Reality Roundup

So Who is the Next Bachelor? Plus, a mini-Reality Roundup and Other Thoughts

It’s been a while, I know. Just decided to take some time off for no other reason than I felt like it. Not many summer shows I was watching anyway, and nothing really happening on the “Bachelor” front considering the season doesn’t start until Jan. 4th and they haven’t even begun taping yet, so I didn’t think there was much to write about. Now that we’re back in the swing of things, seems like a good time to start writing again. No idea how often, but I did have some things to get off my chest regarding numerous topics, so here we go.

The Bachelor

-Shocking that people have been beating down my door ever since it was announced that on the live results show of “Dancing with the Stars” on Oct. 13th, ABC will announce who the next bachelor is. Sure, the rumors have been flying around ever since Jillian’s season, but that’s all they’ve been. Rumors. The only people who know for sure who it will be are Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, and the powers that be at ABC and Next Entertainment. Anyone else who tells you they know for sure is lying. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I know for sure who it’s going to be. But I will tell you what all indications are pointing to and that I’d be surprised if it wasn’t this person.

-Before we get to that, lets discuss the candidates. Reid, Kiptyn, and Jake are the three guys from last season being considered, as well as people from the outside. I can almost guarantee you right here that it will NOT be someone from the outside. I do believe they are going the recycled route. Which makes sense, and I have no problem with that. You have to understand it from ABC’s perspective. Regardless of if its Reid, Kiptyn, or Jake, each one of them already has a built in audience. Just because you might hate Reid, doesn’t mean tons of women wouldn’t want to see him as the “Bachelor”. Same goes for the other two. Each of them brings their own positives and negatives to the table. So regardless of who they choose, as in any season when they bring in a recycled person, there will be fans, and there will be haters. Simple as that.

-From the numerous sources I’ve been in contact with and regardless of what some bogus website put out three months ago, I don’t believe Kiptyn is the guy. All indications are the guy doesn’t want to do it. His reasons? Hell if I know, but I just don’t think he’s into it. Which leaves Reid vs Jake. I said months ago (I believe on Twitter), that there was no chance Jake would be the next Bachelor. That was strict personal opinion probably because I thought the guy was way too cheesy and too corny to carry a show. Well, looks like I was wrong. All indications are that Jake is all set to be the next Bachelor. Could I be wrong? Sure. But would I be surprised if he’s not the next Bachelor? Yes, I would be. Does Jake know he’s the next Bachelor? Possibly. I honestly think ABC keeps these guys in limbo so that it doesn’t officially get out. So sure, until ABC officially announces it, they have the right to change their mind up until the last second. But I believe come October 13th, we’ll be seeing Jake Pavelka announced as our next Bachelor. I’ve been wrong before, and I’m sure I’ll be wrong in the future, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t him after everything I’ve heard.

-Look, I honestly don’t care who they cast as the “Bachelor”. I have no vested interest in the show other than writing and making fun of it. And honestly, of those three guys, I think Jake gives me the most material to work with. The sole reason why I personally didn’t think he’d be the next bachelor (too cheesy and corny), are probably two of the reason why he will be. The guy is a lay down. Look, he told Wes to his face (and you heard it in the Wes interview), that he was on the show because “he wanted America to fall in love with him so he could be the next bachelor”. So he will do anything those producers tell him to do, and I just don’t think Kiptyn and Reid were willing to go that route. Jake will be putty in ABC’s hands. The guy wants it so bad that he’s willing do whatever they tell him. Don’t fall for the, “Oh gosh golly darn gee” routine that he layed on thick last season. The guy had a plan from the get go, and it looks like it’s gonna pan out for him. Good. Can’t wait to have millions of laughs at his expense.

-On a final note, Chris Harrison tweeted over the weekend that he was here in Dallas (hmmm, maybe a couple pre-show pep talks with Jake?) and attended some event at Stonebriar Country Club. Huh? What? My boy Harrison was in town and didn’t bother to hit me up? Especially since he was at the club I eat lunch at least two or three times a week? I’m disappointed in you Chris. I could’ve showed you around. Oh well. Maybe next time. You hurt my feelings. How dare you walk the grounds at Stonebriar and not tell me about it. I’m a two minute car ride from there.

-As for the rumored “Bachelor: All Stars” show, I’ll believe that when I see it. No one has yet to report what exactly this show is. Is it going to be just like the show, only with ALL recycled contestants? Is it going to be like “Big Brother” where it’s just a bunch of former contestants living in a house for a month and we get to see the drama? Or is it going to be like “RW/RR Challenge” type stuff with all former contestants? The fact that nobody has reported what kind of show this is going to be makes me think it’s not going to happen. I’ve always thought that a “RW/RR Challenge” type show with all former “Bachelor/ette” contestants could be interesting since half of them have already hooked up with each other. Throw about 20 of them in a house and I guarantee they’ll be sex, lying, and cat fights. That could be interesting. But hey, whoever is putting the show together, you have to make sure Jesse Csincsak is a part of it. He might throw a hissy fit if he’s not.

Dancing With the Stars

-A lot of little things hit on regarding this season. Really no need to sit and dissect every single couple and how they’ve done so far. The three couples eliminated already I have no problem with. Kathy Ireland just wasn’t very good. Same with Ashley Hamilton. And Macy Gray just didn’t seem like she wanted to be there. Good riddance you three. See you at the finale. Some other thoughts to ponder while watching the show:

-So how long before Derek and Joanna are hittin it, if they aren’t already? With Shannon Elizabeth no longer in the picture, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. Sex seems to run rampant on this show. Speaking of that….

-Real shocking to hear Maksim and Karina broke off their engagement. Not. Gee, she dates Mario Lopez, they break up, and six months later her and Maksim are engaged? Didn’t I say back then they’ll never walk down the aisle? Maksim and Karina should probably be put in as many duets as possible on the results show this season just so we can deal with the awkwardness.

-And I’m sure Maksim constantly kissing and rubbing Debi Mazar is done on purpose to piss Karina off. By far, Maksim is the most touchy feely of all the male dancers. Which I find odd this season since he’s dancing with a tranny who has an awful lisp. God, I’d be telling her to shut up all the time too.

-On the other side, reporters are already asking Aaron Carter if he’s gonna start getting in Karina’s pants since she has a penchant for spreading her legs for her dancers. He’s says no, but not because he doesn’t think she’s hot. It’s because he wants to see Chelsie Hightower naked. He’s already openly admitted he wants her and has made it known to her already. They’ll be dating before the end of this season. Guaranteed.

-Aaron went on an LA radio show on Monday and guaranteed he and Karina will win. Also says Donnie Osmond and Mya will be in the finals with them. Uhhhh, ok Aaron. Whatever you say. You’re a douche and considering the audience ultimately has the final say in who wins this thing, since by the end of the season, all the scores are within a couple points of each other, you’re probably not winning over too many fans with that statement. Stick to hitting on Chelsie and keep the predictions to yourself.

-How come Carrie Ann and Len are able to give their comments while sitting down, yet Bruno is constantly standing up, pointing, gyrating, and screaming his critiques? Oh yeah. Forgot. He’s a nutball. After nine seasons though, I still haven’t decided if I find him wildly entertaining, or a complete nuisance. I guess each show that has a judging panel needs the eccentric whack job in there.

-Since I’m not a professional dancer, I guess this is why I don’t understand this. But you know what I find most amazing about the female dancers? It’s how they perform a whole routine with spins, jumps, twists, twirls, turns, and runs and they do it all in heels. I thought it was painful to just walk in heels, let alone dance in them. So kudos to all female professional dancers. As for the guys, they only get credit for dancing in tight pants that cut off circulation to their boys.

Survivor

-Russell is TV gold. Coming off a season with a guy like Coach, you needed a character that everyone will be talking about long after the season ends. Well, we sure got one with Russell. What a piece of work this guy is. For those that don’t know, both seasons 19 and 20 were filmed back-to-back over the summer in Samoa. Season 20 which will begin airing in February, is a “Heroes vs Villains” concept with all former contestants. Russell basically stayed behind and filmed that season as well, so get used to seeing him on your television. The cast for “Heroes vs Villains” hasn’t been released yet, but I’m guessing it probably won’t be too hard to figure out some of the people who will be on it. I’m sure Coach, Tyson, and Sierra from “Tocantins” will be on it. Ace, Sugar, Corinne, and Randy from “Gabon”. Depends how far they are going back. Maybe they’ll go the James, Parvati, Ozzy, Amanda route again. Not sure. It’ll get out soon enough since the season is already done filming.

The Hills

-Yes, it’s only been one episode, but already this season in infinitely more interesting than the last three combined and that’s all because of Kristin Cavallari. Sure, most of you probably liked Lauren and hell of a lot more, but lets face it. Her life on the show was boring. Nothing ever happened with her, yet she pocketed over $100k an episode. Must be nice. Anyway, the reason I like Kristin back on the show so much? Because she doesn’t care about throwing the show under the bus and admitting it’s all fake. Here, read this and tell me if you actually think that any one millisecond on that show is what really happens in these peoples lives.

“The Hills: New Star Kristin Cavallari is Ready to put on a Show”

Awesome. She’s already my favorite person on the cast, and it has nothing to do with her being hot now. Never really cared for her on “Laguna Beach”, but I must say, she’s looking a lot better these days. Call her a man whore, call her a piranha, call her a skank, whatever. She’s acting for the show. She does what they tell her to do. Kinda like Jake will this season. So I don’t put much stock into her character on the show. Where can I buy my “Team Kristin” shirt.

-I thought Spencer legally changed his name to King Spencer? Why isn’t anyone on the show referring to him as such? Oh that’s right, because he’s a full on douchenozzle. Anything that Spencer and Heidi do for attention we should all just laugh at. It’s funny how all the tabloids make fun of them and constantly mention how annoying and unimportant they are, yet they sit there and cover their every move. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me. Just let anything they say or do go in one ear and out the other, and eventually they’ll go away.

-When we get the episodes this season of Holly Montag hitting the bottle, there better be an intervention episode that includes Sanjaya. I need that guy to come to the rescue for his “friend” Holly. The more Sanjaya the better. Did I just say that?

-So Audrina is gonna leave the “Hills” for her own reality show produced by Mark Burnett? Why do I have a feeling that’ll never hit the air? I’m still in utter amazement that a genius like Burnett would associate himself with a dingbat like her. What possibly could be interesting in Audrina’s life to have cameras following her around every day? Unless they’re going to show her failing on audition calls and her late night booty calls with some L.A. bad boy, then I don’t want to see it.

Other Random Tidbits

-For some reason, music has been on my mind a lot recently. Usually when I’m in my car, I’m listening to sports talk radio, but recently there have been a few music issues that I must address. First off, Boyz II Men has released a cover of Journey’s “Open Arms”. As some of you may know since I’ve mentioned it in the past, it’s by far my favorite slow song of all time. And surprisingly enough, Boyz II Men didn’t butcher it. Of course, it’s not the original, but it’s also not half bad either. Who would’ve thought the guys dancing in sweater vests to “Motown Philly” would still be relevant 20 years later?

-You know that one song every time it comes on the radio, you find it stuck in your head the rest of the day? Almost to the point of where if it doesn’t leave your head, you feel like taking a hammer to your skull to knock it out of there? I’ve come across that song recently. It’s Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”. Holy crap. I fall asleep now with “And the Britney song was on, and the Britney song was on, Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…it’s a party in the USA” running through my head. Someone please stop it now.

-Granted, what Kanye did to Taylor Swift at the VMA’s was totally uncalled for, but geez, that’s like the 10th most annoying thing he’s done in his career. That whole ordeal was completely overblown. Look people, it’s not like she won an Oscar for Best Actress in a Drama in her first nomination ever. It was a stupid, media created awards show that’s done all for fun. I mean, c’mon. Was she really backstage crying and so upset because someone upstaged her VMA award? Please. Kanye’s an egotistical ass, and always will be. Let’s not act like the guy flashed his junk to all of America. He grabbed the mic and said Beyonce makes great videos during a stupid, 3rd rate awards show. Lets calm down. It’s ok Taylor. Go back to making teenie bopper love songs and win one next year. “Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone…”

-Maybe because I’m a guy I’m not supposed to understand this, but what is the worlds fascination with vampire stories now? The whole “Twilight” thing, then “True Blood” on HBO, now the “Vampire Diaries” on the CW. This is a chick thing, right? No guys are invested in this crap are they? This is strictly for hopeless romantics that like ogling over that pale, underweight, looks-like-he-hasn’t-slept-in-a-week Robert Pattinson, right? I just don’t get it. No, I haven’t read any of the “Twilight” books, nor watched five seconds of “True Blood” or “Vampire Diaries”. And I don’t plan to. It just seems like Hollywood is bleeding this vampire craze dry right now. Maybe that’s a good thing since it’ll get old real fast. Just assure me that, as a male, I’m really not missing out on anything here. Something tells me all this vampire craze is aimed towards females between the ages of 15 and 17. Ha ha.

-Within the last two months, I was about to go out with a girl until I looked at her Facebook page, and her status said “In a Relationship”. When I asked her why she had agreed to go out with me even though her page said that, her response was: “Well, I’ve been talking to this guy every day for the last few weeks that my friend set me up with. He lives out of state and I haven’t met him yet, but he’s coming in town in a couple weeks and I really think we’ll end up being a couple. I felt he’d get mad if I didn’t put that as my status.” Oh boy. Easily one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard come out of girls mouth in my lifetime.

-And finally, I want to send all my love to Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian on their recent nuptials. I hope you enjoy the many long minutes together before you ultimately decide to end this farce of a relationship. Just don’t screw up the Lakers this season, Lamar. You realize the minute you start playing like crap, everyone will be blaming Chyna. I hope you’re ready to defend him because it’s definitely coming.

Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Next column will appear probably after the official announcement of the “Bachelor” on October 13th. Until then.

17 Comments

17 Comments

  1. teegoogles

    September 30, 2009 at 10:52 AM

    So about the vampire stuff … I’m guessing no one has told you about all the naked boobs and random orgies in the woods on True Blood, Steve? That should be reason enough to watch! 😉

  2. JENNIFER S.

    September 30, 2009 at 10:59 AM

    Okay so I’ll admit RS, I was one of the ones beating on your door about the next bachelor. Alright, maybe not “beating” but just gently knocking. I kind of agree with you about Jake – you can just tell he loves the drama and exposure so yeah, youre probably right. Blaaach…but I will watch because if you write – we will be there.

    I do watch Survivor and I do dislike RUSSELL, he reminds me of an evil little gnome and can someone tell me why??? if you know you are going to be on a show like Survivor – why can’t you pack boxer shorts instead of the viewing audience having to look at your little gnome package in your gray knit drawers??? ewwwwwww

    Aaron Carter – cute kid all semi grown up now. I get nervous with his vein sticking out on his head though. I like Donny Osmond to win – he’s more my type and generation :)

    Lastly – thank GOD you didnt date that FB girl. Can you spell D O P E Y?

    Hows Maddie?

  3. antiquejunkie

    September 30, 2009 at 11:40 AM

    I must totally agree on that Miley Cyrus song. I feel like every time I turn on the radio on in the car its playing (sometimes I hear it twice in one trip), therefore its ALWAYS stuck in my head. And the sad thing? I find myself singing along. AHH!!

    We have got to find a new song to become irritating, annoying and constantly stuck in our heads.

  4. CWJ

    September 30, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    It’ll be fun reading your comments about Jake. NOT fun to watch him as the next bachelor.

  5. Tracy66

    September 30, 2009 at 12:34 PM

    Yup, you should jump on the True Blood bandwagon. I’ve seen Twilight and Vampire Diaries and they are “chickish” and geared to a young audience. True Blood is not in that category. I think you should give the initial episode a shot before you decide it’s not worth watching. My husband (who is NOT a Twilight fan AT ALL) loves True Blood. Give it a shot. The worst that happens is you had better sex scenes than Jillian and Jason in the hot tub.

  6. Carolyn

    September 30, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    The fb girl sounds like an air head. You did the right thing. Also, totally agree about Mak on DWTS. He seems to be more affectionate than ususal with his partner, as also does Karina. I predict they will reunite.

    All signs do point to Jake being the next bachelor. I just wish he didn’t seem so eager to cooperate with the storyboard, writers and producers.

    Lastly, Jesse is the last person I want to see on tv again. I agree with you that if the show goes off, and he isn’t on it, he will take a fit..perhaps make a video and complain about it while crying.

  7. stephlk74b

    September 30, 2009 at 1:27 PM

    I can’t even begin to tell you how truly pissed off I will be if boring Jake is the next Bachelor. Honestly, the guy is a complete moron and total tool. We need some spice!!! He is going to cry at every rose ceremony and profess his love to everyone. There is NO WAY he is going to be able to pick one lady!! What I don’t understand about this show – ok, so you go on the show to find love….I get that – but, very rarely (only a few times) has anyone ever just said, “you know what, I am totally not into this guy / gal…” Yes, it has happened and only ONE BACHELOR had the nerve to stand up and say, “guess what, I am totally not into either of these people.” Just because they chose 20 gals/guys for you doesn’t mean you are going to fall in love with one.

    Why in holy hell did I just get off on that tangent? Sorry!

    I hope that if they do have Boring ass Jake on as the next Bachelor that you will go back to your funny rants and not get all “man love” on him. Couldn’t really take that last season with Wes. I don’t know if I could stomach the show with him, so please give me something to stomach each Tuesday morning! :)

  8. katerina

    September 30, 2009 at 1:38 PM

    Couldn’t care less about the next bachelor, I mean I live in Greece ( yes quite authentic Greek not like Deeee-Auna BTW not a Greek name please girl stop embarassing us you and your crazy relatives, hello Europe is not like this ) but man will I get a kick out of Jake being the new bachelor cause lets face it, it will make my tuesdays when you put the column on much more fun by default! :)
    Do people still write “cheers” when they end a letter for salutation? Ehhh why not,
    Cheers Steve!

  9. terry-pat

    September 30, 2009 at 1:59 PM

    Oh Man.If Jake is the bachelor,I hope Wes re thinks watching the show,and sits back with a beer,every Monday and enjoys!Maybe he could give guest commentary,like his take on some Jakeisms.Let the games begin.

  10. cynstriss

    October 1, 2009 at 11:23 AM

    Nice to see a new post – a great way to start my day. I will be reading your thoughts on the Bachelor this season, but I am not going to watch any more. Although I know it is all entertainment, I think the contrived a bit too much last season. As for DWTS, I agree that Aaron will lose votes over his comments. Not that I care. He has always been a bit of a boring spoiled brat anyway. As for Russel on Survivor – he is an ass, and I laugh at his choice to wear revealing underpants. What do they reveal? A teeny tiny bit of information, to be sure. He should be so embarrassed. He says he’s a millionaire, but my guess is he work in some sort of retail establishment. Anyway, thanks for starting my day off with a smile!

  11. Nocturnal

    October 1, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    It’s “putty”, RS. Not “puddy”.

    Jake?! WTF?! I want Reid!!!!!!!!! Bring back the Honey Bear!!!!!!! But I can see what you’re saying, RS. Reid is too authentic and doesn’t have the pushover personality that they want. I’m hoping maybe I’ll get a surprise on the 13th. Otherwise, it’ll be way too boring with Jake.

  12. Nocturnal

    October 1, 2009 at 2:57 PM

    It’s “putty”, RS. not “puddy”.

    Jake?! Say it isn’t so! I want Reid!!!!!!! Bring back the Honey Bear!!!!!!

  13. mja

    October 1, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    It’s great to see a new blog post, Steve!

    After the last Bachelorette shows I pretty much decided not to watch the next Bachelor if he was any one of the guys from Jillian’s series. So, looks like I won’t be — but maybe I’d watch the end, and keep up with the series through RS’s blog. I don’t think I could stomach watching Jake every week. I did not dislike him as strongly as some others… but I thought that he showed himself to be very needy for a relationship, which is a big turnoff.

    My guess is that Kiptyn would not agree to be on this show because maybe he actually has some sense and some independence, and doesn’t want to be part of the manipulation of the show? … well, it’s a thought!

    On DWTS, I’m not rooting for anybody in particular yet. I think it’s interesting how close the scores were to each other (for most of them) this week.

  14. happybunny09

    October 2, 2009 at 11:07 AM

    The image of the vampire has morphed from a frightening monster, thanks to Hollywood, to something sexy, also thanks to Hollywood. The immortality and eternal youth of the vampire is seen as desirable and the whole act of biting of the neck has taken on a whole new overwhelming sexual connotation. Throw in pretty young actors and actresses, you have teen soap opera with some BITE.

  15. atwc

    October 2, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    This is regarding the Bachelor — from E!Online today:

    The show hasn’t even begun filming and we already know one important thing about possible future Bachelor contestant Brittney Gammel—she can’t keep a secret.

    Jillian Harris reject Jake Pavelka is ABC’s next Mr. Right.

    The 25-year-old Learjet pilot was at a party in Tennessee when she spilled the beans to local news station WKRN that fellow pilot Pavelka would be the next man lookin’ for love on TV. And she was already skeptical about their chances at making a connection.

    Something tells us ABC may put the kibosh on Gammel’s chance at doing more blabbing for reporters. According to her, the show doesn’t start taping until November, plenty of time for the network to find a replacement blonde.

    “We are not going to confirm who the Bachelor is or if this woman is even one of the bachelorettes,” a network spokesperson tells E! News. “People need to tune into Dancing With the Stars on Oct. 13 to find out the real identity of the next Bachelor.”

  16. JLBWorld

    October 6, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    I liked Jake at first when he had that cool date with Jillian and they were dancing and he just seemed really nice, maybe too perfect. Then he is let go and he just became very strange. And that return to dump on Wes made him appear desperate and bizarre and just creepy. So if they honestly think he can carry a show well ABC might be saying goodbye to this series. He will, IMO make a horrible bachelor. And I don’t trust his motives at all. I do understand why Reid (my fave) and Kyptin do not need this show to get a girl! and I doubt either need the aggravation of ABC either. Jake has already shown he is putty in ABC’s hands so if I watch it will be just like Reality Steve watches, to see how ridiculous Jake will be and how stupid they make him appear.

  17. RainyNiteNTx

    October 9, 2009 at 7:18 AM

    I guess Russell is the guy you love to hate, but for me, his personality is too extreme. For the first time in the history of the show, I turned the channel from Survivor. His behavior toward women is disgusting and borders on abusive. He suffers from short man syndrome.

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