Bachelorette 6 Recap – 6/21/10 Plus Your Official Ending & Jake and Vienna Dunzo!

-Time for the Justin/Kasey battle to the death on the 2-on-1. Kasey: “As long as he’s still here putting on a show…Cuz that’s what he does…puts on a show.” You mean Justin did the show for the wrong reasons? No way! I could’ve sworn this guy was there for Ali from the very beginning. I mean, he told her so on the first night when he showed her his “Rated R” t-shirt and started talking like a mix between the Rock and Hulk Hogan. To me, that immediately told me he was serious to be with her. Kinda like how he was serious tonguing down the girls on “Keys to the VIP”. Not to mention how serious he is trying to bed down that troll Snooki. Even though we knew what was coming on this 2-on-1 date, it was fun watching it play out. Especially when they went helicoptering over the exploding volcano. So many sexual innuendos there I could barely contain myself. So they land on the volcano, and Kasey and Ali Justin walk since he’d just gotten his cast off. That’s so nice of them. I’m sure Kasey really wanted to throw the guy over the side of the mountain, but I guess that might be considered murder. Nice self control, Kasey.

-We couldn’t possibly have a 2-on-1 date involving Justin without a wrestling reference being thrown in. Justin: “This feels like a wrestling match…you pin your opponent…you get the 1,2,3…raise the championship belt, in this case Ali, up in the air.” This guy is becoming as cheesy as Kasey. Maybe their date should’ve just consisted of them sitting around and coming up with the most tired clichés they could’ve in a 5 minute span. Certainly neither of these two had any sexual chemistry with Ali, so did it really matter who stuck around? I mean, the only four guys Ali has really kissed thus far in the show were her final four. So it’s not like even if you didn’t have all the spoilers to this season for the last 6 weeks, you wouldn’t have been able to figure out who was lasting on this show. Probably the only thing Chris Harrison was right about this season is that Ali doesn’t hide her emotions. If she likes you, she tongues you. If she doesn’t, her body language shows that she has about as much interest in bedding down with you as she would in contracting HPV. So I will give Ali credit for that. I thought for sure she’d come into this season slobbering all over as many guys as she possibly could. Nope. She’d rather swallow a bottle of detergent than make out with Chris N. By the way, Chris’ last name is “Nordhorn”. Ha ha. Now that’s funny. The guy just looks like a Nordhorn. In fact, that should just become a adjective for the most boring, uninteresting person you know. “Yeah, I just didn’t understand why that guy was like that. What a Nordhorn.”

-Inside the cave, Justin tries to work his magic. I have no idea if it worked. Zero physical chemistry with these two and she’s falling for everything he says hook, line, and sinker. It will end badly for her next week. So definitely go back and read Part 2 of the spoilers for all the details behind the Justin scandal, including all the parties involved, how it started, and how I was tipped off to this back in January but sat on my ass and didn’t do anything about it. As for Kasey, he’s chilling outside the cave choking on some hot cocoa or something. Why did they feel the need to show us not just one, but two shots of Kasey sipping some drink then coughing? These editing people should be fired. How was that important to anything? Ali comes outside and Kasey finally reveals the tattoo. “I am who I am, and that’s never gonna change.” Is he Popeye now? Sweet. So last week he was Sam Wheat in “Ghost”. Now he’s Popeye, Ali is Olive Oil (minus the skinny factor), and Justin is Bluto. Ali’s reaction to Kasey’s tattoo was…interesting to say the least. Not, “Awww that’s special”, or “Wow, was that for me?”, or even “Hey, that was really well done”. Her response? “Your mom’s gonna kill you.” Probably not the reaction he was looking for. At that point, I was half expecting her to say, “Yeah, Kasey that thing is dumb. Good luck trying to scrub that off.” For the record, the tattoo is real. I know a lot of you are doubting it because it was done so quickly and didn’t look like it swelled at all, but from all accounts it’s real. I guess we’ll see on the “Men Tell All”.

-One thing I think Kasey made known last night was that the tattoo wasn’t for Ali. He said a few times he got the tattoo because it’s who he is. Then Ali thanked him for being who he is. Then booted him to the curb. “I don’t want to hold you back. I want you to go find that woman of your dreams. She’s out there. Just not here on this glacier in the middle of Iceland praying you don’t break into song again.” It was Kasey’s decision to go get a tattoo, but I honestly can’t believe he got it because of Ali. The guy definitely seems like a genuine guy that maybe went too far because he was told it’d be cool to do for the show. But no, I don’t believe for a second he got the tattoo for her. If anything, the guy was one of the few who didn’t mind telling everyone his emotions, so he probably did get it for himself as a reminder of who he is and what he believes in. Now, if he would just go on tour with William Hung and “Pants on the Ground” guy, he could be on to something big here.