-Now we get sneek peaks at some of the women through hometown videos. These are always fantastically scripted and heavily producer driven. I mean, do you really think Lesley wanted to stand out in front of the Lincoln Memorial with a “Lesley Sean 2016” poster in her hand? Me neither. It doesn’t get much more scripted than that folks.
Desiree: She’s 26 from Newport Beach, CA and is a bridal stylist. You know, having a bridal stylist on the show, I wonder if they’re gonna make her…BAM! Right on cue. Desiree makes some comment about how she’s always helping other women picking out their dress for the big day, and can’t wait to do hers someday as well. Keep waiting Desiree. Maybe your fake boyfriend that you used to play the prank on Sean will actually be the dude you marry someday. Or not. I think Sean could bench press that guy with one arm.
Tierra: She’s 24, lives in Denver, and does some work that I didn’t care to write down. She tells us she’s fallen in love twice and had her heart broken twice. Boy, after seeing the previews for this season, I’d love to know what these two ex’s of hers are thinking now. Cuck-koo, cuck-koo. And oh yeah, during her video, the producer behind the camera tells her Sean is the bachelor and I think Tierra climaxed. This is not going to be an enjoyable next couple months for Tierra. Judging by her meltdown late in the season, I’m guessing she’s really well equipped to handle the edit she’s about to get. Pray for Tierra.
Robyn: She’s 24, lives in Houston and works in engineering. She also has stick em’s everywhere around her place because she’s learning Spanish? I’m sure Rosetta Stone won’t be offering Robyn any spokeswoman deals anytime soon. Robyn also is an acrobat and can bend many different ways. Must go back to her days as a former Houston Rocket dancer. Good for Robyn. I’m sure that’ll bode well for her in the future. However, Sean isn’t interested in how you bend until after your wedding day, so, you’re gonna need to find someone else. If you combined Condoleezza Rice and Michelle Obama, you’d get Robyn.
Diana: She’s 31, lives in Utah, and owns her own hair salon. For some crazy reason they left out that liiiiiiiiitle nugget about how she is Jef Holm’s hair stylist. Can’t imagine why they wouldn’t bring something like that up. Regardless, she’s also a divorced mother of two and, well, divorced mothers of two don’t last long on this show.
Sarah: She’s 26, lives in LA, and lets us know she was born with one arm. Thank you for that. Had no clue. I almost watched her intro video like I look at the section in US Weekly of “Stars: They’re Just Like Us!” They show Sarah typing, riding a bike, cracking eggs, and walking her dog, etc like we didn’t think someone with one arm would be able to perform these functions. Yes, I understand she has one arm, but I didn’t think that meant she couldn’t do day-to-day chores. I think Sarah automatically has the underdog role built in to her storyline and I can’t imagine many people not liking her. Although, that voice…
Ashley P: She’s 28, lives in Michigan, and works in a salon sexually seducing men apparently. She says she has no idea why she’s single. Ummmm, where should we start Ashley? Although she does say she’s taken by one man, and that’s Christian Grey from the soft porn “50 Shades” novels. Ashley, you’re embarrassing yourself. Just stop now before it gets worse. Oh wait, the producers told you that you’d totally get a rose if you went with the whole 50 Shades schtick on the first night? Rookies…
Lesley: She’s 25, lives in Washington, D.C. and is a democrat. Which basically meant that thinking for a second a southern, conservative, Republican from Texas would ever choose this chick was wishful thinking. Lesley was doomed from the moment they cast her. And not to mention her ridiculous video of prancing around DC with that poster and giving a bunch of political puns about her and Sean. Nauseating. “You can take the girl out of Arkansas, but you can’t take Arkansas out of the girl.” So that means sometime this season she’ll get drunk off moonshine and have a 1-on-1 date in a trailer? Awesome.
Kristy: She’s 25, from Wisconsin, and she’s a model and sells some shake that helps you lose weight, even though the shake comes with ZERO exercise program to go with it. Uh huh. Very credible. I mean, if you’re 100 lbs overweight and you drink this shake every day as your only meal, then yeah, I guess you will lose weight. But it’s certainly not because of the shake. It’s because you aren’t stuffing your face with 3,000 calories a day. Kristy doesn’t take long to get on America’s nerves when she says “Girls will be jealous of me.” Why don’t you just announce to the world that you hate puppies too? Not a good start for Kristy. Also, do we really need to see the over-the-shoulder shot of your trainer simulating sex with you while you’re on your back?
AshLee: She’s 32, from Houston, and she organizes your closet for a living. She’s also adopted and went through 6 foster homes as a child. That sucks. So lets look at the bright side of things and all take a minute to appreciate the fact that with three Ashley’s on the show this season, this one decides to spell her name with a capital “L” smack dab in the middle, and ends it with two “E’s.” You are cool. Jef with one “f” Holm needs a name companion. You two should hook up. Oh wait, you’re about 10 years older than he likes. Sorry. You’ll have to give it up to one of the other bachelor guys that is inevitably FB messaging you or tweeting you right now with a “Welcome to the family” email, which translated means “Come to one of our reunions so I can get in your pants,” or better yet, “Wanna form an early alliance for ‘Bachelor Pad’?” That’s the new one the guys use.
One video they didn’t show was Catherine’s, but it was posted this morning on ABC’s site for “Deleted Scenes.” Here’s her hometown video:
“Sean is the ultimate All-American beefcake, and I’m hungry…love the beef.” Actually you don’t considering you’re a hardcore vegan, so she must be talking about something else that I can’t quite put my finger on. Needless to say, Catherine is enamored with Sean’s looks. Something she seems to reference quite a bit. Hmmmmmmmm…..