So here’s where we’re at. The finale tapes tomorrow. I’m on a plane to Vegas Thursday morning. I have no idea when I’ll be getting the spoilers on the finale. Could be tomorrow night, could be on the weekend. I have no idea. So your best bet is to check the site late tomorrow and early Thursday if you want to know how the show ends and see if I’ve posted. If it’s not posted by Thursday morning before I leave, then it won’t be until after I land in Vegas and get situated and find a way to a computer. Since I’ll be at a remote computer and not really in a mood to be thinking of this stupid show, if I do get the spoilers after I arrive, I’m guessing it’ll be rather short. Frankly, I’d much rather enjoy my time in Sin City than worry about what happens at the end of this show. However, since that’s basically what my job has become on this site, I understand it’s what I have to do. I’m hoping to have it up Wed night or Thurs morning so I don’t have to think about it on vacation, but I can’t guarantee anything. We’ll see what happens.
As we saw last night, they’re leaving the first half of the finale to that dance competition. That was obviously taped back during filming. Everything they show after that will be what they’re filming tomorrow. I don’t know who wins the dance contest, I just know who the final four is. Maybe the judges of the contest pick the best two dancing teams and the third one is the one eliminated, or maybe the winning team chooses which couple they want to face in the finale. If that’s the case, I’m guessing Tenley and Kiptyn win and that’s why they take Dave and Natalie to the final challenge. Hmmmm, how convenient they do a dance challenge as the final challenge with Tenley still around. It’s not like she doesn’t have 100 times more dance experience than any of the remaining five. Must be nice to be the show’s meal ticket. Whatever the case, Kovacs and Elizabeth don’t survive the contest and that’s what’s most important. Now, as for the finale taping tomorrow, this will be the final challenge between the two teams, then the voting. I know nothing about how the finale is going down other than all 19 contestants will be there for the finale, and I’m told just like “Survivor”, 17 of them will vote on who the winner should be. But that’s not set in stone. The show has never said how the final vote will work, and since they seem to be making things up as they go along, I’m sure it’ll just be a way that Tenley and Kiptyn walk off into the sunset happy and with $250k to split.
I know Chris mentioned in the previews there will be a “twist”. No idea what that twist is, but if I had to guess, I’m sure it’s that the “winner”, as voted on by the 17 returning cast members, will have the option to keep the money to themselves, or split it with their partner. I’ve said that for three months now, and I’m sticking by it. But that’s a pure guess. No idea how this show is going to end up. As for the dance contest, I know for sure that Jake and Trista are two of the judges. Funny to note that Jake’s partner on DWTS, Chelsie, comes back to help as does Trista’s partner when she was on DWTS, Louis. Remember? There’s a bit of trivia for you. Did you know Trista was the first person EVER voted off DWTS? Go impress your friends, lovers, and mistresses with that one. I think Jillian is the third judge. Considering Kovacs, Kiptyn, and Dave are the guys left and they were all from her season, probably a good chance that’s accurate.
For those who had questions regarding my “Which of these couples are still together” update last week, you shouldn’t anymore. Tenley and Kiptyn felt the need to give US Weekly a 2 page Q&A telling all of us how much they dig each other. Good for them. Kind of a weird relationship if you ask me, but whatever. Not my concern. Whether Tenley and Kiptyn get married or break up next week has no bearing on my life whatsoever, so, no need to really give it much of my time. As for Natalie and Dave, I found it hilarious that “Access Hollywood” got a hold of Natalie last week and point blank asker her if her and Dave are still together. She hemmed and hawed around the question and gave us the “we’ll always be great friends no matter what” line. Hmmmmm, so Tenley and Kiptyn can speak publicly about their undying love for each other, but Natalie is evasive? That pretty much should tell you all you need to know. No, her and Dave are not together. If they were, she’d say they were. And neither are any other couple from this show. That’s too bad. Oh wait, aren’t Juan and Michelle “railing” with each other now? I can’t keep track. Elizabeth has some different vocabulary for sex. Who calls it “railing”?
As for the next “Bachelor”, since I get emailed at least 5 times a day on it, they haven’t announced it yet, and I don’t know who it is. If I did, I’d tell you. I will tell you like I’ve told you for the last month that it’s Chris’ if he wants it. And ABC wants him. The fact that they haven’t named anyone yet and filming starts in roughly a month makes me think they’re still working on Chris hoping he’ll say yes. Chris has them by the balls. They need him more than he needs them. So if he’s smart, he’ll hold out for as much money as possible. He is the guy that a majority of the audience wants to see as the “Bachelor”, and he knows it. All this stuff about him turning it down is all a ploy. It’s called negotiating. They still want him to do it, and in the end, I think he will. Too much of an opportunity to pass up, so I’m expecting it will be him. If not, then they will definitely not recycle from Ali’s season. Won’t be Frank, won’t be Kirk, or Ty, or Kasey, or Rego, etc. So if it’s not Chris, for the first time in six seasons, looks like we’ll get someone new. That’s why I think it will be him. Fleiss has always said since they started this recycling thing that it’s what he wants. He knows he has a built-in audience for someone that was already rejected and people want them to find happiness. No need to change the formula. On to last night?
I’ll be honest, with the Va Tech/Boise St game running simultaneously opposite “Bachelor Pad”, there was an easy choice to make on which I’d pay more attention to and that’s football. No brainer. “Bachelor Pad” was DVR’d, and I’d go to it during commercial breaks, during halftime, and during timeouts. I fast forwarded through a lot of it, so, this recap won’t be nearly as long as some others. However, there were some ridiculous scenes from last night that have to be talked about. Chris Harrison’s shirt to start the show was one. Did he rip that pattern from a picnic tablecloth? Whoever his wardrobe designer is should be fired immediately. How’s he supposed to have any game in this house wearing the duds he’s been wearing this season? So he brings everyone outside and it’s a game of spin the bottle. Huh? That wasn’t spin the bottle. Spin the bottle is, you spin a bottle, whoever it’s pointing towards, you slobber all over them and taste what they had for lunch. This show couldn’t have butchered that game any more if they tried, and it couldn’t have had any less suspense.
So it’s the four guys, they tell them they must save one girl. Ummmm, what was the purpose of spinning the bottle? All four guys were gonna have a choose a girl regardless, so what did it matter who the bottle was pointing at? No wonder they threw this in at the beginning of the show and spent no time on it. Once again, even without spoilers, it was pretty obvious which girl each guy would pick. Laughable for Nikki to think Kiptyn might pick her or Ashley would get picked. I’m sure they used those ITM’s for the audience just to make you think there could be a swerve, but please. The minute Chris came in and said each guy will choose a girl ? Gwen, Nikki, and Ashley knew they were done. What a horrible challenge. That’s four out of five challenges that were complete failures. And it’s not “Spin the Bottle” if the bottle you’re spinning is nailed down and it?s the circular table underneath it that’s actually spinning and not the bottle. This show sucks.
Each guy chooses their little piece, and the three girls are sent home. I loved the “pacing” some of the guys did. Really Kiptyn? Really had to think long and hard about that one, didn’t ya? So dumb. I think if they really wanted to play “Spin the Bottle”, all 11 would stand around the table, the bottle spins, and whoever it lands on, that person chooses who they want to save. But noooooooo, then too much is left to chance, and god forbid the show’s main six of Kovacs, Elizabeth, Tenley, Kiptyn, Dave, and Natalie got split up. So no, the game wasn’t fixed, but, well, they did EVERYTHING in their power to make sure those six stayed. The ridiculous “Spin the Bottle” game was proof of that. After the game, the four couples break off to do, well, a bunch of different things:
Elizabeth and Kovacs: Strategizing what could be the next challenge. They hope it’s something to do with how well you know your partner because since they’ve been having sex since the Breckenridge trip back in April, and Kovacs has performed a body cavity search on her, they figure they know the most about each other. Although, for someone who’s head over heels in love with him, she sure knows d**k about him. Didn’t know his middle name, his birthday, his brother’s name, or where he went to college. However, she did inform us she takes gingko biloba pills every morning to help with her memory. Isn’t gingko biloba one of the “boosts” you can get put in your Strawberries Wild smoothie at “Jamba Juice”? I think the more Elizabeth talks, the more brain cells she loses.
Dave and Natalie: They’re more like brother and sister. Except for the fact that they have sex in Vegas and on their special 1-on-1 dates. Let’s just call it what it is. These two are friends with benefits and nothing more. Dave knows it. Natalie knows it. We all know it.
Tenley and Kiptyn: They spent most of their strategizing with their tongues in an MMA battle. Tenley: “I love kissing Kiptyn. I love kissing. Cuz we are Kip-Ten”. Shoot me now. And just for good measure, cap those two afterwards.
Jesse and Peyton: If Dave and Natalie are like brother and sister, these two are like distant cousins. Jesse is so country he makes Larry the Cable Guy look sophisticated. The guy’s using screws to pick at an ingrown hair, then he’s telling Peyton he wants to watch her eat a banana. Hey, it’s not like I wouldn’t have wanted to watch Peyton eat a banana either, I just didn’t know he’d be so Neanderthal about it. You may not know this, but Jesse is the animal aaaallllllllll the way to the left on the evolution chart.