Dr. Reality Steve
A few to get to this week. I saw a great relationship question in the “Life” section of the “Dallas Morning News” this week. Should’ve added that one to the batch and answered it but I forgot. I really hope they don’t pay the advice columnists newspapers very much considering the answers they give. On to this week’s questions…
My boyfriend has a pretty major (and recent) bromance with the guy next door. It’s making me crazy. He sees him everyday and they basically just sit down and chill out for hours at a time, watching TV, talking sports, whatever. Occasionally I’ll go over and hangout too (and I do have fun and share a few laughs), but most days he goes on his own. We don’t live together so he actually sees this guy more than he does me! What drives me crazy is I feel less important to my guy than his neighbour friend. I have tried spending more time over there (neighbour guy is married and his wife is close to my age) to help make myself part of the group – it was OK, because like I said, I have fun there – but as far as improving the situation, it didn’t really make a big difference. I still felt like 2nd place. I have tried talking to my guy to clear the air and let him know how I’m feeling, and I think I came across as more of a nag than anything else and it really didn’t help at all. In fact, it may have even made things worse. Aside from this issue, our relationship is totally positive and he makes me really happy. I just wish I could make him as happy as his neighbour friend does! Suggestions?
Comment: Considering you spell “neighbour” the way you do, I’m guessing you’re Canadian. Sorry, can’t help you. Kidding.
He goes over to his buddy’s house every day? Does he not have any other friends? What’s been his response when you asked him why he feels the need to spend hours with another dude every day playing grab ass?
For the time being, I wouldn’t worry too much if you say your relationship is great and it makes you happy. But if it continues, and he gets defensive when you ask him about it, there could be something more to it. How old is this guy? If you guys are in your early 20’s, then yeah, I guess that’s what 20-something guys will do. Get off work, go over to their boys place and talk sports and play video games. But when you’ve got a girlfriend, probably not something he should be doing as frequently as you say he is. Just to be on the safe side and make sure nothing too crazy is going on over there, next time you stop by, check to see if there are any teeth marks in the pillows.
I met a guy on a dating website two months ago and things have been great. We have talked/texted everyday since our first date and have gone out every weekend. He is very affecionate and sweet via text and when we hang out. There is definitely chemistry on both sides but we have not had sex, just some good ol’ making out – which I really like because I don’t feel like he is just trying to get in my pants. I am under no illusion that this guy is “the one” or that we are exclusive by any means (it’s only been two months) but he is still active on the dating site every day. I have logged in to the site sporadically over the last few months (less than 5 times) but my intent is not to keep looking for dates, it’s more about wrapping up old e-mails or chatting up friends that I have made. I do like this guy and am very interested in seeing where things go. Bottom line, do you think that he is not interested because he continues to be on a dating website daily? If things are going well between us and he continues to ask me out, why is he still seeking out other possibilities? For me, dating muliple guys is a hassle. So while I don’t consider me and this guy together officially . . . I’m not actively pursuing anyone else while I see how things play out with him and it’s disheartening to think that he is. Thoughts from the male side?
Comment: Unfortunately, that’s what you get when you deal with a dating site, and it’s frankly the reason I’m not on them. I don’t date multiple women at a time, but there are plenty of guys that like to and dating sites are the perfect tool for them.
Basically he’s just playing the field. Things are probably fine with you, he’s enjoyed his time since he keeps asking you out, but if he’s still on that dating site every day, basically means he’s keeping his options open. Whether or not he’s seeing other people on the nights he’s not seeing you, I don’t know for sure obviously, but I’m guessing he is. Especially if you guys haven’t had any of the “exclusive” talks yet, nor have you had sex. I see your side. You like him, you like the way things are going, so there’s no need for you to go on there and date other people. But until you are exclusive he’s allowed to do whatever he wants. And so are you. But until you have the talk with him, unfortunately, it’s gonna continually run through your mind what he’s doing with any of the other women.
I am a big fan of yours and I’ve emailed you questions about the show before, but this question is for Dr. Reality Steve.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months and he’s been sick lately so he went to the doctor and had a blood test and found out he has low mcv which could indicate cancer. Of course I was devastated when I found out and totally worried and I went online to research and saw somebody on yahoo answers who was his age asking a question about it. I didn’t notice that it was asked 3 hours earlier so I went on his profile and looked at his other questions to see how it turned out and as I read through the list I realized that it was my boyfriends profile; there were a ton of questions about stuff that we’ve talked about. And then I noticed a question about his girlfriend dragging him to a play and I was like what? I never dragged him to a play and I saw the question was dated five months ago so we would have been going out for a month and he said it was for their six month anniversary. It’s weird cause what are the odds that I would just happen to come across that on accident, i feel like I was supposed to see that somehow.
We live about 150 miles away from each other so I guess he could easily be hiding another girlfriend but I just always trusted him so the thought never even entered my mind. I mean he introduced me to his gramma five weeks after we started dating. wouldn’t she know if he had two girlfriends? So bizarre. I don’t wanna confront him just so he can lie to me how do I find out the truth? Also I don’t wanna just break up without giving a reason when he just told me that he might have cancer.
There was another thing I was concerned about too. In a question that was dated two months ago he said his girlfriend loves making out (I do) but that he hates it and that he just likes sex but making out is boring and a waste of time and makes him want to throw up. I feel like that’s not normal and it’s a red flag. And the weird part is that we haven’t had sex; we’ve come close to it but I told him when we first started dating that I want to be a virgin til I’m married and he said that he’s OK with that.
I was wondering if you could shed some light on that but mostly I want to know how I can figure out the truth without asking him cause I don’t know whether he’ll lie or not.
Comment: If you can confirm this is 100% his profile, and he was the one writing this stuff, then confront him on it. If you don’t, you’ll drive yourself batty. There’s no other way to get what you’re looking for without confronting him on it. But if he did say those things (and was possibly hiding a girlfriend in the beginning of your relationship) then why would you want to be with him anyway? I say get your answer as soon as you can and then make your decision from there. However, I think the decision is pretty easy if that’s his profile.
Quick question for the Doctor. Not sure if you can decipher this one because I am so incredibly confused, but it’s worth a shot: I’m in college and I’ve been hanging out with this guy for about two months–a step above friends with benefits (we are fairly good friends), but a step below dating (you know how college is). Anyway, there are only a couple of weeks left in the semester before we go our separate ways for three and a half months. We were having dinner together last night, and he brings up the summer, saying he wants to be honest with me and let me know he’s planning on being overseas working on his internship all summer and maybe we shouldn’t try to stay in touch like skyping all the time and he plans to have his fun with other girls. He is unsure about whether or not he would want to continue what we have next fall but he wants to enjoy what time we have left this semester. Now I’m perfectly okay with that, I mean its a college relationship and I’d much rather him be honest with me than get my expectations up for it to be anything more than what it is. The questionable part is he dropped this line on me and I can’t tell what in the world it means, if he’s sincere, or what. He said “Guys aren’t supposed to meet girls like you until they’re 30”. Now my first reaction was ouch, he thinks of me as a 30 year old, but I’m not sure if that makes sense (and no offense to 30 year olds). Anyway, just seeing if you could offer any insight on what he’s trying to say, because I made it clear that I have no problem with the situation and we could still hang out until the end of the semester. Oh well, if not that’s okay too, I mean I have a pretty good understanding of where we stand even if I don’t quite get that, so no big deal.
Thanks so very much for helping all of us clueless females out here! It is so much better than getting advice from a girlfriend who will just assume its the most romantic scenario possible and every guy loves you. Optimism is great for a lot of things, but when it comes to relationship advice, your realistic outlook is really refreshing.
Comment: Sweet, another college student question. These are my favorites. I’m getting closer and closer to opening up my own “Dr. Reality Steve” booth on college campuses across the world. Ok maybe not, but, it’s still fun to dream about.
Wow, well I’ll give this guy credit for one thing. At least he’s honest. He’s basically telling you “Hey, the sex is great and all, but I’m gonna be away all summer and you’re nuts if you think I plan on masturbating the whole time. I need to get some while I’m away in a foreign country, so yeah, no need for us to make small talk and Skype and sh**. Have a great summer!”
I think he was trying to say possibly that you’re marriage material, but since you guys are probably 21 or 22, he’s not even close to thinking something like that. So he’s just enjoying his college years, you’re one of his flings, and once he gets back from sowing his wild oats this summer, I guess it’s up to you whether or not you want to start something back up again.
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