American Idol 9

American Idol Recap – 3/23/10

Someone needs to tell these “Idol” contestants that the contest has actually started and there’s a recording contract up for grabs. They know this, right? Do any of these kids even want to win outside of a couple? There is some talent among the remaining eleven, but outside of a couple, it doesn’t seem like they think they’re any good either. Maybe they’ve been reading all the critics out there ripping this season to shreds. I think last season may have had the best talent from 1-12. This season you’re barely scratching the surface to find one performer that people are dying to talk about every week. And if it is, it’s usually Siobhan but not necessarily because of her singing, but more because of how bizarre she is. More on her later.

Anyway, so Miley Cyrus was the mentor this week. Yep. A 17 year old pop star was mentoring everyone on how to sing. Oh boy. Initially, the reaction from everyone was “Huh? Who wants to be mentored by her?” Fair question to ask. But in Miley’s defense (“Yeah, yeah, yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh, it’s a Party in the USA”. Sorry. That song is in my head again), it’s not as if Miley came off last night acting like she knew everything about the music industry and bossed them all around. She pretty much stayed out of their way, complimented all of them, and gave a few suggestions here and there. If she acted like a know-it-all, it would’ve been ridiculous and completely unwarranted. Especially since I think most people consider her an actress first, and a singer second. If they don’t, they should. Not that she’s winning an Oscar anytime soon, but I think when it’s all said and done, Miley Cyrus will be known much for her acting than her singing. Mark my words. Check back with me in ten years. On to last night’s performances. Mercifully.

Lee DeWyze, “The Letter”: Did you notice when the show opened and they panned all 11 contestants, everyone is happy, smiling, and waving at the crowd? Except for Lee. What’s with this guy? Is he depressed or something? Dude, you have an opportunity than every struggling artist would kill to have. You might want to act like you’re enjoying the moment. His performance last night was ok. Decent vocals, but just zero showmanship to it. For example, if Taylor Hicks performed that song, whether you like him or not, at least he would’ve had fun and been entertaining. Lee essentially stood in the same place, with his hunched shoulders, and just sang. Kinda bland to me. Lee, you now have a one-in-eleven chance for a recording contract, and you’re on the most popular show in North America. You might want to crack a smile.

Paige Miles, “Against All Odds”: Do I really need to beat a dead horse here? Ok, I will. She was beyond awful. Laryngitis or not, it was horrendous. She had laryngitis last week yet sounded better than she did this week, when I’m assuming her voice improved over the last week. I can’t think of one solitary reason outside of being a family member of hers or living in her hometown why anyone in America would’ve picked up the phone last night and said, “I really liked that performance. I’m voting for her.” Easily the worst vocal I’ve heard this season. And not only that, it was to a popular song that’s been sung numerous times on this show before by much more talented artists. I wouldn’t quit my day job if I were you, Paige. In fact, I’d just quit singing altogether. She was an absolute train wreck last night.

Tim Urban, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”: For once, I’ll agree with Randy on this one. Dawg, this is a singing competition. That song does nothing to show how good of a singer you are. That is a straight karaoke song that you do on a Thursday night when you’ve been drinking and you want to entertain your friends. Sliding across the stage? Really? Are you Marty McFly in “Back to the Future” now? Why not play air guitar while you’re at it? Hell, Kara actually sounded like she wanted to punch the guy after his performance. Man, she was hostile in her criticism. Sounded angry at him for being so crappy. I probably would be too knowing that once Simon leaves the show after this season, this show becomes infinitely less popular and will probably lose half its audience. The final season of this show being on top, and we’re down to these eleven? Yuck.

Aaron Kelly, “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”: I’ve said before that I don’t get him, he’s too Archuleta-like but with less talent, and I wouldn’t pay to see him in person. And I still feel that way. However, I didn’t think he was half bad last night. Especially on such a popular song, I figured with his laryngitis and tonsillitis, he would completely butcher it. He didn’t. Was it great? No. But it wasn’t terrible either. Then again, after following Paige and Tim, Aaron could’ve swallowed his tongue on stage and given a better performance. The one thing I didn’t get was his pre-song interview with Ryan where he told him he had laryngitis and tonsillitis. So why did Ryan write down “Are you ready” on a piece of paper? That made no sense. Ryan, he’s the one with laryngitis, not you. You can still talk to him. He’s not deaf, he just has trouble speaking. Usually Ryan is pretty quick on his feet, but last night, he bombed on that one. Aaron should’ve been the one writing his answer, not you Ryan. Now go backstage and start twittering people what you had for lunch yesterday because, really, we’re dying to know.

Crystal Bowersox, “Me and Bobby McGee”: She is the most polished performer this show has, without question. However, she’s not the most appealing to look at when she sings, she still looks dirty, she appeals to only a niche audience, and last time I checked, no one has ever won this show that has a giant tattoo sprawled across their back. Good Lord, that thing makes her a top-5 candidate to end up in bed with Jesse James. Hey, Chris Daughtry was the most polished and talented performer his season and he came in 5th. And there really wasn’t one thing you could pinpoint with him that wasn’t likable. I think she’ll stick around a while for sure, but as I said last week, she doesn’t appeal to enough people to win this thing. Reading some people saying she’s the best artist this show’s ever had makes me want to projectile vomit. Really? Are you watching the same show I am? I can name at least five previous contestants who DIDN’T win that are better than her. I read someone say that Miley was jealous of how good Bowersox was. Ummmm, I’m guessing not. Miley Cyrus is printing money as we speak and Bowersox has never sold a record in her life. The last thing I’m guessing is that Miley is jealous of her. Although, both could use some dental work.

Michael Lynche, “When a Man Loves a Woman”: Cheesy? Yes. Corny? Check. Oversang it? 100%. Right song choice? Ab-so-freakin-lutely. The judges are right, at least he knows what kind of artist he is. He’s basically Ruben Studdard 2.0, which is why I think he is a front runner to win this thing. The more and more I watch him, the more and more I think he can win. He’s toned down his cockiness, he can appeal to both a younger and older audience, and he’s got the baby backstory to boot. Definitely wasn’t his best vocal performance since he amped up the cheese factor, but he couldn’t have picked a better song to woo women with. If you asked me right now, who I think will win this season, I’d pick Michael. Will he be a successful artist? I don’t know. But just going on process of elimination and knowing who votes on this show, he’s my front runner as of now. That could change by next week, especially if a certain few people step up their game.

Andrew Garcia, “Heard it Through the Grapevine”: Now I just feel bad for Mini-Hassan (If you watch “24”, you know that he and President Hassan are without a doubt going to the same barber). He’s getting crucified week by week, and I don’t think even HE thinks he’s any good anymore. He basically sucks. And what annoyed me the most was the way he pronounced the “vine” in “grapevine”. It was, “I heard it through the grape-V-EYE-NNNNNNEEE.” Like he really over enunciated the word to the point of it sounding ridiculous. Hooked on Phonics this is not. It’s a singing competition. And Andrew is completely failing right now. I don’t think there’s much hope for him anymore. He’s a one trick pony, and he shot his one trick wad back in Hollywood Week.

Katie Stevens, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”: Although this song is nails on a chalkboard to me and Fergie makes my skin crawl, finally Katie Stevens sang a song well. Much better than anything she’s done in the past. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here when I say that Katie Stevens and Didi Benami are two people who look like they SHOULD win American Idol. They just haven’t quite shown the talent – yet. I think it’s still possible for both of them to turn it around. Better performances by Katie like this one will help her cause, but in terms of the look, the overall package, and marketability, you couldn’t find two females who “look” the part more than Katie or Didi. But right now, their talent hasn’t lived up to it. Still time though.

Casey James, “Power of Love”: Huey Lewis? Really? I couldn’t believe that was the song he sang. Then when he did, I couldn’t believe he tried to sound exactly like Huey Lewis, who hasn’t been popular in 25 years. How in the world did he think this song would make him sound contemporary? I was baffled by the song the choice, and I couldn’t believe the judges fawned all over it. Well, except for Simon who was dead on in his critique. That was about an average of a performance of an old-fashioned song as you could get. He didn’t set himself apart from anyone by covering that song. Although “Back to the Future” is in my top-5 all time 80’s movies, I really didn’t need to hear that song again last night. “You’re just too darn loud.”

Didi Benami, “You’re No Good”: For the sex and seductive factor, I’ll give her an “A”. Was definitely an overdramatic performance that you would see in a high school play, and for the second week in a row, she did a performance and never smiled once. Sure she made my pants tight, but that doesn’t mean it’ll get her votes from the audience. Not a good song for her. She needs to be more upbeat, smile, and find a song that shows off her voice. That song didn’t do any of those three. Like I said, her and Katie have that “it” when it comes to what kind of artist this show would like to market, they just need to back it up with their singing. It’s like the judges are begging Katie and Didi to be better since they know having them as the winner and on the cover of an album would look much better than a tattoo’ed, dreadlocked, homeless looking woman in desperate need of some dental work. Hey, Eliot Yamin got 50k of free dental work after his season was over, maybe someone will do the same for Crystal.

Siobhan Magnus, “Superstition”: The reason this song wasn’t her best was because it’s done at least once a season by someone and hers wasn’t nearly as memorable. And now we’ve gone three weeks in a row of her waiting til the end to throw in her scream. It’s becoming annoying at this point and almost like she feels she has to throw it in there to save herself at the end of every performance, or give people something to remember her by. Trust me Siobhan, you don’t need to scream for people to remember who you are. You are the worst dresser in the history of the show and couldn’t be more socially awkward if you tried. Sure, you’ve got a good voice and are probably the second best performer on the show behind Crystal, but in terms of the “it” factor, uhhhhh, not quite. She might be the weirdest person I’ve ever seen on television. She reminds me of Ozzy Osborne. You hear him talk in interviews, and all he does is mumble incoherently in a British accent.. Then he sings and you understand every word he says. Siobhan in her interviews sounds like talking to the pace of a turtle crawling by, then she sings, and she’s a whole different person. Weird dynamic.

Last week, I had gotten two of the bottom three correct, but incorrectly said Paige would be going home. Then again, I also said I’d be shocked if it wasn’t Paige or Lacey. I just picked the wrong girl. And just to explain again, just because I might say I don’t get someone’s performance, doesn’t mean it can’t be in my top three for the night. Like I’m not a fan of Crystal, would never buy her stuff, but even I can acknowledge she had the best performance last night. So there’s a difference. There’s also a difference between who I think had the worst three performances and who I think will be in the bottom three. My prediction for who will be in the bottom three is based on how I think America is going to vote.

Reality Steve’s Top 3 Performances:

1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Katie Stevens
3. Michael Lynche

Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Performances:

1. Paige Miles
2. Andrew Garcia
3. Tim Urban

Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Prediction:

1. Paige Miles
2. Andrew Garcia
3. Didi Benami

Reality Steve’s prediction of who’ll get eliminated: Paige Miles. Not really going out on a limb there. However, you’ll notice that I think Didi will be in the bottom three. I think she could be in trouble this week. Remember last year, no one ever would’ve thought that Alexis Grace wouldn’t make the top 10, and she got booted at #11. I still think Paige should go, she had the worst performance, and has no business going on tour, but something still tells me there’ll at least a surprise person in the bottom three, and it’ll be Didi. I hope I’m wrong and she makes it through, but if Didi went home tonight, I’m not gonna say I’m overly shocked. She shouldn’t, but she could.

I’ll be back Friday with a new column (yep, that’s three in one week!), with a review of “Dancing With the Stars” premiere (oh boy, Jake), “Survivor” with their double elimination tonight, “Celebrity Apprentice”, and which show am I counting down the seconds for until it starts. For those that want to follow me on Twitter, go to www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. I’m almost maxed out on the 5,000 Facebook friends and have 2,000 currently waiting to be added. I’ll be starting a fan page soon and will let you know when I do. So if you’re wondering why you haven’t been added, that’s the reason. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, suggestions, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday…

14 Comments

14 Comments

  1. Sherry

    March 24, 2010 at 10:43 AM

    please! why do i watch? what is the point? Oh yeah, to then read your delicious coulumn and laugh out loud at work, and have everyone looking at me going, “wtf?”

  2. nsawyer

    March 24, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    LOL at the part about Ryan and writing on the paper for Aaron Kelly. Seriously! Which one has to sing and has the laryngitis? Ryan is a dork.

  3. lemon-lime

    March 24, 2010 at 6:07 PM

    It makes you have projectile vomiting to hear that chrystal is the best this year? You don’t like her cause she doesn’t look a certain way (like a victoria’s secret model)? But you DO like the attractive “marketable” ones? So I guess you like bands like New Kids On The Block, The Jonah Brothers, and singers like Britney Spears, ashley simpson, miley cyrus, taylor swift. Forgive me for having a taste for music that’s not created and marketed and based on looks. And I will forgive you for your crappy taste in studio produced junk. Didi IS miley. Didi IS Taylor swift. No raw talent, just can sing a tune (with help from autotune) and has a pretty face.

  4. donkeytron

    March 24, 2010 at 6:59 PM

    kudos on the “You’re just too darn loud.” I loled. Probably one of the few that got that.

  5. Dianne

    March 25, 2010 at 9:52 AM

    @lemon-lime

    Lemon..THIS is what Steve posted:

    Reading some people saying she’s the best artist this show’s ever had makes me want to projectile vomit. Really? Are you watching the same show I am?

    Notice “the best artist the SHOW’s ever had”. My gawd, read it properly, THEN make your rediculous comments if needs be. Gessh!

  6. metrohack

    March 25, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    While reading your Bachelor/ette writing is amusing, after reading two weeks of your views of AI I’ve found that your musical knowledge is limited to knowing how to turn on the radio.

    Anyone who has never hear Ruby Tuesday has zero credibility when writing about music.

    I’ll be back when the new season of the Bachelorette begins.

  7. metrohack

    March 25, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    errrr “heard”

  8. Sherry

    March 25, 2010 at 2:11 PM

    @Dianne
    @lemon-lime “yeah, what SHE said!”

  9. contusion

    March 25, 2010 at 8:57 PM

    I’m a little amazed that part of your reasoning for not liking Bowersox is that she has a tattoo. Is this 1954? I’m not sure I even know anyone who DOESN’T have at least one tattoo. Okay, maybe an exaggeration, but still…not only are tattoos NOT controversial or shocking, they are practically passe’ in 2010. First it’s the teeth, then a tattoo, then she doesn’t dress like a some lame girl at the mall. As you and the judges point out now and then…it’s a singing competition. In this unbelievably weak year, there is no competition when it comes to who is the best singer, the best potential future artist, and the most comfortable performer. It’s Bowersox. She’s the only one that doesn’t look like a bad karaoke performer. She is an actual artist.

    That kid creeps me out, by the way. I’ve never seen anyone who looked both 12 and 64 at the same time. It’s like he suffers from progeria. They need to quit giving him that 4-years-out-of-date faux-hawk and trying to hip him up. He looks like Roger Miller in a boy’s body…like one of those movies where lightening strikes and a boy and his grandpa trade bodies.

    And Siobhan is the weirdest person you’ve ever seen on TV? My god, what are you watching? She may be a little quirky but she’s not even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to weird. You seriously need to expand your horizons a little. I guess if someone’s not wearing a golf shirt and khakis they are weird. I know conservative people, but if Siobhan is weird and Bowersox’s tattoo and choice of clothing makes you uncomfortable, then I’m not sure how you venture out of the house each day without getting the heebie jeebies.

  10. jorgiegirl

    March 26, 2010 at 2:29 AM

    @ Steve
    “Miley Cyrus will be known much for her acting than her singing. Mark my words.”
    “Miley Cyrus is printing money as we speak and Bowersox has never sold a record in her life. The last thing I’m guessing is that Miley is jealous of her”

    Why do you not think Miley could be jealous of a better vocal artist? Seems you equate money with talent…but then contradict yourself.

    And do you not remember the season with (what’s not to like) Daughtry? …..ummmm, not everyone liked him…apparently…. And “polished”? I recall one of the mentors telling him he wasn’t breathing properly, singing high in his throat, and he was gonna blow his tubes if he didn’t change. Now, I liked Chris, still do, but for the record, I have also never called in a vote.

    Of course, I’m not really going out on a limb to say the “save” will be used only on Bowersox or Shauvann (much easier to spell). Would be interesting to see which one they save if both were to go out the same week….wouldn’t that be a b*tch! Stranger things have happened.

    I made a comparison in an earlier week about another famous Mama…Cass. You’d probably say the same about her if she were in current competition.

    MAMA SOX ROX!!!

  11. Dianne

    March 26, 2010 at 8:43 AM

    @Sherry
    LOL Sherry!

  12. lemon-lime

    March 26, 2010 at 9:21 AM

    @sherry,dianne:Y’all stop the love fest. Its starting to smell like fish in here.
    steve, you probably don’t listen to talk radio, but our infamous local talk show host, Chris Krok, is going to a Dallas station. He’s the best!

  13. lemon-lime

    March 26, 2010 at 9:26 AM

    @dianne: notice I didn’t include quotations. In other words, it wasn’t a direct quote.
    Anyways, what difference does it make? You’re not making any sense.

  14. Bliss_Leia

    March 26, 2010 at 3:58 PM

    So… Miley Cyrus its done on the music business and “just want to work in movies” hah!

    http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/marc_malkin/b173666_miley_cyrus_on_ditching_music_ive_got.html

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