Episode 1 (airing May 27th): Los Angeles, CA (26 down to 19)
-The theme to this season is definitely “Cinderella” since Desiree came from nothing (something she constantly reminds us of), and getting an opportunity to do this is just like the Cinderella story. You know, except for the fact she’s not blonde, doesn’t have two bitchy step-sisters, and guys don’t turn into pumpkins this season. So yeah, exactly like the “Cinderella” story. Within the first minute, Desiree is already crying because of this opportunity she’s been given. I’m already nauseous. Remember, this is the same girl that was crying on stage within a minute of being announced as the next “Bachelorette” on the ATFR show. Oh boy.
-I said yesterday 9 guys had intro videos. Apparently I can’t count. It was 8: Will, Robert, Zak, Bryden, Nick R., Drew, Mike R., and Brandon. In Will’s is where he screams “I love this womaaaaaaaaaan!” that was shown in the promos. Of course that makes perfect sense he’s telling us he’s in love with a woman he’s never met before. Great start, Will.
Drew lets us know his parents are divorced, his dad is an alcoholic and his sister is mentally handicapped. Cue the sad music.
Zak basically lets everyone know what a free spirit he is by posing on his balcony nude in one scene, obviously blurred out. Which was then followed later by his shirtless entrance out of the limo and remaining shirtless all night. Polarizing character. There will be plenty of people who say “Oh he’s so funny. I love that he’s such a free spirit” and then you’ll get those who say he’s not taking this serious, he comes off as arrogant, and he’s not looking for love. I don’t think there will be a happy medium with this guy. I personally don’t have a problem with it, but I know he might rub Middle America the wrong way.
You know those people you see on the street corner spinning signs trying to get you into a cell phone store that tries to put you in a contract that handcuffs you for life? Well, Robert informs us that he and his buddies were the ones who came up with the sign spinning company, along with showing us his skills. And oh yeah, his dog has one eye.
Brandon likes to wakeboard and do flips and sh*t. His dad left their family when he was 5 and his mom struggled with an alcohol addiction. This plays itself out later in the episode.
-The limo exits were quite tame this season compared to year’s past. Still had your share of cheesy ones and whatever, but they’re kinda boring to be honest.
Drew and Brooks were shown first and second respectively out of the limo and were both nervous.
Brad takes a wishbone out of his pocket that he and Desiree pull on. Desiree gets the longer end so she wins whatever she wished for, which was probably someone coming up with something more creative than a wishbone.
Michael G. takes her over to the fountain to try and recover the coin she made a wish with during her first night with Sean, but since he can’t find it, he gives her a coin and they each throw it over their shoulders into the fountain making a wish.
Kasey tells her he works in social media, so he has to hash tag everything he says. He tells her he’s come up with, “Hash tag perfect bachelorette, hash tag marriage material, and hash tag let the journey begin.” Yes, he verbally says hash tag before pretty much every sentence to Desiree and in his ITM’s. That got annoying after about .004 seconds. Hash tag knock it off.
Jonathan gives her a card that says if she wishes to forgo the other 24 guys they can use the key he’s provided and go to the fantasy suite. She says she’s not that kind of girl. That doesn’t stop Jonathan. He’s not done with her by a long shot.
Dr. Larry does a dance move where he twirls her then dips her, but her dress slightly ripped on the dip. Giant fail.
Nick the magician gives her a paper rose, lights in on fire, and it turns into a real rose. I think that’s in the Magicians 101 handbook since I’ve seen it a thousand times.
Diogo wears the suit of armor like an idiot.
Zack K. wore a bow tie and Chuck Taylors with his suit.
Chris gets down on one knee and asks Desiree, “Will you mind…if I tie my shoe?” Still debating on whether that was completely cheesy or somewhat creative. Can it be both?
Brandon arrives on a motorcycle cuz I guess he’s Billy Bad Ass.
Micah knows Desiree designed her own dress for the meet and greet on Sean’s season, so he comes in his jacket that he designed himself that says “Hi Des” on the front, and “Designed by This Guy” on the back. Fail.
Nick M. reads her a poem that certainly doesn’t have him taking away the title of “Best First Night Rhymer” from Emily O’Brien anytime soon.
And then Ben is shown arriving last bringing out his 4 year old son Brody. Pretty much the best entrance ever. When Brody is told he has to go back in the limo he says “I wish I could go to the party.”
-Nick the magician makes a big announcement once the party starts that he’s gonna perform a magic trick and that’s to make Desiree disappear for 5 minutes, so he gets her alone first and does nothing with it really.
-Brandon pulls her aside and gives her his mom’s 7 years sober ring and tells Desiree once he gets a hometown date, he wants Des to give it back to his mom. Ooooohhhh, so close. You only missed getting a hometown date by 5 episodes.
-The 6 guys who get first impression roses are Ben, Zak, Bryden, Drew, Nick M., and Michael G.
-Ben gets his first because Desiree loves the fact he’s an outdoorsman, likes to camp, etc and spoke very highly of Brody’s mom. Says they’re “two friends who have a kid together. We’re honestly best friends.” Awwwww. Sniff, sniff.
-Zak W. strips down to his underwear and jumps in the pool. Shortly afterwards is when Des gives him his rose.
-Bryden tells Des a story about how when he was over in Iraq, he befriended a kid from there. I guess this buttered her up since she gave him a rose.
-Can’t remember what Drew said or did to get a rose, but it wasn’t all that exciting. Drew kinda has a Jake Pavelka vibe to him, minus the phoniness. I think he’s sincere, but kinda quiet, reserved, and ummmm, a tad effeminate. We don’t see why Nick and Michael really got roses. They just did.
-Jonathan pulls Des outside for alone time and asks her again about going to the fantasy suite with him. He either has a slow, southern drawl or he was hammered. He seemed hammered. Des tells him again that she’s not gonna go to the fantasy suite with him. Later on that night, Jonathan grabs her hand and starts taking her through the mansion where she keeps asking, “Where are we going?” He won’t tell her, just says “come with me,” they finally get to the doorway of one of the rooms, and for a third time tells her he wants to go to the fantasy suite with her. She tells him he’s making her feel very uncomfortable and she’d like him to leave. Jonathan is sent home.
-The only other major thing to happen on the first night was outside of their limo exits, Brooks and Chris essentially get zero air time.
Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Diogo Custodio, Nick Roy, Mike R., Micah, Larry Burchett, and Jonathan Vollinger.
The 19 guys remaining after the first rose ceremony are:
Juan Pablo Galavis
Nick Mucci (thanks to this link, a blogger from Charlotte identified two more of the guys)
Will Reese (Oops. Had his last name wrong. Was emailed this morning by someone who corrected me. Sorry Fresh Prince).