Reality Roundup

Reality Roundup – 4/23/10

I love the overreaction to Wednesday’s “Bachelorette” scandal. Some people love it, some people think it’s stupid, some think it’s not even a scandal, and some people have 1,000 questions. The bottom line is: You’ll be watching. And that’s all they care about. However, for those that think this scandal is stupid, or tired, or played out – think again. I’m getting a sense this will be the most talked about scandal in the show’s history. It’s one thing for Ed to have girlfriends back in Chicago, but that didn’t come out til after the season aired, and Jillian and Ed both dismissed it immediately and never talked about it. Wes? Nothing was ever proven, Wes denied it because he didn’t have one, and once the season was over, no one cared anymore. This is going to have people talking and will probably be on the front page of all the tabloids. Hell, if Jake and Vienna got the US Weekly cover four weeks in a row, certainly this scandal will generate that much interest, if not more.

The only other thing I’ll say about the scandal before I move on is that people are immediately coming up with, “It’s scripted! How could she have called Ali just as the cameras were rolling?” Well, I honestly didn’t think I was gonna have to spell this out for you, but apparently I am. So I said the scandal is, “Girlfriend back home calls Ali to tell her that her boyfriend is on the show, and Ali kicks the guy off.” I didn’t realize you’d take the sentence so literally. Does she talk to Ali? Yes. But I’m assuming the girl alerted the show well before the phone call to Ali was made to explain her story, and then when they realized what they had, I’m sure they figured, “Oh crap. We’ve got something good here.” So yeah, after that they arranged for it to be recorded. I can’t believe people even thought that. Uhhhh no, I’m guessing this random girl didn’t just have Ali’s number lying around. Probably contacted the show, explained her side, they realized it’d make great drama, so they recorded it. Look, as ALL of you know, I’m the first guy to scream from the mountaintops when something in this show is scripted or manufactured. Hell, that’s what I do. If it was, I’d be screaming it again. This scandal isn’t like that from everything I’m hearing. Time will tell once this all plays out, but this is going to be the talk of the season. It’s too juicy not to be.

“Dancing with the Stars”

I actually like the fact this season that they seem to have a new theme every week for the dancers. Kinda changes things up a bit. Granted, this season they didn’t really need to with the cast of characters they have going, but still, it makes it quite entertaining. Shocked that they did songs from movies and nothing from “Dirty Dancing” came up. I figured that was a no-brainer. Apparently not. That’s ok. I had to suffer one final week of Kate Gosselin walking around the dance floor. At least I didn’t have to see it to the tunes of “Hungry Eyes” or something.

It was great seeing Niecy Nash jiggling her way through “La Bamba”. And by “great” I mean “horrifying”. I understand that her being voluptuous is part of her schtick, but I don’t get it. Not funny, she’s annoying, and not a very good dancer. I think she should go back to whatever other show she’s from. She definitely won’t be missed. I think it’s the first time in DWTS history where the female partner weighs more than the male. Louis can’t be more than a buck fifteen soaking wet, can he?

Why was Cheryl pouting in rehearsals with Chad? Are we really supposed to believe it was because she wanted to focus on the dance? Or maybe it had more to do with him not tapping that ass this week. Lovers quarrel, I guess. Whether these two are playing it up for the cameras or not, I don’t care. It’s rather obvious they’re knockin’ it out when the cameras aren’t rolling. Cheryl has never had any problems regarding that with past partners. Right, everyone?

I’d like to meet the person that once told Jake he looks like Tom Cruise. Huh? He does? I didn’t know that Xenu had a face. The whole “Risky Business” dance was just lame. For entertainment purposes, the crowd was excited. But did you watch the technical side of Jake’s dance? He was awful. I think he knows he’s awful which is why he tries to divert people’s attention from his suckiness by having his pants off having his shirt open. Congrats, Jake. You fooled everyone. How disappointed is he that Chelsie is now rumored to be banging Mark Ballas? He must be furious. Oh wait, he’s in love with Vienna. I forgot. By any chance, any of you seen Vienna’s TV work she’s done for “Extra”? Well here it is…

Wow. Those are quite the interviewing skills she has. Look, I know the guy is your fiancé and all, but you don’t kiss your interview subject on the mouth before you interview him. Show some objectivity. “You guys were absolutely incredible as always.” Yeah, no favoritism there. Just shutup and go away. And quick tricking the camera with your wandering eye.

“Breakfast Club” is one of my all time favorite movies. If I turned it on right now I could recite it word for word. Seen it easily over 100 times. With that said, I don’t remember them doing The Swim during the dancing scene. So why in the hell did Tony incorporate that into “Don’t You Forget About Me”? I’ll just blame it on Kate. And how did Tony manage to flat out lie to America every week in front of the cameras? He thought she was improving? He had a blast dancing with her? WHAT???? Tony, she doesn’t dance. She walks. And she’s about as stiff as Jake’s pants when Chelsie gets close to his dirty parts. At least we don’t have to put up with her anymore. Thank God she’s gone. I cannot wait until she starts dating again and we can make fun of whoever she’s with. That guy will never live down the day he decided to start dating her and convince America he’s truly fallen for her. Uh huh. Sure buddy.

Not only is Nicole arguably the best dancer they’ve ever had on this show, Monday’s performance might’ve been the best dance I’ve ever seen. I think the fact she’s so flexible, and her obvious dance background notwithstanding, she is unbelievably talented. And hot. It also helps that Derek is probably the best choreographer the show has, so when she does nail a dance, it’s always something that looks like Derek is dancing with another pro. I think I could watch her dance every season. Without my pants on.

As much as I rave about Nicole, I think the combo of Nicole and Evan are better than any two dancers they’ve ever had at the top. He’s really good as well. Sure, probably doesn’t hurt he’s an ice skater. So was Kristi Yamaguchi and she won. No surprise the athletes usually always do well on this show. Unless your name is Michael Irvin. Then you suck. Or Chuck Lidell.

“Idol Gives Back”

It was nice to see all the celebrities show up and help with the charitable donations on “IGB”. Especially Victoria Beckham. Although I have no idea what charity she was promoting since I fast forwarded through her, I think I know a better way she could’ve helped. How about all the food that she DOESN’T eat, she could pass on to the needy. My guess is that would be able to feed a third world country. Or just donate about 1% of the income her and her husband make combined. That could probably feed all of Europe.

I gotta hand it to the Black Eyed Peas. That’s one talented group. Such creativity in their songs. I mean, do you realize how much talent you have to have to be able to write a song where the chorus lyrics are repeated over and over 1,000 times to the point that people listening would rather shotgun their face off then listen to your crap? I don’t know what hell or purgatory is like, but something tells me anyone who’s ever visited there is treated to an endless loop of Black Eyed Peas songs. Then when they’ve had enough, Justin Bieber comes in to perform an encore.

Maybe Alicia Keys shouldn’t have performed with a voice that sounded like she should’ve been singing on “Dancing with the Stars”. Did you hear her? How many times did her voice screech? Five? Ten? She should’ve just laid down the track and sang over it or lip synched. Hell, we know that’s what the contestants do in their group performance every week. Not like the show isn’t used to it. Gargle with some salt water, Alicia. Drink some tea with honey. Your voice was not right on Wednesday. Probably also want to invest in some ProActive. She was breaking out like a high school freshman before their first date. One thing she did have going for her? That caboose she has attached to her backside. In the immortal words of Spoonie Love: “What about the ba-donk-a-donk butt?”

The whole Seacrest/Russell Brand & Jonah Hill bit was excruciatingly painful to watch. Not because it wasn’t funny. Well, Jonah Hill was funny, Russell Brand is someone I will never get. He wasn’t nearly as funny in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” as people thought he was, and how that guy bagged Katy Perry I have no idea. Lets hope that ends immediately. Anyway, the thing that made that skit so unbearable to watch was how they tried to play it off like it was live when obviously it was taped weeks ago. I only know this because when Jim Carrey went on his Twitter rant recently about Tiger in Elin, one of the stories mentioned how he filmed his part for “IGB” like a month ago. I hate when TV tries to play off something live that is already taped. One of my biggest television pet peeves ever.

The more I see of David Arquette, the more I think to myself, “Who does he have naked pictures of to get Courtney Cox to marry him?” How in the world did he nab her? Talk about an upgrade. He went from sitting in the last row of the plane by the toilet to now flying it. Then again, this is Hollywood and I basically don’t believe any Hollywood couple is legit. Are they married? Sure. But there are numerous reasons for which people in Hollywood get married. None of which have to do with being in love. Just ask Shayne Lamas.

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12 Comments

12 Comments

  1. papergrl1

    April 23, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    Interesting note on David Arquette. A morning radio show in Atlanta has had a contest all week where people have tried to guess the top 5 most endowed men in Hollywood. Someone finally won today when they guessed the final person–David Arquette.

  2. mja

    April 23, 2010 at 8:25 AM

    DWTS: Jake’s dancing was terrible this week! I don’t know what the judges were thinking by praising him and giving him decent scores. He needs to go, soon. Kate was worse, though — so am not sorry that she is now gone.

    Steve, do you ever watch Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo? Very humorous show… not sure whether it qualifies as a reality show or not, though.

  3. Moogan21

    April 23, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    everytime i read David Arquette – my mind keeps thinking Archuleta… oh dear.

  4. bunny2

    April 24, 2010 at 8:00 PM

    I hope Jake is the next one gone. I cannot stand seeing him and Swamp Thing every week. They are such media whores! He is not genuine at all and I do not like the way he treats Chelsea at all. For some reason, these reality stars really think they are “stars”! Kate did the same thing with Tony. They suck and need to know that they have no talent to warrant them in the same league as any of the other contenders!

  5. contusion

    April 24, 2010 at 11:24 PM

    test

  6. contusion

    April 24, 2010 at 11:25 PM

    Your Black Eyed Peas comment reminded me of KC and the Sunshine Band. Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. Repeat.

    Up until this week I always thought the whole thing about Parvati being hot was way overblown. But when she was hanging from that pole and they panned down her body, I was convinced.

  7. umkay

    April 27, 2010 at 8:17 AM

    I agree. The Batchelorette scendal blows. The build up was not worth the payoff.

  8. Nobody

    April 27, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    Steve, you’re basically admitting that the “scandal” isn’t a scandal in the first place. If the girl contacts ABC, and ABC then gets the cameras rolling in order to stage a phone call to Ali to spill the beans on the boyfriend/girlfriend connection, that makes the whole thing a SCRIPTED EVENT.

    Write it up any way you choose; it is your blog after all. But calling this a scandal couldn’t be further from the truth. Like I mentioned previously, ABC must know that Ali’s season is going to suck something terrible and they are really grasping at straws to do something interesting.

    I believe the girl most likely did get in contact with ABC, but ABC scripted the rest of thing to bring it to TV….. for ratings only.

  9. joegabes

    April 27, 2010 at 10:22 AM

    OK, On survivor, assuming none of the other heroes or villains knew of Russell from last season, AND that implies that they did not see the season finale where Russell lost and where they showed highlights….this also implies that the current season was happening at the time the results show was on…THEN HOW did Russel get from the current filming to the results show?….possible they airlifted him out for a day OR was there SO much overlap that Russel goes to Pondersosa for this season and takes a break to get airlifted back?

  10. bunny2

    April 27, 2010 at 7:16 PM

    Yippee Kai yeah! He’s gone, he’s gone!!!!! That’s my happy dance now that Jake is gone! I am so happy! He needs to man up though, he cried more tears than Kate did! What a doofus!

  11. poddington

    April 27, 2010 at 7:34 PM

    Is this a joke? I cannot believe some women calling Ali to say her boyfriend is on the show is the biggest scandal ever. What is this Junior High? Unless I missing something I would wonder if you are now on abc payroll trying to drum up business. I still think ed leaving the show to nail 2 chicks during/after filming AND he won, is more scandalous. Oh and that Jason thing too.
    Anyway I suspect 1/2 the people that go on there are seeing someone before they leave.

  12. Dianne

    April 28, 2010 at 7:34 AM

    Yes, oh yes, there really is a God who answered all of our prayers regarding Jake the Snake. He’s gone!! Now I can actually beging to enjoy DWTS!! Finally!

    Re: Ali and the “scandal”. I could not care less..I am boycotting anything Batchelorette!! I refuse to put myself through the suffering of having to watch Ali..she totally disgusts me!

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