Another Live Video Blog Tonight, “Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & Has The Guys Mansion for Emily’s Season Been Identified?

Dr. Reality Steve

Looks like this part of the email bag is getting more and more full every week. Love it. If it continues like this, I might have to start giving it its own column like I used to in the past. Also, I can definitely see bringing back the “female” perspective and having a new female every week give their perspective on the questions. If you go back in the archived Dr. Reality Steve posts four years ago, you’ll see that I had some former contestants, and even an ex-girlfriend, help me answer some. I think I could do that again at some point. On to this week’s questions…
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Hi, Steve,

Maddie is adorable! Good to see her appear in your video blog.

Thanks for reviving Dr. Reality Steve! These have been fun to read again. So I’d like to hear your thoughts about a friend of mine. I’ve known him for 10 years and, full disclosure, he’s also my ex (dated for about 2 years, he broke up with me because he thought I have communication issues, which, FYI, he did too. Now we live in different states but e-mail a few times a week). Immediately after we dated, he began dating this much younger girl, who cheated on him with her ex boyfriend after 3 months. Then, later, he dated a girl who used him to play dad to her 5 year old daughter and then cheated on him with some 50 year old guy she met on the internet that day (we’re all in our late 20s). Now he’s dating this other girl who’s basically stalking him on facebook (liking and commenting on everything he posts, tagging him in her posts and photos, etc). Why on earth does my friend keep choosing such loser/user girls? My friend is a great guy with a great job! Do I tell him what I really think, or will I just sound like I’m jealous? Is this really just a case of “the penis does the picking?”

Anyways, I love your column!

Comment: Basically, your guy is the female equivalent to those that love dating “bad boys.” He’ll learn at some point. Or not. Some guys just can’t be in normal relationships where crazy sh** doesn’t happen on a daily basis. I’ve known guys like that. They thrive off the fact that their relationship is up and down, the chick is unpredictable, because I guess it keeps them on their toes. Will I ever understand it? No. Could I ever be in a relationship where I don’t know what’s gonna come flying out of my girlfriends mouth on a daily basis? Hell no. But there are guys that do. Sounds like your friend is one of them.

You can casually bring it up to him in a joking way like, “Wow, sounds like you found yourself another winner,” and see how he reacts. Also could be that this guy just HAS to be in a relationship at all times, doesn’t want to be alone, and doesn’t have much of a screening process. He likes whoever likes him, no matter how bat sh** crazy they are. No different than the woman who loves dating bad boys. Either they will get over that phase, or they’re destined for a life of being with someone who treats them like dirt and they don’t care.
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This was in response to last week’s email where the woman had met a guy at the gym and they carried on for 9 months before she found out he was married. She emailed back to give an update on things.

Thank you for the advice, it’s greatly appreciated. The funny/wierd thing is, last night I got a “friend” request on facebook from some woman I never met before. Found out.. guess who she has a 1 month old baby with? The scumbag from the gym, and no she isn’t his wife either. Told her no thanks, not interested in the drama, cut him out of my life before things got as serious as they apparently did with you. I’m moving on with my life, want absolutely nothing to do with a player like him, time for me to start dating someone who knows how to treat a person with respect. I won’t be seeing him at the gym either, cancelled my membership at the one he goes to and found one closer to my home and cheaper.

The one thing you asked in your response, basically how did I not see the signs? Well at his brothers apartment when I asked who the people were in the pictures, he told me one was his son – which I knew about him – the others were his brothers family, his mom and his sisters family. I thought it was nice that he hung pictures of his family, most single men don’t do that, at least I didn’t think they did anyhow. He is also a fireman, so the interrupted dinners, I assumed he was going on a call since his pager went off. I also always had a rule, please do not call me after 10pm, I’m raising my granddaughter and prefer to not have the phone ring after that time, so never really talked after 10.

Lesson learned and hopefully won’t have another issue like this again.

Comment: Wow. So this guy pretty much had more issues than even I suspected. Good thing you were able to separate yourself from that mess. You’re better off for it. This guy has got his plate full, no doubt. His wife will find out eventually and he will be divorced any day now.
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Hi Steve, I read your Bachelor spoilers all the time, but I also have a Dr question for you. I know you’ll give me a straight forward answer and not sugar coat anything to not hurt anyone’s feelings.

My question: can a guy and an ex be just friends? I’ve been dating a guy about 4 months now, and just recently found out I’m pregnant with his child. He’s fun and sweet, but one thing that gripes me is: he still texts his ex girlfriend! He calls her as well. I’m not sure how many times a week he texts or calls her, he says it’s not a lot, so I believe him just so I won’t keep thinking about it all the time. He always says “I dumped her because I don’t wanna be with her. If I wanted to be with her, I’d be with her” so I just take it and accept it, but i don’t see why he feels the need to continue to talk to her, when I have asked him several times to stop. I guess I’m being selfish, because I feel like he should be focusing his time and attention on myself and our baby. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Comment: Can they? It’s possible. Is it likely it just stays as friends? Probably not. My questions are: How long did he date this girl? How serious was it? If she was just a short term thing, it could be nothing. But if they were serious, there might be something there.

You’re not being selfish. This guy is having a kid with you. Out of respect he should kinda quit it with the texting and calling of the ex. What’s the point? It’s only upsetting you. If he’s getting defensive, then something might be up. He’s being a douche. No need to text your ex as much as he does when he’s in a new relationship. Especially one with a kid on the way. Tell this guy to pull his head out of his ass. The last thing you need in the beginning of a pregnancy is worrying if your boyfriend is hooking up with his ex.

Here’s another question I have that you really never specified: Have you even told him you’re pregnant?
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Hi Doctor!

I love your column and just finished watching your video from this week. Here is my question for Dr. Reality Steve: I am in 9th grade at a really big public high school (3600 kids). In one of my classes there was this guy. We talked during english and became friends but not anything more. We only talked at school and never talked or hung out outside of school. A couple days ago he asked me out. I know it takes a lot for a guy to ask a girl out but I said no because I didn’t want a big break up to ruin our friendship. He said okay. The next day at school like three girls came up to me in a different class and were asking me why I was so mean to him. I said I didn’t understand what they were talking about. They said he was telling everyone that I was a bitch and said no because I thought he was gay and a fa***t. I never said anything like that to him. Even after I said no I gave him a hug and said we should still be friends. I know he might be hurt but he shouldn’t have spread lies like that about me. How should I approach him? We haven’t talked since he asked me out. Thanks for your advice!

Comment: Well, unfortunately this guy couldn’t handle getting rejected by you and if what you’re saying is true, then it sounds like he just started spreading rumors about you to make himself feel better. And once you told me you were in 9th grade, it sounded like something a rejected 9th grade boy would do. Sucks you have to go through it. You need to confront him about it. Tell him what the three girls told you, ask him if its true, and ask him why he did it.

Problem is, I haven’t been in high school for a while. Do teachers or administrators even handle this type of stuff? I guess with the anti-bullying campaigns going on, maybe they do step in something like this, but I’m not sure. Back when I was in high school, spreading rumors about someone seemed to be something that happened every day. Isn’t much you can do about it. Kinda like when Steve Sanders started telling everyone that Kellie was a slut after he banged her. She had to live with that label for the rest of high school and it left quite the emotional scars on her insides. And it wasn’t until Steve told her years later that it was him that started the rumor that she was able to get over it. Ummmmm, where was I?

Anyway, I’d confront this d-bag, tell him you don’t appreciate it and be done with him. If it gets really bad and the guy won’t shut up and keeps spreading more rumors, then I’d go to your counselor about it. Or go spray paint his locker with “Jerk Off.” Either one.
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Dr. Reality Steve,

So..I had a boyfriend that lived with me. We were together 2 years, one day he just decided to move out and back to Georgia where his family was from (we lived in Louisiana together). Well it was 2 days after I gave him the ultimatum to either quit smoking, or I was out. Well he left before I could, but anyway. We went a whole year without talking and then all of a sudden last week he starts talking to me again. Being in Georgia and me being in Louisiana, he doesn’t HAVE to ever talk to me again. I mean that would be the convenient thing to do if he had no feelings for me, right? So why is he trying to come back into my life? I need a guy’s opinion on this. Thanks!

Comment: What are conversations about? The weather? Or is he talking about seeing you again? Since it’s only been a week, it might be tough to gauge at this point. First you need to find out if he quit it with the cancer sticks. If he hasn’t, and that’s a deal breaker for you (which it sounds like it was), then I wouldn’t even answer his call.

Could be a myriad of reasons he decided to call you out of the blue after a year. Booty call? He needs money? He’s gonna be in town soon and wants to see you? You’ll have to be the judge by what he’s actually asking you. No guy calls his ex out of the blue after a year for no reason. He obviously wants something. You just need to find out what it is. My guess: he wants some ass again.
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Hello Dr. Steve,

Hope you are doing well! I LOVE your column. And I say booo to your haters.

Anyway, I’ve read your column for a while now & I always wanted to ask you a question, but never had anything worthwhile to ask since your columns are pretty thorough w/ info. Now, that you’ve resurrected the “Dr. Steve” column I do have something I want your opinion on.

I see the same cute guy three times a week on my commute. We ride the bus (i live in NYC) and then walk the 1/2 block to Starbucks numerous times a week together for what’s been at least six months. Sad to say, but the only words we’ve ever said to each other is “thank you” (for holding the door open.) I know the rule that if a guy wants to talk to you/ask you out, he will. But in this situation I think he might need a little bit more. He probably needs some encouragement/acknowledgement that I want him to talk to me since strangers in NYC aren’t very welcoming, but at 8:30am in the morning, in a busy Starbucks, I have ZERO game. I try to break a smile, but even that is hard BEFORE coffee. If this were any other situation I could come up with something clever to say. Dr. Steve, what can I do to spark a conversation that isn’t totally embarrassing in a busy midtown Starbucks and that won’t make me need to change my commute? Or do I take it as an uninterested sign that for six months he could’ve said hi to me and didn’t?

With all that said, I think he might be gay. On a rainy day he wore his waterproof shoes and carried suede ones in a paper bag. Would you ever do such a thing? Do you know any straight man that would? I’ve polled my guy friends and have come up with conflicting opinions.

Would love to hear your thoughts…

Comment: Let me address your first paragraph: If this guy has seen you 3 times a week for 6 months and hasn’t said more than “thank you” to you, that doesn’t look promising. Maybe he’s taken. Maybe he’s uninterested. Maybe he can’t speak. If you want a conversation starter, I’d just go with, “Damn, you’ve been following me for 6 months. You keep doing this, I’m gonna have get NYPD on your ass.” Then play with your hair Courtney style, giggle, and show him cleavage. That’ll do the trick.

Well, if he’s a high end business guy, and appearance is important at work, then MAYBE I could understand him not wanting to f-up his suede shoes. But still, that’s a little high maintenance. Looks like you need to make a move with this guy and gauge the reaction. But it doesn’t look promising.
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I read your column every week and thoroughly enjoy it. However, my question is for your love column, not about the bachelor/ette. I want to know why men aren’t interested in dating single mothers. In many ways, women who are mothers are more mature, because they spend all their time and energy focusing on someone else, taking care of someone else, and shouldering a lot of responsibility all alone. It isn’t always easy, but it’s very rewarding. I would think men would be impressed by the fact that someone could be strong and support their child and still be a fun, intelligent woman. I also think it’s a great opportunity to see if that woman is the kind of mother you’d want for your kids. I know that sometimes guys literally hear single mother and think “I bet there is drama with her and the baby daddy” and sprint the opposite direction. However, that is not the case for me. I am a very happy single mother, there is no sperm donor involvement, and so no need for a guy to feel that way.

It’s so frustrating to think that my child, whom I love more than life, could be holding me back from having a man in my life. I never had issues getting dates before I had my son, and now I can barely get a guy to look at me twice (and no, I’m not fat or anything like that! No extra baby weight, except in my boobs and what man doesn’t like that?). I may be a mom but I’m more than that. How come guys can’t see that?

Comment: Well to characterize ALL men as not wanting to date single mothers would be wrong. There are plenty that do. But definitely your pool is limited. I’m guessing there are plenty of single dads that wouldn’t mind dating a single mom. But are you going to find it a little more difficult than finding a single guy with no kids to date you? Probably. There are plenty of guys that would rather not get involved in a family already established. Doesn’t make him a bad guy, just means he has his preferences. I’m sure there are certain “types” you wouldn’t date. Well, a lot of guys, for whatever reason, don’t want to date single moms. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your kid, but it’s a big responsibility. And lets face it, guys are pretty irresponsible to begin with, so jumping in to something with a kid is usually too much for them to handle.

Lets face it, single mothers do have a different schedule. Kinda like how you heard Emily in her breakup with Brad talk about how he just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t drop everything mid-week to go on a vacation or come see him. It makes sense. You can’t get a phone call one morning from a guy who asks you on a trip for the weekend and be able to make all the plans necessary to have your child take care of while you bolt off for three days. For the most part, guys aren’t planners, so they don’t think that way. And I’m guessing as a single mom, your daily life is pretty regimented, right? There’s probably not a lot of time where you have to just screw off.

So I wouldn’t blame it on guys who can’t see what a great catch you are. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. I don’t know. It just has more to do with the fact it’s a lot for a guy to take on, and most guys just don’t want to deal with it. They’d rather be able to head to the bar and a moments notice, take a weekend trip at the drop of a hat, etc. And with a single mom, it’s just not as easy.

It all comes down to personal preference with guys. There are plenty of guys out there that don’t have a problem with single moms. You just need to find one.
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Send your emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.