-Speaking of Ali, her hometown date was up next in Williamstown, MA. I noticed when Jake got out of the car, he came running to Ali. Didn’t do that for Gia. Then again, he probably knew that Gia would go all chimpanzee and wrap her legs around him to cut off his circulation. Since it was wintertime in Massachusetts, the leaves were orange. And Ali informs us that when you play with the leaves and they fall, it means you’re supposed to make a wish. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth mentioning again. The whole “wish” thing is highly overrated and completely bogus. Really? You believe this stuff? All the wishes you’ve made when you blew your candles on your birthday – any of them come true? Any? Or how bout the numerous dimes and quarters you’ve throw into the fountain? I’m guessing you’ve never gotten that wish granted either. Let’s stop with saying by doing certain things, your wish will get granted. Especially when it comes to shaking the freakin’ leaves off a tree. Please. Well, Ali didn’t listen to my advice and her and Jake both make wishes. I wasn’t inside their head, but something tells me Jake’s wish was, “I hope Ali will accept the next rose and come to St. Lucia with me”, and Ali’s probably was, “I hope Facebook gives me another week off so I can chill in St. Lucia’s. Please don’t let me be another Ed this season.” See? Told you making wishes doesn’t work.
-The next part of the date was kinda bizarre. And creepy. Of course, the eternal optimist Chris Harrison will have you believe that Ali taking Jake through her dead grandmother’s house was one of the most touching moments in show’s history. Hmmmm, I didn’t think so. I’m sure Ali’s grandmother meant a lot to her. And I’m sure she loved her to death and was sad to see her leave this earth. But walking through an empty house with old pictures, and pretending she was there was not one of the more uplifting dates this show has ever had. For a second there, I thought Naomi was gonna appear and start a funeral service for some dead animal in the backyard again. The whole tour was just bizarre. I’m glad Ali was close to her grandmother, and maybe that gave her some closure, but it was just kinda awkward to watch.
-Let’s get to the family stuff, shall we? We get to meet Ali’s mom Elizabeth, her sister Raya, and her brother Mikey. Ali’s mom informs us that last time Ali brought a guy home, her mom could tell how unhappy she was. Was that because her boyfriend immediately wanted to start playing “Grand Theft Auto”? Or was he more of a “Wii Bowling” kind of guy? See, these are things I’d like to know. Or maybe it was because it was her 5th consecutive loser boyfriend whose name started with the letter “J”. That might be it. Then again, if I were Ali, and the last boyfriend I brought home was playing hide the pickle with her roommate, I’m guessing she would be unhappy. So how’d that work, Ali? The dude would be laying in bed and be like, “Honey, I gotta go to the bathroom. Be right back”, she’d fall asleep, he’d come back an hour later all sweaty and she was clueless? Someone get some background info on this cheating ex of Ali’s that liked laying pipe to the roommate when Ali wasn’t around. Or was around. Apparently this guy didn’t have a care in the world. Either he’s the greatest cheater known to mankind, or, he’s the biggest idiot walking the planet today. My guess is the latter. Congrats on cheating on your girlfriend with your roommate, pal. Yeah, like NO ONE would ever find that one out. Tiger couldn’t keep his mistresses in different states hidden from his wife, but this rocket scientist thought Ali wouldn’t get suspicious when he was helping the roommate with her homework. What a douchenozzle.
-Ali’s mom says at dinner that she didn’t know anything about Jake so she decided to go online and look some things up. She was very impressed with a quote she found that had a clip of him saying, “We all grow old but it’s what’s inside that’s really important.” Awwww, that’s cute. Hey, Ms./Mrs. Fedotowsky, I’ve another assignment for you. Go to www.RealitySteve.com, scroll down the right hand column where it says “Interviews”, and find the interview I did last season with Wes Hayden. Listen to him tell me that Jake told him last season, “Wes, I want America to fall in love with me because I want to be the next Bachelor”, and then let me know how genuine of a guy Jake is. If that’s not enough, fast forward to the part in the interview where Wes tells the story of Jake admitting to both he and Jillian that “God told him to come back and warn Jillian about Wes.” Do that for me, will ya? After that, kick Jake out of your house for being a complete phony and ask him how much he’s enjoying every second the publicity of this show is giving him. I think once you realize that, you’ll see your daughter made the right decision in bolting this show when she did.
-Ok, you all know I have plenty of pet peeves regarding this show. Hell, the whole show is a pet peeve of mine. However, the biggest one I have happened last night again – twice. First happened with Ali’s mother when Jake asked if, it ever got to that point, would he have her blessing for her daughter’s hand in marriage. So many things wrong with this. Yes, of course as a guy you ask a parent for their blessing to marry their daughter. But really? On a show like this? Ali’s mom has known Jake for what, 10 hours? 12 hours? And she’s honestly going to give someone she has personally known for less than half a day the right to propose to her daughter? Please. I understand this is all for show, and I guarantee if you ask any parent on this show who did that if they were told to say that, they’d probably admit they were, but please. Let’s be realistic here. Sure, the mother or father can always say, “Well, if this is what so-and-so wants, then you have my blessing”, but no parent would honestly ever admit that and mean it. Your daughter has known the guy for three weeks. You’ve known him less than a day. Yet you’d allow him to propose to her? God this show is f***in stupid. They actually expect us to believe this garbage?
I LOVE Steve’s deadpan comments and the dry humor in the Bonnie Hunt segment. (not Reality Steve… Bonnie Hunt’s Steve)
Hey there. I know you probably don’t get to read all the comments, but in case you do…I have never laughed at anything on the Net (except YouTube videos of cats) as much as I have laughed at your blogs about The Bachelor.
I can’t help but think that most of the interaction between Jake and Ali was choreographed and scripted. There were too many times when she rubbed her face and made that little mewling sound and then look into the camera. And Jake…I’ve never seen a man with less real emotion (except an old boyfriend but we won’t go there).
This show is so not “reality”. It’s just a money-maker and they will continue to do what they do in order to make the money. It’s just a shame that their creative team can’t be more…um…creative and that they have to recycle scenes from previous shows…the rail crying, the PHONE CALL after leaving the show, the drama, the hokey phrases and just the unreality of it all.
I think ABC should think about doing a series where a man/woman dates two or three people for a whole 24 episodes and goes through the process of meeting family, friends, co-workers, and working out likes and dislikes and so forth to find the “right” mate.
I guess that would be too boring, though. But I’m not sure that there is anything on television more boring than this show. I only watch to see how manipulative and catty and lame it is every week.
Keep on Steve. I love you for making me laugh so much!
As a poster stated…anyone who signs up for this turkey of a show is fair game for all of us. If you hate Steve, don’t read his blog or comment on it. He is not doing it for popularity but for entertainment. Keep doing it your way Steve! You’re the best!
Although, it would be GREAT if Reality Steve went on Bonnie’s show and they both ripped on it!
As annoying as her little girl voice is, I honestly think she can’t help it. As Steve has pointed out, she is on the show for the right reasons, and does not fit in as a result. She could be Trista Rehn like in that respect.
Hmmm…Maybe I should rethink my definition of “right reason”. Perhaps for a show as hokey as this, being a contestant as a way into show biz IS the right reason. Perhaps some pragmatism is in order. I am reminded of Melissa Rycroft, who bartered her 15 minutes of national humiliation fame in exchange for a reporting job at ABC. (It was right decent of ABC to do that, arguably they owed her big time for that fiasco.)
I just wanted to clarify the size of Sanford, FL (having lived & worked there before). Sanford is what I’d call a suburb outside of Orlando (about 20 miles north of downtown Orlando). The population is around 50,000 people, so it’s not really a small town or a podunk as it seems- so it really bothers me that Vienna is trying to act like some country bumpkin when she’s not.
Yes, I agree that most of Ali and Jake’s session seemed so scripted to me and painful to watch, I had to fast forward through most of that crying session, a bit overkill in my opinion. Too much back and forth, make a decision and don’t look back, good golly and I thought I was indecisive i.e. chicken or fish, I don’t know, which one???I My theory, I think the producer’s told Ali she wasn’t his chosen one and said to follow along with this script and you’ll be our number one consideration for the Bachelorette. From my understanding, they won’t let you be on the show unless you can commit to 6 weeks AND you can’t have phone access, internet or TV therefore no one can get a hold of you. I can’t imagine her saying, hey; I can only stay “so long” otherwise I have to go. I just don’t buy that but that’s me. I’m a die hard Reality Steve reader/follower but I think something is “off” about that information he received. If it’s true, then I don’t believe she was truly in it to find love with Jake otherwise she would have stayed and perhaps her entire motive was to get on the show, get her 15 minutes and be considered for her own show.
rs,
Tenley cried when she saw her mother, her and her died both cried when she was talking to him, her mom cried when talking to Jake, Jake cried when getting her dad’s permission, the dog cried when Jake sat on his chair, the sister cried when Jake ate all the food, Mike Fleiss cried when he saw his 3rd cousin Heidi on “Celebrity Rehab”, Ryan Callahan cried when Rozlyn laid her head on his shoulder, Chris Harrison cried when he realized all four hometown dates were done and there was still 45 minutes left in the show, Gia cried because she heard Tenley was crying, which then in turn made Vienna cry, and Ali caught wind of all this happening and cried because her grandmother spoke to her and said, “Get the hell off this show, go back to work, and make sure Jake never visits here again. He’s too short for you anyway.” So basically what I’m saying is, there was a lot of crying on this hometown date in case you didn’t notice. Even Maddie was crying. Why? Because daddy got mad at her for deciding to use my floor as her personal toilet when she knows she’s not supposed to. Bad girl. ”
I am still laughing and pounding my fists on my desk. My co-workers think I have lost it. Keep it coming.
First of all, I have to say that reading your blog is the highlight of my week! I regularly laugh out loud when reading it, so nice work.
Second, I was at an event yesterday and who was standing at the step-and-repeat waiting to interview the next B-list celebrity to walk up? None other than our favorite Chris Harrison. I almost laughed when I saw him standing there because of all your comments regarding him branching out to the TV Guide channel, but I managed to refrain. And for anyone who wants to know exactly how short Chris is—and therefore Jake—I can tell you: they’re pint-sized. I had about 4 1/2-inch heels on, which makes me about 6′ tall, and Chris was AT LEAST 3-4 inches shorter than me. I’m talking 5’9″ on a good day…like if he borrowed Jake’s cowboy boots with the higher heels.
And finally, while I love your sense of humor and spoilers, I just have to say one thing because I’m an editor and I just can’t help myself: It’s “voila,” not “walla” (see Jan. 18 entry). =D
Elodie:
Well ain’t you one to talk about poor grammar skills.
Quote: “Your good for learning the the facts in terms of who’s staying and who’s leaving. As for the rest, I get the biggest laughs out of your English.”
My dear, you should have put ‘you’re’, not ‘your.’ And you repeated the word ‘the’ twice. I also noted a few punctuation errors. I assume your comment about Steve coming from a “lower middle class” family is to imply that you are upper class. What excactly does proper grammar have to do with class background?
If you’re going to play grammar police, I suggest you be extra careful the next time you red ink a post.
To Reality Steve: I read on votefortheworst.com that Howard Stern is in talks to replace Simon Cowell.
Perhaps this whole Ali thing was a ploy from the start. Maybe Fleiss realized that Ali would be somebody the audience would fall in love with. So, the story that she could only take so much time off was concocted in order to make the audience feel sorry for Ali. She leaves alone (supposedly for something beyond her control), and the show goes on to offer her a second chance for love. All of the ‘sudden’ Facebook has a change of heart…
Like the grammar police stated, Facebook would not likely shy away from the publicity.
Being on Facebook Bachelor fan page it is almost scary the way people take this so seriously. People are almost creating fan fiction of how Jake & Ali will “reunite” and live happily ever after.
While it is nice to see people get so emotionally involved. I think some people are going really overboard. I can see why they hate RS so much. He bursts their fantasy bubble and brings them literally back to “reality”.
P.S. to
Well I heard that Roz is coming back! Yes she is going to return! How do I know? I saw it on page 236 of the script. A friend of a guy that had a cousin in prison who was a cellmate of a dude who was married to a gal that had a stepbrother who use to bang a cleaning lady of Chris Hansomes saw the script next to Chris’s toilet which had been cried on to a point were it was hard to read but was still dry enough to copy without distroying it. There was also a market study under the script that said 70% of the show watchers are gullable and believe that reality is reality.
Man I love a good laugh!
RS,
I laughed my a** off in the office. My co-workers were wondering what was going on. This is one of your best recaps. I can’t even begin. It was hysterical. You hit the nail on the head. I have followed your site since the Jason/Melissa/Moly fiasco and have enjoyed every bit. Keep it coming! I never laughed so hard at a blog. FANTASTIC
Kate
Steve,
I was really disppointed to see that you did not make fun of Jake constantly referring to proposing marriage to these nincompoops as “begging for their hand in marriage”. Go back and watch, he says it every single time. Pretty telling, isn’t it? Not asking, not proposing, not getting a blessing but BEGGING. Desperate loser.
oh, and thanks for all the snorts and giggles I get to explain away to my co-workers every week when I read your column. They just don’t understand your humor like I do.
@ carissag
Thanks for pointing that out. I didn’t believe Vienna’s BS about how she had never been in a big city. I knew then that she was from Sanford, which is a suburb or Orlando. Granted Orlando isn’t anywhere near the size of San Fransisco, but by no means is it a small town! She went to school in Orlando. The city has two major theme parks, decent night life and an NBA team for chissake. The country bumpkin act is ridiculous! The place where they saw the alligators, turtles etc. was probably Lake Lotus in Altamonte Springs, which is a nature park on the edge of a urban area. She’s just using the country bumpkin thing to get people to like her and make her look like and underdog or something. My dad has never watched the Bachelor but watched part of the San Fransisco dates while my mom and I were watching a couple weeks ago (its our weekly girls guilty pleasure night) and he saw Vienna for less than five minutes and declared her a “beaotch!”
Thanks Steve for the funny and all too entertaining column! I do wish they would break free from the recycling off of Brad’s season and give us somebody totally new again. The last several (DeAnna, Jason, Jillian and Jake … wow kinda looks like Ali’s former J boyfriend list) all are branches off of Brad’s season and its getting old.
Ignore what I said about Stern. Just checked votefortheworst.com and he is not in talks w/ american idol. Too bad. He would have been meaner than simon
That was funny- especially when he says it’s painful to watch.
@kathimcgraw
Not one comment about the creepy way that Vinnie hugged/kissed his princess, with his hand on her neck, almost combing her hair like a lover?? I’m disappointed in you all.
Thanks for the details. Makes sense. @bachshady
OK, they’ve moved the videos now over to the “Videos”column on the right hand side. Scroll down to “Best of Bonnie” Part 1 and Part 2 (total over 11 minutes) “Bonnie reviews the latest installment of…” – the picture shows a guy in a black sweatshirt/shorts and a brunette woman in a purple sweatshirt on the couch. Take a look at their comments of The Bachelor – hilarious! http://www.bonniehunt.com
Love the blog!! I don’t even remember how I originally came across it, but I now tune in every week to read your witty outtake. Keep it coming!
Was it just me, or did anyone else notice this … Right before Ali tells Chris that she needs to talk to him, they zoom in on her alone, and she mouths the word “now” as if she is needing cued to say her line. Then, she dramatically asks Chris to speak with him. Don’t get me wrong – I sure wish Ali had stayed over Vienna, but I still find it funny how scripted this show is … And, you don’t need half a brain to see that.
has anyone post this yet? It’s Tenley and her ex’s wedding page on “The Knot”.
http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_main.aspx?legacct=1&coupleid=3275641442468430&guestpassword=&MsdVisit=1
As much as I’ve enjoyed watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette over the years, I have to say this has been the most fun season yet. I’m enjoying it more than ever, not in spite of Steve’s spoiler blog but because of it.
I’m one of the rare people who has liked Vienna from the start. After all, she lives one county away from me.
I found this spoiler after I took a liking to the entertainment factor Vienna provides to the show. Reading this stuff has made it so much fun to watch how it all plays out.
My sister having flown on a Delta Connection flight from ATL to BTR during the last season adds to the whole Bachelor experience for me.
Corrie is a friend of my daughter….my daughter told me that Corrie has said she doesn’t want to have children. Did she possibly tell this to Jake and it was edited out? That would be a big strike against her.
To top it off, a friend of mine saw Vienna at the Seminole Towne Center mall last Saturday. She was just hanging out with a friend…yes, in Sanford, FL.
I must say that after last week though, I’m disappointed that Jake didn’t choose the only really normal girl in the remaining bunch. Why does Steve think he’s in the minority thinking Tenley had the only normal family? She DOES have the only normal family – any normal person sees this. This leads me to wonder if Jake is as normal as he appears to be.
@zombiehands: ugh. That was corny. And weird, in light of what we know now about the cheating and all
reality tv is harmful to your health? 11 reality tv contestant suicides known so far. does reality tv need to grow a conscience? article: http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/entertainment/film-tv/news/dangers-of-reality-television-plight-of-susan-boyle-touches-a-nerve-in-us-14329470.html#ixzz0fNRzp84b
I thought Ali was a cute girl next door, but she ended up being really whiny, annoying, and emotional. I will be glad for her that she gets her own show, but she seems to be a bit of a blonder DeAnna, a young girl who just wants fame.
I don’t think she is interesting enough to watch as a male viewer, but I can see a lot of women who like her. I think Ali is serious about marriage though, she’s not good looking enough to be a model or celebrity. I’m not sure there will actually be any guys out there who want to actually marry her, but good luck to her for trying.
She’s also not very rich, but she might have some good Facebook stock, and that could make her more appealing to some of the men. Hopefully she won’t get duped by a player like Ed.
Viewing this site is my first time and will be my LAST. Steve is an idiot. Listen people. Ali would have had to get back in touch with the show to find out how to get in touch with Jake. He is OUT OF the COUNTRY. So, of course, the show would have caught it on camera, Ali talking with Jake. Damn . Use your heads a little better, would ya? As far as Vienna goes, she is a troublemaker. Were you not paying attention to what her familiy said about her always having trouble with other girls, since SCHOOL?? She is low class. Steve has no insight to any of these reality shows. The producers do not let anything out! get a grip, get a life use your OWN MINDS!
Steve thanks for the post what a treat to read while on the pot. Honestly though I am disappointed that you made no comments about the rope lighting in the shed that housed Vinny’s Hog. Total classic moment. Can you imagine what Kypton would have thought walking into that place. What a Dive!!
Another thing at the beginning of the series when Vienna said her dad has bought her 5 cars because she cannot drive for s#*t. Tell me the cars she had purchased for her. Here are my top 5 vehicle choices:
1987 Chevy Celebrity Euro
1984 Buick Century Limited
1995 Geo Metro Lsi
1987 Ford Escort 2 dr Hatchback LX
and last but certainly not least.
1987 Chevy Surburban Diesel
She certainly did not have anything too classy in a gem of a property that Vinny owned.
Attention all Reality Steve fans: I am starting a campaign to get The Bonnie Hunt Show to bring RS on for a guest interview. They make fun of The Bachelor every week in their recap, pointing out how ridiculous & phony it is. I’ve already sent them an email with the request. Here is the link http://www.bonniehunt.com/show/respond/?PlugID=71
Unfortunately, her show is getting canceled this May, so she has nothing to lose by having RS on for an expose. It would be great if we can get him on a show with a nationally televised audience!