The Bachelorette 5 Recap – 6/15/09
-For those who have ordered RealitySteve.com merchandise, your products will be shipping out this week. We’ve since changed our shipping schedule around so you will not have to wait as long in the future. If you haven’t ordered anything, check out the store at:
We’ve gotten a few more former contestants on board with the merchandise that you will be seeing very soon. That’s assuming they decide to send in pics that are “tastefully done”. You never know. Otherwise, the response has been great. We will soon have a store link that’ll take you directly to the store rather than having to search for the web address link. Also, there will be some specials coming up, so stay tuned for that. It will be announced in this column, on Twitter, and on Facebook, so I’m sure you won’t miss it. If you haven’t added me as a friend on Facebook or started following on Twitter, just scroll down the right hand column under “My Stuff” and join. It’s free! And it doesn’t hurt either. If you haven’t started following on Twitter, you should. Some good stuff going on. Especially this past weekend. I just found out I’m part of the “Twitter clique” that is mean to other people. Wow. This is just like high school. I loved high school.
-In addition, HUGE news regarding the site that I’ll have for you tomorrow. It’s been a while, but, we have not one, but two, interviews lined up for all of you that I know you’ll enjoy. I will have more information tomorrow since I’m working out the final few details on both right now, but if/when this goes through, these are going to be two interviews you don’t want to miss. Check back tomorrow for details.
-For the first time ever, I’m going to preface this column by saying this: SPOILERS AHEAD! They’re coming. If you don’t want to know, don’t continue to read. Having said that, I’m guessing 99% of you will continue to read on. Which only proves that as much as you don’t want to know, you actually do want to know. Hey, just wanted to give the heads up since I will be addressing some things in this column that I haven’t yet this season.
-I’m gonna do this column a little backwards today, and start with the Ed situation first. In case you haven’t checked the site since last Tuesday evening, I posed a question and possible scenarios as to some of the things we’ve yet to see on the show. That is because we’ve heard since the beginning of the season that something happened during Jillians filming which had never happened before in the shows history, and was something very emotional. Well, as we saw, that happened last night. Ed went home. Sort of. I posed six possible scenarios last Tuesday night here on the blog about what we haven’t seen in the shows history. They were:
1) One bachelors exit causes another to question why he’s there
2) Jillian asks a bachelor to leave, only to have a change of heart later to ask him back
3) A bachelor leaves the show due to a personal/family/work related crisis and never returns
4) A bachelor leaves the show due to personal/family/work related reasons only to return at a later date
5) A bachelor leaves the show only to be replaced by another bachelor at a later date
6) A former bachelor returns which causes a current bachelor to leave
Well, there was a reason I posted this. Because the answer is #4. Why didn’t I just tell you what the answer was, or tell you that Ed comes back later this season? Well, just because I knew, didn’t mean I had to tell. People seem to think I’m making stuff up this season just to draw attention to the site. Couldn’t be further from the truth. If I was, I would’ve revealed this sooner. I mean, yeah, its kind of big deal that Ed leaves and returns later this season, but is it bigger than the scandal last season? Of course not. What we’re dealing with here is more manipulation though. However, Ed leaving and coming back has nothing to do with work. Once again, this is all part of the script. Sorry if I just spoiled it for you, but if you couldn’t tell after watching that debacle last night that Ed returns, you should be ashamed.
-You mean to tell me that all the other guys there aren’t allowed internet, TV, or phone access while on the show, and aren’t allowed to converse with family members, yet Ed Swiderski’s company is allowed to call him and give him sh** for being on the show? Sure they were. Then to see Ed with the “I wanna keep this rose” line, I mean c’mon. It’s like they’re not even hiding it this season. Complete foreshadowing that he’s returning. I’m here to tell you that basically Ed was told, “Look, you’re gonna leave the show and we’re gonna bring you back.” That’s what happened. This has nothing to do with Ed’s work, that was just the on-air reason they gave. And a poor one at that. Every bachelor that goes on this show has to potentially leave their job for six weeks to go film, so you’re telling me after 17 seasons of this show, this is the first guy who’s career was in jeopardy? Of course not. Just a horrible storyline/excuse for them to come up with.
-If Ed is going to use the “I could lose my job if I stay here” line as his reason for leaving, well, when he comes back in a couple weeks, what will be his reason then? I’m sure it’ll be, “Hey, everything’s cool at work. They said I could come back and fight for the woman I love.” Barf. This is honestly one of the worst scripted storylines this show has ever come up with, and they’ve had some pretty bad ones. For whatever reason, Ed was the guy they chose to have the drama with this season. “We’ll have you leave for work related issues, then bring you back later on in the season as the big surprise/shocker/BS ending.” Unbelievable. Like anyone who watched that last night actually thinks Ed is gone for good.
-Another reason you’ll able to tell Ed comes back? When ABC does their conference call this week with one of the eliminated bachelors, my guess is Ed Swiderski will not be the guy the media is allowed to talk to. Which makes no sense since they always give the media access to the eliminated bachelor who was the most important. Well, no offense Mark, but no one gives a rats ass you went home last night, so no one wants to talk to you. They either won’t have a conference call this week, or if they do throw Ed on there, his answers will be so vague and canned, he won’t say anything. I just can’t believe they used that as his reason for leaving. And did you hear his explanation to Jillian when he finally decided to leave? “I talked with some people, and I’m being unfair. I have to leave.” Great explanation. They couldn’t write something better for him than that? That was about as piss poor as you can get.
-I’ve presented what I can about this Ed situation. Will Ed, ABC, Chris Harrison, or the powers that be ever admit that Ed leaving and coming back was all their doing? Of course not. But I think I’ve established myself as pretty credible regarding what goes on in this show to know that this is a storyline set in motion by show, and has nothing to do with an emergency at Ed’s work. Please. Do I know everything that happens on this show? No. Never claimed to. But I know a lot. Once again, I will leave it up to you. Knowing what this show is capable of, knowing the BS they pulled last season, and seeing what you saw last night, honestly ask yourself that once Ed returns, if you really think it really had to do with work. I’m here to tell you, it didn’t. Can I prove it? No. And they’ll never admit to it of course. However, I think the track record of this show and the fact that yet again, they’ve managed to do something 17 seasons in that they’ve never had before, which is some guy’s work now is allowed to call him during filming and say, “Hey, what are you doin’ man? We need ya back at work, pal”. If you believe that, then I have some land to sell you off the coast of Bullsh** Island. So to everyone asking me, “Do you think Ed comes back”, my answer is “Do I THINK he comes back? I KNOW he comes back, and this is all part of their storyline.” That’s why I wrote what I did last Tuesday night because I wanted to plant it in peoples heads before they saw it. And since I suck at giving clues, I just presented it a little bit differently this time around.
-As for Chris Harrison’s blog today, I mean, what did you expect? Of course he’s going to deny the story about guys getting paid to come on the show, even thought its something I never said. I said I know of two guys that turned down money to come on this season. Whether or not ABC chose to go after these guys and throw money at them after getting rejected, I didn’t know. One could logically assume they did, but I’m here to tell you I don’t know for sure. And its not like paying a guy to come on the show with guarantees of final four or final three is as hard to pull off as Chris made it seem. Well if Jillian is in constant talks with producers about who she likes and they’re giving input as well, you’re telling me they couldn’t nudge her in the right direction? Please. But hey, what do I know? I don’t expect Chris Harrison to ever admit to that anyway. Why? Uhhhh, because he’d be out of a job if he did. And just like Ed, you know, tough to find a job in this economy, so you really gotta weigh your priorities. Nothin’ but love for ya Chris, but I fully expected him to respond the way he did today. He has to. If past contestants are under lock and key to never give away show secrets, it’s fairly reasonable to assume the host isn’t either. Understandable. I do love his ever-so-subtle jabs at me in his column though. Good stuff. Keep it comin’. And I love the picture they use for Chris’ blog. The caption should read: “Ok kiddos, gather round. Uncle Chris is gonna tell you aaaaaaallllll a story of how the ugly duckling Jillian is on a journey to find her prince. Ready? Ok, here we go!” So excited in the picture Chris. Down boy.
-Unfortunately, even though Chris Harrison was in Whistler with everyone, he got to take the day off and wasn’t the one presenting the kiddies with their date cards. It was Jillian who told the ten remaining guys there’ll be two 1-on-1 dates and a group date. So disappointed that Chris couldn’t find the time in his day to do this. Maybe he was out skiing. Or having lunch with the fam. Whatever the case, he should be docked a little pay for not starting the show off for us like he has for the last three weeks in his shirts from Nordstroms. Michael gets the first 1-on-1 date and, predictably, starts over acting again. Tells all the rest of the boys to just go home now, says he loves Whistler, and that he’s ready to finally get some alone time with Jillian. He also seems to be wearing the striped hoodie that Jillian had on earlier this season. Or was it Chris who wore it? Whatever the case, people are now sharing clothes this season and its creeping me out.
-Michael is giddy. Michael: “I kinda like her the most out of all the guys right now. I could sit in a room and eat spaghetti with her and have fun.” Ummm, I couldn’t. I think I’d be more impressed by what the spaghetti had to say than her, but hey, just one mans opinion. I’m not here to rain on Michaels parade since he’s so excited a girl is paying attention to him now. Like, she’s letting him hug her as they go ziplining. Which by the way, I’ve never done and always wanted to, unless it’s with Jillian. Why? Did you hear that constant awful piercing scream she’d made every single time she was on that thing? Shutup already. You’d think maybe the first time she went it’d be acceptable. Possibly the second time. But by the fifth time, I’m guessing it’s a little less scary. The sound she made didn’t even sound human. I couldn’t replicate it if I tried. Man that was annoying. Of course, Michael ate it up. According to him, zipling is a lot like love. Oh geez, here we go. “You gotta commit to it, put yourself out there, and go.” Fascinating Michael. I’m guessing you are the first person alive that was able to compare ziplining to love. The only way I can compare the two is that sometimes in both, your nuts hurt. Ta-da.
-When Michael got to do the tandem zipline with Jillian, I thought he was gonna rip through his pants. They are in the spooning position as they head down the zip line and Michael says “We should try this in the bedroom later tonight.” Ooohhhh, how kinky that Michael is. Such a master wordsmith. You know what I think he should’ve gone with? “Whaddya’ say I put my penis in your vagina.” Essentially that’s what he was begging her for, so why not be a little more open about it? I hear that line works great with the ladies. Anyway, once these two are done zipping, and Michael zips up his pants, they head to a restaurant for dinner, one that Chris Harrison highly recommended in his blog today. Hey, you want your restaurant plugged, you hook a brotha’ up with a free meal. Host Chris is now pimping for the “Bearfoot Bistro”. I’m just curious if they comped his whole meal, or just gave him a discount? What I wouldn’t do to be in Chris Harrison’s shoes. He’s the greatest. Our next Dick Clark. Or Ryan Seacrest.
-Over dinner, Jillian has already had enough of Michael’s goofy, fun, over-thte-top playful side. She needs to find out if this guy can get down in the bedroom and if she has any sexual chemistry with the dweeb whatsoever. She asks him if he’s ready to settle down. His answer: “I’m the most cheesy ass, helpless romantic, fall-in-love-if-a-girl-kisses-me-on-the-mouth type of guy.” You don’t say? I never would’ve thought that about you. Why? Because you don’t act at all like a 5th grader around anything with boobs and a meat cave. And it’s “hopeless romantic” you twit, not helpless. Here’s what I will say about Michael though, and I’m being dead honest. Is he corny? Yes. Is he totally cheesy and over-the-top? Of course. Does he come across as more of a buddy than a boyfriend? Without a doubt. But you know what? I actually like this guy. At least he brings something different to the table. All the other guys are scrambling to find the perfect things to say all the time and are so boring, whereas this guy just acts like a complete dork and knows it. I respect that. So yes, I’ve done a complete 180 on the guy since last week. Will she choose him in the end? Not a chance in hell. But at least he keeps me interested and he’s not so robotic like every other guy in the house.
-So Michael turns the table on Jillian and asks her about the experience and what she wants out of life. “I don’t need to be a trophy wife.” Ha ha. That’s funny Jillian. I thought you just said you don’t need to be a trophy wife. Oh, you did? Well I think I can speak for all of America when I say this, but the last thing anyone thinks when they see you is “trophy wife”. Unless it was a trophy for finishing in 10th place at your Science Fair. But hey, thanks for clearing that up for us. We were all curious. In addition, you can’t be considered a trophy wife with the body of a 15 year old boy and the voice of Wolfman Jack. Now, the tough questions begin. Jillian: “Why did you really sign up for this?” Michael: “Well, I broke up with my girlfriend 8 months ago and I actually haven’t been on a date since.” That was about as surprising as the sun rising this morning. Michael, I’d just quit while you’re ahead and stop making references to falling in love with the first girl who kisses you and not dating for almost a year. Probably isn’t getting you laid. How do I know this? Jillian ended the night with a toast. “To a good date. A lot of fun. Never a lack of conversation with you.” Geez, why not just announce “I’m throwing you in the friend zone.” It’s never a good thing when you’re still on the show five episodes in and you haven’t been kissed yet. Or ever for that matter.
-Group date is up next with Robby, Reid, Wes, Kiptyn, Jake, Tanner, Mark, and Ed. They all just went snowmobiling around for sh**ts and giggles when essentially this group date basically became all about Inspector Jillian trying to crack the case of “The Guy with the Girlfriend”. Seriously. Every guy she pulled aside turned into an interrogation. Lets just say no one will ever mistake her for Sherlock Holmes anytime soon. Robby was up first and apologized for being a whining bitch at the last rose ceremony because he couldn’t get alone time with her after she melted down on everyone. I thought the funny thing was when Robby was talking to her, all the guys were huddling around ripping the guy saying he had no chance to stick around that much longer. Geez, when did Robby become everyone’s whipping boy? It was a game of smear the queer and Robby was, well, the queer. Apparently they think he’s too young and inexperienced to be with someone as polished as Jillian. Psssht. Don’t listen to em’ Wobby. Just because you’re younger and a bartender doesn’t mean for a second you’re not in Jillians league. Because every woman about to be 30 wants to settle down with a guy who pours Purple Hooter shots all night and reeks of stale beer rags. Don’t you forget that.
-Tanner butts in on Jillian and Robby to steal her away for a minute and really tell her nothing. Tanner is the Informant. Basically being kept around by Jillian so he can do all her spying for her. Jillian wants him to tell her who he thinks, or who he knows, has a girlfriend. “You said you’d tell me.” Well, since Tanner feels like a snitch now, he backs down and says, “Just keep your eyes open” to her, then tells the camera again, “I still think Wes is the guy she has to worry about.” So in the beginning of the season, Tanner and Michael had a love affair with each other that was unmatched in Bachelor history. Seems to me that Tanner has moved on and is now obsessed with Wes. Not in the I-want-to-pitch-a-tent-a-cuddle-with-you-the-outback obsessed, but more along the lines of, “My whole goal is to bring you down” obsessed. Tanner is a strange one, there’s no doubt.
-Wes is up next, and outside of the Ed debacle, Wes’ story seems to getting ramped up every week. Wes: “I’m the one with a CD coming out. My sister signed me up for this. I was working on the CD long before I decided to do this.” Yeah, I’m sure that sat well with the anti-Wes group. So did this line that he told the camera: “No doubt this will help with publicity but I don’t want her to think that’s why I’m here.” She might not think it, but everyone else sure does. Here’s the bottom line I’ve come to with Wes. I don’t care. If he came on the show to promote his career, fine. It doesn’t affect my life in any way, shape, or form. And it shouldn’t yours either. People that get so bothered he’s there for the wrong reasons it’s like, “Huh? And?” Why does it concern you so much? Here’s something that’ll ease your mind. Wes is not the final one. Or final two. Or final three. He gets a hometown date and then she dumps him. So there. Quit your worrying about how Jillian is being misled by him and his intentions aren’t pure. Are anyone’s on this show? Well, outside of Michael who’s looking for his first date since 8th grade any way he can get it.
-Time for Jillian/Kiptyn time which = awkward kissing. First off, Jillian tells him to “feel her butt, it’s wet.” Yeah, it’s wet and you’re completely sloshed. My god. Is this woman drunk 90% of the time? Her eyes were so glazed over and she gave the Dave its-taking-me-ten-seconds-to-blink look to Kiptyn on a couple of occasions. Jillian: “I like you. You like me.” Yep, she’s hammered. She constantly talks about how cute he is, yet these two never talk about anything worth a damn. All they do is try and kiss each other without looking like complete tards’. And they fail miserably every time. Am I the only one seeing this, or are these two completely incompatible when kissing? Boy its uncomfortable watching them. Its like the other one is waiting for the other to do something that never happens. If that made any sense whatsoever.
-Reid now has time to mount Jillian. Jill: “Reid and I have gotten off to a great physical start, but a slower emotional start.” They have? I think I barely remember them kissing once. Whatever the case, Jillian is three sheets to the wind yet again. Hell, I think Reid is too after this comment. “You’re cool. And you smell good. Like snow and flowers.” Uhhhhh, ok. Nice one. Because we all know what a breath taking combination snow and flowers can be. What an aphrodisiac. Bath and Body Works should bottle that stuff up and sell it. I’m sure it’ll outperform Sweet Pea, Cucumber Melon, and Vanilla Bean. I don’t even know what to make of these two. We haven’t seen much 1-on-1 time with either of them, yet everyone seems to like Reid. I’ve got no problem with him. I just don’t think his editing is doing him any favors.
-Next up was Jillian dancing on a bar, hammered out of her mind yet again, while jumping into Ed’s arms. This is where they went off and he first brought up that work called. Uh huh. Sure they did. So when Ed returns to the show while they’re in Spain, since he already left because of work, was that on his own dime? Of course it wasn’t. So if ABC agreed to let him come back (how its presented on the show), how are we supposed to believe it all came about? There are so many things wrong with the whole scenario, like I said earlier, it’s almost like they’re not even hiding it. Put it this way, when Ed does return, and NO ONE is surprised, it obviously means they didn’t do a good enough job into us thinking he was gone for good. I don’t know how Chris Harrison is going to spin that one, but it should be interesting. As for Jillian, I will say this, she didn’t know about Ed leaving, and she sure as hell isn’t going to know about him returning. They kept her in the dark on that one. All of this is a surprise to her. Just not to anyone else with half a brain.
-I honestly don’t really care to recap Jillian and Jesse’s 1-on-1. He got a rose. There. That’s all you need to know. Just a bunch of hyperbole of how great everything is, how great life is, blah blah blah. Nothing new here. Really. When you really break it down, anyone who goes on a 1-on-1 date and gets a rose, pretty much they’re all the same. Full of compliments, a lot of smiling and giggling, and awkward kissing (well, at least in Jillians season). So they took a plane, landed on a glacier, and made snow angels. The End. And Jesse told her he’d remember her for the rest of his life. Gee, I would hope so. Kinda hard to forget someone you went on national television with in your 20’s looking to find your wife. The biggest head scratcher of their date was Jesse telling us how much he loves Jillians voice. WHAT???!!!! “I can listen to her all night.” Well, you deserve a medal then because I don’t know anyone else who can. Hell, even Jillian can’t stand her voice. “Who thinks my voice is soothing? It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Sounds like I’ve been drinking whiskey since I was a kid.” Preachin’ to the choir, sweetie. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
-There is no cocktail party tonight. Jillian is still down in the dumps that Eddie left to go back to work. So during her sit down with Chris, she tells him what happened. “Ed had to leave today.” And by God, if Chris Harrison didn’t pull the greatest acting job ever. “He did? I’m so sorry.” HUH??? Chris, in your blog today you admitted you were in Whistler the whole time with everyone. You actually expect us to believe that until you sat down next to her, you had no idea Ed had left? Please. You probably drove the guy to the airport, dropped him off, and gave him a, “See you in Spain” farewell. Unbelievable. You wonder why I criticize this show. You wonder why I make fun of this show. That scene right there. Last season, Chris talked so much about he’s involved with the day to day action of the show and there’s just no way that if Jason was in on this all together, more people would’ve known about it. Yet, this season, he’s now telling us as the host of the show that he had no clue somebody left to go home? Something that’s never happened before in show history? I think you get my point. Hey Chris, the US sent a man to the moon back in the 60’s. And oh yeah, Barack Obama is our President. Just wanted to fill you in.
-Time for the rose ceremony. Michael and Jesse are safe. Jillian: “Had an incredible week. Best dates I’ve had, but also the best days I’ve had. It was hard to watch Ed leave, but I’m moving on since I’ve got a remarkable group of guys in front of me. And Mark.”
Reid: A lot of people think he looks like Matthew Perry. Eh, kind of. There’s still someone he resembles more that I can’t put my finger on.
Kiptyn: He can’t kiss and he has big ears. Will make for great Bachelor next season. Supposedly. Don’t believe everything you hear quite yet.
Robby: Enjoy your stay my friend.
Jake: Man, we haven’t seen sh** from this guy since his 1-on-1. Never a good sign.
Tanner: The Informant gets another week to search for clues.
“Gentlemen, Jillian, this is the final rose tonight. Whenever you’re ready. Tough call here Jillian. Wes or Mark. I don’t envy you. We’re all waiting in suspense. I’ll be over here behind the wall on this new thing they call a computer. Cool stuff.”
Wes: Man, at least they could’ve made the final two Mark and Tanner. Like anyone in their right mind thought Mark was staying over Wes? Hell, even Chris gave us a little nugget today that Jillian wanted to dump Mark last week. Poor guy. Been cheated on four times and now this. He’s probably going to go drown himself in marinara sauce.
-Ok, lets address the thing a lot of you are curious about, which is the preview clip of Chris saying, “Later on this season, it’s every guys worst nightmare. Someone experiences problems in the bedroom.” Look, I honestly don’t know what that’s about. But lets be real here for a second. This is a show that for 17 seasons, has never once addressed the issue of what happens on the overnight dates when the doors close. And we all remember Jillian freaking out to that question before the season started when someone asked her if she slept with Jason. With the editing job this show has done season in and season out, do you honestly think that they are alluding to one of these guys not being able to get it up in the fantasy suite? I mean, really? You really think that? I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what it is for sure, but I can tell you what they aren’t talking about, and that’s some guy and Jillian not being able to have sex in the fantasy suite. Please people. Let’s actually think this stuff through. This is nothing more than a classic ABC tease. Of course they want you to think that, and judging by most of your reactions, you bought it hook, line, and sinker. Well, you’re going to be disappointed. I’m 99.9% sure that is not what they’re talking about. Probably something stupid like, he’s never spent the night with a woman, or he’s a virgin, or something lame. They purposely never answer the “sex” question when it comes to the overnight date. Now we’re expected to believe not only do they talk about it, but they go into detail? Uh huh. Calm down everyone. I can’t believe you fell for that.
So that’s all for this week. Back tomorrow with news regarding our next interviews upcoming. Trust me, you are not going to want to miss these. I think a lot of you readers will be getting the things you want to hear in these interviews. These women have a lot to say. One moreso than the other because, well, she can. Back tomorrow with more. Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at steve@realitysteve.com.
Oh Steve, why do you know the names of the scents available at B&BW?
Yes, its pretty obvious Ed comes back since he wanted to keep the rose for some reason?
Would this show be AS boring if it wasn’t 2 hours long? I wish they let the contestants say what they were really feeling. The only time we see what is probably “real” personalities, is when the credits are rolling. Meanwhile, for the interviews, they always say the same thing (its time to really get to know XXXX, we have a great connection but…., etc).
Well Steve, you did it again…another great column! I seriously start laughing so loud at work and my co-workers have learned that on Tuesdays and Fridays, it’s your blog that I’m laughing at. Never fails!
Anyways, I totally agree with you on the Ed thing…if you couldn’t see that coming, you’re an idiot. Of course he’ll be back! No one is that cool and calm when they have to leave someone like care for. This show just gets more and more ridiculous when it comes to trying to mix things up and create a twist. As for next week, I was telling my roommate that there is no way ABC would air something about Jillian and one of the guys having sex…no way! I’ve been watching forever and it’s just not possible. So good call…I’m glad you addressed that too.
Can’t wait for Friday’s post! Keep em coming!
Is is me or does Ed remind you of Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch?
Yeah I can feel that Ed’s gonna come back. Everyone’s saying they all know this going in so seriously not buying the “work problem” excuse.
You know I was thinking could they really be talking about some guy not being able to get it up…. no way!! How damaging that would be to their sex life after the show. This guy would never get ANY ever again..LOL, so again I’m with you on this one Steve… Editing– just like when they made you think that that girl’s mother was hitting on Matt in the previews and it was all a joke… they really need better writers for this show–cuz it sure as hell ain’t reality!
Ok, here is the praise – I love your blog today, it was fantastic! And, I’m not surprised by the Ed thing at all. In fact, I figured it would happen about the way you described. I actually posted on Chris’s blog telling him that by him spending so much darn time (opening and closing of his blog) on the “man with no name who keeps giving out secrets about the show and increasing our ratings”, that he’s acting like a 5-year old. I love the back and forth you two have, but please know that you are winning the war on words, RS!
I also must say that there is something about Reid that I like. I see the Matthew Perry at times, but a cuter, less alcohol/drug addicted version. However, at times he manages to look so different that I’ll be like “Who is that guy in the group?” I don’t know how he’s changing his look so often (besides the on-off glasses thing), but it’s a little strange. I still want Jill to keep him around for eye candy, though.
Donna P – my husband said the same thing about Ed – Greg Brady!
Reid gives off a very strong Jason Bateman vibe to me.
Another funny recap! I did think that Ed left because of a work-related reason… until he said right before leaving that he wanted to keep the rose that she had given him. And he couldn’t really give a good reason why… he didn’t say “to remember you by” or anything like that… no, he just wanted to keep it. That was obviously something the producers told him to do, to symbolize that he was going to come back. Because if he had left without a rose, there is no way he could come back, according to the rules of the show, right? Or maybe they just wanted to leave the door open for him to come back. I didn’t know the guys were not allowed any communication — but I actually could see an obnoxious boss calling in and demanding to talk to Ed because it was very important.
Michael is sweet, but very immature. He really seems to react a lot more like a teenager than a 25-year-old.
Jillian is really so far just getting rid of the ones she doesn’t want to be there, more than she is trying to figure out which ones are the best for her. The fact that she didn’t realize how much she liked Ed until she left just shows that she seems to be making out her “short list” by default. She will keep eliminating the ones she doesn’t want until there are a few left that she seems to like the best. Then she will actually start deciding among them. The thing is, at least on camera, I don’t think she developed any more than a physical attraction to any of them. Sure, she likes some of them but I don’t see the basis for a long-term relationship developing at this point.
I actually thought there was some potential for her to have a relationship with Ed, even though his personality seems extremely different from hers. But by the time he comes back, things may be different. They will have lost a lot of time to develop some rapport. His main chance is that by then she may have gotten tired of most of the other guys — and he will not have been around for her to get tired of, so it’s possible he might have an advantage. It could work either way.
Whoops… “she left” should have been “he left” in my comments )
Good to know about Wes, they were deceiving (shocking I know) when you could hear Wes talk about wanting a fantasy suite. Not shocking at all about Ed, saw that coming a mile away. My thoughts on the issue in the bedroom subject, that someone actually turns down the fantasy suite. Jillian made a comment about wanting to know more and for sure. Makes sense if she didn’t have the fantasy suite time.
“You’re cool. And you smell good. Like snow and flowers.â€
That comment right there just made my whole day. I love this crappy show! Thanks Steve for giving me a laugh today!
Thanks, once again, for a great recap!
I too had a turn around with my opinion of Michael. But I did notice his screaming at everything again! He seems a bit immature, but when he calmed down and actually talked with her at dinner, her spoke well and had nice manners. I think he is probably from a wealthy family, and is in New York “break dancing” to find himself until his trust fund runs out.
Did anyone notice when Kiptyn stuck out his half-crooked arm on the helicopter to summon Jillian to come and sit next to him? I actually rewound it twice to see if it was really as awkward as I first thought. He looked like he was calling his dog to his side. Very wierd!
With the regular TV season over for the summer. At least I look forward to the bachelorette just to be able to appreciate your column.
Stay cool (I live in Dallas too-100 degree temps and humid this week) and keep up the great job!
Well if you look at the preview on ABC’s website for the Bachelorette you’ll see who one of the guys she sends home is on the video portion(it’s like the 3rd video). No surprise there but I was surprised ABC let that one go so easily…I assume it’s just so obvious that they said who cares. Anyway…SOOO obvious Ed returns…I was like give me a break! And of course it’s not a sexual thing…they would not do that…at least I hope, that guy would be done with the ladies forever.
I’m so glad Wes does not make it past the hometown dates. ED comes back.Reid, Kiptyn ,and Jesse in the final three.(maybe Ed ) Interesting!!!
RS…I love your blog. Always laughing silently to myself in my cubicle.
I, too, like Mike and think he’s absolutely hilarious. Everything that comes out of his mouth makes me laugh. (He’s not too bad looking either, but maybe it’s his silliness that’s attractive).
A lot of these guys that Jillian immediately had a physical attraction to, i.e. Jesse, Kiptyn, Wes, I just don’t get. Jesse has an ugly nose, Kiptyn has an ugly wrinkly forhead, and Wes is downright nasty with those snake eyes and his f***ed up hair. The only guys I think are handsame are Jake, Ed, and Reid (go Philly!).
I completely agree about the awkward way that Jillian makes out with these men. I’m on the couch cringing every Monday night. And obviously, since it’s painful to watch every time, Jillian has to be the one who’s a bad kisser, not the guys.
Not to completely bash Jillian and her looks, I think she can be occasionally cute, but did anyone else notice that her nose and lips look like Mr. Potatohead?
this is the second week in a row that I gave up an hour and half show and decided to find out what happens at the rose ceremony via your blog. This season is so boring.
I think Reid looks like a younger version of Rob Lowe, esp when he wears those glasses!
I can’t believe you didn’t comment on Jillian’s constant fishing for compliments, I felt like it was overwhelming in this episode. None of their conversions have any specifics in them, just lame compliments. I agree with the person who commented about wanting to see more commentary from the guys “behind the scenes”
This season is definitely boring- and I totally agree with ABC just trying to trick everyone with the “sexual problem” crap. UGH
It’s very ridiculous how the show keeps editing these preview to get us to think one thing, but it turns out to be something lackluster or fake. But then again, maybe I am the ridiculous one for falling for it. I don’t think anyone will have an E.D. issue, I think Jillian & the bachelor may just not spark or have much to say to each other, or maybe they get into an argument about something – who knows what the writers have conjured up for next week.
BTW, Reid looks like Bill Pullman with glasses…and kinda like Kurt Russell too.
Love your blogs. I actually checked about 3 times today before it was up. Yes, I read Chris Harrisons blog. You got lots of PRESS. R U Guys twins?
THis is a TV show… Although it is call a “REALITY” show it should be an UNreal show.
Anywasy… love the blogs, keeps me entertained.
You got some funny posters on here RS!! Enjoyed your column – especially “Bullsh** Island”. Thats funny. I, myself, thought the whole Ed leaving crap was just that. It was very awkward and I felt like pulling words out of Ed’s mouth was in line. So your boss called…so what? Dopey – the whole thing. I can just see the reunion. More jumping into his arms…pleaaaase. For once I actually read CH’s blog. He really has you at the end of his nose huh? Good work RS. They must cringe when they read your column and YOU KNOW they read your column.
Have a good one.
Posters – keep on writing – very entertaining.
Reid reminds me of Chris O Donnell, in his early years. (What was that one with Drew Barrymore?)
What about ABC basically telling us who the final three are? They sure didn’t hide it during the ‘teaser’. It sounds like Reid is the one speaking about the bedroom issues. I like your theory about ABC not telling us more about what happens behind closed doors, cue dramatic music.
Your blog is the best! My friends and I compete to see who reads it first every week.
Yeppers – just when I was thinking that TPTB had finally polished the editing/scripting/staging skills to a more discreet level, BAM! Episode 6/15 hits the TV screen with the same ol’, same ol’ obvious, choppy conversations, flip flop discussions. Drives me crazy! The rose that Ed kept will definitely be an integral part of his return. All planned. Just watch & see!
I think you’re going to give us interviews with Holly and DeAnna, with Holly being the one who can talk more freely. She knows the good stuff from De though. I was reading your tweets back and forth over the weekend, funny stuff.
Of course Ed is coming back, the whole “I’m gonna keep this rose” and then Jillian putting his photo aside in a little shrine-like area with candles. *gag* (It would have been funnier if she burned it.) I guess this means she doesn’t meet Ed’s family? How convenient! Now his friends and family don’t have to be dragged into the mess. Or do they fly them out to Hawaii to meet her there?
RS…I couldn’t wait to read what you had to say this week! The whole thing about Ed is obvious. I don’t know if he ends up to be the F1 or not. I kinda suspect that they will bring him back at the end and then set him up to be the next Bachelor. He’s got quite a fanbase already…isn’t that all they care about?
I forgot to say a couple things.
1) Either DeAnna isn’t aware of how you’ve cut her down in the past or she’s cool enough not to care. I hope it’s the latter.
2) Why didn’t you admit you know about the screencaps and magazine photo that prove Ed returned? For those who don’t know, and are doubting Steve’s declaration that Ed returns, there are screencaps (taken from the season preview at the end of episode one) that show Ed in Spain, and a magazine in Canada published a photo of Jillian and Ed kissing on a boat in Hawaii, which puts him in the top 3 for sure. A freelance photographer in Hawaii snapped it and the guy is definitely Ed. Some people think it was planted by ABC, but I think it’s more likely the boat owner tipped off their photog friend for a cut of $ he made from selling the photo, and it makes sense a Canadian magazine would care more.
Just have to add that I think it’s humorous how lots of people here and elsewhere have tried to figure out who Reid looks like. It’s funny to me because I don’t think he looks like ANY of the people who have been mentioned on this blog or elsewhere! But also, while he is not bad looking, I really don’t see the particular attraction a lot of online comments are expressing for him. But, that’s just me! Ed has been the most attractive one to me of the guys who’ve been around recently.
As far as last night goes, the “snow dates” I find dull and boring and I sure as heck wouldn’t want to have a real conversation while freezing my @ss off. I would just be wanting to fast forward to dinner by the fireplace! Anyhow, I think the whole teaser in the previews has to do with one of the guys (Reid) getting sick or something, thus making the overnight date not very romantic. I know, it happened to me last year–very disappointing when you have your hopes up for some up-close and personal time and you wind up let down so to speak.
I agree with people who think that Reid looks like Matthew Perry, but I also think he looks like Sean Penn in Rainman. “Definitely Definitely like Jillian”.
I totally enjoy your blog, but I have found you rather cruel towards Jillian. Lets remember that it is reality tv that gives you something to write about. I think that you can provide great insight and entertaining recaps with out really being so….what is the word I am looking for….oh….mean. Just a thought.
I’m SOOO glad ed is coming back.
I guessed that ed would be leaving for ’scripted’ drama. nonetheless, until i got the confirmation from you, i just didn’t want to hope it was true! hahaha.
thanks reality steve. I Heart you.
@bpcpsp
When people tell Steve he’s being mean to someone it only makes him want to do it more. Sorry Steve, you know it’s true!
I agree though, I think Jillian is a lot of fun and it’s disappointing to see people criticize her for the way she looks. It seems wrong that some people would be nicer to her if only she had plastic surgery to look “prettier.” So she’s not a raving beauty and didn’t go under the knife to make her face more appealing to you, big deal. Of course, if she was conventionally gorgeous (like DeAnna, imo) then people would give her a hard time about being stuck on herself and wanting a career on TV, you can’t win with some people no matter what you look like.
Okay, I am a complete idiot b/c honestly, it did not occur to me that Ed would be coming back. Now that I am thinking back I’m not sure how I missed it, but yes, I did completely miss that one!
I honestly thought she would send Tanner home last night. The whole ‘girlfriend’ issue was so lame. They made it out to be this big thing and then nothing came of it. It started out as “a couple guys” have girlfriends. Then it was one guy with a girlfriend. Now Tanner says she needs to watch out for guys who are here for the wrong reasons. I can see why Mark got sent home instead…he was only the most boring character on the show. LOL about him drowning himself in marinara sauce!
I don’t get what the big deal is about Wes “being here for the wrong reasons”, either. I don’t like Wes but it’s because pretty much everything that’s been presented about him on the show bugs me. And what is the right reason to come on that show? B/c you think you’re going to find your soulmate? Really? I don’t know why he can’t just say, “You know, I wasn’t sure about this show but I had an album coming out and figured at the very least I’d get some free publicity out of it. BUT now that I’m here, I really do like you. So it’s a win-win for my career and my love life!” Or something like that.
I am happy to hear Wes won’t be making it past the Final 4. When I saw the clips for next week and heard him saying something about a fantasy suite I groaned b/c I thought, “God, that means he makes it until at least the Final 3!” Silly me, should have known ABC wouldn’t have given it away so easily!
Oh Steve, Bulls–t Island! You are so funny, I end up laughing out loud at my desk at your recaps! Keep it up.
Here is my opinion of the way things are unfolding, do you think this is a possibility? I think that Ed was paid to come on and then leave because of “work” then come back in dramatic fashion and sweep Jillian off her feet, but I don’t think that he is the F1 because what drama/suspense would that be. If he comes back, why watch because we will all think that he will end up the final choice. I think that Reid is actually her choice. I find it odd that she always mentions him first in rose ceremonies and always is talking/kissing him. But, I find it odd that we are on week 6 and he hasn’t had a one on one date already, but Micheal/Mike/Mark have. She has stated that she is looking for her best friend, and Reid fits the bill. She has also said that something surprising happens in the last five minutes. I think we are made to believe that it is Ed who is chosen, but in actuality she chooses Reid.
By the way, I love Wes. I think he is making for great television, and I can’t stand Jillian (especially after her comments to Ed), so kudos to Wes.
@eap627
Sean Penn was not in RAINMAN – He was however in I am Sam… maybe that’s what you meant.
I was just about to say the same thing. Sean Penn is not Rainman, that is the one the only Dustin Hoffman!
Hilarious! Love reading your blog.
What on earth would Chris Harrison write in his blog if it weren’t for you? Had to go read it and if I hadn’t read yours first, I’d have no idea what he was talking about. Do you thank him for basically sending you more readers?
Stevie, you are right!!! Ed isn’t available for interviews, hes “busy with work”. ROFL.
http://blogs.suntimes.com/tv/2009/06/chicagos_ed_swiderski_leaves_b.html
Hmmmm….I suspect what Steve says is totally true…Ed comes back…but what I don’t understand is why Ed claimed “his boss” ordered him back, especially when all my research points to the fact that Ed owns or is the principal agent of GreenCanyon, where he works. What…Ed “ordered” himself back to work…nah, it’s all a setup by ABC and Bachelorette producers.
It isn’t just Kiptyn she has bad kisses with. It’s everone, and you’re right about it being Gillian’s fault.
The reason? She closes every kiss and pulls back a tiny bit before going in for the second kiss. There is no real continuous making out going on. Kiss. Close. Pull back. Kiss. Repeat. It’s the most awkward thing ever. It’s like she never gets a groove going because she’s constantly doing the lean-in thing.
I’ve just read all the comments to see if anyone’s said that Reid looks like who I think he does. So far no one has put two and two together, all the actors named so far he looks nothing like in my opinion. To me he looks just like Dermot Mulroney, it’s in the mouth I think… I’m curious if this is who Reality Steve couldn’t put his finger on as to who he looked like.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000551/
Hi Steve,
I love your recap of the show.
Steve, do you think that Jillian was in all along on the whole script of Ed leaving and coming back later?
I would think so, but I don’t think that Jillian is a good enough actress to be able to manufacture those real tears and that sadness and being so upset about it.
Perhaps they left Jillian in the dark here.
What do you think about this?
Reid TOTALLY reminds me of Matthew Perry!!! It’s his smile/mouth.
Thanks for making my Tuesday Steve! Great recap as usual!!
Ed?! Since when did Jillian give a rats ass about Ed? Now all of a sudden he has to “leave” and she’s crying buckets?! Gimme a break! Soooo fake! It would have been a little more believable if it was Wes or Kiptyn who left…at least she acts like she’s into them!
Didn’t really like Reid, but he’s growing on me. I’m totally in love with Jake, but he’s toast…he’s probably gone next week. He was cast as the “perfect” guy. Sorry, but Wes just plain creeps me out!
Why are these episodes 2 hours long?! I could watch the last 15 minutes and be happy, and the fact that I watch the whole 2 hours depresses even me!
Reid looks like Steve Spurrier did in his youth.
thanks Steve–very funny write up. I always enjoy the diversion.
for those of us who don’t watch the show, however, can you put some details in about the boring parts, like the Jesse date (if there are any)? thx.
If I were jillian, a successful designer/business person, I would have been extremely disappointed by this lot. Knowing you are going to have to pick someone and pretend to like them for a few months would be excrutiating.
This season is the biggest snoozefest ever. Did you notice how supportive Jillian was when Ed said his job was on the line? Shades of MeYawna.
Jake, Jesse and Reid are hot. Ed and Robby not so much. Wes and Tanner are creepy and Michael is an overgrown 12 year old (but I like him, I agree with Steve that he’s growing on me). Kiptyn isn’t really good-looking but there’s still something about him that’s hot.
I love the way ABC is all worked up over you, Steve. Like anyone is buying this load of crap they’re trying to shovel.
I didn’t have a chance to watch last night. Well actually, I chose to rent Gran Torino and watch it instead. This season has blown so much I knew I wouldn’t miss much.
Anyways, I figured I’d get the best recap by coming to your site and boy was I proven right. I’m literally on the floor in tears laughing my ass off. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Reid: Doesn’t anyone else see the resemblance to VAL KILMER??!!?? That’s surely who you’re thinking Steve?
They’re going to script Ed’s return as him “choosing true LOVE over his career”. Right… I think he should make his return upon a white stallion, for full effect. With the well-preserved rose in his teeth. And he will be the only one whose REAL intentions are truly obvious to Jillian. GAG.
I love your blogs….they are so spot on. They always leaving me laughing. Hmmm……interviews tomorrow? Are you going to expose us to Deannas and Hollys antics? Let me guess……Holly will be doing the taking and bashing of Jesse while Deanna promotes herself? (In reality, Holly will have been prepped by Deanna what to say about Jesse) I am by no means a Jessa fan but come on, both these women choose to be with Jesse and now are bashing him for their mistake of choosing him. Now speaking of that…….how many of the past bachelors and bachlorettes are still trying to milk their 15 minutes on the show? No talent, no jobs and their only claim to fame was being on the show.
Fantastic as usual, Steve, but the best part has to be that you know 3 fragrances at Bath and Body Works! LOL!
I just watched Gran Torino last weekend. Clint Eastwood is da Man.
Great Recap as usual Steve. I was pretty bored by the time Ed ‘chose’ to leave, so I didn’t get the thought that he might be returning. IT did seem a little fishy that Jillian chose to give him the rose, even though she said, he was not making eye contact and keeping his distance during the date.
Of course she was acting like ED was her one true love, canceling the cocktails and all that cause ED chose to leave early.. Just extra drama.
I read somewhere else that Wes’s song that he wrote for Jillian is the feature song on his CD. If so, maybe he is one of the ‘paid’ bachelors.
Steve, I posted this on your twitter also, Reid kinda looks like Matthew Perry but to me he looks like a Rob Lowe/ Sean Penn mix maybe that’s what you were thinking too? And sometimes he reminds me of the older brother Wayne from the Wonder Years.
made something to prove my point above, Not sure if this link will work
[IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/35bxdi0.jpg[/IMG]
it didnt work, hopefully this will,
http://i324.photobucket.com/albums/k328/Lanibella/REIDLOOKALIKES.jpg
fantasy suite night: wrong body part dysfunction … i think its uh.. more intestinal.
and
of course sex can’t work out that night with the jillian and her chosen date! .. otherwise jillian would fall from being the fantasy sweet of all the rest of the guys.
p.s. .. its your site and your right .. but steve.. your constant jabs at jillian’s looks, voice etc. are annoying. and kinda over-the-top unattractively ungentlemanly. .. just sayin’. (and i’m a girl.)
I think Reid looks like Paul Peterson from The Donna Reed Show back in the early ’60’s! Now that’s someone no one has ever said. Kinda dates me doesn’t it? haha! He is my favorite, but just like most people saw Monday, I don’t think they’ve stepped it up with him enough to have him really come out at F1. He’s actually getting even LESS time now–but who knows what’s really going on.
I TOTALLY THINK REID LOOKS LIKE CHANDLER TOO!!! glad to know that supposedly a lot of other people (not you though haha) think so too, cause i thought i was the only one.
i love reading your posts! it’s like part of the whole experience lol…gotta watch the episode and then go to your site or i’m not FULFILLED. you’re hilarious…kinda mean sometimes…but still hilarious.
p.s. was jillian aware of the whole planned ed departure? or was that an impressive acting job on her part with the waterworks?
In my opinion, Reid looks like a young Kurt Russell.
Just my two cents worth but the more I think about it – Reid looks like a young Patrick Swayze !
I saw this video on Youtube which indicates Michael is the F1 – not sure if this is a legit video, but the voice sure sounds like Michael!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21sx2hAD_sA
Cindy FC… Yes, Reid does look like a young Kurt Russell. You got it!!!
I’m not really watching this season, just to close on the heals of the Jason/Melissa/Molly drama. I heard my first “is he here for the right reasons” and “this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do” and I just couldn’t do it. But…..I still love reading Steve’s recaps even though I barely know who he’s talking about. Hysterical!! And I agree. That squeal Jillian throws out there often is REALLY annoying.
I agree! He does look like a young Kurt Russell too!
OK, RS, I was a fan prior to now, but find myself more disappointed than entertained today.
Your rude comments about Jillian, especially your comment about “ugly duckling Jillian,” were nothing short of elementary. Come on, dude, isn’t that the problem with society today — people feel so rotten about themselves that they have to rip apart other people on something so shallow as looks. Not that it matters, but I think Jillian is a stunning young lady. What if your “followers” focused or commented on nothing but your looks instead of your column content? You’d end up with very few followers, huh? And the sound of her voice irritates you? I suppose that’s a valid observation or perspective, but must you be so snide? Really, how old are you?
Did anyone see this article about Ed:
http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/bachelorette-bachelor-mom-defends-his-decision-quit-show-9125.php
lburggirl [#67] – i agree with you… we need to build each other up, NOT cut each other down. unfortunately, this isn’t considered funny.
the thing about reid is that he looks one way in still photos and completely different onscreen/video. that said, i see him more as a kurt russell than anyone else…an early/young kurt russell…
About the article linked in #68, I liked this part at the end:
“ABC has yet to make Swiderski available for media interviews, citing his job obligations as one of the reasons.
“He’s busy with work. He has a lot going on. He’s just not available,” a network spokeswoman told the Sun-Times.”
Hmmmmmm…. either this is just more media hype or they are really trying to keep the lid on something.
I’m starting to ponder the possibility that Jillian is a Loosey Goosey.
Hi the info about Ed wasn’t a spoiler…it had been spoiled,almost everyone knew about the Hello Canada pictures, especially,say if you went to a different site.I differ in that Ed was in on it,he may have been manlipulated,but he does not seem to be cut out of the same mold as Jason…We can all guess,but guesses are not facts,I can see maybe he really had to go home, in a way wanted to keep the rose for sentimental reasons…and hell,they went yipee,the guy kinda like’s her,let’s run with this…maybe stalked him,gave him every oppourtunity to come back…I thought after last season,people were pissed…and you think you might want to give them what they think they want,or the show is toast.
Great column! I agree with you about Ed. I had a feeling it was basically a set-up and that he was planning on returning (not because of work).