The Bachelor 15 - Brad

The Bachelor Recap – 1/17/11

For episode-by-episode spoilers of Brad’s season, click on the link above that says “Bachelor Brad Spoilers”. It has a breakdown of every date, rose, and elimination, all the way down to Brad’s final choice. However, there will be spoilers talked about throughout the course of this column. You’ve been warned.

I wanted to briefly explain how the advertising works on this page. All these ads you see are NOT the product of me calling people saying, “Hey, wanna advertise on RealitySteve.com? Here are your rates.” Doesn’t work like that. Those are different types of rotating ads that are part of Google and other companies internet advertising. I have nothing to do with who or what ads run on my site. We’re linked with companies, who then send us a code to embed on the site, we do it, and the ads pop up. Simple as that. Obviously higher traffic sites make more money because more eyeballs are seeing those ads. Common sense. Sure, we’d love to have advertisers pay a premium to place an ad on the site, we just haven’t gotten around to it yet. If you’re interested, by all means contact me and we will discuss.

However, this next product I can say I’ll officially endorse. The owner of this company is long time friend of the family and one of the funniest guys I know. He’s been in the garment industry for as long as I can remember, and his latest creation is starting to make some waves in the fashion world. He’s appeared on the “Bloomberg Report”, “Fox Business”, and “ABC” News. His company is called “REUSE Jeans” and you can see and read all about it by clicking the image below:

As a thank you to all my readers (which I’d say is probably 95% women), I’ve collaborated with him to give you guys a discount. I support sustainable denim line REUSE Jeans and think you should, too. Shop online at REUSEJeans.com today and save 35% with promo code REALITYSTEVE35. No, these aren’t used jeans that they sell. They are jean products made from 80% recycled fabric. Check it out when you get a chance and let me know what you think.

Tonight I will be making another appearance on Olivia Wilder’s internet radio show at 10pmEST. Olivia was the one who came up with the idea of the “Reality Steve Dating Contest” last summer and put things in motion. Maybe I’ll give her a piece of my mind tonight. Ha ha. I’m kidding. We’re gonna talk all things “Bachelor” related, breaking down last night’s show, but just as importantly, taking phone calls from any of you who are interested. So come back to the site later tonight where you’ll be able to listen in and call if you’d like. The number is 347.215.7536. I ask any and all of you if you have questions, feel free to come in and ask whatever you’d like. The more the merrier. If you want to save the link to the show for later tonight, it’s:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/olivia/2011/01/19/reality-steve-returns

Maybe you’re aware of what ABC.com is running where they are having people comment on who they’d like to see on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars”. They haven’t really explained in detail if this is something serious where the person who gets the most votes will actually get cast, or, if they’re just gauging the public’s interest. There isn’t an actual poll running, and it’s just a bunch of people commenting on who they’d like to see, so I can’t imagine it’s anything official. Whatever the case, I’m now throwing my hat in the ring for someone: Gia Allemand. I mean, how can you not after watching this video?

Not withstanding the freezing cold shower I had to take after watching it, it’s impossible not to enjoy the hell out of that video. Who wouldn’t want to see her on the show after that performance? Gia, you’ve got my vote. Whether it gets you on the show or not, I just wanted a good excuse to post that video. We need more of those videos and soon. If you like Gia’s video, they’ve actually set up a fan page on Facebook right here. I believe they said they will release more videos once more people “like” their page. So I’m begging you, for the love of all humanity, do everyone (ok, me) a favor and “like” their page so we can get more of two, hot, half naked women dancing around in their underwear. I beg of you. On to last night…

-Is it just me, or was last night’s episode the most depressing, Debbie Downer episode in the history of this show? Kleenex should’ve taken out an ad every commercial break for as much heartbreaking, sob stories as we had last night. Geez. With that said, there is PLENTY to make fun of, with Michelle Money probably nudging ahead of Trish Schneider from Jesse Palmer’s season as, well, craziest bitch in this shows history. At least of what we’re seeing. Lets not forget that Michelle is an actress who has a movie coming out next week. She’s either the smartest person to ever be cast on this show, or the most certifiably wacko. Could be a mixture of both. I will say that I’m watching Michelle’s edit with a very realistic eye. The woman knows exactly what she needs to do to get camera time, so I’m leaning more towards a lot of this is her acting.

-So Aaaaassshhhhlllleeeee Spaaaaavey gets the first 1-on-1 and she couldn’t be more excited. “Oh Mah Gaaaahhhh! It’s me! If it’s karaoke, I’m gunna daaahhhh.” Brad is so excited to take Ashley on this date. Did you know Brad says that before EVERY date? He’s excited about everything. Not sure which he says more: “So excited”, “To tell you the truth”, or “If I’m being honest”. Close call. They arrive at Capitol Records and Brad gives Ashley a history lesson. “This is Studio A of Capitol Records. Countless platinum artists have recorded here.” Really, Brad? Name one. It’s always fun when the “Bachelor/ette” gives the person they’re on a date with a history lesson of where they are considering they didn’t have a clue about it til probably an hour before they left. “Ok Brad, be sure to plug Capitol Records when you’re there. Say this.” I like the fact that both of them admitted they couldn’t sing because this made for some awesome karaoke. And by “awesome” I mean “torturous”.

-In case you haven’t figured it out yet, “Kiss From a Rose” being the song these two sang on their date is not coincidental based on Ashley’s history with the song. At some point during the casting process, when these women are basically asked every question known to mankind about their history, I’m sure it came out at some point that Ashley and her dad’s song was “Kiss From a Rose”. The producers store that in the back of their heads, and whaddya’ know? It’s part of her 1-on-1 date. Which kinda leads me into a question I’ll be answering this Friday in the “Reader Emails”. I’ve gotten it a lot in the last week regarding dates, and who goes on them, and who Brad chooses. Stuff like that. It’s pretty much not what you think is the short answer I’ll give now. As I’ve said time and time and time again, remember, this is a television show. And a very bad one at that.

-Once Brad finds out they are recording “Kiss From a Rose”, he knows it’s gonna be awful. “This is probably going to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.” Uhhhhhh yeah, probably not. I’m guessing this is more like the 10th most embarrassing thing you’ve done. Behind things like accepting an offer to do this show again after the response last time, being seen with your ex-girlfriend in Vegas like a week after your finale aired three years ago and having the picture show up in the tabloids, getting that tramp stamp on the back of your neck, wandering the streets of Austin by yourself and sitting in the rain…would you like me to continue? Trust me, your awful singing can’t possibly top those moments. In fact, your awful singing would’ve won you some medals at some of the karaoke nights I’ve been to in the past. Is anyone who sings karaoke any good? The ones who really take karaoke seriously and think like some record executive is there and will sign them to a contract are actually more annoying than the bad ones themselves. If I’m attending karaoke, I expect the singing to be awful, songs from the 80’s and 90’s to be belted out more so than any other decades, and that inevitably, a group of young, drunk bimbos will get up there and sing “Material Girl”.

-When the recording of the song was over and the director had wiped all the blood out from his ears, Brad did the noble thing. He apologized. Brad: “I apologize Mr. Seal. I apologize Mr. Seal.” Actually, the correct way to address him would be “I apologize Mr. Heidi Klum. I apologize Mr. Heidi Klum.” I get that celebrities are just a different breed by nature and not one of them is normal by any stretch of the imagination. And I get that celebrities usually only date people in their line of work because they feel they can better relate to what they go through. And maybe even you’ll see some strange relationships based on just working together (i.e. Turtle and Jamie Lynn Sigler). But outside of what I’ve pointed out numerous times about “If you can sing, you can pretty much nail anything that moves”, can someone explain the Seal/Heidi Klum thing to me. Really? I mean, hey, she’s got Jungle Fever. That’s great and all, but man, the guy isn’t the least bit attractive and she’s a supermodel. Oh well. I guess I’ll never understand. Guess I need to learn how to sing, play an instrument, cover myself in body tattoos, and be 100 lbs underweight. That’ll for sure get me laid.

-They go to the rooftop of Capitol Records where Ashley tells him the story about her father suddenly passing two years ago. Obviously, nothing funny about that. However, Brad’s behavior that night sure was awkward. For a girl who got his first impression rose, and for a girl who just spilled her guts to him about something as personal as she did, did you notice the absolute zero lack of interest Brad showed in her physically? His words said otherwise as he babbled on and on about how good looking she is, and the date couldn’t have been more perfect, etc. But the guy sat like 10 feet away from her on the couch, gave the most awkward hug after she was done with her story, then even when they were dancing, the guy couldn’t have looked more disinterested. He barely even looked at her while they were dancing and his eyes kept wandering off to see all the shiny bright lights in LA. I’m sure the kiss felt like she was kissing her brother or something too. No points for you, Brad. You suck.

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30 Comments

30 Comments

  1. nsawyer

    January 18, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    I just need to comment that I liked your Sydney Bristow referece. I miss that show.

  2. bunny2

    January 18, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    RS
    Heidi Klum commented on how Seal got her….He was in bike shorts at a hotel in NYC and she was magnetized by his package….And, there you have it!
    Your recap was awesome and very funny! Nice job, love your wit!

  3. mrs_joiner

    January 18, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    Hilarious recap! Love the sarcasm!!!

  4. deaconblues

    January 18, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    RS, so emily said she was 18 yrs old when ricky hendrick (nascar driver) died in 2004. He was 24 yrs old when he died. articles i have read stated that they dated for four years. So emily was 14 and rickey was 20 when they started dating. Doesn’t this seem odd to others besides myself? I know when i was 20, i would not be out with a high school freshman or sophmore while i was a junior in college. don’t know the laws in NC about age of consent, but this relationship seems creepy.

  5. realitystevecomment

    January 18, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    Hey Steve how much of a kickback is Refuse jeans giving you for the promotional advertisment at the very top of your blog? Hope it’s the full 35% lol. For this week I wonder why you’re softpeddalling what is Madison’s obvious PLANT on the show. Seems like the entire storyline is very scripted. I wouldn’t be surprised is Madison The Actress is Fleiss’ or another producer’s Piece on the Side and the entire thing was cooked up to give her more exposure. In the least they could have given her a crazy-and-insecure edit, but they pushed the remorse angle very hard. Madison seems much more manufactured than Michelle whom you are crucifying week to week.

  6. ctmac

    January 18, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    If what you say is true (and I’m sure it is as you have proven to be right this season)about the final 2 and Chantel is who he picks, I hope ABC asks Emily to be the next Bachlorette. It’s time for a Bachlorette Mom to be chosen. I enjoy your columns, I only wished I’d found your website sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted as much time watching these past years. Thank you.

  7. Ryvetted

    January 18, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    Nah, Gia’s friend (in the video) is a much better mover/dancer. So I vote for Gia’s friend to be on DWTS! haha

  8. HeidiT

    January 18, 2011 at 11:20 PM

    I just find it hysterical how Brad is concerned that these girls have or more to the point Emily, have only been in love once and only had one serious relationship….THEY ARE 24 YEARS OLD BRAD!!! At 24 I would not have expected them to have had a series of relationships cause then that would just make them HO’s. Yet he seems to always have the issue of oh they haven’t been in enough relationships, what do you expect when you date high school seniors? I’d be worried if they had been with many people.

    While I like Brad a lot and enjoyed his first season, I totally forgot that he’s pretty but dumb. Still I wouldn’t kick him out for eating crackers.

  9. Sunnyside422

    January 19, 2011 at 12:19 AM

    Brad, or the lipless wonder as I like to call him, has never been known for his brain power! This is the person who at 38 is sucking face with the young 20 something kids. And he has the nerve to give relationship advice! Dumb turkey that he is. His faked excitement at EVERYTHING is laughable. I would not be surprised if he jumped, spun around and clicked his heels!

    The multitude of tears is the result of immaturity on the part of these women (or girls). I have to give him props for keeping a straight face when they blubber all over him. His responses are canned and predictable. Needs a better vocabulary.

    And Emily’s teeth do bother me. False teeth? Watch when she speaks. Euwwww.

    These women were selected for Chris L. so the stories of missing and or deceased fathers and all the other sniff worthy stories are what is shown. It was hoped that Chris and these women (girls) would have something in common…grief.

  10. serpephone

    January 19, 2011 at 1:46 AM

    The Bachelor sucked again this week… blah!

  11. mtnmchgrl

    January 19, 2011 at 1:59 AM

    Hey, I like “King of Wishful Thinking!” :)

    Why is his therapist in LA?? I thought he was based out of TX??

    Love your interpretation of Ashley’s accent.

    Who else has Emily dated that is high profile besides Ricky & Dale Earnhardt JR??

    I definitely caught the bad edit on Emily’s date!!

    Brad has got to be one of the dumbest Bachelors in the show’s history but at least he is easy on the eyes.

    Honestly, with the exception of Michelle, he has a pretty good group of girls remaining. Most of them seem semi-normal at this point.

    I didn’t think there was anything wrong w/ what blonde girl with Peacock Feather Earrings said upon her exit. Who cares if she didn’t get any scream time. She was either not funny or not catty. I have more of an issue with the idiots that CRY every five damn seconds about a guy THEY JUST MET!

    For the LOVE OF GOD, STOP CRYING! No wonder Brad is so uncomfortable!?! It’s the damn estrogen ocean in that house!

  12. mtnmchgrl

    January 19, 2011 at 2:01 AM

    ^ * scream time = screen time

    Freudian slip that could have gone either way.

  13. ellie842

    January 19, 2011 at 2:04 AM

    While watching the Golden Globes, I finally figured out who Reality Steve looks like: Paul Giamatti. And he is just as creepy. What is it with his blog; he is constantly talking about sex, how horny he is, and ogling over any and every female. I am done reading it; he is a creepy sexist pig. He is starting to sound exactly like Mike Fleiss. Ladies I would stay away and keep your teenage girls as far away from him as possible. What a PERV!

  14. josie

    January 18, 2011 at 7:04 PM

    Wow, Steve. Racist much? Jungle fever? That’s pretty awful. How come when a person of color goes after a white person, it’s never referred to as something that derogatory? Seal isn’t just a black man. He is a person, Steve. Have you ever thought of that? No wonder you’re alone.

    As for Seal’s looks–the dude was burned in a fire. And you should be happy that there are women out there–even supermodels–who are willing to date someone for who they are as opposed to their aesthetic appeal. I would think that for a mediocre looking white guy like you–which isn’t a stab but quite honestly the truth–you would be grateful to hear such news. We’re not all vain! This is exciting. Let’s all stand up and rejoice.

    Oh but no, you don’t like that. Geez, make up your mind.

  15. gtogblog

    January 18, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    Seal sings with such passion. Check out a hilarious recap here: http://gettoourgame.blogspot.com/2011/01/bachelor-retroactive-live-blog-daddy.html

  16. Raeanna1126

    January 18, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    Oooooh Reality Steve..you never fail to make me smile every week! I look forward to your blogs every week and look forward to the laughter! I think you are hilarious! I am a huge fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette- but honestly I think reading your spoilers beforehand is a GREAT idea! It makes the show that much more interesting!!

  17. petuniamilz

    January 18, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    Actually Seal wasn’t burned in a fire so before you come on here and rip on RS, you should get your facts straight, Josie. He had Discoid Lupus as a child, that’s what his scars are from.

    RS, your blog cracks me up. I love reading it every Tuesday.

  18. 4thtimearound

    January 18, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    Can someone please explain to me why Michelle Money was not arrested on accessory charges in the murder of Michelle Young? Even worse, how could “the Bachelor” cast Michelle Money knowing her involvement with Jason Young and his murder of Michelle Young? What a gross world we live in.

    I really hope Reality Steve discusses this in one of his blogs.

  19. tamaymay

    January 19, 2011 at 2:10 AM

    @ 4thtimearound: you are talking about a different Michelle Money, I believe. Michelle Sauter Money had an affair with Jason Young. Michelle Cartwright Money is our Bachelor contestant; she apparently prefers to have her affairs with married NBA players.

  20. Small_Peanut

    January 19, 2011 at 8:22 AM

    I disagree, RS does not look like Paul Giammatti , he looks more like Joe Francis. http://www.celebitchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/wenn2839252.jpg

    Also, I’m curious if the two Michelle Money’s were mixed up, I’m hoping RS will address it in his next blog.

    Funny recap RS!

  21. SherryfromD

    January 19, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    Is anyone slightly reminded of Shannon Doherty when Chantal talks during her ITM’s?

  22. NickB

    January 19, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    Michelle Money is clearly acting, badly at that. She is not naturally psycho.

  23. D-Runner

    January 19, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    I find it sad that these women are for some reason feeling the need to tell their life story to some guy on the first date, and I feel bad for Brad for forcing his phony reactions… How is he suppose to react? He barely knows these girls. Yes it’s sad that they’ve suffered losses, but is announcing these losses on a first date in front of a camera appropriate?? It called for a sad episode.

    Steve- great blog… I think it’s your funniest yet. I agree, there’s no way Michelle is for real… she’s playing the psycho card too well.

    Madison makes me nervous- I don’t get her angle. Either she’s on the show to promote her career or to find love… Exiting after 3 episodes doesn’t accomplish either.

    HeidiT- totally with you on the girl’s not being in enough relationships… What in the world is so great about being in your 20s (or any age for that matter) and having numerous failed relationships? This show always seems to be alarmed by these contestants, and even past contestants who are blogging about the show now are showing some concern… I don’t get it.

    Sunnyside442- I agree… Emily is stunning but that overbite has got to be fixed.

  24. heatherS7

    January 19, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    Steve, did you see Alli’s Bachelor recap on E! News last night? She is definitely a RealitySteve fan. She said she was anxious to see Brad interact with Chantal since they hadn’t been seen together in the past two episodes. Why would Alli be so into Chantal if she didn’t know the spoilers? She also said she favors Emily and Chantel, who she knows go far in the show from reading the spoilers.

    If Brad is looking for some extra cash to spend on Chantal, he should record some CDs of his terrible Kareoke and sell them to Alli, who apparently would buy all of them to “support the Bachelor.”

  25. luv it

    January 19, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    Not that I believe everything Radaronline.com prints; they have a article of Brad’s wild past…Fake id in 1993, bad checks and drunk/disorderly conduct. Also went by the name of Stephen Bradley Pickelsimer, stepfathers last name.

    DRAMA….finally

  26. Julee

    January 20, 2011 at 12:20 AM

    LMAO @ ellie842 “… keep your teenage girls as far away from him as possible. What a PERV!”

    Keep your teenage girls as far away from RS as possible?? Really? Does RS go around luring teenage girls into his bedroom through this blog or something? Where did this comment come from? Left field! Just because Brad likes his “women” 20 years younger than him, doesn’t mean RS does as well!

  27. leftyinthepen

    January 20, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    Brad makes the perfect bartender. they guy who you can belly up to the bar to and dump your problems on, and then go find yourself someone to “release your tension” with (like in the BP2 or some other place).

    On a side note, can you think of a place that has as much DNA as the Bachelor Mansion? CSI would have a field day if there was ever a murder in the place.

  28. thewipf

    January 20, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    @realitystevecomment, I think you are totally wrong about Madison vs. Michelle. They were both most likely recruited as possible psychos to stir up drama in the house. In episode one Madison, aka Fangs, looked like she was going to be the crazy one this season. In the end she wasn’t and we really didn’t see much of her at all the last two episodes. If you were paying attention at the end she says if pretty clearly that she had been lead to believe that this was going to be a 5-6 week fantasy world party and would help her career, and maybe meet a guy. She realized that for the other girls this thing was serious and just a big party so she left. In many ways you have to respect that. There really isn’t any thing to rip her apart for. Except of course the weird vamp stuff butt they really didn’t show that side much.

  29. cheyenne70

    January 21, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    I have lurk and read your site for a long time you rock. That being said I’m about to turn off this show if I hear Brad say he is sorry and has daddy problems one more time.It’s driving me nuts. I personally liked that he choose no one the first time. This new wimpy pussy Brad is dull and basically sucks. Whats next he will spends the whole show crying in Chantal’s breast about how he secretly thinks America will forgive him if he get a sex change and becomes a woman(jk but he seems to be headed there lol)?Man up Brad please I will say you are helping me get a good nap.
    Thanks for all the spoilers you rock I find myself reading you instead of watching this crying show lol.
    hugs
    beth

  30. UCrackMeUp

    January 25, 2011 at 11:47 AM

    Steve

    H – I – L – A – R – I – O – U – S !!!!!!

    You’re sarcasm filled comments are so appreciated!!

    KEEP IT UP!

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