-The next ten minutes was dedicated to the phony phone call Ali made to Jake. No need to rehash all of this since I covered it above. It was done in LA, at the time she made the call it was close to her leaving the show, she still had feelings for the guy, but now two and half months later, she’s pretty much over it. She’s going to be the next Bachelorette and that’s that. The good thing about writing this column on and off all day today is I’m able to kind of keep up with things while writing the column. I watched the clip from her appearance on “Ellen”. I think she tried to do a good job to pretend the “Bachelorette” idea was new to her, but it was obvious watching it you knew that she knew. And did you notice Ellen doesn’t mention the word “Facebook” once? Just “your job”. Strategically planned. They can’t mention “Facebook”.
-I’m hearing more and more that Ali is basically being given an opportunity of lifetime with this Bachelorette gig, she’s not passing it up, and Facebook will be a thing of the past. And before so many of you will rush to judgment, think about this: She had been at Facebook two months before she left for filming in October. How much could she have possibly been making at that time? 40k? 45k? 50k, tops? Well, she’s going to make at least TRIPLE that in two months as the next Bachelorette. Yes, she’s gonna be getting six figures and if ABC/Next Entertainment/Warner Horizon tells you otherwise, they’re lying through her teeth. There isn’t a single woman in America who’s at that age, making average money, who wouldn’t jump at the chance to dump your job for six figures to go on lavish dates, hook up with a bunch of good looking guys, and a have show centered around you watched by millions of people for two months. If you say you wouldn’t, you’re lying. Just like Trista, Meredith, DeAnna, and Jillian before her, it’s an experience she’ll never have a chance at again, and she’s getting paid good coin to do it. Ali would be an idiot if she DIDN’T jump at the chance.
-I’m sure a lot of you will ask about the money, but let me tell you, in 19 seasons of this show, it’s never been brought up publicly and it certainly won’t be next season. Just know that she’s getting paid low six figures to be the “Bachelorette”. Has everyone gotten that amount? No. It varies from person to person. But regardless of your feelings towards Ali, she has a built in fan base already, and her and Tenley were the two most “likable” girls this season who even had a chance to be the next “Bachelorette”. And once we established Tenley wouldn’t have made for good television because she’s not gonna make out with 10-15 guys, Ali was the obvious choice. Look back at all five previous Bachelorettes: All had a good story coming in (former rejects that America got behind), all were attractive but had more of the girl-next-door look. None of them were bombshells or pin up models. They have a certain type they cast for the “Bachelorette” and Ali fits that about as well as any in the past. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, and I’m sure plenty will disagree with me, but just know that ABC knows what it’s doing. Ali’s show will be just as highly rated as Jake’s season, which is pulling in the best weekly average this show has done in five years.
A couple thoughts on the phone call that aren’t regarding the “fake” side of it:
-Why does Jake hold the phone so far away from his ear when he’s talking? Did he think he was on a walkie talkie or something? That was just odd.
-Does Ali usually make heart breaking phone calls by leaning against a wall or sitting down near the refrigerator?
-I think it would’ve been awesome if room service just decided to show up during the middle of all that to ruin the moment. Or housekeeping. They always come at the appropriate times, don’t they?
-No need to really go over the video messages each girl left for Jake. All pretty lame. Did they say anything we hadn’t heard 1,000 times already? Here are some phrases you missed in case you fast forwarded: “Wildest dreams”, “come so far”, “open up my heart”, “falling in love”, “the rest of my life”, “man of my dreams”, and “you left the condom wrapper on the nightstand. I threw it out for you.”
-Rose ceremony time. Jake: “Thanks for a great week…fallen in love with all of you for different reasons…tonight is so difficult…looking for that one special someone…should I be worried it burned when I was peeing the morning after spending the night with Vienna?”
Tenley: “On the Wings of Love” I’m guessing will be deleted from her ipod in two weeks if it hasn’t already.
Vienna: Hey, who’s the smart guy who told everyone back on Jan. 6th these were gonna be your final two? Damn, he’s good.
-I honestly don’t remember or care to talk about a thing Gia said after she got eliminated. Although I would like to point out in HD, she was sweating like a prostitute in church afterwards. Someone pat her down. It was either hot in St Lucia that day, or Gia has perspiration problems. Jake sat her down and I thought she had just gotten out of the pool. Her Joker smile was kinda freakin’ me out with all that sweat glistening on her face. She didn’t say anything different than any of the other people eliminated at the final three say. She was sad, should’ve opened up more, could’ve seen herself with him, and now she’ll go call Carl Pavano again in hopes to rekindle the flame so they can crash more cars together.
Ok, I will be back later on this week with a few more “Women Tell All” details, in addition to more thoughts on Ali as the next Bachelorette, which is currently the worst kept secret on TV. If you want to join me on Twitter, my address is Twitter.com/RealitySteve. Or if you want to add me on Facebook, scroll down the right hand column under “My Stuff” and click on the appropriate link. See you soon…
Steve…once again hilarious take on this dumb show! Jake dancing like Elaine…priceless! He is not to be believed! And cross eyed Vienna sausage being the one to close the door in the FS! I bet all season she has been whispering in his ear…wait till the FS and I’ll show you the goods you can have at the end! For sure she sealed the deal! Bet he was the one who had a difficult time walking the next day! She looked like the cat dragged her in. One trashy babe!
Thanks for providing me with a good laugh to start my day! Too many cringe worthy moments to list but you did it for me!
Gia is to be on Ellen’s show tomorrow. I think she needs to have that lisp repaired! And hiking up her dress got pretty old Monday!
Ali is not the most beautiful girl but so much better than DeAHHHna and no chest Jillian! I think her season will be worth watching.
I just want Jakey to slink back under the rock he emerged from originally! Can’t wait to meet mommy and daddy as they meet the prize he selected! Barf.
Jake’s dancing in the streets made us alll painfully aware of how bad he would be in bed.
PS did anyone notice on the hometown dates that Vienna’s family served hotdogs ? ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?
When her dad walked in on them it looked like they we’re making out in the “back shed”
What a hilbilly !
RS-Did you notice that Vienna was wearing a ring on and off during their dinner? Not sure on which hand, but that could be a good edit of the “wedding ring” discussion. It’s almost like one minute it was there…the next it wasn’t…the next minute it was.
Anyone else notice?
Having just read Eudie Tuesday’s blog of the show, I gotta say Stevie you have a female counterpart! Love it when you both get down and dirty! Never let up on this jerk show!
@suzsubaru
Ha! We PVR’d so we rewound it b/c we couldn’t beleive we saw it the first time !!
I love the re-caps. I’m annoyed “Wings of Love” is now stuck in my head though.
I think Ali is adorable and she will be PERFECT as the next Bachelorette!!!!!! Great blog as usual, although why was Gia in a very formal cocktail dress & cheesy flip flops at the Rose ceremony???? Is he really that short? lol
@dps10
I think she’s beautiful, and how REFRESHING she doesn’t have COLLAGEN, IMPLANTS, is a prostitute model, etc. Geez, give the girl a break.
Jessica1 [#2 post] – just fyi – in Fairbanks Alaska, we call our indigenous people “natives”.
Steve – you really seem to have it bad for Tenley. You should be making fun of her and her “innocence” – remember at the first meet and greet how she begged for a kiss, after knowing Jakey for 5 minutes? Does little Miss Innocence do that? I think that trusting him with her heart, and falling in love with him, is enough for her to have s*x with him. Remember – she’s desperate to fall in love again and have Jakey pick her. Her “This isn’t something I just do (stay overnight with a guy). I trust Jake with my heart.” To me, that means she telling people she doesn’t do it with everyone, but she’s doing it with Jakey, cuz she trusts him.
NOT watching the show, just reading RS.
Steve, your column is the ONLY reason I watch the Batchelor. Like an obsessed lunatic I am in front of my TV carefully listening and watching, afraid I am going to miss a piece of this masterfully crafted dialogue. Jake bothered me and after yesterday’s episode I finally understood why. He was misrepresented to me. He is NOT a cool, handsome pilot – he is a simple fellow, intimidated by any glimpse of intelligence in a girl. Now intelligence + beauty = lethal combo for Jakey. Of course he is not going to pick Gia or Tenley – he is so utterly uncomfortable around them. With Vienna however he does not need to worry about ANY of the ingredients of his kryptonite. I was happy for Gia last night – I swear I saw her smiling when she did not get the rose and also after the – ohh so uncomfortable – talk on the bench. It seemed to me she could not wait to get out of there and kept on wondering to herself: “What did I do to deserve this torture?”
I just wish he stopped saying he has fallen in love with the girls. Due to his lack of experience with women he perhaps does not know that strong erection does not equal love.
As always, hilarious recap, Steve! In an article posted today at US Magazine, Jillian and Ed deny receiving ANY pay from their being on the Bachelorette. You’ve stated leads have been paid.
(http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/bachelorette-jillian-harris-jake-pavelka-should-pick-tenley-2010172)
Are JED lying? Or are they “crying poor” in order to elicit a Fleiss-paid-for TV wedding? Or is it a plea for vendor sponsorships, a la Star Jones, in order to pay for the dress, tuxes, flowers, etc.? I am very curious as to your take on this. Thanks!
Am I the only one who saw very short scene of Jake on the phone telling someone to get on a plane and come down here?
manipulation. In the promo he did say that. when the episode aired he said some thing like ” Part of me wants to say ‘get on a plane and get down here now’….but I can’t, b/c I have fallen for the other women”. lawd, it is so lame.
hahaha omg I just love your site. You are seriously the funniest blogger i know, and I read a lot of blogs. I think Ali is going to be such an annoying bachelorette lawdy, I’m still deciding if Im going to even bother to watch. But then again, you’ll be there tearing her sh*t to pieces so maybe I will watch. I too feel you have a crush on Tenley, but come on you know she gave it up to him. I’m sure that’s the only reason she stayed seeing how fast Corrie was booted after announcing her virginity. Again, please please tone down your Vienna bashing. Why is everyone always focused on her looks? her personality shines more than those other girls superficial looks. Seriously Tenley could go without all that makeup. And Gia, well let’s just leave her alone because I could go on for days. Vienna’s fun personality is what’s going to help her nail the guy of her dreams, even with overgrown roots, and weird eyes. Goes to show you that looks aren’t everything.
Hi Steve
I was on the City TV blog and my comments about the Ali call and the continuity problems with Jake’s watch never made it by the moderators. But others posting vulgar names at the girls were passed – nasty. Then when the phone call scene came on they covered Jake’s arm with the Olivetti pasta advert.
Anyway, keep up the awesome work – BTW Goofy does the best hot diggity dawg dance don’t you think?
Did anyone notice Vienna’s Walmart wardrobe?? (the dresses and the ugly green bikini set she was wearing during her date at St. Lucia)
Maybe she’ll start modeling for Walmart…
It just isn’t logical that Roslyn didn’t hookup with that producer. She was perfect for the show: super-hot and she knows it, snarky (remember her comment about Gia not being a real model?), Jake was into her big time, and she was competitive. Plus, as RS pointed out, they had the seaworld date set up for her and then had to switch it to Ella. Switching the kid to fly in logistically couldn’t have been easy. It seems to me like they tried to get the most they could out of a bad situation by having Chris H. confront her on camera. It just seems like she would have been more valuable to them on the show not off.
Loving this season! Reality Steve, the YouTube spoof films! These train wrecks of reality shows are made fun by the content others create about the show… seriously, if web sites like this one, Reality Steve, did not exist with entertaining insights and info I would not be watching the actual show. I enjoy the comments about the show more than the show itself! Kudo’s to RS!~
Wow Reality Steve you are amazing! I just learned about you this season and I’m loving your blogs about each episode. More people should visit your blog so they can see that all of it is just a bunch of crap! way to go!
This http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RzsblTi-kQ, hilarious.
Guys,
I said earlier it will be “revealed that boring Jake has dumped trashy Vienna on ATFR”. He doesn’t dump her on the show, which has yet to be taped. It will be revealed that he’s already dumped her BEFORE the show tapes, since she’s already seeing other people. Sorry about any confusion. Carry on…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ywAX1rROBg
Jake basically getting caught admitting that he is not engaged.
He admits nothing….why because he dont’ have a valentine date?
Yeah kinda hard going on a Valentine’s date with Vienna when he is still under contract.
Or anyone for that matter..
Speaking of terrible editing…. Did anyone notice how Tenley’s hair was pinned back with a flower on the left side during the RC then when Jake was toasting with Vienna and Tenley the flower was on the right, then it was on the left again? TERRIBLE editing… they aren’t even trying anymore to make us believe any of this.
STEVE – You are the best blogger out there, I think those haters obviously love you too because why take the time to read your column and register to post a derogatory comment? Too much work if you ask me! Love you and your blog…. You are awesome!
I grew up with Vienna in Sanford..That girl was a straight sl#t. She dated this guy Lee for a few years..she was bat crazy. We worked at the winghouse together and he said hello to me and the girl lost her panties.
****She also use to date Chris Kirpatrick a member of the band NSYNC.**** The girl isnt anything but a cross eyed looney. I was shocked to her on this show…maybe For the Love of Ray Jay or something but not this. She worked at Makos for crying out loud. Her clothes were painted on her. And she wants to get married and have kids..please..she could have had 3 by now but she ah-hm “took care of them.” Typical Sanford wh0re.
Oh my lol, interestng info Pink.
#70 Phei, thanks for the link to youtube spoofFilms. All the recaps are funny but 7 is the best. Steve got a shout out on one of the recaps. Yeah! Ihategreenbeans has a pretty funny recap of Jake too.
I think all the production errors should be a drinking game. You could have half the people watching the show play the Tenley ex-husband drinking game and the other half the production screwups game. I’m pretty sure Tenley would win because it doesn’t require as much attention to detail (the drunker you get).
One error I haven’t heard mentioned was when Jake did face time with the camera and talked about what a great honeymoon spot St Lucia would be during his date with Gia. Small problem, he is wearing the blue button down shirt he wore on his date with Tenley. ABC splices and dices those to suit their story line. Just like everything else. Surprise!
Steve, thanks for all the behind the scenes info. I don’t think I can stomach watching Ali as the next bach. They better have some hot looking d-bags on there for me to watch. I wonder if Jake really did ask Alotta Vagina to marry him.
@babyfat101
Yea – I understand babyfat101 – As your nearest neighbor to the south, I’m clear on Inupiat, et al.
As I said, I was being nit-picky to hassle her for that; I was in the next room when it happened.
And stop pointing out where you live; makes me jealous!
Too much focus on tart Vienna. Jake does not pick her, instead he marries Tenley!!! Thats why “he is not engaged”, he’s married!
@dreamz
Nice try honey, but that’s not the way it goes down. He chooses Vienna, finds out afterwards what she’s all about, then dumps her. According to Vegas Mike, this happens before ATFR, but it all comes out on the show.
@LetsBowl
Steve is all wrong. No rose for Vienna. That “Wedding Special” is going to take place in St. Lucia right at/after the rose ceremony, with Tenley, and witnessed by family that is conveniently on the island for the “meet the family date”. As Jake said, St. Lucia is a “great place for a honey moon”, because that’s where he has it. Remember Jake asked Tenley’s dad for permission to marry his daughter and her father said he would give his blessing. He asked Vienna what kind of ring she liked, and probably also asked Tenley too, it was just edited out.
@Dianne
yea, he dumps her all right because he never intended to give her a rose. He only kept her because the show asked him to for television sake. He does not want her at the FR, because it is going to be his wedding.
@dreamz
Are you assuming this stuff or what? The wedding special is for Jason Mesnick… everyone knows that.
@dreamz
Darling, get your facts straight. ATFR is AFTER the FR, not before. So, Vienna IS at the FR, and DOES get the FR, then is dumped (or does the dumping) PRIOR to ATFR.
So, since Ali is the next Bachelorette, does this mean Facebook is giving her the time off or did she quit work?
Afterall, she would need more time off from work to be the Bachelorette, than she did to be a contestant on The Bachelor. (Thinking tv shows, etc, plus the actual time spent filming the show itself.)
@Dianne
Whatever your acronym is, or whenever it is, Veinne still gets dumped and he marries Tenley at the rose ceremony, honey.
@jerseygirldv
Mark my words this will be the surprise of all bachelors. There will actually be a wedding. Maybe they are trying to confuse us with the Jason Mesnic wedding special.
@dreamz
Time will tell, time will tell.
Another great recap as usual! I gotta tell ya, the part about Vienna’s dad Vinnie cracked me up. I immediately got a visual of Donna’s dad Bob on That 70′s Show, and totally “heard” what you wrote in Bob’s voice, lol. As far as “dreamz” and the wedding predictions, I’ll believe that when I see it and I don’t expect to EVER see it.
DameEdna,
I just had to come on here and give you a shout out for saying what I have been thinking every time I have to look at Vienna – girl, where on earth did you get that hideous eyeshadow? I have honestly never seen such an ugly color before in my life. I think someone should find out which makeup line it is and the name of the color, so we can get them to discontinue it. You described the color about as well as anyone could. It’s beyond ugly! I don’t understand it! This shade of eyeshadow clashes with Vienna’s skintone and makes her brown eyes look so strange. She should get some makeup lessons. Everything, but everything is just wrong about this girl. When I see her at the rose ceremony, her clothes make her look like a hooker. The colors are always unflattering, the fit is wrong, it’s just a mess. Her hair with the black roots and horrible extensions, is another horror.
I have started to wonder if Jake is attracted to Vienna just because she is so totally different from anyone he may have met before. She doesn’t seem to have anything at all in common with him, his background, values, beliefs. Maybe he wanted to walk on the wild side. You can tell that he just can’t wait to get it on with her as much as possible. So it’s definitely not love. I hope he got what he wanted on their overnight date.
Steve – I just have to say that this was your best blog recap ever! I laughed out loud over and over again. I have nothing to add. Somehow you managed to brilliantly sum up all of the nonsense and wretched excess, tasteless phony garbage that makes up the essence of this show. The only thing I do want to say is that I watched this week’s episode without checking in to read any updates, so I didn’t read your blog about the fake Ali phone call business. But I was pleased to come here and find that you said what I knew the moment I watched that pathetic amateur acting from both Jake and Ali. I knew everything was as phony as a three dollar bill. Awful, just awful! The producers of this show really must think their audience is that stupid. Even if you have a i.q. of less than 100, you could spot this farce a mile away! All to set up Ali as the next bachelorette.
Anyway, thanks for keeping it real and giving me a lot of laughs. It’s the only way to get through this trainwreck that passes for reality tv.
Love your blog and Fb updates Steve! However, One thing I do want to bring to your attention is you said you cannot get pregnant in water and thats a fact. that is not a fact. you can…once the sperm is released into the vagina its looking for an egg…and water is NOT, and I will repeat NOT a contraceptive. However, if the sperm was in the water … it cannot get one pregnant. It doesnt live long enough.
Anyhow, just a little FACTUAL information from a Registered Nurse who has worked in OB for 12 years.
Keep on doing what you do do best though
I’m pretty sure Steve was kidding about not being able to get pregnant in water. LOL
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Steve, haven’t read all the comments above, but in case nobody else mentioned it, San Francisco is also in California. And just so you know, the Bay Bridge is the silver one and the Golden Gate is the orange one. Just sayin . . .
Thanks for increasing my enjoyment of the Bachelor enormously!
My wife and I love this show… we also love this spoof on the show check it out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHpyhxT_jQU
Tenley was not at the “Valentine’s Day” alone. She was there with a male friend, but not of the heterosexual persuasion.
Excited to see how this all plays out.