Quite a few interesting stories to get to this week regarding some of our favorite topics. I’ll save the “Survivor” stuff til next week after the finale airs this weekend. Maybe I’ll tweet about it Sunday night. Or is the actual processing called twittering. Or tweeting. Whatever the hell they call it, count on me doing some this weekend. If you’re not on board, sign up by scrolling down the right hand column and joining. As for this week, good stuff coming out of the “Celebrity Apprentice” finale where I’ll get a question answered that I posed on Monday. More hogwash from the “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” saga. Enough already. Just get the divorce and be done with this. Some “Bachelorette” news that I must address since I’ve gotten a gazillion emails about it this week. Also, more evidence the “Hills” is fake. Not that you didn’t know that already. Plus, we’ll talk about Danny Gokey headed home and my reaction to it, since that seemed to be first and foremost on a lot of readers mind. Why? I have no idea. And we’ll get to the finals of “DWTS”. Lets get started.
“Dancing with the Stars”
-Did we really need a two hour show when there’s only four dancers? Hell, the show was an hour and half long when there was EIGHT left. Too much pomp and circumstance for me. We really needed to watch each couples previous TWO dances in their entirety while they critiqued it? I don’t remember them doing this in the past to be honest. Lets just let each of them do their two final dances, have some pros dance in between to kill some time and be done with it. That was waaaaaay too long. Especially when two of those dances belonged to the cyborg that is Ty Murray. Nice guy, great story, had no business being there and I’m glad he’s gone. And he is too. You could tell he barely wanted to be a part of it last week since he knew he was there out of pity votes. I think he should’ve just kept tripping over his own feet on purpose.
-Nice to see our very own Chris Harrison in the house during Wednesday’s results show. How did I know this? Because he let us know on Twitter beforehand. So obviously, I scoped him out in the audience and there he was with lovely wife Gwen. Gotta love cross promotion. That guy wouldn’t be anywhere near that show if the “Bachelor/ette” was on another network. Now before all you get crazy with your “Wait, how can he be there if he’s filming the ‘Bachelorette'”? emails, let me assure you that will addressed later in the column. I can’t believe how many emails I got regarding the whole Jillian conference call with the media this week. I thought it was pretty cut and dry what she said. I guess people didn’t want to believe her for some reason. Later.
-I’ll be honest, I really haven’t watched much of Ty’s dancing the last few weeks. Why? We all know he didn’t deserve to be there based on his dancing ability, so why should I watch? If this was a personality and charm contest, he’d win. But it’s not. Although, I did see the prepackaged video of him taking Chelsie to the Saddle Ranch to ride the mechanical bull. That got me a little sweaty. Chelsie sure looked like she knew what the hell she was doing on top. And she rode the bull quite well also. I was wondering if her cutoff shorts could’ve possibly been any shorter? Hmmmmm. Would’ve been interesting to find out. Do us all a favor next time Chelsie. Just ride the thing naked. Might as well just end all the suspense and get to the goods.
-When they were doing the background vides on each contestant, I was definitely interested in watching Melissa’s. Not so much to see where she came from, but to watch all the “Bachelor” footage again. Man, that was just as good the second time around. Not to mention the fact that she’s dropped at least 15 lbs since the “Bachelor” filming. Wow. She really looks good now. Not that she was fat by any means on the show, but you look at her now and you could bounce quarters off her ass. Wow. I haven’t used that line in years. Good to break that one out. It’s been in the closet for a while now.
-One of the other big themes on the email this week has been something to this effect: “How come Melissa’s parents kept claiming they were ‘private people’ which is why they didn’t want to be filmed on the ‘Bachelor’, but in her hometown video this week, they were front and center talking about her.” I think there is a very simple answer to this question. Because even they know the “Bachelor” is a ridiculous show and complete joke. Probably didn’t want to associate themselves with it. Now, “DWTS” is paying their daughter some serious coin to be on their show, so sh**, I’d be doing whatever they asked of me too. Can you blame them? ABC and the “Bachelor” told us that they were private people who didn’t want to be filmed. Whether you choose to believe that’s really the case or they were just using that to sell a storyline is completely up to you. I’ll choose the latter.
“‘American Idol’ Results Show”
-The question I’ve gotten asked most in the last 36 hours or so is, “So how do you feel now that Gokey is gone?” Ummmm, the same way I felt before he was gone? And the same way I’ve felt every season? Look, I’ve never voted and I never will. I just watch. I don’t care who wins. My opinion was that I thought Danny would win. He didn’t. The last thing I’m going to do is start writing, “OMG, I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT ELIMINATED!!!!” It’s really no big deal. And I’m sorry, if you’re that sad, or that disappointed, or that angry he’s gone, you need your head checked. There are about ten gazillion things more important in this world than whether or not Danny Gokey should’ve been in the “American Idol” finals. I thought he’d be there. I thought he’d win. I was wrong. Wasn’t the first time, and won’t be the last. I’ve just never understood people who would get so worked up over this show. I read the comments from some of you people and shake my head in amazement. Really? You really dislike other people that much and think that other people who like someone you don’t are wrong? Wow. Some people are cat people. Some people are dog people. Some people like both. Well, same goes here. Some are Kris fans. Some are Adam fans. Some are Gokey fans. Does it make them less of a person because they don’t like someone you like?
-And since “Idol” never shows us voting results, what if Kris beat out Danny by 500,000 votes out of, what they claim, was “88 million who voted”? Would you really be that surprised then? Out of 88 million votes, if it was announced that Adam got 50 million, Kris got 30 million, and Danny got 8 million, then I’d be surprised. Other than that, it is what it is. “How can Danny never be in the bottom 3 all season then get eliminated?” Ummmm, cuz maybe they were ALL in the bottom 3 Wednesday night. And the top 3. Once there’s three left, you can throw your “bottom 3” mess out the window. Does it really matter at that point? And I’ll make this point again: Because Danny got voted out, doesn’t mean he’s not a good singer, or won’t have a great career, or got screwed. It means that on Tuesday night, May 13th, it just so happened Adam and Kris got more votes than him. That’s all it means. Nothing more, nothing less. Same goes for next week when the winner is announced. Some people need a real perspective when it comes to this show, and that’s sad. Because the person you wanted to win got eliminated doesn’t mean the show is fixed.
-Which brings us to a Kris/Adam finale. Who’ll win? Hell if I know. I’d like to say Adam, but, if there’s no votes going to Gokey anymore, I would think Gokey fans who continue to vote might lean more towards Kris than they would Adam. But that’s pure speculation. I don’t know, you don’t know, nobody knows. And a lot of you need to get off this “This show is fixed” thing. Really? If its fixed, why the hell didn’t Daughtry win? Hell, why didn’t Daughtry even get to the finals? If its fixed, explain Taylor Hicks winning when Simon admitted from the get-go he was never a fan? If its fixed, wouldn’t the whole object of fixing the thing be to put, who they feel, are the two best singers in the finals every year? How many times have we had that?
Season 1: Sideshow Guarini certainly wasn’t the 2nd best singer on that season. Not even close.
Season 2: Definitely had it right with Reuben and Clay.
Season 3: Diana DeGarmo? Please. I bet half you didn’t even remember she lost to Fantasia.
Season 4: Debatable on Bo Bice. At worst, he was 3rd best, so you can make a case they had it right that season as well.
Season 5: Not even close. Next.
Season 6: Jordin was always the best singer that season. Blake was the best performer, but certainly wasn’t the best singer.
Season 7: The two David’s. Ok, this season had the right two in the finals as well.
3 out of 7 is less than 50% last time I checked. What I’m getting at is the show is NOT fixed. Please. This isn’t the 1960’s people and this isn’t “Quiz Show”. Too much money involved in this show and too much scrutiny for the #1 show in America the last 5 years to even contemplate tampering with the results. If you really think “Idol” would risk that, you’re quite naive I hate to tell ya’. Lets remember, for the 100th time, the voters have the say in who they want to win. The judges can pimp Adam all they want. If he wins, it doesn’t mean its because of the judges pimping him because there’s no way you can prove that. Just the same way you can’t prove if Kris wins, its because fans were sick of the judges pimping Adam so they voted against what the judges wanted. Perfect example was last years finale: All three judges said that Archuleta outperformed Cook on ALL 3 songs. It was unanimous. Hands down. Simon even called it a “knockout”. But Cook ended up winning. Yet in season 4, Simon predicted half way through the season not only would Carrie win that season, “but she would sell more records than any contestant ever on the show”. Fans didn’t seem to vote against that, did they? So yes, sometimes the fans side with the judges, and sometimes they don’t. There’s no way to prove it, so by throwing out “conspiracy” and “fixed” makes you seem ignorant. Unless you personally ask every single person who voted their reasoning behind their vote, you’ll never get your answer as to how and why people vote for the ones they do. So lets drop the conspiracy nonsense. Its ridiculous.
-The one question I asked after the finale was, “Why couldn’t we get a truthful answer to what happened with Joan and her designer.” Well, we finally did, but it was too late since Joan was already named the winner. And it was what we pretty much should’ve expected. The guy quit on Joan because she was a complete bitch. The man in question, David Tutera, who hosts some show called “My Fair Wedding”, went on Barbara Walters radio show this past Monday morning and essentially blasted the show, and Joan and Melissa, into another orbit. What’d he say? Take a look:
“Joan and Melissa were completely incapable of giving me their insight on how the party should look. They had zero direction. In 23 years of being in this business, I have never left anyone, no matter how difficult they are to work with. Her behavior towards any human being was so unacceptable to me. She’s a monster I cannot begin to even explain.”
Furthermore, he was told by “Celebrity Apprentice” producers beforehand that at no time was he allowed to give Joan any ideas of his own. “So when I got to the room and Joan’s team gave me no ideas, I was left to sort of stand there and defend myself.” Reality television.
-And of course, let’s not forget what was brought up by a commenter in Monday’s blog which I researched and found out to be true, and that’s Donald Trump’s sister-in-law, Blaine Trump, is a Vice Chairman for “God’s Love We Deliver”, Joan’s charity. And there are plenty of internet pictures of Blaine Trump and Joan Rivers together at functions. Gee, kind of a conflict of interest wouldn’t you think? So I ask all fans of Joan who came running to her defense, tell me exactly what you think of how the show played out now? Yes, Donald Trumps brother WAS married to Blaine Trump before a messy divorce, but still, the woman is his sister-in-law and having her charity front and center on the finale, giving the title to Joan so she can give $250k to that particular charity? Please.
“Jon and Kate Plus Eight”
-Man, this stuff is getting better and better. Now Kate is boinking her bodyguard. And they’ve been separated for six months, according to Kate’s brother, who was unceremoniously booted from the show after season 2 or 3 because, as he states, “Kate didn’t want to share the money that was being doled out”. The funny thing through all of this is that in Kate’s televised interview, she’s even admitted to them having problems. And Jon wasn’t by her side. And she says she “doesn’t believe” the infidelity rumors are true, yet doesn’t flat out deny them and say there’s no way that’s possible. Look, I can’t feel sorry for these two. They’re giving us the “woe is us” B.S. and I just don’t buy it. Look at what your life has become since you popped out six kids. You’re making 75k a show, you live in a million dollar home, you fly for free everywhere you go, and all the other perks from the show you’ve gotten are ridiculous. Did you see this list? Here it is:
– Free beds
– Front-loader washing machines
– New furniture
– Free solar panels for “Going Green” episode
– Clothes from Gymboree and Gap
– Mady & Cara birthday at American Girl Place (2 dolls and birthday package for 2 adults & 2 kids): $710
– Trip to Florida Key’s for Jon’s 30th birthday
-Tickets to Dutch Wonderland amusement park: $309.50
-1/2 an organic cow from Natural Acres Farm: $1,395.00
-Tickets to Philadelphia Zoo: $104.00
-Tickets to Walt Disney World: $654.00 per day
– Utah house rental (estimate: $5,000), ski lift tickets $72 for six days), ski school lessons ($140 per child)
– Upright piano, which they got rid of when they moved into their new $1.1 million home : $5,550-$6,350
– Violin: $100-$300
– Old house re-carperted
-Crayola Factory Tour: $90.00
-Teeth Whitening (for Jon & Kate): $1,310 (average price for 2 adults)
-Hair plugs (Jon): $5,200 (average cost)
-Sesame Street Place tickets: $509.50
-Day with Thomas the Tank Engine: $180.00
-Beach trip to North Carolina, house rental, Jeep tour
-Sight & Sound Christian theatre tickets: $236.00
-SkyBox at Phillies game
-LegoLand tickets: $550.00
-San Diego Zoo tickets: $278.00
-Grand Wailea Resort (Hawaii) for 2008 vow renewal: Suites range from $725-$1,080 per night.
-2 purebred German Shepherd puppies: $1,000-$3,000 per dog
– Please Touch Museum tickets: $150.00
– Giants grocery store: $5,000 in gift cards and a year’s supply of diapers
And I’m supposed to feel sorry for this couple? They’re two of the luckiest sons of bitches on this planet, all for doing nothing but birthing six heads at a time. You were nobodies before all this happened, now you’re one of the more recognizable families out there. If your husband can’t keep it in his pants, that’s his problem. If you want to play hide the sausage with the bodyguard, that’s your problem. Don’t tell middle America how tough your life has become because people want a picture when you go to the grocery store or paparazzi camps out in front of your house. You brought that on yourself the minute you signed on the dotted line to have your lives taped.
-As we know, Kristin Cavallari is replacing Lauren on the “Hills” next season and will make her first appearance in the season finale when she catches the bouquet at Speidi’s wedding. Wow. How coincidental? Anyway, she was interviewed this week and basically told those who didn’t know, yeah, ummm, our show is pretty fake. This is an interview with EW.com. Awesome.
On why she’s coming back to reality TV:
“The goal for me is to get my fans excited about me again. When I first started out, I had a celebrity name but I didn’t have the acting skills I have now. If I have some buzz with my name again, I feel like it will only help.”
On rumors that producers are plotting a romance between her and Justin Bobby (which The Hills producers deny):
“I have no idea! [laughs] I donâ€™t think MTV would be like, ‘Oh you’re dating him now. This is your boyfriend.’ But they might try and set up situations. I’m totally cool with that. Again, it’s a TV show and they need to make it entertaining.”
On how her version of The Hills will differ from Lauren’s:
“I’m a completely different person than Lauren. I have a lot more energy. I’m more outgoing. I’m a little more spontaneous. And she has a boyfriend so she’s not dating on the show. I’m very open to dating and finding a guy.”
On introducing Heidi and Spencer:
“It’s so funny. I guess it was 4 years ago. I was dating Brody [Jenner] and Spencer was Brody’s best friend. I had known Heidi when she was friends with Lauren when we were still filming Laguna Beach. Heidi was like, ‘Hook me up with someone. I wanna meet a guy.’ And Brody and I were kinda like, ‘Well, maybe Spencer?’ We’ll see what happens.’ So we all went on a double date and they just hit it off right away and now they’re married.”
Gee, where do I begin? “I didn’t have the acting skills I have now.” Ooooh, cuz that’s what everyone watches this show for. The acting skills of the characters. If what you call what Audrina does “acting”, then they should just cancel the Oscars for the rest of this century because she’s disgracing the industry. Giving blank stares and facial expressions is acting? Since when?
“It’s a TV show and they need to make it entertaining.” Translation: None of this is real, we’re told what to do and say once we’re put into contrived situations that will create drama. And did I mention that I’m getting paid to do all this, so essentially, I do whatever they tell me to do.
“(Lauren) has a boyfriend so she’s not dating on the show.” Always been one of my favorite things about the “Hills” is that the show is supposed to be about Lauren’s city life, yet it doesn’t focus on the two most important things in her life. Her clothing line and her boyfriend. Nice. Really capturing the essence of who she really is by showing us her drinking lattes and listening to all of her friends drama.
And finally, the fact that Kristin was the one that introduced Heidi and Spencer officially means she’s the devil and needs to be cleared off this earth as soon as possible. Maybe the fake Locke can do away with her through his “loophole”.
-I’m going to answer this question only once so the emails quit pouring in. No, they have not completed filming of the “Bachelorette” yet, so for I believe the first time in shows history, the show will begin airing while filming is still going on. What does this mean? I don’t know. I guess it gives them an opportunity to not have the F1 get out so early. Or it means they could pull what they did in Charlie’s season and do a live finale in the end, which is something I’ve said over and over again, I don’t know why they’ve only done it once. The show started filming March 25 or 26th, and with the 6-8 week schedule it takes to shoot, not being done filming right now holds water. The rumors about Jillian not choosing anyone are just that at this point. Rumors. Considering they haven’t shot the final rose ceremony yet, I don’t even know how that could even be a rumor. Doesn’t make much sense.
-The lovely Laura Saltman over at AccessHollywood.com (who’s link you can find down the right hand column, “Dish of Salt”), has gotten to see clips of the premiere show and has a mini review up if you want to check it out. In it, she mentions that Jason and Molly are headed to Turks and Caicos this weekend for vacation. Which immediately brought up rumors that they are going to show up on Jillian’s final rose ceremony somehow to give their advice. Man, ever since last season, people seem to think that everything someone does means something in regards to the “Bachelor”. Chris Harrison tweets something, and immediately people want to tie it to the “Bachelorette”. Jason and Molly take a vacation, and immediately its got something to do with the show. Jason and Molly vacationing in Turks in Caicos means nothing more than Jason and Molly are vacationing in Turks and Caicos. I can’t imagine ABC is gonna have them show up during Jillians season considering they did that last season with DeAnna and her bogus appearance in New Zealand. But hey, if they want to shove it down our throats that J&M are still together, I’m sure they’ll find a way. I just don’t think they’d do it at Jillians expense.
That’s it for this week. Hope you enjoyed it. Next week, since the “Idol” results aren’t known til Wednesday, I’ll just include my “Idol” recap in with “Reality Roundup” on Friday. So before the emails and hate mail start flowing in, THERE WILL BE NO “IDOL” RECAP ON WEDNESDAY. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at email@example.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you next Friday.