The Bachelor 14 - Jake

The Bachelor Recap – 1/4/10 and HUGE news regarding the so-called “scandal”

Holy crap. The season is one episode in, and we already have our first scandal. Yeah right. Once again, they want to make you believe it’s one. If any of you actually believe that one of the female contestants had a sexual affair with a producer on the show while filming was taking place and was therefore kicked off, you’ve got another thing coming. It’s called a storyline. It never happened, and the s**t’s about to hit the fan. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Tomorrow on RealitySteve.com I will reveal to everyone exactly what the real story is behind everything that goes down in next weeks episode. Remember a couple months ago when I told you I’d be on top of the ball this season? Well I am. I have no problem once again beating this show to the punch with their bogus storylines and letting the truth come out. That’s exactly what I plan on doing tomorrow. I love the fact that I’m a huge thorn in ABC’s side and there’s nothing they can do about it. I’ve got TONS of dirt on this season. The “scandal”, the Final 4/3/2/1, who leaves the show voluntarily, who gets booted and who gets roses on dates. And these aren’t guesses. Once again, my sources have come through for me, and the funniest part is, ABC can’t control their own people. It’s coming from right under their own noses. I love it. So definitely come back here tomorrow for all of this seasons spoilers. No clues this time, no waiting until we get closer to the finale. I’m just in the mood to piss ABC off so I figured I’d just spill everything tomorrow.

The biggest one being what the real deal behind this alleged affair is. I will tell you now, Rozlyn is the girl that is kicked off the show next week for what Chris Harrison will deem as “inappropriate behavior in the context of the show”. Which is a perfect description since he technically never mentions a sexual affair. Why? Because there never was one. They just use one of the other contestants to voice over the now infamous, “She’s having a sexual affair with someone in the house”. Way to cover your asses. Just ask someone else to say it as speculation, then boot Rozlyn without any proof. Like I said, come back tomorrow for the full story of why Rozlyn was really booted from the show and the producer who was also fired. Was there “inappropriate behavior within the context of the show”? Yes, there was. But it had nothing to do with sex, or hooking up, or any physical contact whatsoever. Next week, ABC will show you their concocted storyline to draw ratings. RealitySteve.com has all the facts to back up what really happened. Just like Jason’s season when I was right from day 1 on what happened at the “ATFR 1” taping, I have no reason to lie to you about this. I will tell you what happened and you can either choose to believe me or ABC’s bogus storyline to generate interest in a rather boring season.

The ironic thing is that Rozlyn actually gets a rose early in the episode next week on the In Style Photo Shoot group date. And why wouldn’t she? She’s a model and probably one of the three best looking women this show has ever seen. So she’s already set to continue on, then something happened behind the scenes, ABC throws her under the bus, kicks her off the show, and fires the producer. I feel bad for her since what really happened has actually happened in the past to a former contestant. Someone that readers of this column are very familiar with. Almost the same exact situation actually. As far as roses for next week, Rozlyn gets one on her group date at the photo shoot, Elizabeth gets a rose during her group date to Magic Mountain, and Ali gets a 1-on-1 date in a helicopter, and she receives a rose at the end of that.

And I fully expect ABC to run their spin control and keep Rozlyn’s mouth shut. Obviously if they’re going to tell the world next week she is being booted for “inappropriate behavior within the context of the show”, and then once she’s gone scream “sexual affair” by having the other girls in the house blurt it, of course they’re never gonna let her tell her side of the story because it would go against their storyline. If it actually happened, they’d show the footage, they’d play audio of them, SOMETHING, ANYTHING, that would incriminate them. But of course they don’t. The biggest sex scandal this show has ever had, yet next week, the only thing you’ll hear about it is a couple girls giving voice overs mentioning it in conversation. With cameras and boom mikes running essentially 20 hours a day at the mansion, how in the world would they not have something like that caught on video or audio tape? Exactly. Because it never happened. Let’s think logically everyone. Seriously. Do you really believe on a show like that with so many women in the house and producers, PA’s, and interns running around that two people could actually sneak off and have a sexual affair? C’mon. It didn’t happen and I’ll tell you what really did tomorrow.

Before we get started, there’s quite a few things to cover, so let me first begin by taking a trip down memory lane, since these quotes should be drilled into the back of everyone’s heads while watching the remainder of this season. I believe I’ve printed these quotes before, but I feel it’s appropriate once again considering this “scandal” they are hyping up this season surrounding Rozlyn. Towards the end of Jason Mesnick’s season, when show creator Mike Fleiss was hyping that “jaw dropping” finale, he did an interview where he talked about the direction of the show. You can read that full interview by clicking here. But here’s the part I want you to pay close attention to:

While Mr. Fleiss said he’s “so proud” of the show’s return, he doesn’t flinch when asked who was responsible for “The Bachelor’s” near-death experience.

“I’m the one to blame,” he said. “The show was being phoned in there for a couple of seasons. We were a little complacent. I was off making my movies (“Hostel,” “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) and we all took our eye off the ball. I thought the show would run itself.”

Mr. Fleiss has refocused his energies on “The Bachelor” and the rest of his TV efforts, which he produces in conjunction with his Warner Horizon-based Next Entertainment. That’s included naming “Bachelor” editor Martin Hilton as show runner, something Mr. Fleiss credits with helping turn the show around.

“These shows are made in post,” Mr. Fleiss said. “He’s able to think about a show and how it’s cut together in advance.”

Essentially what he’s telling us is, there’s a storyboard created for the whole season, people are cast for the roles they’re going to play, and nothing is real. Thanks Mike for spilling that in the interview. If all they do is bring 25 women in a house, watch drama ensue, and hit the record button (like they claim happens every season), what’s the need for a show runner? Fleiss is admitting the show sucked, it was getting stale, and they needed “creative” to get involved and spice the show up with concocted storylines and manufactured drama. Ask anyone who’s ever been on this show and they’ll tell you, without having access to computers, cell phones (well, apparently except Ed), TV, and the internet, there is NOTHING to do in the house. NOTHING. Hence the reason they are given alcohol 24 hours a day. But even alcohol can’t create some of the storylines we’ve seen in recent seasons. Fleiss says Martin Hilton came aboard as show runner after Brad’s season. Well, let’s look at every season since then and we’ll notice that there was something pretty crazy in each one. After Brad’s season was:

Matt Grant – Hmmmmm, let’s see. The girl Matt chose, Shayne Lamas, is the daughter of Lorenzo Lamas, who is one of Mike Fleiss’ close friends. Remember that show “Are You Hot?” where Lorenzo Lamas was the judge who had the red laser pointer? That show was a Mike Fleiss creation. And oh yeah, not to mention Fleiss was behind “Leave it to Lamas” that just aired on VH1. Yeah, Matt selecting Shayne wasn’t pre-planned at all to give her air time and help build her career.

DeAnna Pappas – Wasn’t a major incident like Matt or Jason’s season, however, no one in a million years saw DeAnna picking Jesse. So essentially they toyed with the viewers to create the rather surprise ending.

Jason Mesnick – C’mon. “After the Final Rose – Part 1.” Need I say more?

Jillian Harris – Yeah, there wasn’t much scandal in this one. Only Ed leaving the show “on his own terms”, sneaking around with women back home, then miraculously having a change of heart and coming back for Jillian and her picking him in the end. Not to mention all the silly nonsense regarding Jake and Wes.

So I will say one thing for Fleiss: at least he’s honest. They have ramped up the drama in the season’s since Brad’s ended. But to actually make me believe that it wasn’t producer driven is ludicrous. I’m not that stupid. Hell, he practically admitted it in the interview he did. But hey, 95% of the people who watch this show still believe it’s real, and Fleiss knows that, and that’s what he preys on. That’s why we’re getting this concocted story next week of Rozlyn having a “sexual affair” with a producer. Sure a lot of you who read me are well aware of how fake and manipulated it is, but my readership is a very small percentage of people who watch this show. Most people are clueless when it comes to reality television and how it’s made. Trust me. I’ve read their emails. I’ve talked to them. I’ve listened to their warped sense of reality. That’s why I’m here to educate.

One last thing on this “Bachelor scandal”: I find it rather funny that they’re making a big deal out of this alleged “sexual affair” (which never happened) between Rozlyn and a producer, when it is well known within the “Bachelor” circles that Fleiss is notoriously known for cornering women, putting himself in compromising positions, and making out with some of the bachelorettes at the “Women Tell All” after parties. This is the creator of the show and he’s tonguing chicks he had on during the season at after parties. Verrrrrrry classy. And if you think I’m making this up, I don’t know what to tell you. Want the truth? Have Mike Fleiss take a lie detector test and ask him one question: “Have you ever hooked up with any of the girls who appeared on your show?” If he says no, well then that little red marker will be flying all over the paper. You can really make him squirm if you ask if it’s happened with more than one girl. Ummmm, that would be a “yes” as well. Ok, on to last night…

-Of course we open with the now traditional cheesy montage of our bachelor shirtless and doing pushups on the roof of some building in LA. Really? That’s where Jake works out? Poolside on top of some swanky hotel off Sunset? Verrrrrrry realistic. You know who I realized Jake looks like? Grant Show from the original “Melrose Place”, whose character was coincidentally also a Jake. Jake Hanson. Remember him? Constantly got to bone Heather Locklear. Tough role. Must’ve been a real drag coming to work every day. Recently he was on “Private Practice” as Addison’s brother as well. Man, he and Jake look like twins. One thing Grant Show has over Jake Pavelka? About 3 inches. Jake is lucky if he’s 5’8″ by the way. And that’s not a guess, that’s fact. Hell, Chris Harrison was taller than him when he greeted him after the corny bike ride in. Hey Jake, Tom Cruise called, he wants his lifts in his shoes back.

-So after the lame montage, Host Chris welcomes us to our 19th season of this piece of crap. Unbelievable. If you would’ve asked Chris Harrison after the completion of Alex Michel’s season if he’d still be hosting this abortion in the year 2010, he would’ve wiped the wrinkle cream off his face and told you to go fly a kite. But here we are. 19th season. Every one worse than the previous. So why is Jake our bachelor this season? Let’s have Chris tell us. Host Chris: “Women across America fell in love with him, and they demanded that Jake be our next ‘Bachelor'”. Well, that and the fact that Reid and Kiptyn turned it down because they wanted no part of this nonsense. Like Jillian, Jake was choice #3 and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sure Jake has fans out there, as did Reid and Kiptyn. But Jake is so desperate to get married, and so willing to do what he was told, he’s the perfect match for what they’re looking for. And oh yeah, he’s a big, giant dork.

So they decided to give us a sneak peak of some of the 25 ladies back in their element at home before coming on the show. Here were a few I wrote down:

Ali: Apparently has had boyfriend problems. Said she’s had boyfriends “lose themselves to video games”. Awesome. That must really be a self-esteem booster when your boyfriend would rather put on a headset and play “Call of Duty 7: Escape to Loserville” instead of double-clicking your mouse. Sorry Ali. I thought it couldn’t get worse than that until she told us her last boyfriend cheated on her with her roommate the two of them were living with. Ouch. Couldn’t you at least get some closet time? Or maybe join in? Uhhhh, anyway. Sorry Ali. I’m sure Jake is the perfect man for you.

Tenley: Probably everyone’s early odds on favorite and one of the more likable women they’ve cast. I’ll admit I like her. So will my niece since Tenley admitted to having played Ariel, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty. Can we hire you for birthdays, Tenley? My niece still thinks they’re real people. Tenley is divorced, her and her ex-husband were both virgins when they got married, and he’s the only guy she’s ever been with. I’m sure a lot of you are expecting me to make a bunch of cruel virgin jokes towards Tenley now for admitting that. Nope. I like her. She’ll make an excellent “Bachelorette” next season. Woops.

Rozlyn: I said it earlier, and I’ll say it again. She’s easily one of the three hottest women they’ve ever cast on this show. I mean, she is a model and all so I’m not really going out on much of a limb there. I mean, have you seen her modeling pictures? No wonder ABC went with the storyline of some producer wanting to get in her pants. Who wouldn’t?

Vienna: Unemployed, says she has the biggest personality of anyone she knows, total daddy’s girl, and admits “I love myself.” Wow. Really? How often? Where? How many batteries does it take? She also has a puppy named Chloe. With the air time Vienna got last night, she’s going to be around a while.

Ashley E.: The sister of former “Apprentice 3” contestant Erin Elmore. If you haven’t been to my site since Jillian’s season ended, I’ve basically written 5 columns in the last 6 months, but I covered in detail and even included some video of Ashley. So if you want to check that out, just scroll down past this column once you’re done reading my brilliance.

Elizabeth (Nebraska): Let’s just say she’s the first girl this season who fell into the dreaded “She’s probably regretting this is the season they chose to do in HD” because, well, I think whatever doctor worked on those probably had a few stiff ones in him at the time. I’ve seen better. But besides that, a really attractive girl.

Ella: One of the three single moms on the show this season and one who seems to be the most serious about telling us how serious she is about Jake being the one for her. Oh boy. Here we go again. Just admit it. Your son wants a daddy. Hint: Ella is indirectly involved in the “Rozlyn/affair” scandal.

Gia: Seems to be this season’s vixen. A very seductive looking little woman with a set of implants on her that’ll make you beg for buttermilk. Yes, I stole that line from “True Lies”. Anyway, Gia likes dating athletes. She’s the ex-girlfriend of former NY Yankee bust Carl Pavano. Pavano is also the ex-boyfriend of my first ever TV crush, Alyssa Milano. So I guess Gia can be proud of the fact that her and Alyssa Milano have shared the same…forget it.

-Did you notice the inordinate amount of time we got to see of Jake in the shower? I mean, how would you like to be that cameraman having film another man showering and rubbing soap on his stomach for ten seconds straight? That was just plain awkward. Yes, we get it. Jake is a pilot. And Jake is put together. But frankly I don’t need to see all the areas on his body he likes to soap nonstop. Why not just show the guy taking a leak next time you’re at it? Lame. So Jake rolls up to the mansion on his motorcycle to have his sit down with Chris before the ladies arrive. Did you notice how much Jake’s answers mimicked Chris’ questions? He just kept repeating what Chris would say and never give any real insight. Except for this gem when Chris asked him if the women he loved hated to fly, would he give up flying for love? Jake: “Yes, I would give up flying for love.” Uh huh. Sure you would. Liar.

-Now it’s time to meet the 25 women. Of course, I’m not going to talk about all of them who came out of the limo, just the ones who made an impression on me, good or bad.

Rozlyn: There were a couple instances with Rozlyn throughout the first episode where they were setting her up for next week. Having her be the first girl out of the first limo probably was one of them. Just so you remembered her.

Ali: She either smoked a pack of Marlboro lights before coming on the show, or she’s sick. Either way, she presented Jake with a peacock feather that symbolized, ummmm, I have no idea. Remember back in the day, the greets out of the limo were all cheesy lines? Seemed like half of these girls brought props with them. I’m sure that’s not staged at all.

Jessie: “Do you have registration for those guns?” God help us. Go sing more bad karaoke with your friends and pretend you’re Britney.

Tenley: Appreciated the fact he checked his pride at the door and ratted out Wes last season. Ok Tenley, I already admitted I liked you. I don’t need you losing points by believing that nonsense now too. Get it together.

Ella: She went with the “Hey look, you have something on your shirt trick” with Jake. And of course dork boy fell for it. I hope someone tries the “Hey your shoes are untied” trick next week.

Elizabeth: The one without the implants. This chick looks like a younger version of Mary Steenburgen. Too bad she won’t be around after this week to travel with Dr. Emmitt Brown any longer.

Corrie: Actually had the most clever intro. From Kissimmee, Fla so she asked Altar Boy, “So what do you think of Kissimmee?” Of course it sounded like she was asking Jake to kiss him and he almost wet his own leg he didn’t know how to respond. I’ve figured out in the first 45 minutes of this episode that Jake is a simpleton.

Vienna: First one to ask to feel his abs. Should’ve just told him about how your name should remind him of sausage, and that you love sausage. A lot of it. Morning, noon, and night. That’ll get his attention. Or send him to confession to say ten Hail Marys.

Elizabeth: As I said, she is extremely attractive. I want to be nice here and reference something she said or did, but I can’t. I was looking at her boobs the whole time. I mean, they’re RIGHT there in HD. Boom! Please keep her around a while.

Tiana: Admits to having viewing parties with her friends, and when Jillian dumped him last season, she told her friends, “that’s my future husband. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Yep. And he still doesn’t know it considering you lasted all of about 8 hours. Hate to say it, but you might want to get out of the prediction business.

Ashleigh: She tripped and fell on purpose so she could land in his arms. Not a bad idea. Why is Jake’s favorite line to these women, “Come find me”? Is he planning on playing hide-and-go-seek later?

Michelle: Cuck-koo. Cuck-koo. Cuck-koo. No doubt she was kept around for the wacko factor. This season’s legitimate crazy. Not to mention she looks like a younger Lara Flynn Boyle.

-Once inside the mansion, Jake is ready to mingle with these hoochie mamas. Corrie is up first and has a question for Jake. Corrie: “What are your top three priorities?” Jake: “God, family, friends.” Sooooo, at best, finding a wife is now 4th on his list? Could he have possibly come up with a more canned answer than “God, family, friends”? Didn’t think so. Jake, I don’t know if you know this, but God doesn’t care who you pick on this show. In fact, I bet God’s not even watching this season. He’s probably more into “Conveyer Belt of Love”. I don’t think he’s helping you with your decision. But if he does, ask him how many of these women you’re allowed to bang on the overnight dates. And if bedding three different women on consecutive nights is very Christian-like. See what his reaction is to that and then get back to me. I appreciate it, pal.

-Channy is an interesting chap. First off, she looks to be the only minority on this season, which automatically makes her a prime candidate to be voted off the first night. However, after that line she dropped on him, I thought that could’ve deserved an extra week of stay. After saying something in Cambodian to him, she translated it in Engligh. What’d she say? “Jake, you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime.” Not as forward as the dude from Jillians season stripping down naked and jumping in the pool, but that definitely takes 2nd place. Never before has any bachelorette in history offered up how she grooms herself in the first meaningful conversation with the bachelor. So I guess she deserves some props for that. However, if she’s telling him that already, I can only imagine what future conversations could’ve been about. Yeast infections? HPV? Her last pap smear? Where would it have ended? Yeah, probably a good thing he cut the cord on this one early. Last time I checked, Vagisil wasn’t advertising during this show. No need for Channy to let us in on any more details surrounding her hoo-ha.

-Now Christina and I are in the same boat here. We seem to size up the competition by one thing and one thing only: boobs. Christina not being the most well endowed woman in the house seemed to notice a lot of the ladies liked to flaunt what they got. Christina: “Some of these girls have their ta-ta’s out to play.” Immediately the cameraman and his hard-on decide to zoom in on three girls specifically: Rozlyn, Caitlyn, and Gia. Elizabeth are her two bazoingas were quite jealous they didn’t get more air time there. All three of those ladies are enhanced and looking rather fabulous I might add. I mean, Christina, what did you expect? You don’t buy a Porsche then never drive it. You got it, you flaunt it. Pretty simple. Absolutely nothing wrong with the dress choices of some of the more well endowed women in the house. It’s their God given right to show off what they have. And God bless them for it. In fact, God Bless America. Land that I love. Stand beside her. And guide her. To the…that’s all I know. Oops.

-Even though Elizabeth and her two friends weren’t an object for Christina’s affection, it didn’t stop them from making another appearance. Elizabeth decides to steal Jake away from attention whore-ing Ashley in her stewardess outfit for a game of catch with a football she’s brought out. Although it seems like playing basketball is more of her game. She’s brought two of them with her. Anyway, here is one of the more scripted moments in show history. So Jake and Elizabeth are throwing by themselves, then here come the 24 other women asking if they can play too. Did they hire offensive and defensive coordinators for this scene as well? Maybe teach the blondes how to go to the Cover 2 formation when they see Jake in the shotgun? Or maybe have the brunettes run the counter eye to the unbalanced line of the blondes? Whatever the case, it was one giant mess with 25 girls screaming like school girls running around in their gowns. All very cute, and all very scripted. One thing we did learn from this? Jake is no Jesse Palmer. I guess now I know why he has to jump every time he throws a football. Probably can’t see over any of the girls.

-Next we see crazy Lara Flynn Boyle and Rozlyn conversing on the couch. One of the instances where they are beginning to plant the seed for Rozlyn’s storyline next week. Michelle telling Rozlyn how head over heels bat sh*t crazy she is for Jake, all while Rozlyn looks about as interested as Tiger Woods is when a black woman walks by. Then we cut to Rozlyn saying, “I’d love to find someone to share my life with. At the same time, I’m not desperate for it.” Essentially painting a picture of her as someone who’s not really there for the right reasons, not interested in Jake, and could possibly have a wandering eye. Damn, I’m smart. Too bad it’s all B.S. Honestly, I feel bad for what’s gonna happen to Rozlyn next week. Hopefully I can get her to talk when this is all said and done. Don’t believe a word of what they claim happened. It didn’t. Chris Harrison is already starting up the BS train in his blog today. Although did you notice how he phrased it? “It was very unfortunate that two adults decided to selfishly make the decisions they made. They forced me and the show into a very tough spot. It had to be dealt with.” So, so, so very vague. No mention of any sex there, is there? To read the summary of that interview, click here. As you can see by reading all his quotes, he STILL won’t utter the words “sexual affair”. They left that up to one of the girls so they can go back and say, “Hey, we’re not saying that happened for sure. That’s just the speculation by one of the other cast members.” All Chris Harrison says is “relations”. He’s very, very specific because he knows he’d be in deep sh*t if he accuses someone of something he KNOWS never happened. Stay tuned tomorrow for the details.

-Then we have the appearance of Jillian and Ed to help Jake with his decision of narrowing 25 girls down to 15. Man, our boy Ed had to be fired up for this. I mean c’mon. 25 more chances to pull digits from chicks that he can text dirty things too? He must’ve loved this. I want to know what he was really writing down in that book. I’m sure Jillian was thoroughly taking notes on each girl trying to help Jake out. Ed was probably doodling things like, “Elizabeth Nebraska. Big cans. Want to motor boat.” Or, “Digging this Tenley girl. I wonder if she wouldn’t mind bringing over the beer and condoms.” Play on, playa. A couple of posts ago, I mentioned when ABC released the presser for the first episode, they said that Jillian and Ed would be making an appearance to help Jake out, but would also then have an announcement of their own. Ummmmm, what happened to that announcement? Did I miss something? Or yet another change in plans for the storyline of this season? Whatever the case, Jillian and Ed didn’t announce anything last night. Other than Ed now has 25 new women in his rolodex to replace Lindsey and Bethany.

-Yet again, more foreshadowing to next week when we hear Jessie say, “Something about Rozlyn rubs me the wrong way. She doesn’t seem like she’s here for the right reasons.” ABC knows what they’re doing. They’re setting this up perfectly for themselves to where they don’t get in trouble for telling a big lie. I’m still very curious to see exactly how it all plays out next week. Obviously I haven’t seen the episode, but they’re going to have to do some really creative editing to pinpoint Rozlyn in a “sex” scandal. According to my sources, the woman on the voice over we heard in the promos saying, “She’s having a sexual affair with one of people in the Bachelor house” is Ashley Elmore. Damn her. And I liked her at first. I guess the kids in her class back home won’t be as fond of a snitch and a liar.

-Tenley gets the first impression rose because during her time with Jake, she told him ten (get it? Ten?) things about herself with the 10th being, “I think I’m a good kisser”, then laid a rather average kiss on him. That wasn’t important. What was important was that she informed us that was only the 2nd guy she’s kissed in her life, with her ex-husband being the other one. I’m guessing Tenley is a lot of people’s favorite right now. She’s very cute, came across very well in the episode last night, and just seems like one of the more likable people this season. I don’t think the “I’ve only kissed two guys in my life”, or crying after she kissed Jake is honestly that big of deal. Probably because I’m biased and like her so far. Her and Vienna seemed to get an awful lot of camera time last night, and don’t think that’s by coincidence.

-Rose ceremony time. But first, Jake needs to speak and say basically nothing. “Thank you for coming out…I wish the decision would’ve been next to impossible…This is tough…If you don’t receive a rose, it’s nothing personal…This has meant the world to me…Amen, Hallelujah, Glory to God in the highest, Thanks be to God.”

Roses go to Ella, Elizabeth with the bazooms, Ali, Vienna, Christina, Gia, Ashley, Rozlyn, Jessie, Corrie, Valisha, Ashleigh, and Kathryn.

“Ladies, Jake, this is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. We’ll be back here in post production concocting more fake storylines for the rest of the season and trying to find out how Reality Steve is getting his information on everything that’s happened this season. Little bastard.” You got it boys. It’s nothing. Don’t mention it.

Final rose goes to Crazy Ass Michelle. I’m guessing they are keeping her around for entertainment value this season because judging by the previews, she lasts longer than next week. Jake likes him some crazy and Michelle is leading that charge this season. At some point, I expect a nervous breakdown.

Ok, that’s it for today. Tomorrow I’ll be back with everything. Maybe I’ll hold off on the Final 4/3/2/1 til next week, not sure. But I definitely won’t string you guys along. It’s either coming tomorrow or next week. But the full story behind Rozlyn’s departure, plus Jake and Chris Harrison already contradicting themselves before the season even start will be covered completely tomorrow. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. If you want to join me on Twitter, my address is Twitter.com/RealitySteve. Or if you want to add me on Facebook, scroll down the right hand column under “My Stuff” and click on the appropriate link. Great to be back. Talk to you tomorrow.

39 Comments

39 Comments

  1. Bachelorette13

    January 5, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    Thanks for telling us right away this season. Maybe you’ll save me from hours wasted watching all the ridiculousness! :) Looking forward to reading the scoops in the next column.

  2. Bachelorette13

    January 5, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    Thanks for telling us the dirt right away this season. Maybe you’ll save me from hours wasted watching all the ridiculousness! :) Looking forward to reading the scoops in the next column.

  3. LizR

    January 5, 2010 at 9:29 AM

    “all while Rozlyn looks about as interested as Tiger Woods is when a black woman walks by”

    Lines like this is why I keep coming back to your blog – almost spit my coffee out!

    Can’t wait to check in with you tomorrow. In spite of what ABC thinks, I actually prefer to watch the show with full knowledge of what’s going down. Helps me condense viewing time from 88 min (w/o commercials) to ~45 min. However (if TPTB are listening), I could have watched Conveyor Belt of Love for hours! All trainwreck without the fauxmance.

  4. LoriLee

    January 5, 2010 at 9:46 AM

    Hey Steve, so glad your back! Missed you buddy. Love your recaps and comments and spoilers.

  5. posterchild

    January 5, 2010 at 10:10 AM

    Jessie looks like a slightly crazy Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island.

  6. Steph

    January 5, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    I can’t wait to hear all the dirt tomorrow. Keep it coming Steve.

  7. canadianvictoria

    January 5, 2010 at 10:53 AM

    Jillian and Ed did have an announcement last night although it was quick and there was no fanfare or anything. They were sitting on the bench taking notes and talking to one of the girls (I forget which one) and they asked her if she was ready to have kids. Ed then said that they were trying and Jillian was off the pill. I’m assuming that’s their announcement.

  8. posterchild

    January 5, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    canadianvictoria :Jillian and Ed did have an announcement last night although it was quick and there was no fanfare or anything. They were sitting on the bench taking notes and talking to one of the girls (I forget which one) and they asked her if she was ready to have kids. Ed then said that they were trying and Jillian was off the pill. I’m assuming that’s their announcement.

    Ed was kidding. The “announcement” was that they’re getting a puppy. Good thing I didn’t wait around with baited breath for that “announcement”.

  9. matthewdorian

    January 5, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    Steve,

    I hate you. People at work must think I have problems, as I’m reading your blog and trying not to spit coffee all over my computer screen. As I try to hold it in, I make these grunting/gurgling sounds to avoid covering my keyboard with Sumatra dark roast. And then there’s the stifled snorting laughter… I digress.

    Seriously though. My girlfriend watches these shows, and I, from day 1, tried to convince her how fake it was. I came across your site during the Jason/Molly “scandal” and have shown her the light.

    I only wish you had more coverage. I think NBC (or CBS, or FOX or whoever) should give you a 15 second ad spot to promote the site when you blow big news like what you’re going to blow tomorrow. ABC and Christ Harrison make me ill. What a douchenozzle.

    Keep up the good work. If I could quit my job in the marketing industry and instead to to work for ABC on the Bachelor, I’d be your best leak ever. We’d do it all covert and spy-like. We’d be like Mad Men. The coolest.

  10. melly

    January 5, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    Steve so glad you are back.. can’t wait to hear all the dirt from this season and watch it unfold. U make waking up on Tuesdays so worth it! Keep it coming.

  11. eloquentblue

    January 5, 2010 at 12:29 PM

    Hi Steve .. great write-up. I did watch the whole show last night just to get a feel for who was who but I can’t get past the fact there were so many long-haired blond women – they all looked a like to me. Anyway, my favorites right away were Ashleigh, Elizabeth from Nebraska (who reminds me Courtney Cox) and Tenley. Could not stand Gia, Vienna or Channy. Thanks for your great work!

  12. mja

    January 5, 2010 at 12:58 PM

    Welcome back, Steve — Yes, you were here before but having your column back on a regular basis will be great.

    So far I’m sticking to my New Year’s resolution not to watch Jake’s Bachelor series until near the end. But I’ll be reading your updates to figure out what is happening.

  13. LindafromNJ

    January 5, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    Hey Steve!
    Its good to have you back. I can look forward to Tuesdays again. I can’t wait to hear all the dirt tomorrow. There is something not right about Jake. Granted, he’s nice eye candy but I can’t tell if he’s just putting on this “I’m a good little church-goer pilot” or this is really how he is and just awkward. He acts as if he’s constantly at a job interview and has a stick up his ass. I am surprised I only saw one crying-over-the-balcony scenes. I thought there would be at 5 of them. Oh well, can’t wait to read tomorrow’s post!

  14. Dallas

    January 5, 2010 at 1:09 PM

    Steve, Overall…not such a hot group. And other than Channy no hot Asian, black or Hispanic eye candy, not that the ever get chosen. I was also glad to see that Jake will CRY several times…MAN UP JAKE. Being from Dallas also, do you know anyone who knows Jake?

  15. girlygrl517

    January 5, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    I’m surprised you did not mention the cheesiness of “On the Wings of Love”! Not even a music clip?! Can you tell us by any chance in one of your blogs if any of the other seasons had horrible subtitles, other than London Calling?

    Also, our heads must be in the gutter here in DC because we thought the alleged “affair” was one between two girls in the house, hah. Oh well. Keep up the posts! Reading Chris Harrison’s comments on his blog make me wonder how many idiots in the world can really believe EVERYTHING!

  16. bachshady

    January 5, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    i was suspicious this “affair” was not really how they portray. looking forward to learn what the truth is. they are probably paying rozlyn or whomever the girl is to shut her mouth.

    also, can you ask around dallas if jake is gay? if a pretty face can’t get a second date, he is either boring or gay. god fearing church goer would not allow camera in the shower and pose like a gay. he is definitely a closet gay.

  17. Nobody

    January 5, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    ” … god fearing church goer would not allow camera in the shower and pose like a gay… ”

    Gay or not Bachshady, the thing to remember with Jake is that he’s an actor. Look him up on imdb.com. He is craving the spotlight something fierce and his appearance on this season is no mere coincidence.

    As for why he can’t get a 2nd date, well, I think that has more to do with him being full of himself. Women seem to pick up on that very quickly.

  18. msstv

    January 5, 2010 at 5:45 PM

    Hate breck you bubble Steve my son is casting supervisior for lots of reality shows they all are scripted all of them :)

  19. Nuthinbuttabother

    January 5, 2010 at 6:05 PM

    About Jake…… Jake is the perfect picture of a pilot. They have what I would call a “God Complex”, in that they believe they are impervious and that they are in control of all aspects of life. We all know, or should know, that we are not in control of everything. I was married to one and soon realized that no matter what came about nothing would affect him. (We make much better friends.) My mother once told me, they have this complex because when they fly their airplane, and have so many lives in their hands, they must feel as though nothing can impinge on their ability to fly the aircraft. Airplane pilots are responsible for the safety of their plane, passengers, crew, and cargo. They cannot be concerned with such mundane things as reality. Jake will not let anyone in his inner circle because if he does he becomes vulnerable. Vulnerability and pilot do not play together well.

    Jake seems to be a nice person but he is playing a part, a part that he is well suited for. He is not married because being married to a pilot takes a specific kind of person. Pilots are thrill seekers and once again, do not believe that anything can hurt them. They are invincible. Jake should have kept the one person in the group which showed the same charismatic personality he has, the other pilot. With the ones he has chosen I predict that he will choke on his choices and not make a commitment to any of the girls. A bit presumptuous on my part, but none the less my prediction. It will also be a very boring season as pilots are not like you and I. Anything/everything is taken to the extreme and about them. Who wants to see a man who is selfish; thinks it’s all about him; and that he is in control. Seriously, love does not work that way and let’s face it, The Bachelor/Bachelorette doesn’t either. He will either be up or down but nowhere in the middle. It’s like flying a plane; you are always taking off, flying in the clouds, or landing, but never grounded, unless of course you do something wrong, and then you have broken the code of Pilot conduct and are no longer a pilot.

    Let me end this dissertation with the statement that not all pilots are alike but most of them are and Jake definitely is. So as the commercial tells us, “Come fly with me”, the operative word being ME.

  20. Deegirl

    January 5, 2010 at 7:24 PM

    Steve, thanks for the update. Loved the Tiger Woods comment. I can’t believe you think Elizabeth from Nebraska is attractive. She looks like Janice Dickinson after all her nasty plastic surgery. Her boobs look like rocks inserted on top of her ribcage. I used to think Tori Spelling had the ugliest boob job ever but now it’s a tossup. I thought the other Elizabeth was a lot more attractive. She seemed very down to earth and confident. Of course, Jake is such a pansy he needs a doormat to stroke his ego.
    I can’t believe you didn’t comment more on the shower scene. I was waiting for for Michael Stagliano to come soap Jake up. Gay porn, anyone? Can’t wait to get the inside scoop this season.

  21. lemon

    January 5, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    girlygrl517 :

    Also, our heads must be in the gutter here in DC because we thought the alleged “affair” was one between two girls in the house, hah.

    ABC (or the production co, not sure who makes the previews) put that idea in your head on purpose, the editors showed images of the women being snuggly/affectionate/horsing around during the preview when the “sexual affair” was mentioned in voice over. I noticed it when it aired and thought it was a new low for the franchise.

  22. DWTSFAN

    January 5, 2010 at 8:10 PM

    As usual, you’re right on with your assessment of the Bachelor situation….But I have to say I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t go off on Conveyor Belt of Love!

  23. AzureSong

    January 5, 2010 at 8:12 PM

    Does anyone else think that Rozlyn looks like Scarlett Johansson with a better body? I agree that Nebraska Elizabeth looks like Courtney Cox.

  24. AzureSong

    January 5, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    Also, Friendster.com says that as of 2 weeks ago, Tenley Molzahn is “in a relationship.”. Interesting!

  25. thewipf

    January 5, 2010 at 8:40 PM

    Great recap. I’m surprised you, or anyone, likes Tenley. She comes across as a 13 year old to me. Gia also had a weird baby talk think going on. I’m glad you’re dropping the bomb early this season. I tried to show my girl friends last season how ABC screwed over Wes but they just never got past what they had already seen on TV. It will be harder for them to deny the truth if it comes out before ABCs lies.

  26. Laura E

    January 5, 2010 at 8:43 PM

    I love to read your stuff. However, my heart broke when you said Jake was only 5’8″. I’d already sold my soul to the devil, suspended disbelief, and settled in to float down the river of denial while I gazed at his simpleton self with adoration. But I can’t do short. Dang.

  27. msmichele99

    January 5, 2010 at 8:47 PM

    Steve: you nailed it “Tom Cruise wants his bike back.” The cheesiest moment of the whole night for me was during the opening part with Jake on his motorcycle where he stops and a plane flies overhead and he looks up at it. Ummm … hellloooo – has anyone seen Top Gun??? It was almost IDENTICAL to the scene when Tom Cruise first gets to San Diego for Top Gun training. SOOOO CHEESY!!!

    The show’s producers could only redeem themselves at this point if we get a one-on-one date with one of the girls saying to Jake … “Jake, you big stud, take me to bed or lose me forever.” (If this line must be explained to anyone out there, please immediately rent Top Gun.)

    By the way, did anyone notice in Chris Harrison’s blog how he states that Jake doesn’t really like motorcyles, but Jake looked so good on one. More honesty about just how staged the show really is …

  28. thewipf

    January 5, 2010 at 8:59 PM

    msmichele99 :
    By the way, did anyone notice in Chris Harrison’s blog how he states that Jake doesn’t really like motorcyles, but Jake looked so good on one. More honesty about just how staged the show really is …

    I thought it was really funny that Chris said this in his blog. They showed Jake riding it several times last night and in the previews it shows him riding it on the beach. By Chris saying this in his blog he is basically admitting that this whole show is made up.

  29. miyako88

    January 5, 2010 at 10:12 PM

    Great recap Steve. Just watched the show on Hulu while reading it through and couldn’t help but pause and laugh my head off every two minutes!

    I know you weren’t a fan of Elizabeth-without-the-bazooms (Young Mary S) but I thought she was easily made the most sincere and relationship-ready impression out of them all. It’s too bad she’s gone…when Jake said “I’m afraid to send my future wife home” (Yah…okay man) I actually did think of her for a second.

    But alas! Remember what this show truly is, self.

  30. miyako88

    January 5, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    @miyako88
    *I thought she easily made

  31. bachelorwriter

    January 5, 2010 at 10:41 PM

    I don’t know why Tenley is a favorite. I can tell you she is capitalizing on her situation. She’s not that attractive so she has to have a sob story to go along. Any female that goes on national television and talks about her ex loses credibility. Why can’t a female go on and say “It did’nt work out”. I read a lot of posts on her thread before it was taken down. Doesn’t seem to be a favorite in reality. A lot of bashing being done, especially on her side. I think this is a pay back and a she’s trying to get her break. She talks like a young girl that hasn’t matured. It seems like she is looking for a fairy tale. I would like to hear her ex’s story, because I gurantee it probably doesn;t match hers. I think she is full of s#%%!!!!!! I can read these type of chicks from miles away. How about grow up and working at FIDM is not a college admin. It’s a tech school. Give me a female with a real profession that has some realness to her.

  32. stevefaninwi

    January 6, 2010 at 12:04 AM

    Hey Steve! Thanks for the hilarious recap of last nights show. I’ll have to agree with the others about almost spitting out my coffee in laughter after reading your Tiger Woods comment!
    I found your site during Jason’s season also and I have been reading your posts ever since. I love your sarcastic sense of humor and the way you put a realistic point on unrealistic “reality” tv. I look forward to your future posts. Thanks for all of the great info.
    P.S. I am putting Ali in the F3 as my guess for this season.

  33. thewipf

    January 6, 2010 at 1:03 AM

    Before you post it tomorrow here is my guess on the scandal. I think Rozlyn and one of the producers were working on a side deal for either some modeling or another tv show.

  34. Bart

    January 6, 2010 at 1:32 AM

    Good intel Steve. And obviously the Tom Cruise comparisons can go on endlessly: the short, batsh*t crazy, over intense control freak who is overcompensating in every arena…

    One quick note regarding the Fleiss interview and your conclusions: The term show runner exists on every series, whether scripted or unscripted. It’s usually the Supervising Producer or a CO-EP or EP. Whomever is in charge of the day to day decisions regarding the show is the show runner. Often the EP is off doing something else and a colleague has taken over the day to day. That’s what happened on the Bachelor. There clearly is plenty of ham handed deception going on, but the use of the term show runner doesn’t bolster the case.

  35. lisa fay

    January 7, 2010 at 6:51 PM

    i was checking out perezhilton.com recently who had a post about the “fake” story. half of the comments i read that night were about how he needed to check out this site. quite a following, RS! impressive.

  36. jcrew617

    January 7, 2010 at 7:12 PM

    I wonder how they get the contestents to go along without getting sued. If they really do a hatchet job on the editing, can someone like Wes sue them because it was defamatory? Can Roz sue them if she is cast as a deviant who had an affair? It might have reprecussions in the film/tv industry since she is likely a wannabe actress. As for getting with Vienna, She has a nice body, but the fact that she is rich probably helps. Otherwise I like Ali, and I wonder why he didn’t keep Sheila who was cute and also a pilot.

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