Now that I have more time, let me explain a tad more in detail about Thursday night’s posting of the Finale spoilers. The business center at the Venetian closes at like 6pm. So I had to go to one of these computers in a hallway that charged $1.00/minute, and it wasn’t a normal keyboard I was typing on. Nor were some of the keys in the correct places, so I was making tons of mistakes and kept having to backspace, which in turn took more time, which obviously led to paying more money. Normally, with the length of that spoiler column I wrote Thursday, that’d probably take me 5 minutes to type. Ha ha. It took me 25 minutes on that Venetian computer. What a beating. No big deal. I had just come from winning at the craps table, so it made spending $25 to write a column a little more tolerable. And no, I don’t have a laptop. I know, I know. Probably should get one. However, I have a Blackberry. And outside of my column, it’s not like I’m typing every second of the day. I do think I’ll get one for Christmas this year, but I’ve never really had this desperate need to get one. It’s not like my job insists on me having one. But this past weekend, yeah, probably needed one so I didn’t have to stand up while typing the column on keys that were spaced out from each other and in the wrong places. Good times.
Many of you have asked when the apology that I talked about during Ali’s season is going to happen. I can tell you now that it’ll be happening next week. I’ve talked to the parties involved and they are very thankful I’m doing it. However, it will not be an interview. I’ve apologized in private to them, and that’s what I feel meant the most. The reason why I’m going to apologize on the blog is because, well, that’s where it all started. So I feel I need to explain to a lot of people why I said what I said, when I said it, and why it was inaccurate information. So definitely be looking for that next week. I’m glad I can finally get this off my chest since it’s been bothering me once I found out the truth a few months back. I thought I’d do it during “Bachelor Pad” but then thought better of it and decided to wait until after the season was over to give it its proper due. So check back some time next week for that to happen.
As for the next “Bachelor”, you heard Chris say at the end of last night’s broadcast, “We’ll see you back in January for our next installment of the ‘Bachelor’.” Meaning they are keeping their same schedule as in the past two “Bachelor” seasons with Jason and Jake where they’ll start shooting in Mid October and finish right before Thanksgiving. So that means the announcement of who the next “Bachelor” is should be coming within the next couple weeks I’m assuming. And I’m sure it’ll be announced on “Dancing with the Stars”. If I hear anything before that, obviously I’ll give you a heads up. It’s Chris’ if he wants it. I just have no idea where that guy’s head is at. There are definitely rumblings out there that for the first time in five seasons, they’re not gonna recycle and we’re gonna get someone new. If it’s not Chris, I honestly have no clue where they’re looking. Some of you have even expressed publicly you’d like to see Wes as the “Bachelor”. Ha ha. Now that’s funny considering how many of you despised the guy when on the “Bachelorette”. Editing can certainly make anyone look bad, can’t they? They toyed with Wes on Jillian’s season because they knew they could. This time around, he came off as one of the more nicer, down to earth guys this season. Good for him. But to answer your question, no, Wes is not going to be the next “Bachelor”. Nor would he want to be. On to last night?
Kudos to my sources for once again coming through for me this season. First back in June when they gave me all the spoilers up until the live finale, and then Thursday night when they were somehow able to pull me away from a winning craps table to feed me what happened at the live taping. So thank you to them. Nice to see the finale play out exactly like they told me it would on Thursday. They never gave me many details on the dance competition other than who won, and thank God for that. That was quite a site to witness. Yes, I understand these people had only 24 hours to learn a dance, and outside of Tenley, the rest of them all have two left feet. But still, quit telling me all three of those dances scored nothing lower than an 8. Please. Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno would’ve destroyed all of them and the highest score MIGHT have been a 7. And for the record, Dave and Natalie should’ve won. Tenley and Kiptyn’s dance was much easier compared to theirs. I guess the judges were wow’ed by Shortcake continuously telling Kiptyn to “smile” during the dance. Dave and Natalie might’ve screwed up at the end, but it certainly was a more entertaining dance and much more difficult.
As for Kovacs and Elizabeth, America’s most dysfunctional couple, that was a laughable performance. Neither of them stood a chance to win. Kovacs has the flexibility of a lead pipe, and Elizabeth you could tell was so hoping that the final challenge would be something along the lines of, oh I don’t know, “Sex On the Hood Of a Car. Or “Add Up Your STD’s”. That might’ve been the only chance they had. I don’t even know if you can consider what they did actual dancing. It was a lot of walking around, or stumbling around, and sexual posing. Too bad Kovacs was hoping Elizabeth would suffer a last minute injury and he’d get Edyta as a fill in. Not shocked at all to see Elizabeth jealous when Edyta was training them. Especially when Kovacs utters, “I’ve never seen a girl in person with that great of a body.” Which of course was followed by Elizabeth saying, “I don’t feel like I’m as sexy as Edyta.” Probably an accurate feeling you got there, cuz, ummmmm, you’re not. Pretty simple. The fact that these two got three 8’s from the judges was laughable. Maybe an 8 out of 100.
I think the line of the night probably came from Louis Van Amstel when he was training Dave and Natalie and asked if they’d ever had sex before. I don’t think either flatly came out and confirmed it or denied it, but I do remember Natalie talking a little later on about what great sexual chemistry they had. And in interviews since the show, Natalie has all but said they consummated their “friendship” when in Vegas. It’s not like the viewing public couldn’t tell what was going on. However, this nonsense about Natalie saying that if they won the money, it would definitely give them the financial flexibility to move closer to each other and start a relationship. Ha ha. That’s certainly not happening. Natalie isn’t moving to Ohio to be in a relationship with Dave, that’s for sure. And if Dave ends up moving to LA someday, it’s because he’s got the Hollywood bug like most of these contestants do, and wants to try his hand at acting or something. It certainly wouldn’t be because he misses Natalie that much that he needs to be near her. They are good friends with benefits. As are most of these couples.
Elizabeth can say all she wants on the live finale how hurt she is over Kovacs, and she can’t believe some of the things he said about her, and “Anybody wants to date a player, here he is.” The bottom line is if Kovacs started paying attention to her again, she’d fall right back into his arms. She basically said, “He doesn’t want a commitment, and I do.” Great. So that means you two will never hook up again, right? Ha ha. I doubt that. The minute her phone rings at 1am and it’s a drunk, horny Kovacs on the other line saying he wants to come over cuz he misses her, she’ll run to her front door and unlock it. She’s obviously much more into him than he’s in to her and he knows it. But hey, that’s how it is with most of the guys. Kovacs doesn’t want a commitment? No way! He totally comes across as someone that’s looking for his one true love to spend the rest of his life with and never sleep with anyone else ever again. On the bright side, Elizabeth looks a hell of a lot better without urine yellow hair.
I don’t know what this show’s deal is with trying to hype up couples from this show. As I said the last couple weeks, the only people that officially a couple from this show are Tenley and Kiptyn. This stuff about Dave and Natalie trying the long distance thing, and Gia and Wes ? please. You even got Chris Harrison in his blog today saying how happy he is for Gia and Wes. Happy for what? Neither of them have stated publicly that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. You know why? Because they’re not. The word “couple” gets thrown around a lot in the “Bachelor/ette” circles, and it doesn’t mean anything really. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Remember people, this is a television show. And for all these people, it’s their second time being on it, so they know how it works now. You play up certain storylines and certain angles, and you’ll get camera time. Gia just gave an interview last week to someone that asked why it ended with her hockey player ex, Chris Campoli. Her answer was basically, “He’s in Canada, and I’m in NY. We have completely different schedules.” Ummm, and Wes living in Austin and being a traveling musician isn’t the exact same thing, only farther away? Like I said, Tenley and Kiptyn are your only official couple from this show, so lets just leave that topic alone.
Even though I reported on Thursday that at the after party, that Dave left the after party with Jessie, doesn’t mean he’s with her either. Just means that they left together and hooked up. Whatever “hooked up” means. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But someone hook Dave up to lie detector test and ask him specifically if he hooked up with Jessie last Thursday night when the after party was over. If his answer is anything but “yes”, the polygraph will explode. It’s not like what they’re doing is illegal, because obviously it isn’t, just don’t portray it as something other than what it really is ? a bunch of good looking people hooking up. That’s what they do when they get together and very few, if any, long lasting couples come of it.
Speaking of long lasting couples, lets talk about Kip-Ten for a minute. Or Kipley. Or Ten-tyn. Or whatever ridiculous mashed up name you’d like to give them that doesn’t make you puke. They basically cost themselves 125k each by taking Dave and Natalie to the finals. There isn’t a chance in hell if they took Kovacs and Elizabeth to the finals that Rainbow Brite and Kiptyn wouldn’t have won in a landslide. However, at the time they had to make their decision, they had no idea what the final challenge was, so I can’t give them too much crap. I mean, if they knew that the final couple would be voted on by the 15 cast members, then of course they would’ve taken Kovacs and Elizabeth. The vote would’ve been 15-0. Who the hell would’ve voted for those two walking diseases to take home the money? As for that final vote, we saw 12 people vote, and it was 8-4 in favor of Dave and Natalie. And as I reported on Thursday, it was a landslide. The only votes we didn’t see last night were Gia’s, Kovacs, and Elizabeth. I’m here to tell you all three of them also voted for Dave and Natalie, which means Ten-tyn lost 11 to 4 in the voting. Ouch. That’s not even close. So obviously there are people there they weren’t too hip to their act. Sucks for them. Don’t know why so many people turned on them, but I have my guesses.