-Courtney gets her alone time with Ben and for about the fifth time already in the little time she’s spent with him, she comments on how much she loves her hair. Loves it so much to the point that she’s now running her hands through it. I think when she was done, she had her hands covered in olive oil, hair goo, and some paper trash that his hair has attracted. Look, I get that his hair is part of his look and that’s what he wants to go with, I’m just saying it’s awful. Awful, awful, awful hair. But Courtney loves it, wants to run her hands through it, wants to make love to it, and basically thinks it’s the greatest hair piece known to mankind. Hey, maybe these two do deserve each other. I mean, as Courtney stated, she’s a “model, I like to travel, I’m nice, I’m normal, part Italian…” What a sell job she was doing last night and I guess Ben was in 100%. He believed her when she said she’s done traveling and just wants to settle down with a man. Ummmm, ok. So you’re gonna give up modeling/acting and move to Sonoma for the rest of your life? That will happen never.
-Which brings us now to Monica vs. Jenna, or as I like to call it, Tweedle Dee vs Tweedle Dumb. I have no idea what to even make of this fight because you could tell so much of it was edited to no end, their fight really didn’t make much sense to me. Monica was hammered and Jenna was just as schnockered to the point where verbalizing a complete sentence was a chore for her. So Jenna was asking Monica if she felt anything for Ben and Monica said “no.” And that basically set the wheels in motion for the Overanalyzer to become unhinged. Because certainly all 25 women who agreed to come on this show must all come on with truest intentions and be absolutely 100% sure that Ben in the man they see in their future. Jenna, I feel bad for you, I really do. But the producers played you big time. From your intro video where you immediately tell us about your panic attacks when trying to figure out men, to your edit out of the limo that couldn’t have been more awkward, to your fight with Monica, you were set up big time and they got their TV gold. They knew Monica pushing your buttons would set you off to no end. And it did. You kept talking about how you weren’t gonna let her get to you, yet, that’s all she did was get to you. I hope you enjoyed watching that back last night. I sure did.
-In between her spat with Jenna, Monica starts dry humping Blakeley. Or so they would have us believe. Yes, she was all up in her business, yes she was spouting off lines like “If you’re the only thing I get out of this…”, and yes you even had a voice over from one of the other girls asking, “Are they making out?”, all to get us to believe these two were carrying on some female-on-female action that lasted til the wee hours of the morning. Hey, I sure went along with it. Good for them. Let them explore each other’s bodies in front of the others. I’m all for girl-on-girl action. Have at it, ladies. You signed up to be on the show, you can’t complain that the show made America think you were lesbians. By the way, it says it right in your contracts that they can manipulate any situation they want and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. So once again, I hope signing up for this show was worth it enough to be looked at as bisexual for the rest of your life, regardless of if you are or not.
-Back to Jenna and the emotional roller coaster has just hit the top of the tracks and is about to start into a nearly 180 degree nosedive. Jenna about Monica: “Here she is making me cry and she’s smiling about it. What human does that?” A human that’s probably had about 10 glasses of the bubbly and is being egged on by producers, that’s who. So Rachel decides to play mediator between these two and decides the best idea would be to bring Monica over to where Jenna is sitting and let them have it out 1-on-1, emotional basket case to bisexual. Rachel, thank you for doing this. Without your help, we wouldn’t have gotten the line of the night. Might be the line of the series. Jenna asks Monica why she doesn’t like her. Monica says she doesn’t know her so not to make that assumption. Back and forth these two drunks went to the point of nausea. Then in the most condescending voice you could come up with, Jenna tells Monica, “Maybe we can share a tampon sometime.” Huh? The verbal diarrhea that Jenna is spewing is utterly hilarious. Sharing a tampon? Hey wait, doesn’t that cause Toxic Shock Syndrome? Probably not a great idea to float out there, Jenna. I don’t even think our local Epidemiologist could save you from what you’d attract from that. Have fun on your blog, Jenna. I’m guessing it’ll be loaded with tampon questions.
-As if we hadn’t had enough of Jenna already, this was a classic. Jenna is still spewing that the bisexual chick doesn’t like her and is talking it over with Kacie. Ben comes over and basically Jenna loses her cookies. No, she didn’t throw up but, well, she might as well have because I think blowing chunks in Ben’s lap might’ve made a better impression than what actually came out of her mouth. She was asking him if he was nervous at all about tonight and he said he wasn’t and she just thought that was the most odd thing ever. You know, because she’s already a couple sandwiches short of a picnic and the queen of bizarre facial expressions. Then this is what came out of her mouth next. I made sure I stopped the DVR and wrote down every last word to get this right:
“That makes us…if…we can be more nervous but, you could…we all could be more nervous but, the way you’re calm, like, we’re so nervous, but it calms us a little bit.”
With all due respect Jenna, and you seem like a really sweet girl that was completely in over her head on this show, I have to ask – What the f**k did any of that mean? It was a looooooong night for Jenna to say the least. And next week will be even worse.
-I’m so Jenna’d out at this point, lets get to the Rose Ceremony. Ben: “Still all look stunning (well yeah, none of them have changed)…thank you for being here (kind, courteous, and scripted)…it’s gonna be emotional (and as you can see, I emit zero emotions when I speak so this should work out wonderfully)…love is part of it (this show? It is? Could’ve fooled me)…it’s an honor to be here (because “Evolve” wine is now “Envolve” wine and I just wanna make sure there’s 11 weeks of television which allows me to make it known we’ve changed the name of our wines)…”
Jamie, Rachel, Blakeley, Emily, Kacie B., Casey S., Brittney, Erika, Shawn, Nicki, Jennifer, Elyse, Samantha, Courtney, Jaclyn, and Monica are all safe.
“Ladies, Ben, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. We’d really like to show some more footage of two chicks humping each other or Jenna swallowing her own tongue, but, considering we spent a good 30 minutes on that already, I guess we have to continue with this nonsense.
Jenna gets the last rose.
No true meltdowns by any of the girls on night one who got eliminated. Cow balls chick got in a good cry with some funky hand gestures, but nothing too crazy. I think the most important info from all the first night eliminations is today we’ve come to find out that Dianna Martinez, the one who blindfolded and fed Ben candy, is getting married on Jan. 27th. She posted this on her Facebook wall today which pretty much goes to show that, yeah, not everyone takes this show so seriously. Either Dianna had a serious boyfriend before she did the show, went running back to him after filming, and now they’re set to be married in 3 weeks, or Dianna is getting married to a guy she met after filming, which means she’s known him for a whopping 3 months. Good luck with that Dianna. I’m sure it’ll all work out for you in the end. Just be sure to give everyone in attendance at your wedding a blindfold as well.
Our first “Reader Emails” column will be back this Thursday, so get any emails in that you want answered. Obviously, I will not address anything in regards to the lawsuit just yet, but anything else is fair game. Will also hopefully have a link to the video interview I did this morning on www.KiddTV.com with Kellie Raspberry here in Dallas. Send your emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you Thursday.
I would’ve said KFC for the Kentucky question.
Loved the recap, but I have to disagree on the 5 hottest… swap out Emily for Rachel, IMO. I’m not feeling the Emily love like RS is after last night… but a big fan of Rachel, Nikki, Lindzi, and Kacie.
I laughed my way through this entire column. Nice work!
Well that was a hot mess of a show! Quick question, which girl was it that walked by Ben (during the walk out of the limo) & was subsequently sent packing? Was that the Snowball girl?
Wow, I have lost so much respect for you RS. Did you even pay attention while watching last night? I personally thought Lyndsie J was a sweetheart and absolutely adorable. I was stunned that Jenna, Blakely, Monica got roses and Lyndsie didn’t. No offense to any of the other girls as I don’t know them, but Lyndsie J was the only one that had any kind of class. Such a charming, witty, class act. But then I guess you Steve, wouldn’t know about class as you don’t have an ounce of it. You say she was ADHD, hyper, bouncing off ‘walls’ etc. REALLY? Watch it again, moron. She has a sense of humor and is fun. Something that apparently a lot of people can’t take.
I have been a faithful reader of your site for years but I have never commented on your columns until now. Hands down the most hilarious column up to now. I was looking forward to your recap and boy oh boy did you ever deliver!!! I had trouble getting through all of it as you had me in tears laughing so hard. You definitely had a lot to work with with this nutfest of an episode but it was worth the wait. Your recap totally made my day!! Keep up the amazing work!
OMG! Usually I don’t really laugh, I just more so read the spoilers, but today you had me cracking up! Nice recap, loved it!
Funny stuff, Steve. I don’t care much for the show but your recaps are a good way to kill an hour. Am I the only one who is annoyed by these girls’ names? Lindzee and Lindsie and Lyndzyee. The way they edited the girl who cried all night was cruel and funny. If you wear your heart on your sleeve, you don’t want any part of “The Bachelor.” I didn’t see any of the season this guy was on the Bachelorette, but he’s about as interesting as an economics lecture. And WTF with the hair? I was rocking the same thing in the ’90s, but umm… grunge ended.
By the way the guys always pick in order of looks. That’s nothing new this season. Keep up the good work!
Seeing as how I am happily involved in my own great relationship, I have no plan to watch this train wreck of a show. I have better things to do now. That said, I plan to keep up with the show via Reality Steve, and IF I decide to watch any of it, the ONLY reason will be because of RS. Keep doing what you’re doing Steve!
I was really confused about what was getting up Jenna’s ass. Monica was refreshingly honest when she said she had no feelings for Ben, and somehow this was some insult to Jenna? All I could think of was how they stirred up this drama over nothing from what I could see. The only explanation is the producers told Jenna that Monica was trash talking her behind her back. Monica only said she didn`t like her after they tried to have that stupid truce talk.. I would have reacted the same way as Monica, like WTF weirdo? And yes, they were both two sheets to the wind. Jenna so much so that she was making no sense and talking in circles, just like RS pointed out.
Jenna…she’s a blogger too? Who reads her blog?
Courtney…gag. She will be in bachelor pad..hooking up with Dave Good, she seems more his type.
Loved Monica telling Ben she missed her dog, and telling the other girls she had no feelings for Ben. Good for her! And if she’s bi–so what? No mention of Blakely being a switch hitter. It takes 2 to tango!
@realitysteveisatool, I agree about Lyndsie J! She was, in all honesty, an anomaly–much too real and genuine for this show. Would love to have a friend like her!
Courtney looks like she has a five o’clock shadow over her lip. Sorry but I don’t see what is so attractive about that girl. I thought Miss Nebraska Nurse Amber T was beautiful.
I normally like coming on here and reading your post but tonight I’m pissed. “Kentucky is known for: Beautiful women and fast horses. Really? I thought it was incest and Moonshine. And poor hygiene. Man, I was mistaken. My bad.” Who the !%&# do you think you are to make a statement like that. I’m from Kentucky and your comment is offensive to me and my State. You are RUDE and IGNORANT!!!!!!
Unfortunately the phase of obnoxious spellings has only just begun. We see them leaking onto shows like the Bachelor as the younger twenty-somethings come on. I don’t understand the trend of adding a random “y” or “z” to a regular name. It’s not Lindsay anymore, it’s Lynzy. Not Addison, it’s Addysyn. Brittany is Brytnee. Looks trashy to me, can’t help it!
Good call on Courtney’s upper lip shadow…she is a beautiful girl but it’s a shame about her mouth work.
All I can say about Jenna is how cliche her blog must be if it really includes phrases like “soul mate” and “true love.” I know that was for the camera shot but she strikes me as someone who would write one-dimensional material just like that anyway.
Hey Steve – I’m NOT from Kentucky but I agree with julia0331…offensive comment. Yes, I get it, “it was a joke”, “you’re sarcastic and sophomoric”, blah blah blah, but that was mean. I’m just saying…
he he he………. Frank the Tank……… Right there with ya Steve-o! I’m sorry, but not many dudes are attracted to that craziness. Yeah, nice and all, but a little off her rocker. Loving the epidemiologist and the divorced chic!
@ realitysteveisatool
Lyndsie – is that you??
Ok after watching I think Courtney mouth looks so F’ed up because she had injections or something. Her attitude is nasty – but I assume they wanted her to be the “villan” this year. And the girl from KY who is offended? I agree with Steve on this one….. (regarding the state) but its a JOKE…. really, you took the time to create an account and respond because it offended you? Steve doesn’t read the comments…time for a hobby girl!
julia0331 = jenna.
Bazinga!
I don’t like Courtney at all, she seems like an evil tramp. @ the person who was a model and sort of knows here I can’t believe she went to someone else’s wedding in white!!! Just goes to show you what kind of person she is. The KY comment was hilarious!!! LOL I would have guessed KFC and that’s about it. Is it just me or did anyone else notice how the music chages when the “final four” exicted the limo? It was a sweeter more romantic tone to it. Jenna if f-ing crazy!! Somewhere Candace Bushnell and SJP are banging their heads against a wall. To be from NYC she is very thin skinned to let Monica get to her. I love reading this!! It gives me something to look forward to!!! I saw Kacie or Lindzizzziies (however you spell it – the one w\ the horse) for the next Bachelorette!
Tuesday and Friday columns are back again, yay! All is right in the world again. LOL. I agree that people are taking the KY jokes a little too personally. I grew up in TX and live in CA now- people always tease me and ask me if I had cows in my backyard or if any of my relatives are missing teeth. It doesn’t offend me; I can take a joke.
If someone is easily offended, this probably isn’t the best website to visit frequently. I enjoy Steve’s columns and thing they’re hilarious. He almost always calls it like it is, and I appreciate that. I’ve stopped reading Chris Harrison’s recaps because they’re just so phony and you can see right through them.
CallGirl…I’m with you. People need a sense of humor to read RS. If you don’t have one, or are so easily offended, this is probably not the site for you.
Keep up the good work, Steve!
*think, not thing. My bad.
I wish I had time to read the whole column. This show and the column gives me some entertainment on week nights so thank u
I don’t know … but the shape of Courtney’s head and her lips freak me out … just sayin’
So is Courtney going to be the Vienna of this season?
Ben is cute and all but he is just like any other dude you would find on match.com. He is a tad bit douchey, but I am certainly willing to give him a chance.
Im not sure I trust Courtneys motives. She is clearly an aspiring model and has been for years. She allegedly dumped her longtime boyfriend to do the show. http://okhereisthesituation.com/2012/01/03/courtney-robertson-dumps-long-time-boyfriend-to-meet-ben-f/
Jenna’s just like a lot of us, a little sensitive, and when plied with way too much alcohol, overemotional. I could see that happening to many females I know, including myself. When you have a very stressful situation full of unknowns, a master bully and a bunch of catty women, then combine that with the editing ABC choses to do, this is what happens. Jenna is most likely a really nice, sensitive, warm individual. Plus, the Producers were most likely feeding her anxiety, continuing to ply her with alcohol and probably said a few things to stir the pot., I don’t trust Fleiss and his gang at all. They can take anyone, edit them any way they’d like, and voila, everyone now has an incorrect perception of someone,
It’s very sinilar to Melissa, who got the same bad rap. Then, to top it off, sleazy Blake on BP2 had to play mind games with her. Again, add in the edits, alcohol and catty people, and that’s what happens.
Great example…Michelle Money. I strongly disliked her on The Bachelor, but when I watched her on BP2, I realized what a bad edit she got the first time around.
Hey everyone….don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in someone elses shoes.
Melissa and Jenna…you are good people. Ignore the haters and realize you were set-up for the situations you went through.
Fleiss is an eveil SOB. He could care less what he does to a person.
I wanted to reach through the screen and slap Monica silly. She is a very mean person and it came through loud and clear. I can’t wait for her to leave the show. She reminds me of the girls in high school who would make life hell for others. And her smirk was even worse than Blake’s, which is saying a lot.
Hey…maybe when Holly wakes up and realizes she’s with a sleazy snake, Monica and Blake can hook up!
chose…not choses! evil…not eveil
I have to say… this is definately the most beautiful group of hoes I’ve ever seen on this show.
Just saw Ben on Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy picked four women as the final four. I agree with his choices of the horseback rider and administrative assistant lol see .. I don’t even know their names .. just what they do. But the model made Ben head over heels and the admin assistant is actually prettier .. so I decided that Ben must be someone easily influenced by the glamour and attention of arm candy and the ‘model’ profession like he’s a rock star.
I am trying to figure out why you said Lindsey Cox was from Clovis, CA when it states on the show she is from Bellevue, WA?
jenna Burke is QUITE a situation!!! Have you read her blofg the overanalyst? Its a bit off. Im bummed she was booted because she was going to something to behold.
http://okhereisthesituation.com/2012/01/03/situation-jenna-burke-aka-the-over-analyst/