-Courtney’s date with Ben is up next. Wanna know how Ben comes down from his Blakeley boner? Put him on a date with Courtney. “She’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. She’s a model.” Yes Ben. We know. But thanks for pointing that out to us. I’m sure that never played a role in your decision either too considering it’s the first thing you wanted to inform us about her. Nice. As Courtney, Ben and Scotch leave for their date, Kacie has some choice words for the camera: “Just because you’re going on a date doesn’t mean you’re coming home.” True, but Kacie, lets be realistic here. You honestly think that he was sending Courtney home on her first date? Really? Kacie’s reaction is kinda like the reaction I’ve been getting on Twitter and email since the season started. Basically, the consensus is “I hope Reality Steve is wrong.” Translation: We hate Courtney and don’t want Ben to pick her. Sorry, people. You’re gonna have to accept it.
-It’s not like you’re watching this in real time and Ben is developing feelings as we’re watching. And it’s not like Ben sees Courtney’s interaction with the other girls. People act as if I’m guessing, or predicting, or thinking out loud who I think Ben will pick. No, no, and no. This show has been over basically 2 months. The ending is already decided. Nothing is going to change that. He got engaged to Courtney. I’m not here to explain why, or dissect the reasoning behind the edit she’s getting, or why he wouldn’t pick someone more likable by the masses. That’s not my job, nor do I care. It’s a waste of time. It baffles me the amount of emails I get from people trying to figure out the why and how behind Ben picking Courtney. Who cares? You’re never gonna get your answer anyway, so what’s the point in speculating over it? The season is over, he’s engaged to Courtney, get over it. If his date last night was any indication, it’s obvious he’s head over heels for her, never sees the way she acts around the other girls, and when he hears about it from some of the others, he obviously didn’t care since it didn’t affect his decision. He still picked her anyway. I will never understand the attachment people get to the contestants on this show. Ever. I watch it, I make fun of it, I move on. I think a lot of you should do the same.
-The three of them head into the woods for a picnic and apparently getting Scotch to howl for Courtney was a big deal for Ben. I have no idea why. I’ve had Maddie for almost 4 years now and she’s never howled once. Hmmmmm, think I should try to get her to do it? That’s it! This Thursday in addition to the “Reader Emails” column, I’m coming back with a video to talk about some things, and lets see if I can get Maddie to howl. I can pretty much guarantee you she won’t, but hell, if it got Ben into Courtney’s pants, maybe it can work for me. I’m sure she will look at me like I’m from another planet, but what the hell? I’ve never tried it with her, so we’ll see. So back with a video on Thursday talking about where the lawsuit stands, probably some “Bachelorette” talk, and now we’ll add “getting Maddie to howl” to the list. I’m really looking forward to this in a “I have no idea how this is gonna go” kind of way.
-Oh boy. Here it comes. The ever-so-tragic story of the model’s dating life. Isn’t it funny how all the hot chicks say the same thing? Courtney: “It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. No one’s asked me out.” Uh huh. Why do good looking women feel the need to constantly use this line? Are we really expected to believe Courtney has trouble finding a date? Some may say, “Well, it is true because guys usually find attractive women intimidating, or already think they’re with someone, so that’s why they don’t get asked out.” I call bullsh**. That’s not the case. I’m sure plenty of guys ask Courtney out. But as she stated last night, she’s picky. She probably turns all of them down unless they are of a certain “status.” So a message to all hot chicks out there: Quit saying you’re lonely and no one asks you out. What you mean to say is, “No one I would consider going out with asks me out.” If you can help advance Courtney’s career, you have a chance. Hell, if she weren’t engaged, I’d ask Courtney out tomorrow knowing full well I had no chance, just to make her shut up about the “I never get asked out” BS. Oh yes you do honey. Just not by the people you want to be asked out by. And oh yeah, Ben is saying that Courtney is “too good to be true.” I believe Ali kept saying the same thing about Roberto over and over during her season.
-At night, these two take a tractor ride through his vineyard as Courtney ponders what life will be like living in Sonoma over Santa Monica, dating Ben Flajnik rather than a D-list actor, and how long she can keep up this façade of how much she likes his hair looking like a wet mop. Of course, Ben is smitten. “She’s exceeded all my expectations.” As these two sit down for dinner, Courtney drops another Charlie Sheen reference. “You’ve got such a winning personality…tell me more about you.” This was awesome. I don’t know if Ben knew how far he wanted to take this. It was like he gave the PG-13 version of what he really wanted to say when he went into, “Well, I went to college in Arizona, got a job in internet advertising – making money, partying, traveling, living it up – just having fun” when in reality what he was saying was, “I’m the Storm Horse bitch!”
You gotta love how Ben is trying to send out his “representative” to Courtney so she falls for that guy, when all the while, THAT guy is the same dude who released a video about masturbation and wet dreams that has a classy chorus like:
“Well if you just let me f**k you right,
I can be your cream dream every night,
No nightmares when you’re with me,
My dick can fulfill your bedtime fantasies.”
Yes, Courtney. That’s what you’re engaged to. Enjoy.
-The woe-is-me Courtney continues. “My dating life sucks. I’ve dated actors, photographers – a lot of guys. I’m picky. Dated the wrong guys…found underwear under the bed…I meet nice people, I’m just not into them.” Awwwwww, poor thing. Someone bring me a box of Kleenex please. This is truly heartbreaking. The international model can’t find a date. Wait a second, I thought no one asked her out? Now she’s running down a list of all types of guys she’s dated? Yeah, that makes sense. But her best line was easily, “I meet nice people, I’m just not into them.” Translation: I’m into bad boys and guys that treat me like sh**. So basically she’s like every other single woman out there who complains about having not found the right guy yet. Got it. Whatever the case, Courtney gets the rose and practically makes love to it. She sniffs it, she rolls it around her face, she whips her hair around it – yeah, this chick is totally into Ben. It’s going to be a fun next 10 weeks.