The Bachelor Recap – 1/17/11

January 18th, 2011 | 30 Comments | Posted in The Bachelor 15 - Brad

-I’m beaming with excitement to share this next bit of news with you. So Emily’s date ended and I realized it was only 8:10. We still had 50 minutes of the show left with no dates. But how in the world are they gonna possibly kill…here he is ladies and gentleman…Brad’s LA therapist! It’s like Brad needs help in every city he’s in. Do we get a Vegas therapist too? Maybe an international one when we head to South Africa later on? Because Dr. Jamie Greene is certainly no Dr. Thomas Parker PhD that we saw in the first episode. This is all getting much too confusing. Why does he need a shrink in every city? Is Brad really that f***ed up? And you know the greatest thing about this newest doctor other than the perm he was rocking? He’s got an IMDB page! Check it out:

Dr. Jaime Greene IMDB page

This is outstanding. So I immediately don’t like the guy since he graduated from Pepperdine, my alumni’s arch rival. Although, it’s tough to have an arch rival when your school sucks in every sport. But still. You go to LMU, you despise Pepperdine and all their Malibu glory. Hey Waves, at least we didn’t have to walk up 100 steps every day to get back to our dorms. Anyway, for those that didn’t click on the link, let me shed some light on what Dr. Jaime Greene used to do for a living. Ready for this? In the 80′s, he was the drummer for “Go West”, a British band that produced that gem of a tune “King of Wishful Thinking”, which was featured on the “Pretty Woman” soundtrack. Awwwwwweeeeeessssssoooooooommmmme!! And Brad is taking his advice from this Pet Shop Boys wannabe? I love how stupid this show is. I really do. What’s next? Brad gets financial advice from the lead singer of A-Ha!? Maybe discusses all his real estate matters with Dexy’s Midnight Runners? Dr. Jaime Greene, therapist to the stars, and has-been 80′s drummer for a horsesh*t British band that had one song.
I’m glad you’re on the right path, Brad.

-Cocktail party time. Brad pulls Alli aside first to let her in on his final decision of whose cleavage would win in a battle to the death, her or Chantal’s. Unfortunately, since Alli decided to cover up a bit and wear a dress with a big bow on it, Brad’s final decision has to wait. Alli: “I wanted to wrap myself up like a present so I can open myself up to you.” And when she opens up, we have yet another woman with daddy issues. She said her parents are no longer together because daddy was schtupping someone else on the side. And then later on down the line surprised Alli by telling her, “Oh yeah, you’ve got a sister.” Surprise! Father of the Year material there. I’m sorry Alli. I really am. No one deserves to have that dropped in their lap one day. You need someone to talk to? I’ve got just the person for you. He once fronted for the band “Chicago” before deserting them and busting out with his own career singing such delights as “Next Time I Fall”, and “Glory of Love”. It’s Mr. Peter Cetera! I’m sure he has his own office in LA somewhere giving relationship advice after getting his degree online or something.

-Michelle is freaking out. Why? Well, let her tell you. Michelle: “It bothers me that he’s going out with other girls. It bothers me that he’s thinking about other girls. And it bothers me that, right now, he’s talking to another girl.” Sooooo, are you bothered by any of this? I couldn’t tell. Chantal is next up for Brad as they start discussing where they want to register for their wedding. But of course, Michelle couldn’t possibly let that happen so she butts in and interrupts their time together right before Brad was lay another one on her. Now it’s Michelle’s turn and she tells him, “We’re in a fight.” Brad asks why, Michelle says it’s because she’s horny, and watching him kiss and make out with other girls makes her even more horny because it’s been a while since she stole a man from someone else, and needs that in her life. Apparently this craziness completely went over Brad’s head because he loves what Michelle is doing. Brad: “She’s playful and she jokes, and she’s kind of a smart aleck, which I really like. Michelle can steal me away any time.” So remember how earlier I said that the producers don’t inform Brad about anything regarding the girl’s past? Well, they also don’t tell him what’s going on with the other girls when he’s not around. Or what they’re saying privately in their ITM’s. Brad is seeing all this cattiness for the first time when we’re seeing it. If they tip him off, then obviously he’d be sending people home a lot earlier than expected.

-Holy crap! We have a Lindsay sighting! You know, the red headed one that lives a few blocks from me. Yep. She’s on this show. And apparently did talk to Brad at some point. All we get to see was her saying, “I’m a relationship kind of girl. I really am. I’m a forever girl, not like a one night thing.” Oh. Damn. Next! Hey, you know I was at Northpark Mall last week splurging on myself and happened to drop in to Anthropologie to see if Lindsay happened to be working. Nope. Never been in that store before, and let me be honest, probably never will again either. It was hilarious. As I’m walking through there smelling the wonderful scents of apricot candles or whatever it is smelled like apricots, they have two couches in there. As I walk by, the only four other guys in the store were all sitting on the couches waiting for their women who were probably on hour number two perusing the store only to end up buying nothing. These guys did not look happy. I wouldn’t either if my balls were in my girlfriends purse.

-Madison is starting to break. Emily’s story really hit her hard and she’s questioning why she should be there. Brad pulls her aside and realizes she’s crying, so he gives her a hug. Since Madison decided to go braless tonight, we get some good side boob going with that hug. Madison basically tells him she’s not feeling it, she thinks other girls are more into this than her, and really, is a three episode stint on the “Bachelor” really gonna improve her demo reel? She takes out her stupid fangs and confesses, “Yeah, pretty much thought it’d be all fun and games, the producers told me the fang gag would be hilarious and keep me around a few episodes, but uhhhhh, some of these girls are a little too serious, and I’ve got an early call time tomorrow for a Tide commercial, so, peace out my brotha’.” Well, that’s pretty much what she was getting at. Brad gives her the option, “Ok, I really like you. You gotta give me a chance. Give it some time. Sit on it, and if I give you a rose at the next ceremony, you can choose to reject it.” Translation: Producers told me we needed to make the rose ceremony a little more dramatic, so without exactly telling you how we’re going to script this out later, ummmm yeah, I pretty much just told you what to do. Got it?

-Ashley H. is the latest “I don’t like you kissing other girls” woman. She gives Brad an ultimatum. “Look, if you don’t like me, or you don’t see it with me, I wanna go home. I’ve got dance class to teach, teeth to clean, and probably a boatload of former ‘Bachelor’ contestants that’ll be blowing up my Facebook page once I can turn it back on. So if you don’t want this, I’m guessing plenty of guys will. Make up your mind.” Brad knows something is wrong, Ashley is essentially telling him “Kiss me you fool”, but apparently Brad is dumb, and isn’t getting the hint. He gives her the most awkward hug of the night, stutters and stammers his way out of there, then was probably pulled aside by Elan or Pete and told, “You idiot. The chick digs you. Go back there and kiss her.” So he goes back to where she’s sitting, says, “Forgot one thing”, then lays one on her. I swear, in my second life, I should come back as a reality TV producer. How easy is this?

-Rose ceremony time. Ashley S., Emily, and Shawntel already with roses. Brad, the floor is yours. Brad: “Some of you have developed real feelings…hold on to moments…please trust they’re real…anyone here having second thoughts, please don’t accept these roses…Madison, that’s your cue. After I give out the second rose, walk off so I can chase you to the back room and act like I didn’t know what the hell was coming.”

Michelle: Naturally, crazy always gets the first rose. I’m sure she still has every one of them saved and they’re pinned to her vanity mirror at home. Like a bad romance movie. Hey everyone! Speaking of bad romance movies, “Midway to Heaven” starring Michelle Money opening next month!”
Chantal: Second rose ceremony in a row, he calls her “Chantal O.” Brad, Shawntel already has a rose. No need to qualify this one by giving her last initial. There are no other Chantal/Shawntels left. She knows who you’re talking about. Maybe he should just go with “Chantal W.”

At this point is where Madison leaves the podium and walks out. Brad goes after her into the other room and Madison admits, “Call time for my Tide commercial is now at 5am and I really can’t miss out on this gig. And oh yeah, I’d feel really awful taking a rose from one of these girls. They want to date you a hell of a lot more than I do. I kinda hit it off with Papa Smurf on the set of the “Smurfs”, so I think I’m gonna take my chances with him.” Then one of my favorite moments, Brad starts lecturing Madison on relationships. Tells her she’s being closed off, and by not opening up, she’s really closing people off. Ok, ok, ok, enough with the Dr. Phil speak here. Of all people to be giving relationship advice, Brad Womack? Really? Just because he’s been through more therapy than Jason Wahler’s been through rehabs doesn’t make him qualified. This is the same guy taking advice from Toto’s drummer, or whatever the hell band he was in. Eaaaaasssssy Brad. She doesn’t want to be there. Let her go and roam free with the rest of the Edward’s pack of wolves. Or is it Jacob? Hell if I know. And please, spare me the emails. I don’t care.

Lisa: Hey Lisa! You’ve been great so far. I loved that time when you…or when you told Brad…or remember when she…forget it. No clue who you are.
Jackie: Found out this past week that Jackie went to an all-girls high school. Aaaaaaahhhhhhh, that explains everything.
Ashley H: She will be the #1 girl from this season that former ‘Bachelorette’ contestants will be after when this is all said and done. March 14th guys. Not too much longer before you can start harassing her. I’m guessing you’ll get your chance on “Bachelor Pad 2″. I’d be shocked if she wasn’t on that cast.
Marissa: Yeah, we don’t know you either. But the spray tan is working wonders.
Britt: Britt strikes me as someone who will be engaged or in a serious relationship within six months of this show ending.
Alli: How old is her little half sister? Old enough to know that big sis is setting a great example of how to rock some good cleavage?
Lindsay: I think I’m gonna be back at Northpark on Saturday. I will not be stopping in Anthropologie. It smells, and I get a tear in my eye seeing guys holding purses waiting for their women.
Meghan: Even though this didn’t work out for her, I’m sure she’s excited “Scream 4″ is close to release.

“Ladies, Brad, it’s the FRT. When you’re ready. I’ll be in the back discussing which of the Miss America contestants that I judged this past Saturday we will cast on the next ‘Bachelor’. Consider it a done deal because, you know, those women have such a difficult time finding dates. And oh yeah, Reality Steve is now 3-for-3. Curse him.”

Stacey: There are lingerie photos of her floating around that the photographer who took them is peddling to anyone that’ll take them. Already showed them to me so I could post them. No thanks, buddy. I don’t care.

Kim may have been booted off this show after three episodes, but she’s certainly got a high opinion of herself. “There just wasn’t a connection. I think he was intimidated by me. You know I’m talented, smart, successful. Some guys find me attractive. The list could go on. I could turn around tomorrow and start dating somebody and be fine with it. F**k Brad. His loss.” I guess when you get a blow to your ego of being on a show for three episodes and never getting shown, and us never seeing Brad show any interest in you whatsoever, that is a pretty good self defense mechanism to resort to. Telling everyone how great you are and how many men want to sleep with you. I wonder if she has daddy issues too?

As for Sarah, the other one eliminated, she went a different route. “I have so much happiness and love to offer. Not being chosen hurts. Rejection sucks. I just want to go home.” I know, it’s ok dear. We want you to go home too so you can take a look at the mascara mess that your face has turned into. Go look in the mirror, fix that scrunchy hair you got going (thank you Holly) and we’ll see you at the “Women Tell All”. I think. Don’t know if you’ll get asked back considering no one knew who you were when you were actually on the show. Hard to imagine they’ll care about you on March 7th either. Hope you enjoyed your time on the show. Here’s a t-shirt that reads “I went on the Bachelor and all I got was this stupid t-shirt” as your parting gift.

Don’t forget to come back to the site later tonight at 10pm EST to listen to my interview with Olivia Wilder. I’ll be posting the link and the phone number again in case you want to call in and discuss all the goodies involved with this show.

Be back Friday with another installment of “Reader Emails”. More lunacy at its finest. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Email address is steve@realitysteve.com. Or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you Friday.

30 thoughts on “The Bachelor Recap – 1/17/11

  1. RS
    Heidi Klum commented on how Seal got her….He was in bike shorts at a hotel in NYC and she was magnetized by his package….And, there you have it!
    Your recap was awesome and very funny! Nice job, love your wit!

  2. RS, so emily said she was 18 yrs old when ricky hendrick (nascar driver) died in 2004. He was 24 yrs old when he died. articles i have read stated that they dated for four years. So emily was 14 and rickey was 20 when they started dating. Doesn’t this seem odd to others besides myself? I know when i was 20, i would not be out with a high school freshman or sophmore while i was a junior in college. don’t know the laws in NC about age of consent, but this relationship seems creepy.

  3. Hey Steve how much of a kickback is Refuse jeans giving you for the promotional advertisment at the very top of your blog? Hope it’s the full 35% lol. For this week I wonder why you’re softpeddalling what is Madison’s obvious PLANT on the show. Seems like the entire storyline is very scripted. I wouldn’t be surprised is Madison The Actress is Fleiss’ or another producer’s Piece on the Side and the entire thing was cooked up to give her more exposure. In the least they could have given her a crazy-and-insecure edit, but they pushed the remorse angle very hard. Madison seems much more manufactured than Michelle whom you are crucifying week to week.

  4. If what you say is true (and I’m sure it is as you have proven to be right this season)about the final 2 and Chantel is who he picks, I hope ABC asks Emily to be the next Bachlorette. It’s time for a Bachlorette Mom to be chosen. I enjoy your columns, I only wished I’d found your website sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted as much time watching these past years. Thank you.

  5. Nah, Gia’s friend (in the video) is a much better mover/dancer. So I vote for Gia’s friend to be on DWTS! haha

  6. I just find it hysterical how Brad is concerned that these girls have or more to the point Emily, have only been in love once and only had one serious relationship….THEY ARE 24 YEARS OLD BRAD!!! At 24 I would not have expected them to have had a series of relationships cause then that would just make them HO’s. Yet he seems to always have the issue of oh they haven’t been in enough relationships, what do you expect when you date high school seniors? I’d be worried if they had been with many people.

    While I like Brad a lot and enjoyed his first season, I totally forgot that he’s pretty but dumb. Still I wouldn’t kick him out for eating crackers.

  7. Brad, or the lipless wonder as I like to call him, has never been known for his brain power! This is the person who at 38 is sucking face with the young 20 something kids. And he has the nerve to give relationship advice! Dumb turkey that he is. His faked excitement at EVERYTHING is laughable. I would not be surprised if he jumped, spun around and clicked his heels!

    The multitude of tears is the result of immaturity on the part of these women (or girls). I have to give him props for keeping a straight face when they blubber all over him. His responses are canned and predictable. Needs a better vocabulary.

    And Emily’s teeth do bother me. False teeth? Watch when she speaks. Euwwww.

    These women were selected for Chris L. so the stories of missing and or deceased fathers and all the other sniff worthy stories are what is shown. It was hoped that Chris and these women (girls) would have something in common…grief.

  8. Hey, I like “King of Wishful Thinking!” :)

    Why is his therapist in LA?? I thought he was based out of TX??

    Love your interpretation of Ashley’s accent.

    Who else has Emily dated that is high profile besides Ricky & Dale Earnhardt JR??

    I definitely caught the bad edit on Emily’s date!!

    Brad has got to be one of the dumbest Bachelors in the show’s history but at least he is easy on the eyes.

    Honestly, with the exception of Michelle, he has a pretty good group of girls remaining. Most of them seem semi-normal at this point.

    I didn’t think there was anything wrong w/ what blonde girl with Peacock Feather Earrings said upon her exit. Who cares if she didn’t get any scream time. She was either not funny or not catty. I have more of an issue with the idiots that CRY every five damn seconds about a guy THEY JUST MET!

    For the LOVE OF GOD, STOP CRYING! No wonder Brad is so uncomfortable!?! It’s the damn estrogen ocean in that house!

  9. While watching the Golden Globes, I finally figured out who Reality Steve looks like: Paul Giamatti. And he is just as creepy. What is it with his blog; he is constantly talking about sex, how horny he is, and ogling over any and every female. I am done reading it; he is a creepy sexist pig. He is starting to sound exactly like Mike Fleiss. Ladies I would stay away and keep your teenage girls as far away from him as possible. What a PERV!

  10. Wow, Steve. Racist much? Jungle fever? That’s pretty awful. How come when a person of color goes after a white person, it’s never referred to as something that derogatory? Seal isn’t just a black man. He is a person, Steve. Have you ever thought of that? No wonder you’re alone.

    As for Seal’s looks–the dude was burned in a fire. And you should be happy that there are women out there–even supermodels–who are willing to date someone for who they are as opposed to their aesthetic appeal. I would think that for a mediocre looking white guy like you–which isn’t a stab but quite honestly the truth–you would be grateful to hear such news. We’re not all vain! This is exciting. Let’s all stand up and rejoice.

    Oh but no, you don’t like that. Geez, make up your mind.

  11. Oooooh Reality Steve..you never fail to make me smile every week! I look forward to your blogs every week and look forward to the laughter! I think you are hilarious! I am a huge fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette- but honestly I think reading your spoilers beforehand is a GREAT idea! It makes the show that much more interesting!!

  12. Actually Seal wasn’t burned in a fire so before you come on here and rip on RS, you should get your facts straight, Josie. He had Discoid Lupus as a child, that’s what his scars are from.

    RS, your blog cracks me up. I love reading it every Tuesday.

  13. Can someone please explain to me why Michelle Money was not arrested on accessory charges in the murder of Michelle Young? Even worse, how could “the Bachelor” cast Michelle Money knowing her involvement with Jason Young and his murder of Michelle Young? What a gross world we live in.

    I really hope Reality Steve discusses this in one of his blogs.

  14. @ 4thtimearound: you are talking about a different Michelle Money, I believe. Michelle Sauter Money had an affair with Jason Young. Michelle Cartwright Money is our Bachelor contestant; she apparently prefers to have her affairs with married NBA players.

  15. Is anyone slightly reminded of Shannon Doherty when Chantal talks during her ITM’s?

  16. I find it sad that these women are for some reason feeling the need to tell their life story to some guy on the first date, and I feel bad for Brad for forcing his phony reactions… How is he suppose to react? He barely knows these girls. Yes it’s sad that they’ve suffered losses, but is announcing these losses on a first date in front of a camera appropriate?? It called for a sad episode.

    Steve- great blog… I think it’s your funniest yet. I agree, there’s no way Michelle is for real… she’s playing the psycho card too well.

    Madison makes me nervous- I don’t get her angle. Either she’s on the show to promote her career or to find love… Exiting after 3 episodes doesn’t accomplish either.

    HeidiT- totally with you on the girl’s not being in enough relationships… What in the world is so great about being in your 20s (or any age for that matter) and having numerous failed relationships? This show always seems to be alarmed by these contestants, and even past contestants who are blogging about the show now are showing some concern… I don’t get it.

    Sunnyside442- I agree… Emily is stunning but that overbite has got to be fixed.

  17. Steve, did you see Alli’s Bachelor recap on E! News last night? She is definitely a RealitySteve fan. She said she was anxious to see Brad interact with Chantal since they hadn’t been seen together in the past two episodes. Why would Alli be so into Chantal if she didn’t know the spoilers? She also said she favors Emily and Chantel, who she knows go far in the show from reading the spoilers.

    If Brad is looking for some extra cash to spend on Chantal, he should record some CDs of his terrible Kareoke and sell them to Alli, who apparently would buy all of them to “support the Bachelor.”

  18. Not that I believe everything Radaronline.com prints; they have a article of Brad’s wild past…Fake id in 1993, bad checks and drunk/disorderly conduct. Also went by the name of Stephen Bradley Pickelsimer, stepfathers last name.

    DRAMA….finally

  19. LMAO @ ellie842 “… keep your teenage girls as far away from him as possible. What a PERV!”

    Keep your teenage girls as far away from RS as possible?? Really? Does RS go around luring teenage girls into his bedroom through this blog or something? Where did this comment come from? Left field! Just because Brad likes his “women” 20 years younger than him, doesn’t mean RS does as well!

  20. Brad makes the perfect bartender. they guy who you can belly up to the bar to and dump your problems on, and then go find yourself someone to “release your tension” with (like in the BP2 or some other place).

    On a side note, can you think of a place that has as much DNA as the Bachelor Mansion? CSI would have a field day if there was ever a murder in the place.

  21. @realitystevecomment, I think you are totally wrong about Madison vs. Michelle. They were both most likely recruited as possible psychos to stir up drama in the house. In episode one Madison, aka Fangs, looked like she was going to be the crazy one this season. In the end she wasn’t and we really didn’t see much of her at all the last two episodes. If you were paying attention at the end she says if pretty clearly that she had been lead to believe that this was going to be a 5-6 week fantasy world party and would help her career, and maybe meet a guy. She realized that for the other girls this thing was serious and just a big party so she left. In many ways you have to respect that. There really isn’t any thing to rip her apart for. Except of course the weird vamp stuff butt they really didn’t show that side much.

  22. I have lurk and read your site for a long time you rock. That being said I’m about to turn off this show if I hear Brad say he is sorry and has daddy problems one more time.It’s driving me nuts. I personally liked that he choose no one the first time. This new wimpy pussy Brad is dull and basically sucks. Whats next he will spends the whole show crying in Chantal’s breast about how he secretly thinks America will forgive him if he get a sex change and becomes a woman(jk but he seems to be headed there lol)?Man up Brad please I will say you are helping me get a good nap.
    Thanks for all the spoilers you rock I find myself reading you instead of watching this crying show lol.
    hugs
    beth

  23. Steve

    H – I – L – A – R – I – O – U – S !!!!!!

    You’re sarcasm filled comments are so appreciated!!

    KEEP IT UP!

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