The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

The Bachelorette 5 Recap – 6/22/09

Harrison loves to shop!

An interesting week to say the least. For those that only come here on Tuesdays for the column, there have been three developments regarding the site since last week. They are:

1) We have now added a banner over here in the right hand column that is a direct link to the merchandise store. And due to the interest we’ve been receiving in it, we’ve decided to add a little something. Stay tuned in the following days for more information. In addition, if you order this week, we will actually be able to get it out a lot quicker than usual.

2) Jason Mesnick decided to call me out during a radio interview this past Friday. I’m not going to re-hash it. I posted the 2 minute audio clip of what he said and my thoughts yesterday. For the record, I’m pretty much done with it. He said this thing, I retorted, now it’s done. Jason apologists and his fans will back him and think I’m lying, and my fans will back me and think Jason is a douchenozzle. That’s expected. But I have no plans to revisit this anytime soon. What’s done is done. Lets move on. But thanks for purchasing the baby blue “I Love Reality Steve” shirt, Jason. Looks great on you. Ha ha.

3) The interviews with Holly and DeAnna are done. Actually, Holly’s was done before I even wrote last weeks column, and her interview will go up tomorrow. I’m aiming for Friday to air DeAnna’s, which we recorded last Thursday night. I think you’re going to enjoy both of them. I’m surprised quite a few of you think you already know what’s going to be in both of them and are jumping to conclusions. Especially all the Jesse lovers out there. I hate to disappoint you, but that’s not why these interviews were done despite what you think. Yes, the topic of Jesse is brought up and we learn a couple things here and there, but if you think this was done as a complete rip job to throw him under the bus, you couldn’t be more wrong. We even have a surprise during DeAnna’s interview. Two of them, actually.

-Host Chris is back in all his Nordstrom’s glory this week with the sport jacket, long sleeve collared shirt, and faded jeans. Doesn’t look a day older than twenty-five. Or unlike any of the eight guys we have left. And Chris is doing what he does best, ripping me in his blog. Ha ha. Kidding (Especially in his blog today, since he wastes no time starting to recap the episode and not referencing any of the numerous things I’m right about this season. Good job, Chris. Now tell your boy Jason to move on too). No, he’s actually paying attention to the show and announcing what kind of dates there’ll be, how they’ll play out, what city they’re in, where they’re headed, and what a train does. They will all be boarding the Rocky Mountaineer train. Hey, is Rocky Mountaineer friends with Thomas the Train? Just asking. There will be one group date, and two 1-on-1’s. And since we have 30 men this season, there will be five guys getting hometown dates, something I reported in the first column of the season. But hey, everything I write is lies, so why would you believe me? (Side note: In his blog, Chris talks about a pretty funny line that Tanner had which never made the air. Tanner obviously said this when Chris wasn’t around. So, Chris is told of a funny comment that Tanner made when he wasn’t around, yet, no one decided to inform him last week that Ed left the show? Uh huh).

-For no reason whatsoever, before the dates get started Jillian just randomly throws in there, “I still miss Ed.” He’s never brought up again the rest of the episode, nor is he talked about amongst the other guys. So yeah, they’re playing the foreshadowing card once again. I have never claimed to know everything that goes on with this show because I don’t. I tell you what I know. But the Ed thing, even if I didn’t know, I could’ve figured out. Why? Ummm, because I have two eyes. And I know the way this show works. It works in storylines. It leads you down one path so you can start believing one thing, so then it can spring something else on you later down the road. I’ll get into it more later regarding Wes, but if you can’t see how badly he was edited tonight, I don’t know what to tell you. Not that I’m a fan of Wes by any means, but it was fairly obvious tonight they edited him in a way that made him say those things. If you listened closely, so many of his lines were said without the camera on him, and you know those were just set up and spliced in to make him look bad. Once again, for a storyline. Oh sure, he said it. But I guarantee it wasn’t said in a way that was presented. And this is coming from a guy who admittedly isn’t a Wes fan. I just know he got shafted on the editing tonight.

-First 1-on-1 date is with Wobby. I call him that because, well, that’s how he comes across to me. Rob is macho. Robby is a bartender. Wobby is a bartender who says things like, “My mentality going into this date is ‘I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…get that rose tonight.'” Lord that was stupid. Did he really just say that? All he needed to do to top that off would be to yell “Choo! Choo!” as he pretends to yank on the horn as the conductor of the train. Wobby is kind of a little dork who really doesn’t seem the most comfortable around people with breasts. He and Michael should get together and go bowling with John Bender and Andrew Clarke’s fathers. Yesssss!!!!! My first “Breakfast Club” reference of the season. Top five teen movies of all time. So Jillian takes Wobby out to one of the sidecars to get a view of all the mountains, trees, and lakes they’re passing. Wobby can’t believe he’s actually on a real train and not one that he plays with in his garage. Weeeeeee!!!!! Then the train goes shooting through a tunnel, and Jillian lets out one of her proverbial ziplining screams which makes my ears bleed. Has she never been in the dark before? Really? I guess she likes it with the lights on.

-Wobby and Jilli go back inside since she has a great place for them to eat dinner tonight. In the caboose. Oh, I bet that horny Canadian likes it in the caboose. Hell, she likes being bombed every episode as it is, what’s wrong with a little backdoor action. Over dinner, Wobby pretty much seals his fate. “I have three older brothers, none of whom are married. In fact, they’ve never been engaged. We call it the ‘Descant Curse’.” Fabulous, Wob. How about next you tell her about how you never kissed a girl til senior year of high school, didn’t get laid til after college, and sleep with a teddy bear because the nighttime gives you the “spookies”. Yes, eventually Jillian would’ve found this out if she had given him a hometown date, but I can’t imagine he thought telling her something like that would sit well with her. And oh yeah, he also threw in he’s 25, hasn’t been in a relationship in a couple years, and he’s in between bartending jobs. And his best line of the night, “love doesn’t have a job”. Awesome. You’ll be loving yourself plenty of nights if you can’t find a source of income, buddy. Hey, screw Jillian. This sounds like the ideal person to be our next “Bachelor”. Wobby, you should’ve just jumped off the moving train to spare yourself the pain. I can’t imagine why Jillian wasn’t up for that.

-Jillian: “You are somebody that I totally would marry. In 5 or 10 years.” Ouch. Yeah, and even that was a lie. That was just her easy way of letting him down. If she throws in, “I’d totally marry you” before that, he doesn’t feel as bad about where he is in life right now. Which is nowhere. Hey Wobby, whip me up a couple Long Islands and a Jack and coke. Make it a double. Thanks pal. Enjoy that for the next five years. I’m sure that won’t get old. I also wanted to point out some awful production work. So as Jillian is about to not give Wobby the rose, the train is starting to slow down. We see a sign outside the train that says “Danger”. The other guys in the car are like, “Why are we slowing down? Something must be wrong.” Then Jillian goes into her speech about why she doesn’t want his college frat boy ass. So wait, the conductor of the train knew Jillian was about to dump Wobby? She’s in contact with him now on all her decisions? See what I mean? The whole production value of this show is awful. That was their way of telling a story with a bad ending, and it was ridiculously cheesy. Obviously, they knew beforehand Wobby was going home or else they wouldn’t have made such a big deal about the stop, the “danger” sign, and the other guys questioning what was going on. This show sucks.

-Jillian tells us her reason for letting Wobby go. “Conversation never got as deep as it should.” Damn, she’s a frisky little one tonight. Likes it with the lights on, likes it in the caboose, and now she’s telling us about how things need to be a little deeper. This is the most X-rated “Bachelorette” we’ve ever seen, and Wobby’s pants never even came off. Or Jillian’s. What’s next? Some guy not being able to get it up during the overnight date? Yeah, sure that’s what happens. If you noticed the previews last night, they kinda backed away from that assumption. I figured they would. It was so far out there and so ridiculous for them to even tease that, I think they decided it was better not to. Now they’re just referring to it as their “physical relationship”, which could mean a myriad of things. But back to Jillian, she dumps Wobby off in the middle of nowhere, even though we know there are producers right there waiting for him. Yet another dumb production move. Really? We’re supposed to believe you left him out in the wilderness to fend for himself? Kinda like when you make us believe that one dude who got dumped had to take the bus home. Sure he did. He was on that bus until the minute it was out of camera shot and the director yelled “Cut!” As always, this show sucks.

-Is there a reason Michael was crying after Wobby got sent home? What was his deal? He knows Tanner is still on the train, right? And why has their relationship fizzled since the gigglefest they had in the car during the “Amazing Race for Jillians Heart”? So disappointed that we couldn’t dive into that further. There had to be a scene somewhere of Tanner rubbing down Michael’s feet that ended up on the cutting room floor. Or sucking his toes. Or getting a foot “job”. Hey, it’s not out of the question when it comes to Tanner. Well, yes it is. Once again, if anyone actually truly believes that this guy is that much into women’s feet, and is that obsessive over Jillians ten toes, and arches, and toenail polish, then I hate to tell you this, but you’ve been duped by ABC yet again. That is a character he is playing, and nothing else. Does he like womens feet? I’m sure he does. Is he obsessive compulsive about it to the point they’ve shown us on the show? No. But when you’re in a boring season, and nothing is going on, and producers tell you to play something up for the cameras, you do it. Tanner is playing the character of the foot fetish freak this season, that’s all.

-Now lets move on to our next “character” this season, and that’s Wes. The bad boy. The wild card. The guy who might be using ABC as a stepping stone for his music career. After Jillian dumped Wobby, almost on cue, Wes comes in to comfort her. And really out of nowhere, he starts talking about his music career. It’s not like Jillian asked him, he just starts rambling about it in voice overs, and to the cameras. “I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. If there’s anyone here with an agenda, it’s me. (To the camera) The fame that I’ll get from this, it’s inside of me. I can taste it. This is gonna help me. I’m excited. I’ll always have Jillian wrapped around my finger.” Remember how I told you I don’t know everything about this show? Well, I don’t know exactly what context Wes was saying that in, but it wasn’t how it came across. And no, I’m not defending him because I’m pretty neutral on the guy. As I’ve always said, I don’t care about these people. I don’t care who gets hometown dates, I don’t care who gets roses, and I don’t care who she ends up with. You shouldn’t either. My point being, is that Wes just didn’t randomly come out and start saying this stuff. He was urged to so they could create a storyline. None of this stuff is said in front of Jillian ever, so then the audience can scream, “Why is she keeping him around when all he’s there for is his music career!!!!” There are plenty of you saying that today and you’ve all been duped. That’s exactly the reaction they want from you, and they’re getting it. Means their storyline is working. Wes is a musician. And he knows damn well that going on this show will make more people recognize him. They’ve just decided to play up the music career more so than it really is.

-Group date time with Michael, Jesse, Kiptyn, Jake, Tanner, and Wes at Emerald Lake. Hey, isn’t that where Jason with the hockey mask killed all those kids for ten seasons in those movies? Or was that Crystal Lake? Whatever. It’s time for these guys to put on snow shoes and go plopping around in the snow. Tanner picks out red snow shoes for Jillian to match her red jacket or whatever. So dumb. Here’s all you need to know about Tanners foot fetish. In every Jillian interview she’s given, she hasn’t once said she was creeped out by it. So why is everyone else? Because it’s an act, that’s why. Jillian probably realized that in the early going so she didn’t let it bother her. Time for everyone to play hide-and-go-seek. Such a fun game. Used to play this all the time as a kid. I remember I locked myself in the closet once and no one ever came to find me. Tough times. Maybe that’s why I have such a jaded view of everything this show has to offer. I blame it on my childhood when no one came looking for me. And this was just about the dumbest game of hide-and-go-seek ever since they were out in the woods and really there wasn’t anywhere to hide. Didn’t really see the point of this.

-Well, I guess one thing came out of this game. Jake decided to maul Jillian because I don’t think he’s touched her since he had the first 1-on-1 date. All the other guys are hiding (well, trying to hide), and Jake is just laying on top of Jillian cutting off all circulation to her brain. Is that that way it’s done, Jake? So sexy. I can totally see now why you remain single. You don’t move when you’re on top of her. So that was Jake’s way of showing Jillian he wanted more time with her, and he gets it. When they’re back at some hotel or what not, he re-emphasizes how little time they’ve had together since their first 1-on-1. Jillian gives some BS answer about, you know, having a show to tape and kinda needing to go on other dates. Apparently Jake doesn’t realize this. Then he pretty much sealed his fate when he tells her, “You are a lot like my mom.” Oh boy. Probably wasn’t the greatest idea to tell her that. First off, it makes you sound like mommy packs you a sack lunch every morning before you go bye-bye on your planes. Secondly, it insinuates that she also initials your name into every pair of underwear you own. And lastly, Jillian just got compared to the woman who birthed you. I might be mistaken, but that’s a turn off. Jake is now concerned that he’s the “ultra safe guy”. Let me tell you something Jakey, there’s nothing about you that doesn’t scream, “I always wear two condoms, vanilla is my favorite ice cream, and I cry after sex.” Sorry.

-Reid is back waiting on the train since he has the next 1-on-1 date, so of course naturally, he does what any guy would do to kill time. He starts talking to the train staff about his upcoming date. I’m sure this was all his idea, it was completely a spontaneous moment, and the cameras just happened to catch it. Uh huh. So dumb. He asked one lady whom he’s never met, if he should go on the date wearing his glasses, or not wearing his glasses. I don’t even remember what he asked the other guy since this scene was so hokey, I kinda tuned out. You know what the problem is? It’s the fact that every episode is two hours long this season. Because of that, we get awful, time-wasting pieces like Reid talking to the train staff. Really? That was supposed to be funny? Or interesting? Like any of them were going to offer him any advice we cared about. Quit wasting our time with this garbage.

-Kiptyn is next up to get some alone time with Jillian and he talks in circles. “You know those guys who want what they can’t have? That’s not me. I’m usually attracted to the women that like me.” Yes, you’ve said this before Dumbo (sorry, it’s the ears). We know. You’re not the pursuer. Usually you have hundreds of women throwing themselves at your feet on a daily basis, and you just get to pick and choose who you’d like to feed you grapes as you sit in your throne being fanned down by Egyptian goddesses. Or something like that. He could’ve talked about the rash he had between his thighs and Jillian wouldn’t have cared. She wants more awkward kissing with him. And there they go. Wow, the awkwardness level keeps rising the minute these two’s lips begin to touch. Yet all she can talk about is their physical chemistry. “Our bodies got close. So natural.” I’m still trying to find one thing that Jillian says about Kiptyn that doesn’t reference the 18 pack abs he has, him fondling her that makes her all squishy, or the fact she’s convinced herself he’s a great kisser. Let me know if that ever happens.

-Now all of them are sitting around in a group and having a jolly ol’ time. Michael out of nowhere asks the random question to Jillian of, “What do you usually sleep in?” She says it’s normally a tank top and underwear. But if its after a night of drinking, it’s just underwear. Ummmm, is that such a good thing? Not really the visual the guys really needed I don’t think. Let’s face it, it’s not like they had flashes of Pamela Anderson running on the beach topless when Jillian said that. Now it’s time for Tanner to ham it up for the cameras again. He shows everyone what he sleeps in by dropping his pants and letting everyone see his tighty whiteys. Jillian: “I don’t need to see anyone’s package yet.” Well, except Kiptyn’s since all you seem to care about is grabbing his hog when you’re with him. After Tanner strips down, he gets Jillian aside for more ridiculous nonsense. Rubs her feet down, says they are about a 9 or 9 ½ on his scale, and says they are the best feet he’s ever seen. “Now that I’ve felt how soft her feet are, I want her to meet my family.” I can honestly say Tanner might be the only human being on this planet who has ever uttered that sentence. Frightening.

-Michael takes Jillian outside so they can make some S’mores and he can over act s’more. Get it? I used S’mores twice. Once to describe the delicious marshmallow-chocolate-graham cracker combination, and also to combine saying “some more”. Really, I’m quite the wordsmith I tell ya’. My grammar usually sucks ass, but dammit if I know how to get creative with S’mores. When talking about possibly bringing her home to meet the family, Michael gets right to the point. “My parents, brother, and my dog will all tell me, ‘If you don’t marry this woman immediately, you’re out of the family.'” How about disowning Michael from the family for the sole reason that his occupation is “Break Dance instructor”. Last time I checked, seems the only income that brings in are the loose change people throw in the hat he has laid out on his giant piece of cardboard. I don’t mean to dog on Michael because as I said last week, at least he brings something different to the table, but it is very obvious she doesn’t see him as anything more than a buddy. They have about as much physical chemistry as Jon & Kate do nowadays. Shocking to hear they’re getting divorced. Never saw that one coming. The amazing part is, “US Weekly” ended up being right about the whole thing. They were the ones who broke the news first, and for seven weeks had these two on the cover telling everyone their marriage was failing, and by golly, if they didn’t have it nailed from the beginning. Maybe we should start listening to them more.

-Finally, Tanner admits to the rest of the guys that he was the one who told Jillian about one of the guys having a girlfriend. Seemed kinda ridiculous since not one guy asked him, “Well, who do you know has a girlfriend?” After all the drama that Tanner allegedly caused, why wouldn’t ANY of the guys bother to ask him who he was talking about? Then in chimes Wes with the lines he was given, uhhhhhhhhhh, I mean his thoughts. “I’ve made it six shows already. I’ve already serenaded my song to her. It’s a no-brainer. I’ve got what I wanted.” I’ve already given you my thoughts on this. It’s an act. You wait and see at the “Men Tell All” or in his exit interview in a couple weeks. Wes is not going to admit, “Yeah, uhhhh, I totally said all that exactly how it came out and the times you heard me say it were the exact times and order I said it in.” He got hosed by the editing crew. Yes, he knew all along that as a musician and coming on this show, it would gain exposure. There’s no denying that. But there’s not a chance in hell he’s going out of his way to admit that to everyone. The guy isn’t an idiot. You gotta trust me on this one.

-Wes’ edit was complete producer manipulation once again, and even though these people know what they’re signing up for the minute they go on this show, that’s where I say the show is fake. They are telling you one story when something completely different is actually happening. Is it fair? I guess that all depends. It’s their show, they can make you look however they want. I don’t say it’s fair for this reason: They try to play everything off like “these are real people, in real situations. All we do is sit back and film it and let the drama unfold.” That’s not true. If they would just admit to it, I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with it. But when Chris Harrison and Mike Fleiss constantly talk about “we can’t script this stuff, it just happens”, it’s all BS. There’s not a chance in hell that Wes said that stuff within the context it was shown. I don’t know how much more clear I can be about that. And oh yeah, they all got in a hot tub, and Kiptyn got a rose because he developed another 6 pack of abs in the last twenty minutes since we last saw him.

-Jake is still bummed he didn’t get to tell Jillian all his inner most thoughts, so before she heads out on her date with Reid, he gets some time with her. And boy does he lay it on thick. “My life’s dream was to meet someone like you. Our first date, I’ve never had anything like that. I’m really, really crazy about you.” And then he says off camera that Jillian is definitely what he wants to marry. I mean, wow. His life’s dream was to meet someone like Jillian? Ummmm, he’s had one date with her. How can he possibly have advanced that far in his feelings when even he admits they’ve barely talked since the first 1-on-1? I think you can kinda see how Jillian let this guy go. Too much, too fast. Tap the brakes a little, Jakey. Let the woman breathe for God sakes. Every single sentence out of your mouth is talking about how great everything is between you two and blah blah blah. It’s called suffocating. I think you can get arrested for doing that to a woman.

-Reid’s 1-on-1 date consists of snowboarding. Reid is a good skier, just never been much of a snowboarder. So today, he will be playing the character of “out of his element guy that does something Jillian likes, so he can please her”. Everybody, give it up for Reid Rosenthal! Very well done. Jillian definitely liked it. “I saw Reid fall head over heels for me several times today.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I get it. You’re using that phrase two ways. Falling for you as in “I want to make babies with you”, and falling for you because he kept face planting into the snow. Jillian, seems like you and I have something in common. We both have our way with words today. How about we sneak around the back for some nookie? I’m kidding. I live by one rule and one rule alone in my life: Never hook up with a Canadian chick.

-So then these two decide to sit down and have some dinner next to some ice sculptures. I was obvious they were freezing since Jillian’s giant rose turned more red than Rudolph’s, and Reid’s ears starting turning red. Do you know what this means? If you don’t, Reid will tell you. Reid: “When your ears are red, it means you either have high blood pressure or you’re horny. I have high blood pressure.” Awesome. That must’ve been quite the ego bruise to her. I mean, by admitting you’re horny, that would be admitting that she actually turns you on with her nails-on-a-chalkboard voice, her awful accent, and her alcoholism. I don’t know how many women Reid has been with in his life, but uhhhhh, I’m guessing there are some chicks in Philly that can put Jillian to shame. And hey, Reid is just on the show to promote his real estate business anyway, right “Star” magazine? Hey, at least they didn’t attribute that quote to me. However, is it really that far fetched when he has a website www.ReidRosenthal.com? You’re welcome for the plug, Reid.

-Reid admits to being a hypchodriac. He’s freaked out by the meat fondue they’re about to eat. He doesn’t like the fact that he’s dipping his meat into the bowl, then Jillian does the same. Yep, he’s a hypochondriac all right. Not a fan of the meat dipping. Uh oh. Maybe he’s the one with bedroom problems. Yeah, that’s it. They get up to the fantasy suite, and Reid can’t stand the thought of sharing a bed with a woman on hotel bed sheets. We’ve all seen the investigative pieces done on those. You need Hazmat teams to come take those things away. Reid also can’t believe Jillian doesn’t wash her vegetables. I think it’s safe to say at this point Reid is probably one of those guys who walks around with a bottle of Purell all the time too. And washes his hands before and after every meal making sure each hand is scrubbed the exact same amount of times. Or is that OCD? Or both? Whatever the case, uhhhhh, Reid is beginning to freak me out. And the reason he and Jillian don’t end up together is because he thinks Jillian will end up giving him salmonella when she cooks him dinner. Mark it down.

-Another reason why these two won’t end up together? They’ve both admitted they’re different and they probably don’t have a lot in common. Reid all but told Jillian she’s not his type. Probably not something you want to say to woman when trying to get in her pants. He says he usually goes after blondes. You just know the next thing that was gonna come out of his mouth was, “and with giant cans. Frankly, I’ve never dated an A cup before.” However, Jillian liked Reid’s answer about the question of where these two would live if they ended up together. “Once we’re a team, then we’ll figure it out.” Hmmmmmm, very interesting. Sounds logical to me. Why worry about it now when you should be working on your relationship. Good sound advice from Mr. Reid Rosenthal, my hero. Or did Jillian say that? Can’t remember. If Reid said it, I’m all for it. If Jillian did, then I don’t care.

-Jillian sits down with Host Chris for her little pre-rose ceremony gossip about the guys. Sometimes I think these two should be laying down next to each other in sleeping bags when having this conversation. Seems all very high school-ish to me. And speaking of high school-ish, just wait til later this week when we air DeAnna’s interview. I’ll be the first to admit, it became quite the gigglefest for the last, oh I don’t know, 50 minutes or so. Yes, the whole interview lasts an hour and twenty minutes. But you’ll enjoy it. It was a grand ol’ time we had together. Back to these two, Host Chris starts to pigeonhole Wes. “You know Wes is a musician. And you know the certain stigmas that come along with musicians.” No, please enlighten us Chris? You mean, that they’re all skirt chasing bad boys who get laid in every town they go to? I had no idea. I figured that when you’re on the road touring, and your wife/girlfriend are back home, after you perform, you just go straight to bed every night and not bang half the women who were at your concert throwing their panties and phone numbers at you. Ahhh, the life of a musician. Must be tough.

-I didn’t listen to the rest of their fireside chat. I wanted to be done with this episode. Jillian did pull Michael aside before the rose ceremony started probably because they needed more filler time. She just wanted to make sure he was ready for a commitment since he’s so young, so immature, and so broke. I think he said he would break dance 18 hours a day if he had to just for her. So now Jillian must eliminate two of the five remaining guys. Reid and Kiptyn have roses.

“This is really a tough night for me. I remember being in this position and it’s a big deal because now we’re getting families involved. But I know I have seven extraordinary people in front of me. I care about you. I feel really, really grateful. You are the five guys the producers had laid out from the beginning. I mean, I randomly decided I liked you five.”

Jesse: I have no read on this guy. Is he boring? Does she like him? Why does he look like he can be related to Kiptyn? A whole bunch of questions.
Wes: Good for him. That’s the least they could’ve done for him after brutal edit job he got. Oh wait. It doesn’t get any better next week either.

“Gentleman, Jillian, this is the final rose tonight. Whenever you’re ready. I’ll be over here making sure Ed’s travel itinerary is all set to meet up with us in Spain. And Hawaii.”

Michael: He was so giddy, I thought he was gonna moon walk over to her.

-So Tanner leaves heartbroken. “She’s missin’ a great guy, a great family. I have no idea what the f*** I did that was wrong?” Well, you can probably start at the foot thing even though you were told to play it up. And that you never kissed her nor did it seem like she ever wanted to use you for anything more than an informant. And once the informant doesn’t deliver the goodies, it’s time for him to go. Bye-bye Tanner. Maybe I’ll catch you at the Idle Rich Pub. Or Primo’s. Whatever the case, I feel your pain. It sucks getting dumped. We’ve all been there. Except I never got dumped by someone whose toes, arches, nail polish, and bunions I ever caressed.

-Jake wants some explanation, anything, on why Jillian sent him home. And naturally, she’s got nothing for him. Jillian: “It just wasn’t right. I don’t know why.” Good answer. I’m sure that helps him a lot. It helps him so much that in the previews, we see Jake returning during Wes’ hometown date to confront him on the girlfriend issue. How convenient that a Dallas guy decides to put on his best Mormon suit, get on a plane, and fly himself to Austin to confront Wes. I’m guessing if Jake didn’t live in Dallas, this confrontation next week never happens. Or maybe it would’ve since it certainly wasn’t Jake’s idea to do this. “She’s got the dangerous guy (Wes), the flimsy guy (Reid), and the young one (Michael). I know Wes. He will break her heart. I guess nice guys finish last.” Jake definitely played the pity card on the way out the door. But we’re not done with him by any means. They needed more drama this season, so they figured, “I know! We’ll have the pilot fly down to Austin since it’s so close. Perfect. Jake? You up for this?” And he obliges. Ooohhhh, what drama. For the third time today, this show sucks.

So the Holly Durst interview will be up tomorrow. It’s about 45 minutes long. She definitely addresses the things said about her by Jesse’s fans, uhhhhh, I mean critics. And she also us in on something most people aren’t aware of, which is the extent of her relationship with Justin Guarini. So look forward to that tomorrow. Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See ya.

83 Comments

83 Comments

  1. Patti

    June 23, 2009 at 11:11 PM

    kita…I totally agree. Jake is so real, the ‘scripted’ scenarios by the producers couldn’t even make him look bad, and they tried. He’s just real and it comes across that way totally…and he is absolutely gorgeous..that smile..is she a complete idiot or blind? Ed, and Wes are not even in the same league as Jake in looks and personality..I lost respect for Jillian when she left the ‘perfect’ guy go!!

  2. Peg

    June 24, 2009 at 1:17 AM

    You missed the best line of the show when some unseen idiot (Michael) asked if the body of water surrounded by mountains was the OCEAN!!!!

  3. RainyNiteNTx

    June 24, 2009 at 7:47 AM

    Jillian deserves whatever she gets by keeping Wes and Michael and letting Jake go. I thought she sent Robby home because he was too young, but keeps Michael. Isn’t Michael the same age? As bad as the Deanna show was, this one seems like a spoof. It is hilarious.

    LMAO at Steve saying Chris Harrison would be right over here making itinerary plans for Ed.

  4. zombie_hands

    June 24, 2009 at 8:40 AM

    @MsMoka

    Ms.Moka the black belt thing Tanner was wearing was the microphone pack.

  5. lora

    June 24, 2009 at 8:40 AM

    Peg, I caught that line about the ocean too….LOL!
    I love watching this show on Monday nights and then reading this blog the next day. The only thing better would be to actually watch it WITH Steve! Now that would be fun. :)

  6. zombie_hands

    June 24, 2009 at 8:48 AM

    I don’t know if I can stomach this show any longer. Jillian is a complete moron. The more she drinks the bigger her nose gets and she just looks awful! She needs to stay away from the alcohol. Wasn’t her mother the one that was mentally ill for quite awhile? It was Jillian’s big issue to tell Jason. I don’t know if it’s hereditary but it would raise some flags if I was a guy. JMO.
    To be honest of the remaining 5 men…none of them do anything to me. Kiptyn maybe…Jesse…is blah…Wes…plain creepy and not EVEN attractive!!!…Michael..it’s a game now for him and he’s an odd little fellow…Reid…I think he wished he went home…he’s totally not into Jillian. So if Kiptyn doesn’t get a rose next week…she’ll probably pick Jesse and Reid as her final two. This will be a train wreck for sure. Ed is definitely coming back to propose to her and she’ll turn him down. Jillian isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.

  7. connoer

    June 24, 2009 at 9:39 AM

    I can’t stop laughing:

    Is there a reason Michael was crying after Wobby got sent home? What was his deal? He knows Tanner is still on the train, right?

  8. Carrie

    June 24, 2009 at 10:17 AM

    Connoer – I was thinking the same thing about Michael and his crying! I don’t know, maybe the relationship between him and Tanner soured after Tanner saw Michael’s feet and they didn’t meet his standards. So Michael, feeling rejected, latched on to the next best thing – Wobby!

  9. RaRa

    June 24, 2009 at 11:25 AM

    I’m new to the site, so forgive me if this question has already been asked: Has the “source” indicated whether Jilli will actually end up engaged to one of the guys at the end of the season, or will she do a “Brad” and say “thanks but no thanks” to all of them?

  10. RaRa

    June 24, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    Speaking of bedroom problems — am I the only one who thinks Jillian must not be much in the sack? She was definitely a frontrunner with Jason until the fantasy date. As I recall, the hottub foreplay scene started out great, but the next morning she was shown the door. Maybe when push comes to shove (so to speak), she just doesn’t “facilitate great performance” in that arena?

    Regardless, whether the “bedroom problems” promo was just a big tease or not, I have to say: I would hate to be stuck with the name “Ed”, which basically spells out the acronym “Erectile dysfunction”…..

  11. RaRa

    June 24, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    @jp

    Jason Mesnick was Jewish also, so that doesn’t appear to be a problem for Jill.

  12. Dianne

    June 24, 2009 at 11:45 AM

    sorry..I don’t get what’s so funny about the “ocean” question. We do have both ocean’s in Canada..Pacific on the West Coast (British Columbia), and the Atlantic on the East Coast (New Brunswick, Nova Scotia etc). If the guy had never been to Canada before, how would he know? Enlighten me please.

    Also..latest on the sap, Wes. He’s a waste of space..what a slime-bucket!

    This morn on the radio at10am on 98.1 KAVET in Texas they had Wes on and he was saying that the only reason he was on the show was to get the break for his album which is now being made. He indicates he doesn’t want the girl

  13. RaRa

    June 24, 2009 at 12:06 PM

    @Dianne

    So I guess we can safely assume Wes and Jillian aren’t currently engaged…? 😉

  14. mkrobert

    June 24, 2009 at 12:54 PM

    Michael’s crying WAS pretty funny!!! Maybe he was just cold?!

    Wes is a TOTAL slime ball and Reid is a little too neurotic. The post that Reid wishes he went home is so funny and SO TRUE! I think he just wants to get booted off, and I think he also looks like Matthew Perry.

    I really hope Ed comes back and proposes. I read something online that Jillian is happy with the way things turned out, but I’m starting to think she may not pick anyone either!!!

    I too think she has made some bad choices. Jake is the one! But only because I’m convinced ED is the one for me!

  15. Bliss_Leia

    June 24, 2009 at 2:34 PM

    Great recap, as always. I only watched 20 minutes of the 2 hours, meaning: yes, for the 10th time this show sucks! haha!

  16. MsMoka

    June 24, 2009 at 4:31 PM

    Dianne :
    sorry..I don’t get what’s so funny about the “ocean” question. We do have both ocean’s in Canada..Pacific on the West Coast (British Columbia), and the Atlantic on the East Coast (New Brunswick, Nova Scotia etc). If the guy had never been to Canada before, how would he know? Enlighten me please.

    Everyone thinks it’s funny because certainly anyone from the US is going to have seen a map of North America and grasp that Canada borders the same oceans the US does!? And that if you start at the ocean on the westcoast and head due east towards the Rocky Mountains for about 9 hours, you’re not going to be seeing the ocean anymore? Even if the guy had never been to Canada, you’d think he’d know roughly where the Rocky Mountains are in the States (way inland) and extrapolate from there… :-)

  17. suez

    June 24, 2009 at 5:00 PM

    Too bad Jillian sent Jake home. He seems to be a real nice guy. Plus he said he’d fly her anywhere anytime. Ladies in the Dallas area…track this guy down!! He would make a NICE girl really happy!!

  18. addicted2trainwrecks

    June 24, 2009 at 7:05 PM

    Just made myself laugh. My user name has been this for quite a while, somehow it never seemed more appropriate than now!!!
    Great lines I will paraphrase. Jillian and Reid. Wanting every day to be like Christmas morning and Reids answer…perfect…I know waht htat is like I wake up and there are no presents. Funny stuff here.

    I do have a question for Steve and all who care to answer. I have been addicted to this mess since it started way back in season 1. Is it that we are just better at seeing the “scripting” now or was it not this heavily edited way back in the old days? I am sure that Trista and Ryan were scripted, judging by the ending but it somehow didn’t seem as manipulated as it does now…or am I blind? Your thoughts?????

  19. Patti

    June 24, 2009 at 10:34 PM

    There is a petition on the Bachelorette Message Board to make Jake the next Bachelor.

  20. KiSsSsSs

    June 25, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    Dianne…actually, we have 3 oceans…you forgot about the Arctic

  21. yer wan

    June 25, 2009 at 8:39 AM

    The surprise proprosal to Silly Gilli will probably involve a smarmy Mesnick crying (alot!) and telling us all that he made a mistake. Molly will be un proprosed to and Gilli will be back in!! Apparently strange things like this can happen on ABC. Great recap Steve, like many others I have stopped sacrificing two hours of my life to tune in to that tripe every Monday night, I`ll just read your blog instead. Slan

  22. Patti

    June 25, 2009 at 11:30 AM

    I’m a big fan of the show, but you lost me..who is silly gilli..somehow I missed that nickname..lol Thanks.

  23. yer wan

    June 25, 2009 at 2:07 PM

    Sorry patti, my bad. Even though I have been here for a while I still think (and spell!) like an irish girl (Jillian is often spelled with a G across the pond). My kids think Silly Jilli is a fairly suitable nickname for our lovely bachelorette….sorry RS but we think she is actually quite pretty in an unconventional sort of way!(and what`s your beef with Canadian chicks and Nordstrom clothes?)

  24. palm

    June 25, 2009 at 4:06 PM

    What do people find appealing about Jake? Every word out of his mouth sounds rehearsed and you can see the audition wheel spinning in his brain. The only reason he’s there is to be the next bachelor. Even his body language–I don’t get anything that shows he’s interested in her, just himself. When will this show get fun again??

  25. catherine a

    June 25, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    I agree – Jake, despite his good lucks, is a total bore – he came across as completely phony to me (someone somewhere said he was an actor – if so, he’s a BAD actor)….and the preview of him showing up in his pilot’s uniform??? I wonder if he really even is a pilot (with a legitimate airline), I can bet that whatever airline he supposedly works for would NOT endorse his wearing his uniform on the Bachelorette…..ick…I sure hope he’s not the next bachelor…

  26. Patti

    June 25, 2009 at 6:17 PM

    Off topic: Michael Jackson is dead

  27. catherine a

    June 25, 2009 at 6:27 PM

    patti, if we’re on this site, we’re all on the internet so we obviously know this…

  28. mja

    June 26, 2009 at 9:11 AM

    Another reason the ocean question was funny was that you could see that the body of water was surrounded by mountains, and you could see all the way across it. Oceans are just a *little* bit bigger than that!

  29. Chocohalic

    June 27, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    I enjoy your blog your writing skills are excellent..but….I do not like your blatant dislike for Jillian or Canada…I would tend to think you would attract more if you refrain from personal attacks…..besides this who in the hell is this freak http://bacheloretteblog.wordpress.com/ looks like he is trying to push your buttons…

  30. sunray777

    June 28, 2009 at 9:41 PM

    Steve, some of your comments about canada have been funny in your usual stereotypical way. No big deal. However, youve made a few that seem to sting a little like the living by 1 rule only to never date a canadian chick. You seem more evolved then to actually mean that so its dissapointing to read these things. What about your many canadian fans? Ive been one since the early days of your site and have to admit that some of your canada comments have made the read of your column not so great anymore. Wheres the love? ; )

  31. Dianne

    June 29, 2009 at 8:28 AM

    oops..right you are Kiss..my bad!

  32. becca656

    June 29, 2009 at 12:28 PM

    Steve, he wasn’t dressed up like a Mormon – he’s an airline pilot and had returned to work, already.

  33. Rebecca

    June 29, 2009 at 5:57 PM

    it’s so annoying how jillian almost always is the one to lean in for the kiss, way early on right from the very first one with wes. i think she leaned in for her first kiss with jason too when they went on their robin thicke date? deanna was in charge for her season of the bachelorette too, but she let the guys initiate, and she wasn’t making out with everyone freakn immediately.

    p.s. kiptyn kisses weird. the locking lips part he does okay, but then he ruins it by moving his head around all weird the whole time like he has a spasm or something. i’m rooting for jesse, michael, and reid!

You must be logged in to post a comment Login

Leave a Reply

  © Copyright RealitySteve.com - All rights reserved

To Top