Remember, for this seasons spoilers, click on the either of the two links under the banner above (Part 1 & Part 2) for all your answers regarding what happens this season. We’ve now added the “Bachelor Pad” link that takes you directly to the spoilers for this season that I posted last Wednesday. Check those out if you haven’t already. Looks like some good drama this season.
First order of business is obviously to respond to the “US Weekly” cover story that ran last week which states Ali got engaged in Bora Bora to Roberto. My response? It’s pretty simple: I stand by my sources. They haven’t been wrong in two seasons, and I don’t suspect they’re wrong this season. Ali is a single woman, and she left Bora Bora a single woman. As I’ve said before, I do not know any details behind the final rose ceremony in terms of what was said to each guy, or if there were proposals rejected, etc. All I was told by five different sources was that Ali is currently single. Yes, there is still an “After the Final Rose” to film in a couple weeks. I’m told she will be single after that as well. The girl didn’t pick anyone and two months of thinking about it isn’t changing her mind. She’s single and ready to mingle. With me. And Maddie. Sorry boys…ha ha. And by the way, if you actually read the “US Weekly” story, it’s not like they have any overwhelming proof. Just says she’s engaged. Oh well. I guess it’s me vs. US Weekly until August 2nd. Put it this way: If Vegas was taking bets on it, I’d be at the window right now backing up a Brinks truck of money.
A couple weeks ago I mentioned there was going to be a “Bachelor Cruise” hosted by Reid Rosenthal and with a booking code of “Reality Steve”, you could get a small discount and they would also donate $20 to Emily’s Smile Boxes for every person that booked their trip. Well, all that is still in place, except Reid is no longer part of the cruise as he is unable to attend due to other commitments. However, they’ve added yet another guy from Ali’s season and that’s our latest reject, Ty Brown. He joins Justin Rego and the rest of the clan: Jesse Kovacs, Robby D, Juan Barbieri, Dave Good, Natalie Getz and others to be announced. Can still purchase your tickets through this link, just had a little name change:
Since “Rated R” Rego is making the media rounds now talking to everyone that’ll listen, it would make the most sense he came to the only outlet where he won’t get edited and his answers aren’t placed in soundbites. So yes, come back to the site Thursday for an unedited interview with this season’s villain, Justin Rego. Why is he talking? Because he feels ABC threw him under the bus (much more to his edit than was shown) and is going scorched earth on everyone associated with this show. And anytime any contestant is willing to throw this show under the bus and give us viewers a behind the scenes glimpse of what really happened as opposed to what was shown, I’m all for that. Should be a VERY interesting interview with Justin come Thursday, so check back for that. He will get asked everything you viewers are wanting to know, trust me.
And finally, I mentioned after I’d gotten back from Chicago a couple weeks a note about how not to get your hopes up about Jillian and Ed ever getting married because it wasn’t going to happen. I can further update that story. I’m surprised the tabloids haven’t run with this yet, but I’m sure they will soon. Jillian and Ed are done. Finished. Over. Don’t know who broke up with who, don’t know any reasons behind it, I just know those two are over despite what they are publicly saying or tweeting or facebooking to each other. I swear I’ll never understand those two’s relationship until the day I die. But now that’s in the past since they’re done. Yet another unsuccessful couple from this show. Ali should be glad she picked no one. Look what two lovebirds like Jake and Vienna turned into last night. More on that at the end of the column. On to last night…
-The setting is Lisbon, Portugal and apparently Frank has raided Chris Lambton’s wardrobe as he shows up in shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. All the other guys went with the jeans, t-shirt, and shoes look. I guess maybe Frank had just come from the beach or something. Probably doused himself with suntan lotion as well. Whatever the case, Chris Harrison told all the guys (and the myriad of pigeons who were looking for their 15 minutes of fame) that there will be four dates this week: three 1-on-1’s, and a 2-on-1, but that no roses will be given out. Thanks Chris. He has a few parting words for the guys. Chris: “Guys, enjoy Lisbon.” I swear Chris Harrison has the greatest job ever. Well, outside of me. You see, I have a full-time sales job which I’ve had for four years now, but the fact that I can make a second income off making fun of a stupid reality show once a week is hilarious. Really, it is. Who in my position wouldn’t be doing the exact same thing I’m doing? You’d be nuts not to. Someone pinch me before I actually wake up from this. So Chris, you actually have America’s second best gig. I surpassed you this season after looking at my last month’s numbers.
-First date card arrives and it’s for Roberto with Ali asking him to “Come be the king of my castle.” What a surprise, Frank is bothered by this. Why? Because HE wants to be the king of Ali’s castle. It’s just that he wants Nicole to live there as well. And in his room while Ali sleeps downstairs by the moat with all the alligators in it. All these ITM’s of Frank talking about how much he wants to be alone with Ali is just setting up his downfall even worse. You know what email I will be getting the most after the Tahiti episode? Something along the lines of, “Hey, if Frank had a girlfriend back home he wanted to be with, why was he constantly talking about wanting to be with Ali?” Yep. It’s coming. It’s already started actually. The answer to that? Because that’s what this show does. They get you to say things in your ITM and from there they create a character. Sure Frank said those things, but we don’t know the questions behind them. All I know is his answers are going to make him look like an ass in two weeks when he bolts Tahiti to be with Nicole.
-Ali shows up for her date with Roberto in a green tank top and a bedazzled skirt. Ummmm, interesting to say the least. I wouldn’t mark it down as my most memorable outfit of hers this season. In fact, I’d probably rank it dead last. If it were any shorter, the Portugese strippers could’ve borrowed it for their midnight stage show. Her and Roberto walk the streets of Portugal, but the minute he hears music playing, latin heartthrob Roberto breaks out: “When I hear music, I can’t help but start dancing.” Do these two do anything but dance and kiss? I can’t remember one conversation they’ve had about anything. Then again, it is kinda hard to speak to someone when your tongue is jamming up their esophagus. I’m sure the local Portugese people had two thoughts going through their head seeing Ali and Roberto dry humping in the middle the of the street. First, it was “Hey, so how much time is the Jake & Vienna interview gonna cut into this episode?”. And their second thought had to be, “Get a room!”
-After giving all of Portugal a free show, these two decide to fog up the windows on the cable car. I think Roberto said he’d never been on one before but was really enjoying their ride on it. Ali: “I love this. This is just like San Francisco.” Well yeah, except for all the crazy, drugged out hippies running around the Haight Ashbury District in their tye-dye shirts, beads, and Birkenstocks. In Portugal, these people are just wandering the streets aimlessly trying to figure why an American television crew is filming two kiddies fondling each other in the streets. I mean, I’m guessing Portugal doesn’t have many reality TV shows being filmed in their country. Especially one watched by as many millions that watch this show. Had to be a big day for them back in April when Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez roamed their streets. Their world probably stopped as locals were mesmerized by these two “famous” contestants. Or not.
-Ali and Roberto visit the Sao Jorge Castle in Lisbon for some wine, a picnic, and conversation. In between their make out sessions. Yeah, this relationship wouldn’t be purely physical. Oh no, not at all. Those last about a month. Just ask Vienna. Then your fake fiancé starts not wanting to touch you anymore because he realizes the only reason he picked you in the first place was for ratings and not with the intent to be married someday. Like I said, more on that later. Ali asks Roberto if he’s nervous about a possible hometown date. Roberto: “I’m actually not nervous. I’m excited.” And you know why? Because what guy wouldn’t be excited to throw on a jersey of a team he used to play for over 5 years ago and show off his 80mph fastball? I know I certainly would. Can Roberto possibly be living in the past too much to know exactly what he wants right now? ENOUGH about the baseball career. However, to be fair since I brought it up with Frank, once again you know this is something Roberto was told to do by producers. Ultimately, he agreed to be the “baseball guy” on his hometown since having her come to his insurance office might’ve put everyone to sleep, but still. Your Division II college baseball field with jersey and everything? And you even gave her one of your cards? Ay papi! (Did I spell that right?). So Roberto, I’ll somewhat give you a pass on this. I’m guessing you were just as embarrassed to do that as we will be to watch it next week.
-But since Roberto apparently has never dated anyone in his life before, he’s acting like Ali is the greatest human alive. Roberto: “You’re beautiful, you’re smart, and I’ve never dated or been with a woman like you, like ever.” Whoa. Strong sentiments for the chick you’ve known for a month. I guess when you’re in that situation, and it comes down to five guys, you need to start giving the other person a reason as to why they should pick you, so it seems that’s why the “just shower them with every compliment you can think of” seems to work. If the guy was hemming and hawing over what to say to her, that probably wouldn’t have worked in his favor. But when he tells her how she’s the greatest human being ever, and there’s no one like her, and he knows she’ll be the best sex he’s ever had, well, of course she’s gonna fall for him. But hey, he’s using his words to his advantage. I’m sorry, no guy who’s known a woman on a reality show for a month spews that stuff out and actually believes it. Especially when he’s had two dates alone with her in that month. I really enjoy the authenticity and sincerity of this show. I really do. Keep it coming.