For episode-by-episode spoilers of Brad’s season, click on the link above that says “Bachelor Brad Spoilers”. It has a breakdown of every date, rose, and elimination, all the way down to Brad’s final choice. However, there will be spoilers talked about throughout the course of this column. You’ve been warned.
Thanks to everyone who made it out to Bailey’s last night. It was a lot of fun, I drank much too much wine, but dammit, that Filet and Fries got me again. Best meal I’ve had in a while. I know with over 100 people there last night, it was difficult to hear the TV, so I apologize for that. But it definitely looks like we’ll be back there for the finale, with the audio problem fixed. Plus, with more time to promote it, looks like I’ll be able to get a few more former contestants to show up. Have already talked to a couple more that said they would, so, keep your calendar open on March 14th, and I’ll periodically update you on any new people that will be attending. Thanks again for coming out, and I apologize if I didn’t get to talk to some of you. I was trying to watch the show and meet and greet people and got a little overwhelmed at times. My apologies.
Let’s get to something immediately that has been asked to me more than anything else in the last 5 months, but I’ve yet to comment on, and that’s the Reality Steve Dating Contest. I’ve never been one to talk about my private/dating life in my column. Never have and never will. And I told everyone back in July when this started that this was never going to be for public consumption, but that when it was all said and done, I would briefly mention any results that may have come from it. Well, it’s over. And I’m still single. I had a few girls visit me here, and for one reason or another, it just didn’t work out. Wish them well. I gave it a try, it didn’t work, so that’s that. No hard feelings towards any of them, but either I wasn’t for them or they weren’t for me. Or both. Such is life. Moving on.
If you haven’t been back to the site in months because you only care to read when the show is in session, well, you have a lot to get caught up on. I was updating as the show was filming on what you were gonna see, as well other tidbits about the show and some of the women. So go back and read all of it. Why? Because it looks like on every Friday of this season, I will have a new column up talking about things regarding this show. Much shorter column, maybe some notes and tidbits I forgot about or didn’t get to in my Tuesday column, but I’m also going to include a feature of “Reader Emails”. They are mostly going to be emails that I get asking questions I’ve already given answers to, silly/stupid questions that I don’t have answers to, or even just the hate mail. Just want to fill people in on some of the asinine stuff I get when this show is in season, with my comments thrown in. Already got the first batch ready to go. Don’t worry, I won’t be re-printing these people’s emails addresses or even giving their names. I’m not that cruel. Just want to have a little fun at their expense because, well, that’s what I do. On to last night.
-Because of such a late start to this column, due to a late night that didn’t have me arriving home til almost 4am, and not getting to actually watch and take notes on the show until this morning, this will definitely be a shorter column than usual. But ohhhhhh is there definitely plenty of garbage to cover for Brad 2.0. Let me say right off the bat that I actually like the guy. Some of you hate him, some of you think he’s a dumb hillbilly who talks too slow, etc. That’s fine. I don’t know Brad personally, but there’s something about the guy that I find genuine. I don’t know. Call me an idiot. But he’s definitely been put through the ringer and seems to have gotten himself through it. However, with that said, enough of the “intense therapy” talk. Ok, we get it. Daddy never took you out for ice cream and that’s why you dumped DeAnna and Jenni. Whatever. I felt last night that if Chris Harrison would’ve given Brad a noose, he probably would’ve hung himself. This guy is beating himself up waaaay too much. I half expected him to clock himself in the face a few times during the episode. Calm down, Brad. It’ll be ok. The check they scratched you to be the “Bachelor” isn’t gonna bounce, you’re successful, you’ve got a sweet pad in Austin, and Chantal wants to do you. Life is grand.
-The show opened with re-capping Brad and what I like to call the “Double Dump”. I love when he’s letting DeAnna go and utters the line we’ve seen a thousand times now of “I have to tell you goodbye” with his voice cracking like Peter Brady’s on “goodbye”. Gets me every time. Don’t know why I find that so funny, but I do. Sorry, DeAnna. I know it was tough for you stand there and take that. Ooohhh, and not to mention Brad leaving the podium and practically blowing his chunks into the rose garden off to the side while DeAnna stood there thinking, “What the hell is wrong with this guy?” I know a lot of you have forgotten, or never watched his first season, but I’m telling you, that final rose ceremony of him giving the Double Dump was some gut wrenching, riveting television I tell ya’. Jenni was a crying mess, only to be picked up at the airport by her boyfriend once she came from the show, and DeAnna was on her way to being the next “Bachelorette”. So yeah, getting dumped was the best thing that could’ve happened to those two.
-Then afterwards, they show us “Depressed, Mopey, Suicidal Brad”. Are we really expected to believe that guy sits on his couch by himself and re-watches his first final rose ceremony? Please. That couldn’t have looked more like a green screen if they tried. I get that they want to show us how down in the dumps this guy was after the first time around, but that was taking it to the extreme. He’s on his computer talking about what the blogs were saying about him (Hey, how come RealitySteve.com wasn’t front and center on that thing? Oh wait), he likes roaming the streets of Austin all by his lonesome in the rain, he gazes into ponds trying to see if the reflection looking back at him is really the man he wants to be. Half expected to see a shot of him walking into oncoming traffic after all that depression. On and on and on this went and I couldn’t stop laughing. I guess we’re supposed to believe Brad has turned in to Debbie Downer the last 3 years. Man, not really the most uplifting story to watch. Was the guy ever happy afterwards?
-But I think my favorite part of “Brad Womack: Clinically Depressed Individual Who Wants to Turn His Life Around” was hearing from his therapist, Mr. Thomas Parker PHD. Awesome. Apparently doctor-patient confidentiality is shot to hell when it comes to this show. “Hey, let’s put his shrink on and let him spill his guts about Brad!” Gee, and the doctor said, “Brad is a different person now”. Well no sh**. What else is the guy gonna say? “You know, after speaking with Brad numerous times over these past few years, I’ve come to the realization that he’s just as f’ed up now as he was back then. God help the poor 30 souls that he’s about to meet. This is one bat sh** crazy individual.” Hey Thomas Parker PHD, don’t expect a lot of repeat business after that performance last night. Most patients don’t want their quacks running to television talking about their private issues. Just because Brad laid down on your couch for a few sessions and could decipher what a couple of ink blotches on a piece of paper meant, doesn’t give you the right to flap your gums cuz Mike Fleiss comes calling. Thanks Doc.
-As for the shirtless workout session we got from Brad? Not impressed. On the shoulder presses, you want to go with the split stance, buddy. And make sure on the way down your arms don’t come down past parallel. At least, that’s what my trainer tells me. And your pushups? Please. Anyone can do those. Let’s see some explosive pushups using the Bosu ball. Jogging on a trail in Austin? Psshhh. 5th graders can do that. Let’s see some high intensity burst training. And speaking of the jogging, love the giant tat on his back. He’s got the male tramp stamp going, although it’s on his upper back so Chantal can see it when she’s behind him giving him the rusty trombone. I cannot believe I just said that. I’m going to hell.
-Is there a reason Brad showed up to the mansion in LA with only a carry-on bag that would fit into the overhead bin on a Southwest flight? Brad, you do know you’re the Bachelor, right? You do know this season takes about 6-8 weeks to film, don’t you? Might wanna pack more than a toothbrush and a couple pairs of shirts and shorts. And I hope they provided you with an iron since all stuff in your carry-on bag will get wrinkled. I hate that. I can’t stand carry-on bags. Are you a suitcase? Are you a backpack? Pick a side, dammit. Brad ends this first segment with, “I want something very real. And I want to let a woman in.” Ummmm, technically the goal is the other way around. You need the woman to let you in. And once you’re in, don’t stop for like at least 15 minutes. Preferably 30 or 45. But I understand at 38 years of age, maybe your stamina isn’t what it used to be. But hey, all it takes is one good swimmer and that’s when the babies can start happening.