For all your episode-by-episode spoilers of Ashleys season, either click on the “Bachelorette Ashley Spoilers” link at the top of the page, or click here. Do not read if you don’t want to know who Ashley is with. You’ve been warned.
Wanted to first start off by telling anyone who doesn’t follow me on Twitter that I tweeted yesterday about our first new writer to site. His name is Bill Hudnutt and he will be covering “Keeping up with the Kardashians” every Monday, so be sure to check him out. The link is at the top of the page. I’ve brought on over 8 new writers to cover different shows, and you’ll be seeing them pop up once their shows start. The next one that will be covered is the “RW/RR Challenge”, and then after that “Big Brother”. I believe those are the only summer shows that will have coverage unless I decide to have whichever of the Real Housewives season that’s currently going on just join in progress. Anyway, I know it’s just a link at the top of the page right now, but we are in the process of doing a major site re-design, but I don’t want to screw with anything while the “Bachelorette” and then “Bachelor Pad” is on. So I’m guessing we’ll unveil the new site sometime in September or October when “Bachelor Pad” is done. In the meantime, great first response to Bill’s review and looking forward to his column every Monday for the rest of the season.
Speaking of “Bachelor Pad”, for those that didn’t see, EW.com posted the official cast list yesterday. You can read the description of each person in case you forgot about them by going there, but here’s the list of people:
Justin “Rated R” Rego
Mystery Man #1
Mystery Man #2
Mystery Man #3 – all 3 guys from Ashleys season
None of those names should surprise you based on the information I’ve given you over the last couple weeks, except for Ella. No idea where they pulled that from or why she made the cast, but whatever. However, the question now is obviously “Who are the three guys from Ashleys season that are on the show?” Well, once they released the cast yesterday WITHOUT naming Ashleys guys, then the rules basically changed, and you knew it’d be three guys that are still on Ashleys season who hadn’t been eliminated yet. And they are. The three “mystery” guys are:
I don’t know what ABC thought they’d be accomplishing by not announcing these guys names. I understand that the people who actually believe the “Bachelorette” is real don’t want to see those guys names released because then they realize that none of them are the final one on Ashleys season. Well, that’s their own fault. Read the spoilers…ha ha. But I mean “Bachelor Pad” doesn’t premiere until August 8th. Did they really think those names weren’t going to get out? No idea what they were thinking. Apparently they weren’t, or they doubted that I’d find out. Probably shouldn’t doubt me when it comes to this stuff.
As for when the spoilers are coming, it won’t be until the show is done filming, which is in about two weeks. Remember, the “Bachelor Pad” only takes less than 3 weeks to film. It’s not like the “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette”. So based on “Bachelor Pad” starting last Tuesday night, that means there’s already been two rose ceremonies and people are already home. Who are they? Not sure yet. But I will find out soon enough. Just like last season when my spoilers for “Bachelor Pad” went up around June 29th or so, I’m guessing I’ll have them right around the same time this season. Once I get the spoilers, you will know them.
One final thing in regards to last nights episode when they showed the previews for next week. I don’t know why they showed Chris pulling Ashley aside and saying “He’s here in this hotel” making it seem like it happened in Chaing Mai. It didn’t. Bentley showed up in Hong Kong. Unless at the end of next weeks episode they already skip ahead to Hong Kong, Bentley won’t be on for two weeks, not next weeks episode. Here is Chris’ exact quote from his blog today:
“…Next week’s episode really ends with Ashley in a dark place questioning everything even more than she is now. It was easily her lowest point in the show. You saw a brief glimpse in the previews that leads us to the return of Bentley.”
You could read that two ways: That somehow they are in Hong Kong by the end of the episode and that’s where we see Bentley appear, or, the “that leads us to the return of Bentley”, is and admission that Bentley doesn’t show up for 2 weeks. I guess they feel since last nights episode was a complete snoozefest, they’d spice it up a bit by getting everyone excited with that tease. I just know Bentley shows up in Hong Kong. So maybe they’re in Hong Kong by the end of the episode for some reason. Usually doesn’t work that way, but who knows with this season? Bizarre. On to last night…
-Hey lookie here, for the third week in a row, Chris comes in to inform the guys that there will be two 1-on-1 dates and a group date. However, it won’t be happening in LA, because since Ashley is now moving on with her LOB (Life Without Bentley), or so we think, they are going to leave the mansion for good and head to Phuket, Thailand. Ok, do you people realize how many times in the last two months since I revealed they were going to Phuket I got the, “Wait, how do you pronounce that?” email? About 1,000. No, it’s not pronounced “F**K-it”, it’s “poo-KET”. There. We’re clear on that. Please stop with the emails. You’re not in 5th grade. You know what we got to see this episode? Not quite on par with girls giggling and squealing when Chris announces where they’re headed, but the guys on cue, all start high five’ing and chest bumping when they realize they’re headed to Thailand. I’m sure some were disappointed they didn’t get to hit up Bangkok for their “night life”, but it’s ok. Chicks with d**ks only works in the “Hangover 2”. Sorry for the spoiler if you haven’t seen it.
-Lets face it, this episode was a complete buzzkill. Very boring, bland dates. Now, I’m guessing a lot had to do with the weather and the fact that usually on this show, the sun is always out, people look better, and Ashleys hair isn’t getting the frizzies cuz of the rain. But man, the whole episode was depressing because of the rain. Made all the dates boring and unwatchable. And oh yeah, not to mention the fact that Ashley brought up Bentleys name 600 times in two hours. I’m still absolutely amazed she fell that in love with the guy in the two weeks he was there. She must feel nauseous watching this back now. So Ashley arrives at the Renaissance Resort and Spa in Phuket to sit down with the “navigator” in hopes that the woman behind the desk can help her out on what to do for her dates because, you know, she’s completely clueless and has no help whatsoever from the production crew. Might be the biggest waste of time we’ll see this season on this show. C’mon guys. We’re 22 seasons in now. If the people watching this show don’t know by now that Ashley has absolutely no say in who gets what dates or where they’re going, they never will. They must’ve owed that “navigator” some favor or something. Or maybe she was related to someone on staff. Whatever the case, there was as much realism to that scene as there was to Rego walking in crutches up a hill a few miles to see Ali back in her season.
-Date card arrives and its for Constantine. “Lets sea Phuket together”. Get it? Sea? Their date is supposed to be out on the sea. So clever these producers are. How about they make these date cards more than one sentence long like in “Survivor” where it’s like a 10 sentence rhyming poem? That takes talent. Lets sea Phuket together? That’s all they could come up with? Lets hope the PA who thought of that is making minimum wage, because they don’t deserve a penny more for that garbage. So Constantine meets Ashley on the dock as they’re supposed to head out to sea. However, there’s a change of plans as the Thai guy who doesn’t speak a lick of English has some news for them. Translated he basically says “Sorry kids. You’re screwed. It’s pouring rain, waves are high, and you ain’t getting anywhere near a boat. When does this air in the states so I can tell everyone about my fifteen minutes of fame?” Since the date has changed, Ashley spontaneously (translation: not spontaneously) decides to just start walking into town for the date. And Constantine, being the gentleman he is, obliges by walking arm and arm with her holding the umbrella only over his head while Ashley gets soaked. Good one. Be sure slam a car door in her face while you’re at it too.
-Constantine loves this date for god knows what reason. “The mystery of Phuket is awesome and so is the mystery of Ashley. It’ll be awesome to find out about both of them.” Awesome, Constantine. That’s just awesome. You know what’d be even more awesome? If you stopped using the word awesome when describing rainy, dreary, Phuket. Admit it. Your date sucked. You got to walk the streets on a rainy day and basically do nothing exciting. It’s ok to admit you got the shaft on your date because of the weather. Sure, you can’t publicly admit it to Ashley cuz then she’ll think you’re an insensitive douchebag, but hey, Bentley lied to her face for three episodes, so why not just tell us in your ITM you hated the date? I sure did watching it. Kinda like Ryan, who seems to be a ray of sunshine everywhere he goes, I kinda need to be in a place where the sun is out a lot. Remind me never to visit Thailand. Not even for a bachelor party. Rain just sucks. Period. I guess I’m spoiled because I grew up in Southern California where rain is a foreign concept, but I’m sorry, there’s nothing fun about constant rain. Nothing.
-So these two get to meet the local non-English speaking guy to ask questions to. Exactly how many people this episode who don’t speak English are gonna get cameos? They pick some random chick off the street to help them translate what the hell this poor old man is saying. They ask him how long he’s been married. “36 years.” They then ask him what’s his secret. “Porn.” No, I’m kidding. He says, “Forgive and forget. Don’t try and win.” Sound advice from such a wise old man strapped to a ball and chain for the last 36 years. Man, this guy knows his stuff. I hope he has his own daytime talk show in Thailand with powerful insight to marriage like that. Did he basically just tell Constantine to just agree with whatever the woman says? Man, this guy either knows his stuff or he watches Chris Rock’s past stand up shows on HBO. So in a way he’s right. You can’t win. Just always say “yes”, and everything will be good. Didn’t realize Rock’s stand up was even reaching the married people of Thailand. He must be proud. This date continues to reach levels of suck that I didn’t know were reachable.
-Ashley informs us in her ITM that even though she’s having a good time with Costantine (I think), “I’m still thinking about Bentley on these dates”. Aaaaannnnnd the show continues to make her look worse and worse. Hey, it’s obvious that the producers are making her talk about Bentley because they knew he’d be coming back, but when you’re showing us her talking about him in every other clip, it seems a bit much. Of course she’s still gonna have Bentley on her head since she was just devastated by the guy only days beforehand, but it’s kinda ridiculous how much they showed her talking about him last night. Ok, we get it. She wanted Bentley to be her final guy. He’s not. She picked someone else, she’s with him now, and she’s moved on. I understand they’re doing this to tease Bentleys return in Hong Kong, but it’s just making Ashley look weak and desperate with not much self-esteem. I’m sure she feels like a million bucks watching these episodes. Not to mention her dude she chose that basically will get asked a 1,000 Bentley questions once this is all said and done.
-Ashley and Constantine sit down for dinner, and honestly I can’t tell you one single thing they talked about. All I know is that they talked, and talked, and talked, and talked, and talked and Constantine was rambling on and on about stuff that was so boring, it earned him a new nickname: Constant Sleep. It’s catchy. We’ve seen nothing from the guy for the first three episodes, then last night he bores me to tears coming up with crap during their date I could care less about and I almost had to pop a 5 Hour Energy to keep me awake. Hence, Constant Sleep. It seemed like Constant Sleep was talking in circles. Just never ending stuff about relationships, and finding himself, and blah blah blah. Granted, I don’t want to hear them asking each other what their favorite color is, but I certainly don’t care to hear this either. This was torture. I think if they really want to interrogate terrorists and get them to confess top secret information, screw waterboarding or physical torture. Force them to watch Constant Sleep’s date with Ashley last night and I guarantee these guys will start chirping like birds. We’ll have all terrorist cells across the country wiped out by this weekend.