Before we get started, I wanted to personally thank the CAP Center of Dallas (Child Abuse Prevention) for putting on a hell of an event last Saturday. It was great to be a part of, it seemed to me that a hell of a lot of money was raised, and whoever outbid me at the silent auction for the golf package, well, you are not my friend anymore. I wanted that thing. Also, I want to give a quick shout out to Miss Texas 2008, Rebecca Robinson, who couldn’t have been a bigger help throughout the night. Of course, it kinda worked against me since everyone tipped her and not me, but hey, it’s all for a good cause right? I mean seriously, who would you tip? Reality Steve, or, the blonde hottie who competed in the Miss USA pageant this year and speaks four languages? C’mon, that’s a no-brainer. Reality Steve in a landslide. Nonetheless, a very entertaining night all around and a great night helping out a very worthy cause. Of course, it would’ve even been a more eventful, for me personally, if one man in particular would’ve made his appearance.

Come to find out on Saturday that one of the head honchos at the CAP Center, whose name is completely escaping me right now and who’s not listed on their website, is actually the uncle of Chris Harrison. Host Chris has actually been an attendee at this gala in past years but, ummmm, due to the fact he’s currently filming Jillian’s season of the “Bachelorette”, apparently he couldn’t put that aside for one night and make an appearance. Probably a good thing. I’m guessing I would’ve been all up in Host Chris’ business pretty much the whole night if he was there. The funny thing is, former Dallas Cowboy running back and current FOX NFL analyst Daryl Johnston and his wife were there, yet, I didn’t take two seconds to talk to him. Yet if Chris Harrison were there, I would’ve been in his grill all night. So Chris, I accept your apology for not showing up. Maybe next year.

I’m a little behind on shows this week, so there’ll be no “Celebrity Apprentice”, or “The Cougar” recaps. I do have a few things to discuss regarding “DWTS”, “American Idol’s” results show, “Survivor”, “The Hills”, “RW/RR Challenge: The Duel 2″, plus what’s upcoming in reality TV this summer and next fall. Lets get started.

“Dancing With the Stars”

-Could they have made a bigger deal out of the costumes designed by the contestants this week? I thought these were supposed to be humorous or revealing? They were neither. Pretty boring if you ask me. I guess they needed something to tease for the upcoming week since the show is becoming pretty predictable in terms of who’s going home. The next two to leave will obviously Chuck, and Ty, not necessarily in that order. Then when we’re down to the final four, the competition really begins. I could honestly see any one of those four winning it, and I really wouldn’t have a problem either way. However, I think it’ll end up being between Melissa and Naked Guy. I don’t think Lil’ Kim has the fan base to keep her in the show, and something just tells me a 17 year old won’t win it. But hey, I’ve been wrong before. Look at my “Idol” predictions from this week. Blech.

-The pre-package videos before the contestants perform are usually pretty decent. Sometimes they’re over-the-top corny, but for the most part, they’re ok. It allows the viewers to see each contestant in a different light. However, one thing that’s always bothered me in television has been cross promotion. So last week, Bruno tells Melissa he wants to see more of her “maneater” side. In an effort to do that, Tony takes her this week to visit the set of Wisteria Lane of “Desperate Housewives”. Really? They do understand that’s a TV show right? They do realize Wisteria Lane is make believe, correct? That was nothing but cross promotion there. I’m expected to believe Melissa’s “maneater” side came out because she got to walk around Teri Hatcher’s fake house on the show? Please. They must think they’re audience is a bunch of idiots. So corny.

-How dare the “DWTS” producers take my favorite slow song of all time, “Open Arms” by Journey, and have the least interesting celebrity on the show dance to it. Once again, from the time LT is walking down the steps til the time he was eliminated, the guy just look defeated and didn’t want to be there. He even admitted afterwards he was glad to go home. Really? Then if you were that glad, how about giving back some of the coin you collected while on the show? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, LT. For a while there, you’d pretty much become a laughingstock once your football career had ended. Showing up as a drug counselor in “The Waterboy”, wrestling Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania a while back, and entering drug rehab along with having income tax problems. So while we appreciate the effort you put out on the show, you could’ve showed that you cared a little bit more. Smiling is allowed on the show, you know. In fact, its encouraged.

-Remember a couple weeks ago I asked how big in the country music world Chuck Wicks was since I had no idea? Well, ummmm, it’s fair to say I got my answer this week. Tell me I misread my TV screen when it had Chuck performing at the, get this, “Sticks Country Music Festival” in Waverly, Alabama. Whoa. You’ve hit the big time, Chuckie. Waverly, Alabama? What’s next? Uhhhh, somewhere else in Alabama? I’m guessing Tim McGraw has never done the “Sticks Country Music Festival”. Neither has Carrie Underwood. Or Faith Hill. Or Shania Twain. Or Taylor Swift. Yep, those are about the only five country music singers I know. Oh yeah, and the dude with the black hat on “Celebrity Apprentice”. Him too. Now, I might be going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing there’s a lot of cousin loving going on in Waverly, Alabama. Just a hunch. Hey, if you’re from Waverly and you’re reading this now, God bless you. I appreciate the interest. But c’mon, did you honestly expect me not to drop an inbreeding joke in there when I see Chuck Wicks performing in front of tens of people at some county fair? The last podunk fair like that I saw, Jessica Simpson was wearing her mom jeans and looking about 40 lbs overweight. To steal from Jeff Foxworthy for a moment: If you’ve ever performed in Waverly, Alabama, at a chili cook-off, or at a chili cook-off IN Waverly, Alabama, you might be a redneck.

“American Idol” Results Show”

-I’m not sure what to think of the fact that we learned on Wednesday Matt Giraud downloaded one of his own songs as his ring tone. On one hand, he obviously is excited he’s got some songs on itunes and this whole thing is new to him (Well, kind of since he actually put out an album a few years ago). On the other hand, I’m guessing Justin Timberlake doesn’t have “Sexy Back” blaring every time someone calls him. So Matt, you probably want to lose the personal ring tone. Kinda gay. Is having the CTU ring tone from “24″ worse? I don’t think so. And hey, I only had that for a week or so. After that I figured, “That’s lame to have that as my ringtone. I’d much rather incorporate ‘24′ into my personalized license plates.” Yep, that’s me.

-We’ve talked on numerous occasions about the group performances this season and how awful they were. Well, up until this week, at least those performances were PARTIALLY sung live. They would lay down a track before hand then sing portions live over it. This week? Nuh uh. Completely lip synched. The worst part of it was all the contestants had that wrap around microphone that all the dancers wear when they sing, even though they were all lip synching. So ridiculous. As for Paula’s choreography, it’s no different than Karina teaching Steve Wozniak the Tango. Give her six days or six months, and it’s still gonna look like crap. Are these kids better dancers than the Woz? Yes, but not by much. A lot of awkward gyrations up there. I was half expecting Paula to digitally include MC Skat Kat in their performance. I understand that 20 years ago, Paula Abdul was relevant. And I understand she’s choreographed some great dance numbers over the years. But I will always remember Paula as the one who danced around with a computerized cat in her “Opposites Attract” video. Embarrassing. Then got Arsenio Hall to make a cameo in “Straight Up”, along with Keanu Reeves of all people to be in her “Rush, Rush” video.

-Times are tough nowadays for KC from KC and the Sunshine Band, huh? When was the last time he performed “Get Down Tonight”, 25 years ago? My god, that was awful. It sounded like he’d forgotten the lyrics. Or how to sing. Man, that was painful to listen to. I know it was a disco theme on Tuesday, but could we have gotten someone under the age of 60 to perform Wednesday night? I thought of few of those people were gonna need walkers while singing. That was really awkward to watch. It’s almost like when Bette Midler came back for the finale a few years back to sing “Wind Beneath My Wings” and it sounded nothing like the original. One of the biggest butcher jobs to a popular song in recent memory. That easily might’ve been the worst performance ever on an “Idol” stage.

-Ahhhhh, David Archuleta. How cute. Has he hit puberty yet? I said it last year, and I’ll say it again. Can he sing? I guess. But that kid has ZERO star quality and zero stage presence. Did you watch that performance Wednesday? How awkward does he look at a headline performer? You watch David Cook rock “Saturday Night Live” and headline all these cities across America, and then you see Archuleta last night and realize he’ll never be more than an opening act. Opening for Demi Lovato? Isn’t she 10? For all the Archuleta lovers out there who said he should’ve won last season, look no further at their careers now. I can see any male or female between the ages of 15-49 purchasing a ticket to see David Cook in concert. He reaches a pretty wide audience. There isn’t a male alive over the age of 17 that would pay to see David Archuleta headline a concert. And if you do, well, you’re not heterosexual, put it that way.

-Uh oh. We’ve got our first “trouble in paradise” story on “Idol”. Well, that’s if you choose to believe the “National Enquirer”, and who doesn’t? They’re reporting this week that Adam and Kris hate each other. Why? Here’s how they tell tell it:

“Adam is gay and a very flamboyant guy from L.A., while Kris is a conservative married man from a small Arkansas town.”

Well gee, I’m sold. They must thrown down every night because of that. Maybe they have conflicting views on the opposite sex, but I can’t imagine with all the interaction that the contestants have with each other, that there’d be such hatred between them. However, all the “National Enquirer” had to do was float this rumor out there and you can bet your ass I will be watching every single interaction between those two the rest of the season. I still have some old episodes tivo’ed. Maybe I’ll check it out and report back to you on Wednesday. So Kris doesn’t like gays? That’s basically what this article is calling him out for? Outstanding piece of journalism on the “National Enquirers” end. They should win the Pulitzer Prize this year.

“Survivor”

-Great episode last night. Yet another blindside. It seems like more and more in recent seasons, with so many people who go on the show being very knowledgable about past seasons, everyone is looking to blindside people at tribal council. And that’s a good thing. Sometimes, it’s the only way you can get rid of certain people. Hell, look at what I wrote last week about “Survivor” and by golly if it doesn’t look like this is exactly how it’s gonna play out now. Here’s what I wrote:

So I guess we’re looking at a Coach, Tyson, JT, Stephen final four based on last night’s events. Well, at least that’s what they want us to believe. Usually never works out that way though. Especially since Timbira decided to pick off one of their own last night. They still have the numbers at 5-3, but something tells me it won’t be smooth sailing to the end. There’s going to be a shakeup at some point down the line. I can see Timbira turning on Coach and Tyson because of the annoying factor, and the remaining Jalapao members (JT, Stephen, and Taj), aligning with Sierra and Erin or that other blonde chick to vote out Coach and Tyson. Tyson is the biggest physical threat right now, so I don’t know why they wouldn’t go after him. Even though Jalapao is outnumbered, they could control the game if they wanted to. They would just need Erin and/or Sierra to come to their side, which shouldn’t be too hard.

I’d say that’s pretty accurate. Now Coach and Debbie are on the outside looking in, whereas a week ago, they were in control of the game along with Tyson. The editing for the first 45 minutes of the show was so heavily towards Sierra getting eliminated, that when they first showed us Stephen and JT conspiring to get rid of Tyson, you kinda figured it would happen. Not only was it the right thing to do, it was the smart thing to do. You figure Coach and Debbie are gone now in the coming weeks, and Erinn and Sierra have no chance to win over any jury. So that leaves it as a game between JT, Stephen, and Taj. I think they’re doing a final two this season, so if we get a JT/Stephen final, I’m guessing that’ll be a 4-3, and I’m not quite sure who would win that. Both of them have played great games. JT has been more physical, but has pulled off some critical game playing maneuvers, and Stephen has been one of the smarter players all season.

-Isn’t it like clockwork on this show that when one alliance starts getting cocky and sitting out challenges that eventually they’ll get voted off? Seems to happen all the time. Why would you possibly do that in a show like this? Even if you think you’re in control of this game, hell, even if you KNOW you’re in control of this game, you can’t let other people see it. If Coach and Tyson didn’t walk around camp beating their chests, then Stephen and JT wouldn’t have turned on them. The funny thing is, even though there was a blindside last night, that still doesn’t guarantee a JT & Stephen alliance carrying it to the end. I mean, it definitely could, but there’s no guarantee. What if Coach and Debbie somehow convince Sierra and Erinn to come back to Timbira? Then they can pick off Stephen, JT, and Taj, and there’s your final four. I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen, but it could. I have a feeling we’ll have a final four now of Stephen, JT, Taj, and either Erinn or Sierra. I’ll go with Sierra just for the sole reason the show has madder her out to be an underdog all season long so maybe they’re setting us up for something.

“The Hills”

-Tomorrow in Pasadena, Heidi and Spencer are getting married “for real” this time and it’ll be shown in the finale. I’m so happy for them. When two people love and respect each other as much as those two do, you can’t help but cheer for a strong bond to carry them through until they die. I think it’s safe to say there’s not a chance in hell those two stay married more than a year or two. Kinda makes this whole “let’s go see the fake therapist” storyline kinda dumb right now, doesn’t it? Not only are they getting married, but come to find out they’ll be on yet another reality show airing this summer. More on that later. I just wish these two would come out and admit their relationship is a fraud, it’s only being done for the cameras, and just be done with the whole thing. Oops. Then that would ruin the “Hills” series since Lauren and Audrina are gone next season and it looks like the series will be about Spencer and Heidi. God help us all.

-When did Brody Jenner’s girlfriend become ugly? She looked all jacked up when they were at the club in Monday’s episode and MTV was pushing the fake “Brody and Audrina are gonna hook up” storyline on us. Please. Even though Jayde, or whatever stripper name she has, did look kinda fugly the other night, there’s not a chance in hell Brody would cheat on her with the fembot, Audrina. No way. Even he’s not that dumb. Well, he did agree to do “Bromance”, so maybe I’m giving him too much credit. Just more manufactured B.S. to keep the season interesting. Once again, this season has nothing to do with Lauren and everything to do with people around her. It’s amazing its even lasted five seasons considering the little intrigue the show has.

“RW/RR Challenge: The Duel 2″

-One thing I realized while watching this week and seeing Brittini and Amanda competing was that how in the world can they possibly cast a “Duel 2″ and not have that crazy ass Joey from “RW: Hollywood” on it? That guy is television gold. I don’t know, maybe he’s less interesting if he’s sober, but whatever happened with that? Has he fallen off the wagon? Does he still go around talking like Macho Man Randy Savage? Does he still douche-out his hair? Is he still a belligerent drunk that throws things around when he’s bombed? I need an update on that guy. By far one of the weirder people they’ve ever cast on that show, which makes him a prime candidate for one of the Challenges, right? For his sake, I hope he’s stayed sober. But for TV’s sake, I hope he’s not. If that made any sense. Just someone get me an update on that psycho, cross eyed, steroid monster. Wait, forget it. I just found him. www.joeykovar.com. Oh lord. What a douche. For only $29.95, you can join his fan club and get “exclusive access to never before seen videos and photos, weekly text and video blogs, nutrition and fitness journals, exclusive latest news and local appearances, workout videos, and you will receive an 8 x 10 autographed photo of Joey.” Really? Well damn, here’s my credit card number. Sign me up ten times, please.

-Did I see in the previews for next week that we’re going to have some lesbian action? Outstanding. Whoever would’ve thought it would include that nymph Jen with the painted on eyebrows from “RW: Denver”? Shocking really. I only say that because, well, I believe she banged every guy in Colorado when she was on the show. Or tried to. Always find the classy chicks for the “Real World”, don’t they? You know what else I was surprised to hear? That MJ is married now with a kid. Did he consult Landon on this? Or is it their kid? Talk about a bromance. Has there ever been two guys that fell in love with each other on the show more than MJ and Brandon during “RW: Philly”? Didn’t think so. I hope they raise that kid of theirs properly.

-Who has a better job in the world right now than TJ Lavin? I’d say all the kiddies competing on these challenges, but they actually have to do some work. TJ just gets to take a couple months vacation twice a year, tell everyone what city they’re in before each challenge so they can clap (I’ve never understood that part), and basically has about as much TV hosting skills as I do. Zero emotion. He’s like the Jesse James of reality TV hosting. And he’s a professional BMX rider in his spare time? Wow. Must be a hell of a demanding job if you get 6 months vacation a year. And just think, the other six months are spent riding a bike around doing wheelies. Needless to say, I’m jealous of TJ Lavin. I wonder if when all these kids were in New Zealand they dropped by the “Bachelor” set during the overnight dates and hung out with Jason, Melissa, Molly, and Jillian?

“I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here”

-NBC decided to pick up this cancelled ABC show from about 5 years back and revive it because, well, who doesn’t want to see this? Ten “celebrities” dropped in the middle of the jungle, somewhat “Survivor” style, but this one I believe is voted on by the public about what challenges they have to perform in. The cast officially gets announced later today, but those confirmed already are: Spencer and Heidi (of course), Janice Dickinson, Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman, and Sanjaya. Wow. Could we possibly scrape at the bottom of the reality show barrel any more? This starts on June 1st and I can’t tell you how uninterested I am. Sure, I’ll watch the first episode to see if any crazed lions decide to maul Spencer or Heidi, but other than that, I think I’m good. This is going to be awful.

“Superstars”

-Also being revived, because Hollywood is so original nowadays, is the “Superstars” competition that pits a current world class athlete with a TV “celebrity” to compete in athletic challenges every week until there’s only one team left. The eight teams are:

Terrell Owens & Joanna Krupa
Jeff Kent & Ali Landry
Robert Horry & Estella Warren
Bode Miller & Paige Hemmis
Kristi Leskinen & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Lisa Leslie & Dan Cortese
Jennifer Capriati & David Charvet
Brandi Chastain & Julio Iglesias, Jr.

Whoa. Did someone tell Maksim he’ll actually have to be wearing a shirt for these competitions? How did he agree to that? Looks like he’s all excited for his upcoming nuptials with Karina now that he’s going off doing this. Now this is a show I’ll be watching, no doubt. If for the sole reason that Ali Landry is involved. The only way it could’ve been better is if they stuck Ali with ex-husband Mario Lopez. I think America would’ve been glued to the TV watching them awkwardly discuss their two week marriage because Mario couldn’t keep it in his pants. Awesome. Nice one, Mario.

That’s it for this week. We are very close to launching the RealitySteve.com merchandise store. Still finalizing a few things, but I hope to have it up and running by the start of the “Bachelorette” on May 18th. So far, we have three different designs that I hope you like. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, queries, send them to steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week.