I know I say this a lot but I’m gonna say it again dammit. Wifi on airplanes was one of the greatest inventions ever. Sure, I may have slacked last night in writing my column so I could finish season 5 of “24” because I knew I’d be able to write the column on the plane, but man, what did we do before airplane Wifi? Listen to music? Blah. Read a book? Meh. Tweet, Facebook, and blog? Weeeeeeeeee!!!! So thank you American Airlines for your hospitality. And a big no thanks to the guy behind me that I had to listen to have diarrhea of the mouth towards the woman sitting next to him. Holy crap. I sh** you not, not within 5 seconds of fastening his seat belt, he says the woman next to him, “Hey there…what’s your name? What do you do?” And bam! He was off and running. Talking about what he does (something in global engineering), his business, how many miles he travels a year for work, where he’s headed to the rest of the year, how his son is a good baseball player, and I think a history of his family tree. She didn’t come prepared for that onslaught. Poor woman. She had zero interest in anything he had to say. As would anyone. To quote Lloyd Christmas, “No, and I don’t cccccaaaaaaaare!”
Remember, if you’re looking for Desiree’s season spoilers, you can click here, or just go to the navigation bar at the top of the page and click on “Bachelorette Desiree Spoilers.” A few things to get to that I didn’t cover in yesterday’s column before the recap. Lets first start with (and I know this is a bit old) the rumor of Derek Hough being offered $3 million to be the next “Bachelor.” I can tell you two things for certain: 1) Derek Hough will not be the next “Bachelor.” 2) No “Bachelor” in this franchise will get paid $3 million to be the lead. Just think about that for a second. How ridiculous would that be? Not to mention unfair to all the women. How would you like to be one of the 25 women knowing that the guy you’re after was being paid $3 million to choose someone. What incentive is there for him after pocketing that money? And what woman would actually believe he was serious about it? Please. These rumors happen every year, and they’re so off base and untrue it’s laughable. Derek Hough is doing fine in the lady department I’m guessing. He doesn’t need this show, or $3 million to do it. It’s insulting that someone would even run that story, let alone people actually believe it.
In all of Desiree’s pre-season interviews, you can tell she’s just petrified of slipping up or giving anything away. I don’t think she’s exactly media savvy quite yet. She’s still learning. But while she’s learning, we get a lot of boring, canned, by-the-book answers. I know there’s only so much she can say without giving anything away, but look at her answers from the first conference call of the season she did with reporters a couple weeks ago. Could her answers have been any shorter? It was like she was filling out an application to a job she didn’t want. And those answers aren’t edited either. She doesn’t seem to have much to say. In most recent seasons, Ashley, Jillian, Emily, and Ali were all much more well versed than that. Hopefully she’ll get better as the season goes on.
Des also wrote her first blog of the season for People.com. Not too much to it, other than the fact that as cute as she thought Ben’s son Brody was, she didn’t know hold old he was. In her blog, she says he’s three. Nope. He’s four. I’m glad she pays attention to details. Brody, go take back that flower you gave her.
As for “People,” did any of you catch the load of horsesh** Fleiss was feeding them a couple weeks ago. In their initial article on Des’ season, this was an exact quote from Fleiss in regards to Desiree’s popularity among the masses. “Guys were flocking when they heard it was Desiree.” Ummmm, Mikey. Let me refresh your memory on the timeline regarding your very own announcement of Desiree as the “Bachelorette.” Now obviously, they are interviewing and casting contestants WELL in advance of them even knowing who their lead is (which is just more proof of how this isn’t about finding a potential spouse), but Fleiss basically just put his foot in his mouth. They officially announced Desiree as the next “Bachelorette” to the public on the live ATFR show Monday, March 11th. Filming for Desiree’s season started filming that Thursday, the 14th. Hell, most of the guys cast were already holed up in a hotel room on en route to LA when the announcement was made. So enough of the garbage that guys were “flocking” to meet Desiree. You had a three day window. And hey, believe it or not, of these 25 prince charmings all going on TV to find a wife, I know you may find this incredibly difficult to comprehend, but not all your guys even liked her. Obviously Brian didn’t give a sh** about her since he had a woman back home. Bryden didn’t seem to care about Des if he’s kissing a girl and posting it on Instagram a few days before he left for filming. And I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but lets just say there are others this season as well that weren’t all that jazzed by Desiree and what she had to offer. But hey, you wanna convince yourself they all were there because they thought Des was the greatest thing since sliced bread, knock yourself out.