-At the cocktail party, AshLee gets time with Sean first and he tells her he felt bad he didn’t get to spend time with her on the group date. And why’s that, Sean? Oh that’s right, you spent half your time trying to get that fish hook out of your mouth that Tierra had implanted in there and drug you around by the whole night. However, Sean assures AshLee that despite spelling her name like a 5th grader doodling on her pee chee folder, “Even if I have no time, you’re gonna be on my mind.” Awwwwww, how cute and reassuring to AshLee. I bet she’s just giddy now. So giddy that she’s gonna run back inside, wash her hands 17 times, rearrange her closet by color, size, and season, and make sure every other woman in the house has enough Purell to last them for months. At what point is AshLee going to mention that liiiiiiiiiiitle detail about her getting married at 17 years old and divorcing before she was 20? Figure she’ll suck him in longer before dropping that bomb on him? I think so.
-It is now time for Robyn to embarrass herself, albeit while setting a precedent on this show. She sits Sean down and readies him for this gem: “Do you like chocolate? Do you like the taste of chocolate? Do you want to taste the chocolate? Which chocolate do you want to taste?” Gulp. Incredibly awkward, but it worked since I believe Robyn just became the first black woman in 17 seasons to ever get a real kiss on this show. Did Matt make out with Marshawna? That’d be the only other one that even comes to mind, but I’d say that Robyn went about it most creatively. I think. Did she really need to make four chocolate references? For a moment there, I fully expected to whip out a bottle of Hershey’s syrup and start pouring it all over herself. Then break out a chocolate cake, a glass of chocolate milk, a chocolate soufflé, only to have Willy Wonka show up and deliver Sean a Golden Ticket. We get it, Robyn.
-Hey, guess who the women in the house were talking about behind her back at the cocktail party? Wow, you’re smart. Tierra is as well and she can’t take it anymore so she brings Robyn and Jackie outside with her to scold them for talking sh** about her. Jackie? Who’s this girl? Has she said seven words in four weeks? This is the girl you’re gonna bring outside to give a tongue lashing to? I’m sorry, but I don’t even think Jackie realizes she’s on this show, let alone the rest of us. You might wanna go after the Daniella’s and Desiree’s of the house who hate your ass and want to see you burned at the stake. Seems like a bunch of wasted energy to me for Tierra to tell everyone to stop talking about her since the more she does that, the more they’re going to talk about how much they can’t stand her and her attitude. Then again, on a night where she’s safe with a rose, I’m guessing Tierra doesn’t really care what she says or who she offends. Her ass is sticking around tonight and that’s all that matters.
-Hey, whaddya’ know!!! Four episodes in and they finally decide to show Sean spending quality time with his fiancé! I mean, surely you’d like to do that sometime before Thailand rolls around, right? I guess episode 4 was a good starting point for them where maybe they were thinking, “Yeah, we should probably show Sean having some affection towards the woman he’ll be engaged to on March 11th. Cuz you know, our show is about love and marriage, and we want everyone to not see this beautiful love story unfolding.” Makes a hell of a lot of sense. And just think, since they’re showing back-to-back episodes next Mon. & Tues., we only have to wait one more week to see them actually have their first date! Makes even more sense. They go out to the front driveway since Catherine didn’t want to be seen by everyone else making out with Sean. Sean seems to think Catherine has him in the friend zone, but after his kiss, I guess he doesn’t. Seemed no different than any kiss he gave Lindsay, or Desiree, or Ashlee, or even Lesley M. But of course, when the season is over, we’ll hear both of them say something to the effect of that kiss is what started it all – even though he had just as many passionate kisses with three or four other girls.
-Rose ceremony time. Selma and Tierra already with roses. Selma by virtue of her not kissing him, and Tierra because, well, no one really knows for sure. Sean likes dumpy women with hula hoop earrings and a black cloud that seemingly follows them around? You’ll have to ask him. Sean, the floor is yours. “This week was a big week…emotional…feelings are real…and even though I haven’t quite figured out that Tierra is the spawn of Courtney, I’ll get there soon enough. Just let me be fooled for a couple more episodes and then I’ll finally get it. I’m a slow blonde. What can I say?”
Catherine: Has Sean gone online to check out all the vegan restaurants in the DFW area yet?
Desiree: Remember how everyone was all excited about her and Sean after their 1-on-1 date in episode 2? Neither do I.
Lindsay: Every time he’s with her now he seems to make out with her. And next week, we even get awkward slow dancing in front of a crowd with them. Weeeeeeeee!!!!!
Lesley: Remember how everyone was all excited about her and Sean after their….
Robyn: Chocolate truffles, chocolate easter bunnies, hot chocolate, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate chip cookies…
AshLee: How long before a tabloid gets to her ex-husband and asks for quotes on her?
Sarah: Olivia challenges her to a skate off.
Jackie: She’s just as surprised as the rest of us.
“Ladies, Sean, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. Did you see I’m starting my own clothing line now that I’ll be wearing next season the ‘Bachelorette.’ I announced it yesterday and made sure that when Justin Bieber’s mom congratulated me on it, I re-tweeted it for everyone to see. Cuz I like everyone knowing that Justin Bieber’s mom and I converse via Twitter. I’m cool like that.”
Daniella: She seems to be much more fun and interesting when she’s three sheets to the wind. Someone get her a drink, stat!
I honestly don’t know what Amanda said as she was leaving, all I know is that she was in a 1920’s flapper girl dress. It was safe to say that Amanda cracking her jaw gave Sean the perfect out for sending her home, where she has since ran back into the arms of her ex-boyfriend and is back together with him. So it’s a win-win for everybody. Well, except her ex-boyfriend.
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