-Another “Tell All” episode, and pretty much another disappointment. I mean, was that episode last night REALLY any different than the previous 23 editions? Chris talks to the lead in a pre-taped interview, Chris talks to all the contestants, some issues arise, people get called up to the hot seat, they show flashes of people in the audience making ridiculous faces and gasping for air, the lead comes out, confronts a few contestants, they show bloopers, they show footage of the final two contestants, the end. Same thing every season. And most of the good stuff they gave away in the previews running all last week. I guess you could say Ben’s “Women Tell All” last season was the best and most original one they’ve done because they incorporated a girl that was so wildly despised by most in the house AND she just happened to be the final woman chosen. But other than that, c’mon, last night was a major bore. Did you really see or hear anything last night that made your mouth drop? Didn’t think so.
-The pre-taped interview with Chris was basically just done so Chris could get a flirt session in with her. Kinda like, “Hey, hey, I know you chose Jef but, uhhhhh, I make 60k an episode and am now wife-free. Whaddya’ say?” They talked about Ryan’s comments during the season, Kalon the douchelicker, and Doug kissing her while she was being dumped. Emily didn’t tell us anything she hasn’t already said in her weekly blog, or in interviews we’ve seen of her. Then they showed us a few outtakes from her dates that were never shown:
1) On her date with Joe in Greenbriar, she spilled wine on her dress and cursed up a storm. Geesh, little ol’ sweet southern belle Emily curses like she should be wearing a mesh hat that says “Lick her in the front, Poker in the rear” while driving an 18 wheeler. And yes, in case you were all wondering what happened to that dress, thank god the stain came out and Emily got to keep it. Whew. I was worried there for a bit.
2) The Shelley the egg stuff with Travis was shown on the ABC’s site in the deleted scenes, but was shown again to the majority of their audience. They tucked it into bed one night and sang “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” to it. And then I barfed up dinner. I don’t wanna say Travis has a terrible singing voice, but William Hung watched that episode last night and was like, “Damn. Homeboy can’t sing worth a lick.”
3) During her hometown date with Arie, we learn that his two younger brothers are little pervs and were hiding in the bushes watching Arie make out with her. Gee, that didn’t make them look like total deviants, did it? Why not just show them back in their room watching RedTube with only a sock on? I’m sure these two kids are scarred for life now and every one of the girls they make out with in the future, they’ll end up grabbing her face like Arie and it’ll lose its luster. Poor kids.
4) Emily talked about Chris’ dancing skills, or, lack thereof. Shows clips from their 1-on-1 date in Charlotte at the Luke Bryan concert and to say that Chris has two left feet is an insult to left feet. Chris has no feet. Or rhythm. He couldn’t even do a white boy dance. And in Bermuda (I think) Emily told him she’d teach him the running man, but she didn’t have on the right shoes. No, thank you Emily for having on the wrong pair. I don’t think America needed to be subjected to Chris trying the running man. He might’ve ruptured his spleen in the process.
-The “Bachelor Pad” promo was up next and was definitely entertaining. We now see that Chris hooked up with Blakeley to start the show, then moved on to innocent little Jamie, but then ended up with Sarah in the end. Which makes his act last Sunday night (when they taped the MTA) even more embarrassing since, well, he’s already been with three girls since Emily. Who’da thunk it? We see challenges of spelling bees, a game show, balancing cups, crying, Erica calling newbie David an ugly loser, Ed & Reid having a confrontation, Paige the newbie acting the first night like she’s seeing celebrities for the first time, etc.