For whatever reason, the site is not allowing me to put the whole column together in one post, so I had to split it up into two separate ones. When you’re finished with this column, you’ll see the next post on the page is Part 2. So please read both in succession. That one will start with thoughts on Jason and Molly’s wedding. Thanks.
Never in the last two months did I ever doubt the information my sources gave me. The tough part was knowing that I’m never fully vindicated until that final episode airs. But week by week, everything played out like I told everyone it would, and I just sat there and smiled even though the doubters were still there. From the people swearing they re-shot the ending, to idiots on message boards and commenting saying ABC purposely is feeding me false information, to the conspiracy theorists who said Ali would factor in to Jake’s final decision, to those who studied all of Jake’s answers and swore he picked no one because he didn’t look happy, to haters who just wanted me to be wrong so I could eat crow. All look rather dumb right about now, I’d say. Did you notice this season that when people like Chris Harrison, Jake, or even Mike Fleiss in that one interview, although they admit not liking what I do, you did notice that not once did they ever say “he’s clueless”, or “he doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, or “he’s just guessing”? Because they knew all along I was right, and although the ratings were the highest in five years, it kills them to acknowledge the fact that someone is beating them to the punch. Not to mention the “Ali is the next Bachelorette” story I broke two weeks ago as well. So truly, from the bottom of my heart, to Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, ABC, Next Entertainment, Warner Horizon, and everyone that year in and year out who thinks I make up a bunch of sh** hoping it comes true, or that I’m fed false information on purpose, let me just put this as eloquently as I can: Suck it. No, seriously. Suck it. Hard. Ahhhhh, after two months, that felt damn good to get off my chest.
As was the case last week, not much time will be spent recapping the two hour finale. Way too much fluff that all could’ve been crammed into an hour if they really wanted, plus, since we’ve known what was coming, this was all pretty anti-climactic. The only surprising thing about last night was hearing that Jake is going to be on “Dancing with the Stars”. Oh boy. This week’s column will be sectioned off into five separate parts: my thoughts on the finale and ATFR, some closing opinions on the Rozlyn interview, Jason and Molly’s wedding, Jake on “DWTS”, and Ali as the next Bachelorette. Plenty of things to get to with all these topics.
For those who I’ve been in contact with and are interested, you will be receiving an email today or tomorrow regarding the final plans for the Vegas trip this weekend. Anyone still interested, it’s definitely not too late to show up, but I’m guessing unless you’re within driving distance and have hookups at some hotel, flight and room will cost you and arm and a leg. Should be a fun weekend despite the fact that none of the former bachelor/ette contestants are going. Not that I’m surprised, as I told you that was a good possibility. And remind me to never plan anything again as long as I live…ha ha. This hasn’t been the easiest thing to organize to say the least. I’ve come to realize that a lot of people in this world are flakes. Is what it is, but every once in a while you want to have trust in people that’ll come through for you. With that said, as of now it looks like we’re gonna have close to 70 people showing up in some form or fashion this weekend. Looking forward to meeting all of you who plan on making the trip. I think the good mood I’m in will make this weekend that much better. Drinks on me Saturday night at TAO! There’s a good chance this weekend will be one giant blur. Can’t it be Friday yet? Touching down at noon at McCarran airport Friday is going to feel pretty damn good. Vegas baby. Vegas.
Also, at 6pm EST time tonight will be another chance for everyone to call in and ask questions as I’m doing another live chat with the people at JokersUpdates.com. Will work the same as last time. The link will be up on the site later with the phone number to call in. Hopefully we will start on time this time around and won’t be so much background noise. But come back later on tonight at 6pm EST for a live chat where you can call in and ask questions. The only thing I ask is that if you haven’t listened to all of the Rozlyn interview, and you have a question about something she said in it, please refrain and try and come up with something else. I know not everyone has been able to take 114 minutes out of their day to listen to the interview, but for me to repeat stuff she already answered would be repetitive. Other than that, ask anything you want.
Finale and ATFR Thoughts
-Well, at least we found out where Jake gets his crying from: his father. Pops cried three different times during last night’s show. Was it really that emotional? I’m guessing that ol’ dad was crying at the thought of his son making Vienna his daughter-in-law. Yep. That was it. Will he cry when Jake gets booted in Week 1 of “DWTS”? Or how about when Jake isn’t allowed to use his Tom Cruise lifts in his shoes when he’s dancing? Whatever the case, that is one emotional family. Who likes jumping into pools with their clothes on and hump each other. Tenley, be thankful you didn’t have to join the ranks of those kooks.
-For the majority of the “Bachelor” audience that doesn’t read message boards, or follow blogs, or had any clue about the spoilers out there this season (which is about 95% of their audience), they really set last night up to make you think it was Tenley he chose. I mean, could Vienna meeting his parents been any more awkward and uncomfortable? I’m curious to this day if they even still like the girl. I can’t remember the parents meeting the final two girls and having that opposite of feeling about them in this show’s history. I mean, when Jake’s sister said, “Ok, she’s not as bad as I thought as I misjudged her”, and that’s the BEST compliment Vienna got the whole day, you know something’s not right. Hey Pavelka’s! Meet your new daughter-in-law! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!! I swear to God, I’m gonna make it my life’s mission to go out in downtown Dallas every weekend night until I run in to those two at some bar. Maybe they’ll be at Idle Rich Pub. Or Primo’s. Or Tribeca. Or Ghostbar. Or Black Friar. Or Deux. Whatever. Someday I’m gonna run in to them and I can’t wait to take a picture with the three of us pretending I’m so happy for them.
-When Jake and Vienna were covering each other in mud, I gotta say, Vienna has never looked prettier…ha ha. It was almost like a symbol of this whole season. Just a bunch of mud slinging and dirtiness that affected the whole house. Very symbolic. Nice touch, ABC. Quite subtle but I sure as hell picked up on it. Mud here, mud there, mud everywhere. Then they jump into the clean water and rinse each other off. All the while, trying to rid themselves of as many bacterial infections they might’ve gained by exchanging bodily fluids.
-I really dug Jake telling Tenley on their last day together essentially, “Yeah, ummmm, our physical relationship sucks.” Translation: Vienna will give up the ass pretty much whenever I ask her and I feel it’ll be much more of an effort with you, so uuhhhhh, I think I’ll go with her. Gee Jake, don’t crush her ego too hard now. That was about as blantant of a, “Hey, this is my way to trying to let you know beforehand” statement if I’ve ever seen one. How could he possibly pick Tenley after he questioned their physical relationship moving so slow? Really? Especially when the other chick is practically becoming a Cirque de Soleil acrobat in bed. The guy just dug himself deeper and deeper that night not being able to explain anything to her.
-I’ve said this every season at the finale, I’ll say it again: The one thing I admire is them having the balls to stand there and dump some girl that’s head over heels for you. I don’t envy the position Jake was in one bit. I felt pretty bad for Tenley sitting there watching that. Brutal. I think I feel bad every season for the girl that gets dumped, but for some reason, I think the fact that Tenley couldn’t finish a complete sentence without sniffling or about to break down was what did it for me. Poor girl. I think Jake was crying before she even walked up. Sucks to be him. The only time this season where I felt bad for the guy. Well, that and when he contracted genital herpes from Vienna.
-As for the “ATFR”, it would’ve been nice to see Tenley maybe punch the guy in the face when they brought him out. Apparently she didn’t have that in her. Will they really remain friends like he says? Hell if I know. If Vienna and Tenley aren’t friends, then it’s hard to imagine Jake and Tenley will ever be close again. I don’t think it really matters. I think Tenley will have a lot of opportunities open up for her after this, just like Rozlyn and Ali have. She’d be dumb not to explore them.
-After they announced the first 10 contestants on “DWTS” and then gave us the, “Tune in to the ‘After the Final Rose’ for the 11th contestant”, I immediately figured it was Tenley since why would they promote it like that. But at that moment, I looked down at the names and realized that of the ten names they’d released, only four were men. And since with eleven names total, you knew they weren’t going to do a 7-4 split with women/men. So it hit me right then that, “Holy crap, it’s gotta be Jake.” I event texted someone right when that thought popped in my head. And sure enough, Jake was #11. I definitely didn’t see that one coming.
-Well, it’s clearly obvious that since they wrapped filming in November, Vienna knowing she was the final one got her ass to the gym and started working out. And made sure her stylist took out all her dark roots. I’d say Vienna looked 15-20lbs lighter last night. Didn’t do anything to help her wandering eye, but she definitely lost weight. That’s to be expected. Usually the way it works. Just rewind last night to her walking on the beach in her bikini then look at her at the ATFR. Noticeable difference.
-I think the thing I was looking forward to last night the most was actually hearing Vienna for the first time since the show finished. I mean, lets face it, she hasn’t had to address any of the rumors since she’s not allowed to talk until her final episode airs. She answered like I expected her too, and for the most part, the stuff about former friends selling her out is pretty much true. I don’t put much stock into the quotes I see from them because they’re just looking to get into a magazine. However, being an ex-Hooters waitress, entering bikini contests, and posing topless in a bikini calendar with only a scarf – that stuff actually happened. I think that shows more about who she is and her immaturity more than people who knew her in grammar school and high school saying anything. The bottom line is by having that type of background, you can tell she is someone that craves attention, is loving the fact that she “won” Jake, and there isn’t a chance in hell those two are going to be married for 60 years. If they even get married at all.
-As for Jeffrey Osborne selling out for the almighty dollar, well, may God look kindly upon you my friend. Anyone who ever liked that song will now forever hate it after you embarrassed yourself on national television by serenading a couple that will never walk down the aisle. Jeffrey, you should be ashamed of yourself. I say you just light a flame to that song right now and never sing it again. Stick to the national anthem at Laker games.
-One thing I wanted to point out about Chris Harrison. A lot of you may have seen or heard Chris on the “Joy Behar” show last week where Joy actually referenced me by name saying that I leaked the information months ago. Chris obviously avoided talking about me directly since that’s what he’s coached to do, but, I find it interesting he keeps running with this, “We know who his source is”. That couldn’t be further from the truth since I have more than one source. They have no clue who my sources are. This season I had more than five. You saying you know all five Chris? Really? Please. The fact that none of my sources have ever been contacted and asked, “Hey, are you giving information out?” goes to show that they have no clue. Chris is just supposed to say that so it doesn’t make it seem like a show watched by over 10 million people each week has some blogger out there who knows almost as much as they do. Can’t possibly make it seem like someone is one-upping them when, well lets face it, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Once again Chris – stop the lies. You have no clue where I’m getting my information from. And you never will.