Dr. Reality Steve

January 10th, 2013 | 41 Comments | Posted in Dr. Reality Steve

I have this friend (and before you tell yourself, “This is you, who are you kidding?” it really is a friend) who has been dating someone for a little over 3 years now. She is now 28 and he is 36. Three years is a fairly long time to be dating someone (especially at these ages). In the course of their three year relationship, they have never moved in together and it never seemed like my friend wanted to bring up the topic because she didn’t want to “rock the boat.” At times, they talked vaguely about a future, but never with specifics, and the guy said he didn’t think he would get married. Their relationship had a few ups and downs along the way, including one incident where he applied for and interviewed for a job which would relocate him half way across the country. He only mentioned it to her when he found out that he didn’t get the job! (So much for letting her prepare for a potential move or even inviting her with him). Skip forward a year or so and this past summer…he broke up with her. He told her that she was too insecure for his liking and that his last girlfriend (whom he dated for a few years and ended several years ago) was more cultured and well traveled and spoke several languages, so he was comparing her to my friend and it wasn’t adding up. What a guy, right!? It’s not me, it’s actually you and that you aren’t at all like my awesome ex or as sophisticated as us. Needless to say all of her friends were happy. She was finally free!

Not so much. They ran into each other and started sleeping together again. She brought up being together, but he said he wasn’t ready for that. She then stumbled across some sexy texts he sent to an ex and discovered he had a Match.com profile and had been messaging girls while he was telling her he only wanted to be with her (just not in an actual relationship with defined terms apparently. But that he knew when he was ready it was all her). When she brought it up to him he 1) was pissed that she checked his phone and turned it all around on her and 2) said now he REALLY needed more time to think about their relationship. So they continued to bone. Later, she told him how hard this was on her and he agreed that he didn’t want to lose her. So he promised to get rid of match. Because really, he needed to focus on himself anyway. He said he needed to work on things on his own before committing, that was all. But he wouldn’t date. Pinky promise. Right. Weeks go by and he IS STILL ON MATCH. She could see his profile…How you ask? Well because she made a fake Match profile herself of course…. To test his loyalty and honesty…and she “winked” at him on Match as someone else. He then emailed this fake profile. I’m telling you, I couldn’t have written it better myself if I was a paid Lifetime Movie screen writer. He told this fake profile person “Holly” that he wanted to meet up with her and that he had broken up with a girl last summer (my friend) who, and I quote, “just wasn’t the one.” He also went on to say that he had dated another girl a few weeks back who just ended it with him (so while he sleeping with my friend and telling her that he was not dating, he was). He also said he had invited this girl to his office Christmas party (he never even asked my friend to his till after over a year of dating) and that he wished he had met this “Holly” sooner to take her.

My friend was pretty upset and decided to talk to him to end things (without telling him about her ultra-secret psycho stalking persona). When she did, he cried, and she felt bad. Yep, somehow she felt shitty after all of his lies. Even though the very same night he was meeting up with my friend, he MADE A DATE WITH “HOLLY” for a little later that evening. Since it was my friend pretending to be this Holly person (whose picture was otherworldly gorgeous by the way- can’t believe he really thought she was real), naturally he was stood up. The next day, he told my friend that he really thought she should go on a planned trip to Europe with him for a few days after Christmas..and lo and behold…she went! She decided to just pretend like none of this happened. He doesn’t know she made a fake profile, so she can just pretend he’s not dating around and telling people she’s not the one. In fact she said she wishes she never found out. And so she is talking to him again. In fact, I am pretty sure she is hiding just about all of their rekindling from all of her friends (if you have to hide it, you know it’s not ok…). It’s like the Twilight Zone.

I am of the belief that if a guy isn’t with you- he doesn’t want to be with you. If he says he doesn’t want to get married- he either doesn’t want to get married or he doesn’t want to get married to you. Especially after 3 years and being 36 years old. But she keeps making excuses for him. Saying that he must care for her or why wouldn’t he just end it (apparently guaranteed booty and someone to lean on doesn’t measure up in her mind). He’s using her. We can all see it, but she won’t. Can you please tell her what a loser she is being? Yes, I am her friend, but even I have to call her pathetic on this one. We’ve all been there where we have hung on too long- but am I right? Is this insanely too long? Please dispense your advice as you feel fit and feel free to shorten this up as it’s rather long. Thank you! :)

From,

A concerned friend

Comment: Your friend is a bona fide idiot. Plain and simple. Can’t stand women who constantly make excuses for guys that treat them like sh**. Low self-esteem, no self-pride whatsoever, and all and all a bad situation. It’s clear as day this guy is using her every chance she can get, and her warped mind has her thinking he’s really into her. What makes it even worse is she’s seen visual proof (with the sexts and the fake Match account she created), and STILL is with him. If those examples won’t make her leave him and move on, doesn’t look like anything you say or do is gonna help. Some women out there just love being treated like dirt, and unfortunately, your friend is one of them. Someday she’ll learn, but doesn’t look like anytime soon as long as she keeps this guy in her life.
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Dear Dr. Reality Steve

I really need some guy advice and I hope you´ll respond :) I´m a 23 year old college student and I´ve been interested in my brother´s best friend for quite a while. Lets call him X. He´s a few years older than me and was in a relationship for a couple of years until this summer when he and his gf broke up (they have a young daughter together). I was excited and thought to myself that now I could make a move (he knew that I liked him) but the opportunity never came since I didn´t see him for a long time. I tried chatting with him online and he was really nice and all, but he didn´t start conversations with me after that, so I stopped. I tried to forget about it since I didn´t want to waste my time.

However, I met X at a party last month while I was out with my brother and some friends and we all got pretty drunk. He almost completely ignored me at first but later that night he magically seemed to change his mind and put his arm around me and started hugging me etc. but mentioned that he thought it was extremely uncomfortable to do this with my brother around. Long story short we went to his house and spent the night together – he was so nice and sweet and I was just thrilled that this had finally happened. We also spent the morning cuddling in bed which normally doesn´t happen after one night stands, at least not in my experience. Before I left I asked him if it really bothered him so much that i was his friend´s little sister and he said yes, but that it didn´t have anything to do with me. He kissed me goodbye and said he´d call me. Well, you can probably guess what happened next….He didn´t call! I was really hurt at first but now I just want to know why the hell… Is the sibling thing stopping him? Does he think I´m too young? He´s not over his ex? He just doesn´t like me!?? Should I try to contact him or is it desperate? (I´m guessing yes). Hope you can make sense of this!

Thanks for reading!

Comment: I think he took advantage of a girl he knew liked him. I wouldn’t ever expect to hear much from this guy in the future, if at all. Especially when he admitted to you it bothers him you’re his best friend’s little sister. If he’s never even bothered to broach the subject with your brother, or your brother doesn’t know about the hookup, it’s for a reason. Because he doesn’t want your brother to know that he violated his younger sister, and he probably cherishes his friendship with your brother more than he did a one night stand with you.

I think you got your hopes up for the wrong guy. Does your brother know you always liked his best friend? What’s he said about it all these years? And do you really want to get involved with a guy who has a kid with someone else when you’re 23? Probably best to just chalk it up to a night of sex and start liking guys that aren’t linked to family members. You’ll avoid a lot of awkwardness that way.
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Hey Steve,

Thanks for your awesome blog- I’m always chuckling when reading (and read year round). Always wishing you the best in taking down the corporate powerhouses who want to own your ass because, frankly, they’re just scared of you.

Anyway, wanted to pass along a not-so-mainstream ‘relationship/sex/love’ question.

In an attempt to be pithy, let me give you my background: I dated for probably 10 years (I’m 26). My longest relationship was just over 4 and after looking at rings together, I decided I simply wasn’t ready to get married. The remainder of my relationships are primarily 6-12 months.

Anyway, I finally decided that I was dating for the wrong reasons. I realized that I was looking for someone to ‘complete me’ or some other random bullsh** Disney movies shove down our throats whilst still in utero.

I’m now on an exceptionally fulfilling path in which I am just enjoying being me, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Will I date again? I’m sure. But for the time being, I have realized I will fail at any relationship if I do not accept and love myself first.

Anyway, since coming to this realization, I have become increasingly exhausted by so many of my friends discussing their love lives (guys, girls, married, single, gay, etc.). I’m happy to lend an ear, and I can only give my experience on what’s working for me. It’s just frustrating when I tell people what I have found to work for me, and that’s simply that unconditional self love is an essential first step to finding Mr/Ms. Right. They nod their head, and then before you know it, are back to their destructive behaviors.

Why are so many people afraid of loneliness and rejection, when we inherently are lonely and reject ourselves by looking for external solutions to our internal problems?

Anyway, to solve this disappointment, I’ve decided to take a path of equanimity and ultimately just accept everyone on the path they are on. I am not perfect, and I wouldn’t expect perfection from my friends either.

Just wondering if you had any experience in this arena, and could provide your insight. Even to be incessantly mocked would be acceptable. I just figured I’d mix it up a bit for ya.

Comment: Experience in the arena of being single? Why yes. I’ve currently got a PhD in it.

I guess the difference between you and I is thoroughly enjoy hearing about other peoples relationships. I’m fascinated by it. I could sit and listen all day to relationship stories, as long as a few trainwreck dating stories are there to even it out. Although, most people don’t want to hear what I have to say if they’re telling me about a bad date or bad relationship, so I usually just laugh.

I think there’s nothing wrong with self-love. A lot of it. Like, every day. Just don’t over do it. You could go blind.
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Dear Dr. Reality Steve,

My senior year of high school I feel head over heels with a guy who was starting his freshman year of college out of state. We successfully navigated a year of long-distance dating, I started school at the same college the next year, and we happily dated for several more months, nearly 2 years in total. We were young and naive, but each other’s first love, and convinced we were going to get married and live happily ever after, so much so that at age 19 he’d bought an engagement ring and made plans to propose.

Fast forward a few months and things just started to crumble. My family didn’t like him much, which was always tough for me. I started to wonder if we were much too young to be thinking about marriage, so I told him I wanted to “take some time off”. I studied abroad for a semester and we both started casually seeing other people, but I guess I kinda assumed we’d eventually get back together. I guess he didn’t see things quite the same way, because he started dating another girl seriously. I was heart-broken. Up until this point we’d maintained a close friendship, but his new girlfriend insisted he cut off all ties to me and was rather nasty to me. I guess you can’t totally blame her for wanting the ex out of the picture, but it still seemed a bit uncalled for, especially since I was very careful not to try and get in the way of their relationship and we shared a lot of friends, so we ran into each other often. In general, people (including my ex’s best friends) thought she was pretty bitchy and jealous and couldn’t understand why he’d want to date her. It hurt, but he graduated early, got engaged to her, and moved, and life moved on.

Fast forward a few of years. My ex has now been married to this girl 2 years and I’m engaged. My fiance happens to be friends (nothing super close, they ran around in the same circle in college) with my ex, but my ex and I have no contact since she’s forbidden him to speak with me. It’s so bad that he had to skip out on a college buddy get-together/reunion when his wife found out that I’d be there with my fiance. Ridiculous.

Anyway, a couple of days ago I got a text out of the blue from my ex. He said he wanted to talk and asked me to call. I was surprised, but did. He essentially apologized for cutting me out of his life and being a jerk. And then he told me that his wife was moving out and they were separating. I was apologetic, but I didn’t really know what to say, so after a couple of awkward minutes I asked about his parents, who were always awesome to me, and we started catching up about life and jobs and whatnot. At the end of the conversation he apologized again for cutting me out, I told him it was okay and that I understood – he had to side with his girlfriend/wife, not his ex, right? It was a long time ago and I’d forgiven him. He said he’d like to be friends with me and my fiance again, if we wanted, and I told him to feel free to keep in touch.

It didn’t seem like a big deal then, but now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have told him to keep in touch. My fiance knows everything about the conversation and has said he’s fine with us being friends again. I would like to fix our friendship, but I’m also a little worried. I don’t think he’s trying to win me back or break up my engagement or anything, and I think he does have good intentions and is just realizing how stupid he was to be a jerk now that his marriage is falling apart and he’s reflecting back. I don’t want to do the same thing and cut him out of my life when he just wants to be friends, but at the same time I don’t want to be an emotional crutch for a man going through a divorce. I don’t him to romanticize our old relationship or wonder what if. And I certainly don’t want to hurt him by unintentionally being his emotional rebound.

So, thoughts? Should I try and be friends with him? Or do I need to steer clear of him, and if so, how do I do it without being a jerk?

Thanks, Dr. Steve!!

Comment: By the way, not surprised at all your ex and his new wife got divorced. The minute your new girlfriend steps in and starts dictating about who you can and can’t be friends with, that’s never a good sign.

I guess it all depends on how much he wants to be back in you and your husbands life. Does he want to do stuff all the time with you guys and be a third wheel, or, does he just not want it to be awkward if you guys are in the same place? If it’s the latter, you should be fine. You said yourself you don’t think he’s after you and wanting to win you back, and you said your husband is fine with it. So for the time being, I don’t see the problem. I guess the only way it will become one is if he starts creeping on you, or texting you dong shots late at night. Then you might have a bit of a problem. Other than that, it seems harmless right now, but just be wary. He could just be lonely now that he’s separated and realizes what a jerk he was by cutting you off because wifey told him to and wants to make amends. That’s what it seems like on the surface. You’re fine with it, your husband is fine with it, so just go with it until/if it gets weird. Then put your foot down.
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Send all emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you soon.

41 thoughts on “Dr. Reality Steve

  1. This video was part of an online special of some “über-cool” local blog(from like a year ago) where guys and girls in their 20s were asked about dating, love, sex, biggest mishaps, ridicules first jobs and the kind. Catherine did 2 other spots, i believe, one where she talked about bringing her first bf home to meet her mom and one about a part time job, where she had to dress up as a zebra to promote a club…
    And.. for all I know she stormed out and had to sleep on a makeshift bed in the basement of the said hotel since she left her purse back, when storming out…
    Catherine really does have a good head on her shoulders. She has this incredibly sweet side, but she doesn´t let her guard down easily. She is also pretty hilarious, in a sarcastic-one-liners way, which sometimes leads people to believe that she is being either bitchy, petty or shallow despite her rarely intending it to be spiteful or mean. She is a fun, smart, straight-laced girl, who is always there for her loved ones. She did most definitely not have any ulterior motives going into this and I sincerely hope, her and Sean can make this work;)
    Ps. I am new around here, so…. Hey people!;)

  2. Oh, and LOVE LOVE the three days in a row columns…….was about to have some SERIOUS withdrawals.

  3. Steve – you never disappoint “I think there’s nothing wrong with self-love. A lot of it. Like, every day. Just don’t over do it. You could go blind.” had me laughing so hard – I shouldn’t be reading this during office hours.

    To concerned friend- sound like you had a great bf that told you and showed you how much he cared but when you keep asking someone to continue to “prove it” for no reason, it not only gets old, but shows how insecure you are. If you are acting like this now, what happens when you’re married? Will you freak out over him talking to or working with any attractive women? Self confidence and high self esteem is attractive; insecurity and jealousy is not. That being said, I hope he takes you back (really decent men are hard to find – just read the other Dr. RS letters) and that you get over your insecurity issues.

  4. Hey Chloe….welcome!

    Thanks for the great week of spoilers and other entertainment, Steve!

    I haven’t watched The Bach yet and hope to get to it this evening. But, I sure have found the time to read RS, and probably wouldn’t even watch it anymore without the enhancement of RS and his spoilers.

    Hear that, ABC!

  5. Hi Chloe.

    I’m wondering if you are a friend of Catherine’s? You listed so many qualities she has in a way that makes it seem like you really know her vs just watching little recorded scripted snippets…? Are you and she connected in some way? If not, it sure seems like you’re reading a lot into these things something it’s tempting to do, but not very realistic…

  6. A Bachelor/Bachelor Pad alum is going to be a guest on a podcast I am associated with.

    Suggestions for any good questions to ask?

  7. @reece81- i would want to know what their biggest gain was from doing the show, and what they feel was their greatest loss from doing it, as well..

  8. About the Catherine piece: you do realize that many women “smile” when talking about something extremely embarrassing? Her eyes weren’t sure where to go while telling it, that seemed like a tell to me. I could be wrong, but I read her face as saying, “I still can’t believe anyone would do that on a first date.”

  9. @dewatchesreality- i got the same impression from her watching that piece, too.. i know when i get embarrassed, i tend to smile, as well..

    @chloe- btw, welcome! seems like youre definitely a catherine fan.. im liking her too so far ; ) i like that she isnt trying too hard to be either of the extremes, and she seems nice but a little sassy (not in a malicious way).. so far, so good..

  10. @Athena
    I am indeed personally acquainted with Catherine to some degree, otherwise it would have been quite far-fetched, no?:)
    Really, I am not here to spoil, heck I know nothing spoiler-worthy;), I just get the feeling that, while Steve seems to be infatuated with Lindsay, he bears a dislike towards Catherine and he somewhat tries to influence his readers to feel the same way….
    (She was obviously embarrassed by the end of the video and was cringing while smiling yet Steve tries to interpret something into it..)(or passively calling her shallow in his last post…etc.)
    @kasey31 she´s def. got some spunk;)

  11. If you go to a hotel with a man for your first date you should expect your relationship will be based on sex. Not respect… sex toys or no sex toys. Not sure why she was so surprised.

  12. Maybe it´s me but since when is “getaway” a codeword for having crazy-monkey-sex for a longer period of time?…
    I mean if you go away to somewhere, you´ll have to eventually find a place to sleep(ie. hotel)…

  13. @tamara, she was probably young and naive? it happens.. i don’t blame her. she probably didnt think she was going to get taken advantage of like that because of how “gentlemanly” he was. i’m sure she has learned a lesson after that though.

  14. @chloe- well im happy to hear that.. as a few may remember, she was a very early favorite of mine.. it was something about her picture.. glad to hear shes with sean, and i wish them all the best!

  15. @Chloe, welcome!!

    @mella, well said! And who are we to judge Catherine for doing that? God knows I had my fair share of naive and dumb decisions back in my 20′s. You live and you learn.

  16. I finally watched it Friday night and have to say my first impression of Catherine is pretty positive. She’s adorable and I look forward to seeing how the season plays out. I love knowing the outcome.

    As far as people making mistakes in their 20′s, I certainly had my fair share. If you ask my family, their were a lot! But as iheart said, you live, learn and apply the learnings to other situations throughout life.

  17. @Karyn, glad you got to watch it! I love knowing the outcome too, and it will be fun to watch and see how it all happens. (or I should say what the producers manipulate and splice together for us haha)

    *Revenge*
    10:30 (PST) the next day and not one Revenge comment yet? I’ll start. I loved last night’s episode. Super awkward moment when Emily got to Daniel’s office and she was just going in for a friendly hug and he tried to make out with her. And (spoiler) I was finally right about something! (Padma) I knew she wasn’t one of the good ones. I just hope Nolan figures it out sooner rather than later.

  18. very true, iheart and karynr..definitely not here to judge.. this is rs, not church.. u do live and learn..

    **revenge**
    i thought last nights episode was one of the best so far this season.. i was sad to see padma betray nolan! i liked her, but as the episode went on, i knew marcus was the trustworthy one and not padma.. i also liked the little show-down with emily, nolan, and aiden in an attempt to make hellen trust aiden.. i thought the ending of that scene was a little weird though.. “youre welcome for saving your life, hellen?”

  19. **revenge**
    ps.. also, creepy hellen “good evening, daniel.. i hope im not interrupting anything” even though im watching u eat chinese food on the couch with your ex finace..

  20. *Revenge*
    kasey, I got a kick out of that scene with Helen watching them too. I was thinking that I wish I had been watching Revenge on as big of a flat screen as hers. :)

    Honestly, so far this season I have been a little disappointed with Revenge, compared to season one. I read somewhere that Mike Kelley is aware that a lot of the show’s viewers aren’t happy right now with the stretchy storylines and he promises we’ll see how everything ties together by the end of the season. I’m optimistic that it will keep getting better. We’re only a few episodes away from the sinking of The Amanda.

  21. **revenge**
    @iheart- i heard the same thing.. it looks like theyre already starting to piece together some unanswered questions and filling in some gaps concerning the initiative.. its starting to make more sense now.. it was getting too confusing, so i was glad to hear that hes taking action on the feedback from the viewers..

  22. I was going to back 2 posts and comment on Revenge but I noticed you all carried it forward so here goes:
    **Revenge**
    Nolanism from last week, “a fake up”?
    Aidan’s buying everything Helen (The Initiative) is selling. Anyone else buying it? Think they really do have his sister?
    Poor Daniel, what a sucker, he falls quickly and hard. Am I the only one that thinks a “Wine Auction” isn’t really compatible with a “children’s charity”? I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. Clever fauxEm, picking up the extension and listening in on Daniel and Helen’s convo.
    I wish I had a bag to match every single outfit….

    Enter fauxAmanda, don’t cross that one, who DIDN’T see this coming? Of COURSE she’s going to go after the Ryans….duh. NEVER mess with her family. Declan definitely doesn’t have the same finesse that fauxAmanda has, he’s a bull in a china shop.

    I LOVE that Nolan was playing Tetris when Daniel confronted him. I LOVE Tetris :D . Padma’s back….who’s buying what she’s selling, beside Nolan of course? Hard to determine who’s the bigger threat, Marco or Padma…and who’s pocket who is in. Must have been the “Night of Returns”….enter Ashley. She’s been “privy to all manner of chicanery ….”, no threat intended, of course.
    I liked Vicky’s dress at the auction, it was WAY nicer than the strange thing fauxEm was wearing in the last episode, the one with the metal bar thingy across the front. “Oh hell make it half a mil, I don’t even drink wine” this weeks Nolanism. I was curious to see how Nolan’s tapping into the hotel system was going to aid them, sure enough, party’s over and the master manipulator starts playing with his new toy…ok so I get the “set up” BUT at the beginning of the episode they show the abductor’s wrist with an “Infinity” tattoo on it, right? So does fauxEm have one? She was the abductor that went down but they didn’t show her wrist the second time around. Anyone? And of course, who’s pocket is sweet Padma in….no big surprise there.

  23. Hi everyone – ok, so I’m not someone who would normally make comments about someone with a physical disability. It’s just that the Bachelor editing department really wants me to care that Sarah only has one arm. So for those of you who haven’t watched this episode yet…just wait for this gem, “my ability to love someone is not affected by the amount of hands I have”. I nearly spit my diet coke at the TV. Really???? I mean, it’s awesome that she’s comfortable enough with herself to be on this show. But who says that? I wonder what question a producer had to ask to get this response?

  24. @jill- THANK you for saying what most have us might have felt uncomfortable bringing up.. i think she seems sweet, but she mentioned not having an arm 3 times in 3 minutes.. i give her props for putting herself out there and doing this show, but when she said “my ability to love someone is not affected by the amount of fingers i have” i almost thought it was a joke.. what in the world? i mean, i get that having one arm is obviously going to be part of her storyline, but it seems that abc was a little distasteful with her edit.. sorry if i offended anyone, that was just how i felt watching it..

    @randais- great recap.. i also found it hilarious that nolan was playing tetris.. i used to love that game!

  25. @jil and kasey – GIRLS! My daughter and were “watching” last night (kind of, it was on while we were talking) and made the EXACT SAME comments regarding Sarah. I can not imagine how these producers manage to get these, probably normal girls under ANY other condition, to act so ABnormally and ridiculous on this show. She seemed like such a genuinely “real” girl until the scripted date where ALL the emphasis is placed on her missing arm. I actually felt bad that she was put in that role, I doubt she’s that obsessed about her missing limb in real life.
    And Kasey, great minds ;) .

  26. I really want to like Sarah but I find her kind of whiney. Not regarding her arm but her voice kind of grates on me. JMO. Find it interesting how little screen time Catherine has gotten so far.

  27. To Heartbroken Idiot: I agree with Dr Steve’s analysis but would also add:

    Is this guy an engineer or a person working in a technical field? Most those guys are introverts whne it comes to matters of they hear (ie they analyze the relationship internally – in their own head). They go through a logical process in their head much like they do on their job and they tend to follow logic more than their emotions. So even if he is deeply in love with you, he may have come to the logical conclusion that “this relationship” is heading in a direction that just “doesn’t compute” with long term happiness and stability. Most engineering types deal with technical “problems” all day long, and they usually don’t like to come home to more “problems”.

  28. To “Still Actively Dating”:

    It sounds to me that the military dude in school is already worried about “other guys”. I think it’s safe to say that in the past 5 years he wasn’t dating anyone while he was in the military. But it sounds like you “were actively dating”. The guy might feel that you’re “a player” and doesn’t want to “get played”. If you really like this guy then confront him with a letter or an email and tell him how you feel and that you’re willing to “stop actively dating” (ie stop game playing) and find out if there’s anything possible between the two of you.

    I’ll bet the guy has been keeping tabs on your “active dating” and that is why he brought a “date” to the NYE party, to show you that he can “actively date” too.

    Obviously there’s sexual tension there. If you want to find out if there’s more, you’re going to have to make a “serious” first move.

    Otherwise, Dr. Steve’s advice is SPOT ON.

  29. @randais- exactly.i highly doubt in a normal first date experience, she would be placing this much emphasis on her arm.. shes a beautiful girl, absolutely gorgeous and has such a great personality, so that overrides everything.. there was no need for the producer manipulation, but why would we expect any differently? abc really has no shame..

  30. @Kasey – distasteful is the right way to put it. I sincerely laughed out loud when she said that. It’s not funny that she has one arm, it’s really not. It’s just the way that it is edited makes it ridiculous. Like randais said, I’m sure that she doesn’t sit around obsessing over it in real life. And when I saw that she had only 1 arm/hand, my first thought was not, “wow, that must really affect her ability to love someone!”. Of course not. It’s just distasteful, like you said.

  31. I dated a guy that was born with only one arm. I didn’t think any less of him and it was not a big deal in our relationship. It would have bothered me if he had talked about it. He let me ask questions or talk about it when I wanted to, but he didn’t bring it up.

    I have to believe ABC is making Sara focus on it more than she would on her own.

  32. **BIGGEST LOSER**
    I think it’s so funny how Jillian finds her “chill” AFTER her team gets decimated. Down to 2 contestants and NOW she get’s all complimentary and encouraging. Does she ever wonder if she’d adopt that attitude to begin with, would she have 3 contestants instead of 2? I mean, one did leave, maybe if Jillian had been less screamin’ mimi perhaps that one would have been more inclined to stay…She needs to take a Dolvett pill every morning :D .

    This franchise is being so clever with the way they are incorporating these kids into the episodes. I’m really appreciating this aspect of the show.

    Here’s what I couldn’t figure out though, so the whole blue team was relegated to the “junk” room for 4 1/2 hours a day…why couldn’t they come up with work out options? I mean there were table and chairs in there, a hockey table. walls…..this team decided to sleep for 4 1/2 hours? Not very imaginative of them. And then along comes Bob, why didn’t these people come up with this idea day one?

    One thing I will never understand about this show, why do they make the women stand there on Weigh In day in their sports bras while the guys get to keep on t-shirts? It seems so demeaning. Having said that, LOVED when Pam the Whiner turned into Pam the Winner! Interesting change in game this season, no more voting table. This season each team member gets to enter a voting booth and vote off a team member. For all the good that did, because right after the vote they show everyone who voted for who. Cate got voted off but with Jackson having the lowest weight loss for the last 2 weeks, I don’t get it but there you go.

    And now, I will shift over to RS’s next post since I see he has a new one :) .

  33. @addicted and jill- i agree 100%
    and jill, jimmy kimmel always has the f4 right, always! idk if it has anything to do with being on the same network, or u could be right.. maybe he does read steves blog!

  34. Don’t ANY of you GET IT? Catherine was only preselected so the show can reach out to its expanding Asian American female (East asian, as in Filipino, Chinese, Korean, etc.) audience. This is the large demographic group that is with white men, or prefer white men. More of those viewers = more $$$ for the show. Let me guess, one of the final dates will also be in an East Asian country?

  35. Never been a fan of “The Big Chill” and it’s because I don’t understand how a circle of “friends” live intertwined relationships of sex and love and friendship. I gues I am just way too black or white and have very little room for gray in my relationships. Back when I got married, I wouldn’t have tolerated my wife maintaining “friendships” with ex-lovers and I’m certain she wouldn’t have tolerated me doing so either. I think there’s potential conflict when an ex isn’t EX enough.

  36. I don’t find the Catherine and Sean relationship to be sincere or true love at all. I only think its preselected to get more $$ for the show, because they can reach out to a more diverse audience. AKA a bigger audience and more advertisements and sponsorships to keep a show that fails at it goals running.

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