Three finales to cover as they all wrapped up in the last week. “Idol” put one of their best, if not the best, finale they’ve ever done, so most of the column will be spent on that. Melissa comes up short, yet again, on a reality show in the “DWTS” finale, plus, JT surprisingly blows out Stephen in the final tribal council on “Survivor”. Only the 2nd time in history the vote has ever been 7-0 in the finals, and I guarantee off the top of your head, you don’t remember the other one. Obviously you could google it and find the answer in five seconds, but even when I heard it, I had completely forgotten about this winner. Probably the most non-descript winner in this shows history. Right now, I couldn’t even tell you what country they were in for that winners season. I’ll have the answer later. But let’s get started with “Idols” two-night finale, since I have the most to say about that one.
“American Idol” Finale
-In case you missed it, I essentially “tweeted” during the “Idol” finale from beginning to end. If you missed it, just check down the right hand column in my Twitter box to see everything I wrote. Some stuff I will cover in more detail here since I’ve got more than 140 characters to use, and some stuff I won’t cover at all. Didn’t think I would, but so many things started happening, I figured “Why not?” I have to say, that was probably the best finale that “Idol” has ever produced. Still didn’t have the best “Idol” finale moment, but for all two hours, it was the best they’ve done. And they’ve done some good ones. Season 5 was the only other finale that really came close to this one due to three factors:
-The surprise appearance by Prince
-The surprise appearance by Clay Aiken
-David Hasselhoff crying
-If you want to throw in a 4th, you can include Meatloaf and Katharine McPhee’s creepy duet.
-Going back to Tuesday’s performance show, I thought it was pretty even. Kris outperformed Adam on the first song. Adam outperformed him on the second song. And I’d say they were both pretty equal on the new single, “No Boundaries”, which is taking a beating by everyone for being horrible. I’m definitely in the minority on this, but I don’t think it’s as bad as people are making it out to be. First off, it’s a really difficult song to sing because there’s so many lyrics. So I think that part of the song wasn’t good. But other than that, I guess my question is, “What did you expect? Have you watched this show for the previous seven seasons? What’d you think the final song was going to be about?” That’s pretty much exactly the kind of song I figured they’d be singing. Need I remind you the titles of the seven previous finale songs:
Season 1: “A Moment Like This”
Season 2: “Flying Without Wings”
Season 3: “I Believe”
Season 4: “Inside Your Heaven”
Season 5: “My Destiny” (Katharine) & “Do I Make You Proud” (Taylor)
Season 6: “This is My Now”
Season 7: “The Time of My Life”
Notice a pattern here? And if you remember the lyrics to any of these songs, they pretty much all contained the same words and phrases: “destiny”, “mountains”, “impossible”, “dreams”, “stronger”, “believe”, “won’t give up”, “hope”, “faith”, “show you that you can”, “make it through”, “finally come true” etc. You get the point. Basically, all lyrics that I’m sure Danny Gokey will be including on his first album. “No Boundaries” was no different than anything else they’ve done for seven seasons, other than it was much more wordy than past songs. It was almost like there wasn’t a point in the song where Adam or Kris could catch their breath. Also, if you’ve heard the studio version that Kris did, it’s not nearly as bad as the live performance was. Is it a great song? No. Is it terrible? I don’t think so. I guess I’ve just come to expect these types of songs for the first single.
-As for Wednesday’s show, there’s a whole slew of things to talk about. Right off the bat, the group performance. Another cheesy one where I can’t reiterate enough how awkward it is seeing Scott McIntyre perform in these. Yes, I know he’s blind. Which is the reason he shouldn’t be put on stage in a dance number with 12 other people who have perfect vision. I’m sure Scott’s saying that if you single him out and have him doing something different, you’re playing up his handicap. Not if it makes the performance stand out. Let me ask you something, when the group is performing, are you really looking to see how Megan Joy is doing? Are you checking to see if Michael Sarver is on cue? No. You’re looking at Scott. You know it and I know it. There’d have been absolutely nothing wrong with having Scott at the piano for every group performance. And don’t even get me started with Scott singing the lyrics, “If you want body, and you think I’m sexy, come on baby let me know” before Rod Stewart came out. Uh huh. Believable.
-I think a lot of you will be surprised by this, but I honestly got a kick out of Norman Gentle all season. Hey, I’m the first guy to call out stupid schtick when I see it, but I seriously think that guy’s got something. Whether its in a play as the goofy best friend, or a sidekick on some comedy sitcom with a laugh track, I think Norman Gentle is funny. There. I said it. And it feels bizarre for me to admit it. Typically I would think stuff like that is hokey and completely unoriginal. But I’m serious, he’s got something. I don’t know what, but I know I was entertained every time I saw him this season. Now, when he won the award and came on stage in sweats saying he had no idea he’d win, I knew that was B.S. because you could see the sparkly Norman Gentle shirt underneath. And considering Paula showed up to Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s shows after falling asleep at the tanning bed, and Simon decided to have every button down to his naval unbuttoned on his suit, you really didn’t believe someone would actually wear sweats to that event, did you?
-A couple of the Idols performing with the artists were interesting. Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah? Hmmmm, that was just a whole lot of ass up on the stage at that point. It was like a double feature could’ve been shown at the same time if their backs faced the audience. I didn’t really get the Alexis Grace and Anoop with Jason Mraz thing, did you? I don’t think either of their tone is anything like Mraz. Obviously, Kris has been compared to Mraz all season so I don’t know why he did his with Keith Urban. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be, but since Kris will never put out a country song or album, what was the point? Everyone got what they wanted when Adam sang with Queen. It was a mistake not to have Kris sing with Jason Mraz. Teenage girls across America would’ve developed into women instantaneously if they saw that.
-In terms of the performers they got to show up, season 7 definitely takes the cake over all past finales. Season 5 was the only close one. But to get Jason Mraz, KISS, Rod Stewart, Queen Latifah, Cyndi Lauper, Queen, the Black Eyed Peas, David Cook, Carrie Underwood, and Steve Martin of all people, you can’t beat that. Gotta be impressed with that lineup. A thoroughly enjoyable show for all two hours. The awards are funny because it allows for a little comic relief. Although the Tatiana Del Toro thing was fixed obviously. So staged that it lost its humor. I’m guessing a few bouncers would’ve been able to drag that chick off the stage in two seconds if they wanted to. Actually, because the show was full of surprises last night, and Tatiana was known for singing “Saving All My Love For You”, I thought once she started singing, they were gonna bring Whitney’s cracked out corpse up there so we could all watch Tatiana have a meltdown. You think Bikini Skank was surprised to see Kara? What do you think Tatiana would’ve done if she turned around and saw Whitney? She might’ve died on stage.
-Ok, let’s get to it. By far the highlight of the night, and that was Kara completely upstaging a PISSED OFF Bikini Skank with her new jugs. If that didn’t earn Kara a contract for season 9, I don’t know what will. In my eyes, completely redeemed herself for all the “Sweeties” and “Here’s the thing” she gave us all season long. And remember, I’m the guy who’s been in the minority all season on her since I’ve liked her from the beginning. As I said before, if Kara would’ve been the 3rd judge with Randy and Simon since season 1, and Paula just joined us this season, it’d be the complete opposite. You know it, and I know it. Anyway, just as I’m about to post the YouTube video of the whole Bikini Whore/Kara feud, YouTube decides to take down all the videos saying its property of 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. I hate when they do that. So, here’s what I was going to write about the video:
-At the 1:59 mark, I love it when Idol producers turned down Bikini Playmate’s mic, and turned Kara’s up so she’d drown her out. Classic.
-At the 2:17 mark, when Kara hits her high note in the song, Bikini Dumpster tries to match it and basically had all dogs in the Los Angeles area howling. That was awful.
-At the 2:36 mark, after the performance is over and they walk over to Seacrest, Bikini Hooker gives the most insincere kiss and hug to Kara you’ll ever see. Kinda like, “I can’t believe you just did that to me and now are acting all nice.” When in reality, Bikini Prostitute should be thanking Fox and “Idol” every second of the day that anyone even knows who the hell she is.
-And finally, right at the 3:00 mark, Bikini Tramp basically sizes up Kara’s body then rolls her eyes like she’s too good for this show. God, she’s annoying. And nice boob job. Why was your left breast facing in a completely different direction than your right one? Enjoy your career in porn.
And Kara, if you want to just judge all next season in a bikini, I would gladly accept that. It would offset Paula’s public intoxication every week. My only problem with Kara? She kinda walks like a dude.
-Once again, a lot of people emailed me after the finale and asked the proverbial, “Are you shocked at what happened?” My answer: no. If you look at one of my tweets from earlier in the day, I did mention that since Shawn’s fan base rallied for her on Monday night, I wonder if Kris’ would do the same. People are shocked because all season we’ve been led to believe Adam was the favorite because that’s what the judges were telling us. But the minute Kris was able to take down Gokey and his fan base last week, I knew it wasn’t impossible to take down Adam’s. In fact, here were my exact words back on March 10th, my first column on this season of “Idol”:
“I wouldn’t mind seeing a guy like him succeed. This show has always been about giving someone a chance, and for a guy in his late 20’s who seemingly has paid his dues, it’s nice to see him perform. I know he’s a good singer, I know he’ll do well, but the “freak” factor will ultimately prevent him from winning the thing. Do I think he’ll get a record deal? Absolutely. But let’s remember who a majority of the people who vote on this show are: middle aged white people, probably leaning on the conservative side. As sad as it sounds, his look is basically whatll cost him the title. If he wins, I’ll be the first to congratulate him. I wouldn’t have a problem with him winning whatsoever. I just don’t think he will. But I could see him in the final two or three. He is starting to grow on me.”
-So to answer the question, “Did Adam Lambert not win ‘American Idol’ because he’s gay? No. Did him being gay play a role? I’m sure it did. I can’t prove it since I don’t have access to the emails and phone numbers of everyone who voted. But then again, those people screaming that America sucks because they didn’t vote for a gay guy to win “American Idol”, they can’t prove that’s why he didn’t get their votes either. So why don’t we all just shut up about this ridiculous debate. Oh, and anyone still questions whether Adam is gay or not, did you hear what his answer was yesterday when asked who he’d love to perform duets with? “Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Madonna, who continues to be the next big thing.” Well, that and the fact that his boyfriend was sitting with his family the last few weeks.
-I still don’t understand people out there saying “Idol” didn’t want a gay person to win, or, people who are so bothered that Adam didn’t win. Really? Let me ask you a question: Who the f*** cares? Does the fact that Kris Allen won mean you weren’t productive at work yesterday? If your answer was “yes” to that question, you’re living in a world that I’m afraid I can’t help you with. That’s embarrassing if it did. I thought Danny would win this season. He didn’t. I haven’t thought for two seconds about it since he got eliminated. And neither should you. Adam and Kris are both going to put out albums, I guarantee Adam will be back on the show next season performing, and Adam will still have a great career in theater and on Broadway. But Good Lord, so he doesn’t carry around the title of “American Idol” champion, who the hell cares? Certainly not me. And I certainly don’t care that Kris IS the champion. I think they’re both good performers, and once you get to the final four or five, pretty much everyone wins.
-I also just wanted to point out that the two times there’s been someone from the LA/Hollywood area who made it to the finals (Katharine and Adam), they both lost to people from small Southern towns (Taylor and Kris). I think there’s something to be said for that. People love the small town country boys who are the underdogs. America loves the underdog. I’m just sayin’. And Adam’s hometown may have been San Diego, but he lives in LA and has for a while now.
-You know another debate I can do without? “Did the better singer win?” Huh? What kind of question is that to ask? If everyone has different tastes in music and voices, how can there be a right or wrong answer to that question? There isn’t. Adam fans will answer “no” and Kris fans will answer “yes”. It’s pretty simple. Adam and Kris couldn’t be more different vocally if they tried. Adam can go high and low, scream like Axl Rose, and has great control of his voice. Kris has a much softer, melodic voice that is much more soothing on the ears in pretty much every song. Did the better singer win? Based on what? If the contest was about finding the next front man for Queen, then no, the better singer didn’t win. If it was finding the next Jason Mraz clone, then yes. Such a stupid question to ask, I don’t even see the point. Once again, the voice of reason in this debate seems to be Kara. She was on Seacrests radio show this morning and here’s how she answered the “Did the right person win” question: “For me, this was a very interesting year, because you had such different artists. You had the soft side of rock and the hard side of rock, and it really wasn’t about winning, it’s about, what’s your preference?” Exactly. If you prefer flamboyancy and screaming, then no, the right person didn’t win. If you prefer softer rock, then yes, the right person won. You’re the best, Kara. Anytime you want to wear a bikini again, be my guest you MILF. Even though you have no kids.
-A final thought on the season in general. Probably the best final three we’ve ever had. I still think Adam will have a better theater and acting career than he will a recording career. He’s going to be a Broadway star. I think Danny will put out a decent album and will be asked back next season to perform. And I will admit, that towards the end, Kris started to grow on me. I underestimated him. Does he have a powerful voice? Not at all. But it’s definitely a listenable voice. And I could see myself buying some of his stuff in the future if he gets with the right producers and songwriters. He’s talented and I never denied that. It’s just for whatever reason, I wasn’t into him in during the early and middle weeks. But he’s got a good story, he’s a likable guy, and I do like his music. So I have no problem with him winning, nor would I have had a problem with Adam winning either. Or Danny. Kris is our “American Idol” for 2009. Everyone can calm down now. It’ll be ok.
-I need to discuss one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, epidemic facing our country right now. It’s going on all over America, a lot of people have been affected by it, and it’s time that I bring it to everyone’s attention. In case you’ve been living under a rock recently, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And that is people in the Eastern and Central time zones who tweet, or update their Facebook status, on a show that they’re watching and ruin it for people who haven’t seen it yet. That might be my biggest pet peeve going right now. Yes, I twittered during the “Idol” finale, but I never gave away the winner, and most of my tweets were humorous more than factual updates on what was happening. You know why it’s my biggest pet peeve? Because I know a lot of those people don’t actually think they’re ruining it. What may seem like a simple concept I think gets lost on certain people living in the Eastern and Central time zones. You people do realize that by the time the “Idol” finale, or the “Grey’s” finale, or the “Survivor” finale is over, it hasn’t even started airing on the West Coast yet? You do realize this don’t you? I don’t think some of you do. Yes, I’m in Texas. I’m in the Central time zone, so I’m seeing everything first, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be watching out for my West Coast peeps. Please, if you watch something before everyone else, don’t ruin it on your Twitter account or Facebook status for other people. It’s annoying. The next time I see “Noooooo!!!! I can’t believe Kris won!” as someone’s facebook status when its still 7:00 on the West Coast, I think I’ll send them a virus. That’s my Public Service Announcement for today.
“Dancing With the Stars” Finale
-When Melissa was eliminated first and finished, I thought for sure Gilles would win. Shows you what I know. Here’s my problem, and always has been, with the “DWTS” finale. I’m fine with Shawn winning, that doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just that lets not pretend the scores you get in the finale have any bearing whatsoever on anything. I mean, has anyone ever gotten below a 9 on the finale? Ever? The scores on Monday night were 58, 57, 56. And on the one dance they were judged on Tuesday, all three of them got 30’s. So basically 2 pts separated 1st from 3rd place which essentially means, with the convoluted way they figure out scoring on this show, there was such a small percentage difference in the judges scores, that it all came down to the audience vote. Like it does every season. NO ONE gets worse than three 9’s on the final performances unless you trip and fall over yourself the whole dance. So the judges scores in the end really don’t matter much. They only do earlier in the season when 10-15 pts can separate the top from the bottom.
-Julianne Hough is taking next season off so she can tour, and they’re going to replace her with the blonde chick who won the fans voting. I can deal with that trade off. I’m fine with that. And by all accounts, Julianne says she’ll be returning in the Spring 2010 edition. So good news for all of us. How about when she comes back, assuming you keep the blonde foreign chick as well, lets give Cheryl some time off. Like, til the end of time. I’m sick of her whining and berating her dance partners in the pre-dance video packages. Plus, doesn’t she have another dance studio to open up, or some new young guy to date? Or watch a dual between Drew and Emmitt to see who gets to have her permanently?
-I wasn’t impressed in the least bit with Gilles or Melissa’s freestyle. If Shawn won because of her freestyle performance, then they made the right call. Gilles had about 5 better dances all season than his freestyle. Didn’t seem like there was anything difficult about it whatsoever, and it even got slow at some points. Melissa’s was just corny. They did a bunch of 80’s dances which, once again, didn’t seem difficult at all. Shawn and Mark’s freestyle was non-stop action for the whole time they were on the dance floor. Level of difficulty was through the roof, and I was amazed they kept up their pace for that long. One of the better freestyles we’ve ever seen on that show. Seriously, Gilles and Melissa should’ve gotten 8’s across the board if Shawn and Mark got 10’s. Theirs was that much better without a doubt.
-So who was the only other “Survivor” winner to win the final Tribal Council vote 7-0? Give up? I sure did. It was Earl Cole. I think that was “Survivor: China”. Too lazy to look it up. Pretty amazing in 18 seasons of this show, that only two have pitched a shutout in the finals, and both were within the last 4 seasons. I was pretty surprised JT got all 7. I honestly thought the vote would be 4-3 but hey, once again just like on “Idol”, people like the underdog from the South. JT had charm, did work around camp, played up the “awwww shucks” attitude, and everyone else liked him. Stephen never really came across as a schemer, just more of the nerdy business man type. So I guess I could see where they’d want to see someone like JT win. Let’s face it, who wouldn’t vote for a guy who’s worked on a farm his whole life vs the NY City business man? Seems like a no-brainer. JT needed the money more, so he got it. And America gave him another $100k to boot on top of all that for being their favorite. Quite a night for him. I’m guessing the minute he got home he and the pigs made some sweet lovin’ all night long.
I’m very excited to be launching the RealitySteve.com merchandise store this Tuesday. Assuming we overcome all glitches, my girls come through for me, and PayPal isn’t too difficult for us to figure out, everything should be up and running by Tuesday. We are going to launch with 12 items and a total of 3 different designs. Let’s remember, this will be a work in progress. When fall rolls around, we’ll have other heavier items available, but we decided to just go with basic summer clothing right now, and in the future, I’m sure we’ll come up with more logos and concepts. But for right now, we like what we have and we hope you do too. Plus, it’s going to be cheaper and better quality than anything you’ll find over at you-know-who’s site. You know, the guy who likes drawing penises on peoples faces. Yeah him. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at email@example.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you Tuesday.