Back from mini-vacation. It was a lot of fun seeing family and friends again, especially my niece and nephew. Every time I see them I ask myself, “Did I have that much energy all day long when I was 3 and 6 years old?” Its unreal. They don’t stop. Ever. I only get to see them every few months, but man, my sister and brother-in-law must get tired having to deal with them every day. Yikes. Not that it’ll detract me from having kids because I won’t, I just think I have a better idea now of what I’m getting into eventually. I think. Then again, you kinda need to have a girlfriend before kids start entering the picture. Baby steps, Steve. Anyway, I will be back this Friday talking about “DWTS”, “Survivor”, “Celebrity Apprentice”, “Fresh Meat 2”, and some pretty big “Bachelorette” news. You’re not gonna want to miss what I have to say since it’ll be the first you’ve heard of it. I’m still working out the details as we speak, but, I will divulge what I know on Friday.
Lets briefly talk about last weeks results show since there was no column on Friday. Very shocked that Michael was on the verge of elimination, but not shocked they saved him. Remember, they can only use the save up until 5 are left. Well, after tonight there’ll be 7 left, and you gotta figure there’s at least 4 people that the judges aren’t going to save – Andrew, Tim, Katie, or Aaron. I think they’re just banking on the next four weeks, those four are eliminated in some order. Then using their save on Michael makes sense. However, if a Crystal or Casey or Lee somehow ends up being eliminated, they’ll regret it. I don’t see that happening though. It was smart to save Michael last week knowing there were still at least four, maybe five, singers left they had no interest in ever saving. Guess it was just an odd week that Michael was the bottom one.
So earlier this season we get Miley Cyrus as a mentor who isn’t even old enough to vote, and now we got Adam Lambert, who a year ago was a struggling artist. How about we just round out the list of mentors for the rest of the season with Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Ali Lohan? In all seriousness, Adam wasn’t that bad as a mentor. But considering some of the kids were still getting ripped by the judges, it goes to show that the mentors really don’t add anything to the show other than to plug their careers, lets be honest. They might give some good advice here and there, but by now, we know what all these contestants are capable of and how they sing. It’s not like all the sudden some mentor is going to show up and now Aaron Kelly starts singing like Justin Timberlake. They are what they are. The mentors are there to promote themselves, say a few words to the contestants, and nothing else. Look, Adam Lambert knows after listening to all their performances in rehearsal who’s any good. He can’t change how good they are. He can only make a sucky performance less sucky. On to the performances:
Crystal Bowersox, “Saved”: Another consistent performance. Not her best, not her worst. In no danger of going home. However, she is running into a rut where, yes she’s consistent, but I don’t think consistent will be good enough to put her over the top. She needs to be better than everyone every single week, and it’s been about three weeks since she’s done that. Then again, I disliked Elvis week. Not that I dislike his songs, but when dealing with such a legend, it is kinda hard to be original. If you change up an Elvis song, the reaction is probably, “Why would you want to change such a brilliant song?” And Simon was right, it was hard not to come across as a little karaoke this week.
Andrew Garcia, “Hound Dog”: Yeah, not good. As much progress as he gained last week with “Forever”, he lost it all back this week and is no doubt in serious trouble. If he was in the bottom two after “Forever”, I’m guessing there’s no way he saved himself with that performance. Straight out of a cheesy, high school play performance. I’ll miss him and his President Hassan hair and Harry Caray coke bottle glasses. The worst thing this guy did was nail “Straight Up” during Hollywood Week. Should’ve saved it for later. Then again, if he did, he might not have gotten past Hollywood Week. At least he’s got an attractive girlfriend to go home too. I mean, if you’re into the whole Mohawk with the sides shaved on a woman.
Tim Urban, “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You”: Immediately, we need to kill the nickname of “T-urban” for him. Really? T-urban? Awful. I hate nicknames for performers or couples anyway. So dumb. Why was Ryan slow dancing in the aisle with last seasons Michael Sarver anyway? What was the point of that? Seemed that once the cameras caught it, they shied away from it again since it took away from the performance. Way to upstage the talent, Ryan. And I thought Adam’s big advice to Tim was to sing the end of the song in a falsetto voice? Isn’t that what the video package showed? So, uhhhhh, why didn’t he do it? I think Tim basically said, “Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I’ll do my own thing here and not listen to someone who’s put one album out his whole life. I’m crappy enough already. I don’t need the judges hating me even more.”
Lee DeWyze, “Little Less Conversation”: Loved the performance, and he’s clearly the favorite now in this thing, yet, I STILL don’t see any personality. Even Adam told him he’s got to work on his face. Trust me, I watched Lee’s face the whole performance. It’s like he’s trying to smile and be happy, and maybe on occasion he’ll get a little smirk, but the guy really has a hard time looking happy when he performs. Even Kara said he needs to not be so “Grrrrrrrr” up on stage. That’s all he needs to work on and he’ll win this thing. Even after the performance is over, and the nerves are gone, he still has a hard time letting loose and being happy. He needs some happy pills or something. Maybe even smoke a joint before he goes on stage. Whatever it takes, man. But he has a real problem looking like he’s enjoying himself up there.
Aaron Kelly, “Blue Suede Shoes”: Corny, karaoke, and just sucked. Hated it. I just have a hard time taking this kid seriously on such a popular song when he probably hasn’t experienced his first woman yet. And this doesn’t just go for Aaron. It’s any singer who has barely been through puberty singing adult songs, or about the opposite sex, or dating. Take that little girl Justin Bieber. What relationship heartaches has that chick been through to be singing about? I don’t get it. Yes, I realize he/she is only supposed to appeal to kids sitting in Algebra I class right now, but good lord, there is nothing authentic about that thing. Not talented, really not that great of a dancer, and looks like a butch lesbian. Yet all the kiddies love it. Someone shoot me now.
Siobhan Magnus, “Suspicious Minds”: For my money, by far the worst performance of the night. It was an absolute mess, I didn’t know why she changed it up so much, ruined a highly recognizable song, and I’ve finally figured out what I like the least about Siobhan. Not the lisp, not the screeching at the end of songs, and not the dorky glasses or the speech pattern of a six year old. I can’t stand the faces she makes when she sings. Sometimes it looks like its painful for her to belt out certain lines. And oh yeah, it looks like she has about 87 teeth crammed into her mouth. Other than that, she was brilliant. You could probably add her to the list of people the judges wouldn’t have saved either. She’s fallen out of favor with them.
Michael Lynche, “In the Ghetto”: I didn’t think for a minute I was going to like his version of this song, but I ended up kinda liking it. Definitely changed up a widely popular Elvis song, but didn’t change it for the worse. He was solid all the way through, didn’t get overly dramatic, and seemed like he hit every note. It actually turned into more of him telling a story it seemed like than him singing a song, but for some reason, I didn’t mind it. Well done, and in no danger of going home tonight. Which is probably a good thing so we don’t have to see his wife having a cardiac arrest on television again.
Katie Stevens, “Baby What You Want Me To Do”: Oh, I’ll tell you what I want you to do, alright. Woops. Did I just write that? Nevermind. Definitely ramped up the sexy and sassiness factor last night. Kind of a side to her we haven’t seen yet. Lookin all bossy up there on stage telling me what she wants me to do to her. Uhhhhhhh anyway, it was good, not great. I have no idea how the majority of the people who vote on this thing feel about her. She’s hit or miss with your average viewer, but considering she’s right in the age group of the people voting, I thought she’d be more well received, yet, she’s been in the bottom 3 twice. She might be back there again tonight I’m afraid. Especially coming on after Michael, it made her performance a little more forgettable.
Casey James, “Lawdy Miss Clawdy”: He’s falling into the Crystal camp where he’s giving decent performances each week, but nothing spectacular. Even his cougar girlfriend Kara thinks he’s playing it safe every week and could be much, much better. Maybe they just haven’t had the right theme for him yet, but definitely has the potential to do a lot better. And at least he pulled his hair back this week so he didn’t look so much like a chick. I wonder if Adam’s pants got a little tight in the front row watching Casey perform. Then again, I wonder how excited Casey got when he found out Adam was a mentor this week?
Reality Steve’s Top 3 Performances:
1. Lee DeWyze
2. Michael Lynche
3. Tim Urban
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Performances:
1. Siobhan Magnus
2. Andrew Garcia
3. Aaron Kelly
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Prediction:
1. Tim Urban
2. Katie Stevens
3. Andrew Garcia
Reality Steve’s prediction of who’ll get eliminated: I’ll go with Tim and Andrew this week, although I’d be really surprised if that wasn’t your exact bottom 3. So if it is, seeing any two of those three go home shouldn’t surprise anyone. There’s really only three, maybe four people with a shot to win this thing, and that’s Crystal, Lee, Michael, and maybe Casey. So the judges better hope none of those three are the bottom one in the next three weeks or they’ll be a major uproar.
Back Friday with your updated “Bachelorette” news and thoughts on more reality shows. Hopefully I will have the information I’m looking for by Friday, but if not, I will at least give you the gist of what I know. Lets just say the show knows what it’s doing when they cast these people. It’s a television show first and foremost. If love comes out of it, so be it. But this show is about drawing your eyeballs to their screen and they will do whatever they can to get you to do that. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow me on Twitter at: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. See you Friday…