All Your “Bachelorette” Spoilers for Ali’s Season (Part 1)

Episode 5: (In Iceland now, 9 down to 7)

1-on-1: The guys have to write poem for Ali, and the best one gets the 1-on-1. Like DeAnna’s season when she chose Jesse Csincsak’s HORRIBLE poem. Kirk wins, gets time with Ali, and gets a rose.

Group date: She took the guys to a cave, they all put on harnesses, and go spelunking. Never had heard of that word until this date. Sweet. I wouldn’t mind spelunking with Ali either. Or on her. Anyway, I guess spelunkers are people who explore caves as a hobby. Woops. Outstanding. I’ll pass. Caves scare the piss out of me and I’ve never even been in one. After this, according to the media release, “they enjoy a dip in the famous geothermal hot springs, Blue Lagoon.” Sweet. Were a naked Christopher Atkins and Brooke Shields hanging at the Blue Lagoon with them? Sorry. Only off by 30 years. Ty Brown got the rose on this date.

Rose or Go Date, 2-on-1, Justin and Kasey: Surprise, surprise. Like this wasn’t already set up. The guy who’ll do anything for Ali vs. the guy who’ll do anything to promote his wrestling career. On the day before this date, Justin finally got his cast off. Yeah, probably a good idea. You don’t need to be walking across glaciers and up the sides of volcano’s on crutches. That might suck just a little. A helicopter takes these two to that active Ellyfkyaljdfasdjrferirbyrar volcano, days before it became a national story and shut down air traffic in Europe. And it doesn’t fly them over the volcano, or drop them several hundred yards away from the volcano either. They actually get dropped off ON the volcano. While it’s active. Does this show have a death wish or something? Pretty damn nuts if you ask me, but I’m guessing that’s gonna make for a great visual.

Once done on the volcano, the helicopter picks them back up and drops them off at a glacier. Then they head in to some other cave, and in the cave is when Kasey shows Ali’s his tattoo. No idea what her reaction was. I wasn’t there. Whatever the case, it couldn’t have had too big of an effect on her since she decides to give Justin the rose. I’m guessing at this point in the show, there will be a worldwide groan of people across America screaming at Ali, “NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??????” You thought Robby D getting left on the train tracks in Vancouver was bad? You thought Peyton getting left on an air craft carrier in Andy Baldwin’s season was brutal? In what undoubtedly will be the worst 2-on-1 elimination ever, Kasey gets left on a f***in glacier in the middle of Iceland! All the while, the wannabe wrestler and Ali have a helicopter whisk them away. Ouch. What a tough run this is gonna be for Kasey. His princess just took off with the prince of douchebag land. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to watch that scene. One thing I’ll give it up to ABC for this season are the date locations. An active volcano? Ice caves? Glaciers? Regardless of what happened to either Justin or Kasey in their experience, I’m guessing that day will be something neither of them will forget for the rest of their lives. Pretty damn cool if you ask me.

Rose ceremony elimination: Chris N. from Florida (Kasey Kahl already gone).

39 thoughts on “All Your “Bachelorette” Spoilers for Ali’s Season (Part 1)

  1. Oh I can’t wait for you to spill who the F1 will be as soon as you find out. You are simply the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Johnny C??? He manages hotels for Expedia – I used to work with him. He’s awesome! Now Im really excited to watch since I know someone!

  3. Wow, I know Ali polarized the audience last season, people either felt pity for her or just didn’t buy into her stunning witchy-ness and larger-than-life lies. Clearly the producers knew she couldn’t carry the show on her own and they needed to stir things up. A high school intern could have done a better background check on these contestants.

  4. Another interesting, scandelous season ahead.
    Looking forward to it.
    Thanks for the dish Steve.

  5. Awesome! You know one thing I find interesting, or completely ridiculous depending on my mood, is that Ali was “afraid of flying” at the beginning of last season’s Bachelor…yet, in her season, she goes to New York, Iceland, Turkey, Portugal and Tahiti! Dang, girl flew A LOT and with all the helicopter rides thrown in there, it’s just quite amazing. Did Jake “cure” her of her fear of flying with the one, 1 on 1 date last season, or was that just total BS to begin with? Hmmmm….

  6. You know, I thought reading the list of spoilers would keep me from watching Ali’s season — since I skipped Jake’s season entirely except for the very end of the final rose episode. But reading these, I may actually watch this season (but don’t feel like I need to watch every minute). One thing that is missing if one doesn’t watch is the sense of people’s personalities. Yes, we can read about what RS writes, but that is not the same as actually seeing a person on camera… their mannerisms, facial tics, what have you. So I’ll probably watch some of Ali’s season just in order to enjoy these posts even more.

  7. Did the producers run out of idiots and have to come up to Canada to find more? There’s usually one token Canuck in the mix but this season aren’t there at least 3? Not that I’m complaining. Anyone who wants to date Ali has my total support in defecting to the US!

  8. Stev-o Now that you’ve dumped your brain, what’re you gonna do for encores? Hope you’re reading this because your new site design just sucks with a capital X! Takes way too long to load (who’s is your webmaster?). There’s ways to cut down load time, but gee whiz, if I have to look at a full red curtain, then various boxes pop onscreen while gray text waits for the white background, I think I’ll puke! Too much going on on too many backgrounds. You’re wrong, wrong, wrong about this new one loading faster than the old. But then, I guess you’ve paid a hefty dollar for this “new” design and no one likes to admit they’re wrong. Right?

  9. Kasey is from the town I currently live in, although he doesn’t live here anymore. The local papers are painting him as the one who is always getting hurt in relationships. I will have to see if I can find some dirt on him.

  10. Steve, you write for a living and have never heard the word “spelunking”?

    I can’t remember if you said you grew up here in the DFW area or not. If you did you might remember a ride at Six Flags over Texas called the “cave ride”. If my memory is correct I think at some point in time it was named “Spelunker’s Cave”. Anyone old enough to remember that ride knows that “spelunking” refers to caves, or the exploration of caves as a hobby.

    And yeah, I wouldn’t mind being alone in a dark cave with Ali to do some exploring….

  11. whoa, jorgiegirl..chill out! If you don’t like this new site, then please, by all means, leave. I personally love it and I find it way, way faster to load then the previous site. Me thinks that perhaps it’s YOU that has a problem with your IP or maybe you’re computer is a tad outdated?

  12. Hey Steve, I like that you are working on the appearance of your website. Try changing or getting rid of the curtain. It doesn’t work with the header. Some unsolicited advise from an interior designer…

  13. Steve, don’t worry about the F1, I can tell you who it is: Roberto. It’s amazing the track record of that high-adventure date. Molly and Jason. Jil and Ed. Jake and Vienna. Geesh. Anyway, thanks for the all the gory details. It’s more fun watching the show knowing what’s going to happen. I actually could see that Jake and Vienna had great chemistry and were happy together instead of hoping for Tenley.

  14. That was in reply to anna81: “A high school intern could have done a better background check on these contestants.”

  15. My theory is that Frank’s ex is a man. Yes . . . if he is gay that would make people furious & make him more hated than anyone in the history of the show because he would be playing with Ali’s feelings knowing she is not for him but staying in it that long.

  16. Chris Lambton is a long time family friend and past neighbor. Chris is an all-round exceptional man who has been searching for “Miss Right.” If Ali wants the best, she will choose Chris.

  17. I went to college with Steve Kocsis! He is much better looking in person and a super sweet guy. I knew him pretty well…

  18. Um, Ruffle- if she doesn’t pick Chris Lambton, would you please introduce me?! I’m a good, blonde MA girl too! ;o)

  19. Isn’t it obvious by now that Ali cares about Ali and that is all. In the first episode, when most of the Bachelor or Bachelorettes feel bad about sending the first 10 contestants home, Ali seemed to have no problem with it, no emotion. It was obvious in the Bachelor that it was all about her. She started to have a problem with Vienna when Vienna went on her 1 on 1 date right after Ali’s 1 on 1 with Jake when Vienna came home with the rose and talked about how great her date was and how she and Jake really connected. I could not believe what Ali said right after that, she said: “how could Jake have gone on a date with her(Vienna)after the great date we had.” What did that mean anyway? Did she think that she had won Jake’s heart after that one date? She is selfish and self-centered, kind of cold. I’m not surprised that she left Kasey alone on a glacier. I feel sorry for whoever she picks. It will be interesting to see if that relationship will last!

  20. Frank should have told Ali the truth without ABC knowing it. Then she could have just not given him a rose at the next rose ceremony and that would be it. But to let Ali keeping getting closer to him and caring for him more and more each week is sadistic and heartless. She was the last person who needed this. She has a serious fear of rejection and not being loved back, already. I can’t believe ABC would do that and that Frank didn’t try some way to tell her earlier to avoid breaking her heart. I wonder if Frank broke up with the girlfriend or did the girlfriend break up with him? If it is the former, she may have just panicked when Frank got to the final 3 thinking that he would win, so she told him she wanted him back. He may have gone on the show because of the break-up. If this is the case, it probably won’t last because she’ll break up with him again for the same reasons she did in the first place. Or, when she saw that Ali wanted him, that made her want him more. Typical scenario. She just got jealous, you know the saying, “I don’t want you but I don’t want anybody else to have you either” especially the Bachelorette. But if he broke up with her, he could simply be telling the truth. Anyway, I hope Ali wasn’t too crushed by his actions and hope she is now happy with Chris or Roberto. I hope its Chris myself. I’m ready to find out Steve! I love your website, especially your spoilers.

  21. I just want to say that I really did not like Ali because of how horrible she was to Vienna and what she had stirred up in the house and then in the media. But after I read about all of her insecurities and fears and that she suffers from the fear of rejecion and abandonment, I don’t dislike her anymore. That doesn’t mean I like her, but I understand her. I am educated in the psychology field and know all about these type of issues. So I wish her good luck and hope she does pick that guy who will love her unconditionally.

  22. Here’s my opinion, I’m not sure, but I just don’t think she picks anyone! I’ve seen the interview in the People magazine, and from some of the comments she makes, and after seeing her on Ellen, I just am not sure if she picks anyone at the end…

  23. I agree, I don’t think she chooses anyone! She did an interview with Ryan Seacrest! Doesn’t look promising. I am totally for Roberto OR Chris, but Ali and Roberto have undeniable chemistry.

  24. My 110% guess says it’s Roberto. Ali was all giddy and impressed because he comes well traveled and could speak different languages, not bad on the eyes either, as far as it lasting, he’s just another (“bring on those) boy(s)”, she has A LOT more growing up to do!

  25. First, as a Canadian, let me apologize for the idiots that were chosen to woo Ali. They are weak, weak, weak!
    We do have awesome men in Canada – and not all hunt…some fish when the ice isn’t suitable for playing hockey. Ha!

  26. I hope your able to let us know soon who f1 is. I can’t wait to know. Thanks for all the spoilers.

  27. Too bad, I really liked Frank a lot, even though everyone talked about Roberto so much. I am glad you cleared up that Frank did not want to go to Tahiti to tell Ali and I am not looking forward to everyone bad mouthing him. Just like the Jason senario, I was on his side the whole time when he was brutalized. Thanks Steve!

  28. Did anyone notice the episode when Justin allegedly walks to Ali’s home his cast is on his right leg just before Ali notices him. Then, the cast is on his left leg? What’s up? Anyone?

  29. You make this very entertaining to read. I read it and then leak a little bit at a time to my sisters that “don’t want to know”. Thanks Steve!

  30. Reading reports this morning that Jake and Vienna split. Perhaps this is why
    Ali doesn’t chose anyone ?? Maybe she realized she really loved Jake. Now
    she has an opportunity with him.

  31. After seeing last night’s episode I agree that Ali was probably going to choose Frank…which is why she ends up with no one. At least she didn’t pull a “Jake”. Thank you Steve for your insight!

  32. Let me get this straight. Suppose you’re Ali. Or just any girl who’s going out with some dude, and then you get a call from a girl you never heard of, who says “well, see, he and I had conspired to play with your feelings so that he could get some money and fame and stuff and then come back to marry me.

    But while I was sitting here waiting for him to get done playing you, dump your ass, and bring me back the money, I found out that he was actually playing ME, I decided to call you and tell you about it, because now I’m just so concerned about you getting hurt.

    Sigh and facepalm. I guess the takeaway here, for fans of Ali, should be all the comforting reassurance you need that she has not, for one minute, cherished any illusions that she is going to “find love” on a reality show.

  33. I dunno, Steve. Maybe you should just bite the bullet and actually watch more of the show.

    I get that knowing all the spoilers, and devoting so much of your time and energy to thinking about it all, would definitely lower the fun quotient, but just to give you one example, I wouldn’t have been able to match up your description of Kasey with the character on the show, if I hadn’t known they were the same.

    I mean, every scene he was in was like that Facebook post you quoted – and worse. Putting him and this season’s girlfriend-havin’ villain together on the 2 on 1 date was so not her choosing the white knight or the black knight, it was her having to choose between the 2 most annoying dudes in the bunch.

    In the scenes Kasey had with her, she was visibly cringing – as were most of the viewers. Either he was consciously and deliberately developing a reality show persona (which, by the way, has itself rapidly developed into a legitimate genre of skill, art, craft, however you want to label it) or Kasey is one “troubled” young man, whose own love-finding prospects are going to be very narrowly limited to “troubled” young women.

    In fact, between him, the wrestling career cad, and that creepy weatherman, one gets the sense that ABC essentially dumped the casting office offal bucket upon Ali’s cornsilky head.

    Roberto emerges as the only one that even a borderline sane woman would choose as her escort to the annual company charity gala, much less consider as boyfriend material.

    And even he blew it last week, when Ali, making that boring small talk that seems to be all that any of the people on this show are capable of, asked him about his mom’s cooking, to which he answered “Oh, she makes all that Spanish stuff that I don’t know the names of.”

    Seriously, dude…

    Anyway, I just think that by not watching all the episodes, you are missing out on whole new levels of awfulness, which, if you merged in with the other stuff you have, would paint an even more chilling picture of Producers Behaving Badly.

  34. OK so I will fully admit that watching the Bachelor/ette is a guilty pleasure and I appreciate Steve’s posts and his creative site, BUT I think Steve just needs to be careful with his posts. He is the biggest advocate on how the show and ABC are deceitful to the public and they hide certain things to make a show better…DUH every show does that!! Every reality show out there is influenced one way or another by the producers in order to make an interesting season. We get it…get over it. Also Steve, you just need to check your facts on some of your details. I think you’ve gotten a little cocky with your posts and although we are all VERY impressed that you have sources on the show, you are either mis-hearing the information or you are not reporting in correctly. Here are some examples:

    1. “This happens before they spend the night together, and there is no rose ceremony.” This is in reference to Ali and Frank. The truth of the matter is that there IS a rose ceremony and although very silly since there were 2 guys and 2 roses, there is still a ceremony as usual and it is a big deal for Ali (even if we all think it’s kinda lame).

    2. ” ABC will show footage of Frank meeting up with his ex-girlfriend Nicole and them getting back together. However, what ABC won’t show you is this footage was actually shot after Ali left Chicago for Frank’s hometown date but BEFORE he went to Tahiti.” Again WRONG information and you assume things because of your cocky nature (which I will admit is often hilarious, but causes you to be sloppy). You explain this in a later blog, but you don’t admit fault…bad Steve, bad! You use this example to make a point and go off on a tirade on how “disgusting” the show is and how the producers don’t care about the contestants…guess what??? NO PRODUCERS in a reality show care about the contestants! They just care about good TV! We all know it…we aren’t stupid…I’ve never met anyone who actually buys into this stuff…we just all watch it for the same reasons we watch any trash TV…to break away from our everyday life and be entertained. You aren’t revealing anything new here Steve so stop the martyr act!

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