And the judges won’t save her. As I said last week, the judges are only going to save someone they think they can win. Just because they like Megan has no bearing on them saving her. What if Megan is voted out next week? You think they’d save her not knowing what the future holds? If they save Megan next week or the week after, then either Danny, Alexis, Lil Rounds, Adam, or Matt gets eliminated before the Final 5, they’re screwed.
We come back on Friday with your latest “Reality Roundup” in addition to an announcement about the site which involves you the readers. So check that out come Friday. Please, bear with me regarding the site upgrades. I have no idea how long the comments are going to be down for, nor navigating through past posts. It will all be fixed in due time though, I promise. In case you didn’t notice, I’m now on Twitter. Granted, I’ve only “tweeted” three times since I’m still trying to figure the thing out, but if you go down the right hand column under “My Stuff”, you’ll see links to all of my pages that you can join. As always, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, relationship advice, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. See you Friday.