Most of the time when I write a column, I don’t remember half the sh** I say by the next day. That’s just the way it is. When I write until 1am Tuesday morning, then wake up a few hours later to finish the rest of the column, I’m essentially speeding through the whole thing. I don’t really proofread my stuff until after I post it (or until many of you feel the need to correct me which you love doing…thank you), and I think for as many words as I write, I’m able to keep grammatical errors to a minimum. Usually, it’s my punctuation that sucks, which I’ll admit. But the last thing I care about when trying to post this column is if I’m punctuating correctly. Just not high on my list of priorities. I’m usually trying to squeeze in some 80′s movie clip or making sure that I can post another video that’ll stick in your head all day. Sure, if it’s glaring mistake then I’ll go back and correct it immediately, but for the most part, I leave it as is.
With that said, not 10 minutes after Tuesday’s column went up, I received these three emails:
Love reading your column, it always makes my Tuesdays more enjoyable. I was noticing in your Haiku today that you had the 5-7-5 format right, but unfortunately, you didn’t follow the sequence. Your haiku is 5-7-9. In the last sentence, “ever” and “again” are two syllable words. I still think you’re great and I hope you don’t get mad at me for correcting you. Thanks for all you do.
Dear Reality Steve,
Your haiku today is wrong. You should probably fix it before you get more emails like this . Your first sentence has six syllables instead of five. It’s ok. I still thought it was funny. Take care…
Hello…funny that a guy who calls out Chris for his poems can’t even write one himself. Your haiku is totally off and has more syllables than it should. Figures you’d get it wrong. But I’m sure you’ll come up with some excuse as to why you got it wrong or blame someone’s parents. Ha ha ha ha ha. Just thought I’d correct you since you love being so smug.
So yeah, three people telling me the exact same thing, yet said in three different ways. Amazing how under some people’s skin I can get just by messing up a haiku. And yes, I blame their parents. The funny thing is, I was even counting the syllables on my fingers when I wrote the haiku and not for a second did I think that “ever” and “again” were two syllable words until I looked them up. Stupid me. So just to please all the professional haiku writers out there, let me re-do my haiku from Tuesday so all of America will be happy.
Chris your poem sucks (5)
Sucks so bad it hurts my head (7)
Don’t write another (5)
There we go. I feel much better about myself. I hope you all do too.
The big story that came down yesterday was that Chris Harrison and Mike Fleiss have now created a dating app called “At First Sight.” I mean, I think they did. Couldn’t really tell by how many times they tweeted and re-tweeted about it yesterday. Here’s the premise: It’s Tinder with videos. That’s all. Although, if you go to the app store on your phone and look at the description for “At First Sight,” here’s what you get when it talks about it’s rating:
Rating: You must be 17 years old to download this app.
-Infrequent/Mild Alcohol, Tobacco, or Drug Use References
-Frequent/Intense Profanity or Crude Humor
-Frequent/Intense Sexual Content or Nudity
Wait, huh? Is this app an “R” rated movie or something? Do your parents have to accompany you to download it? Whatever the case, they are promoting it big time. So much that even I got an email about it yesterday from some PR company. Here’s what it said:
Reaching out with exciting news to share of a new dating app from “The Bachelor” host Chris Harrison and the show’s creator Mike Fleiss.
That’s right, Chris and Mike have set out to help the millions of (normal) bachelors and bachelorettes out there who are looking to find love. The new “At First Sight” app launched today combines learnings from years of The Bachelor – including the power of video as a casting tool that helps give a true sense of a person quickly – with behind-the-scenes technology, to create a new kind of online dating that helps singles make genuine connections. Here are just a few features that make At First Sight unique:
·Short videos give members a chance to experience a little of that right-out-of-the-limo spark
·Video prompts are similar to Bachelor/Bachelorette casting questions – carefully crafted to help cut through the clutter to reveal who people really upon first impression
· Limits on the number of messages you can send or receive each day, to prevent spam and encourage people to reach out thoughtfully for the right reasons
· Guards and protects users with security features such as custom privacy settings, pre-screened content and messaging limits
· The option to accept or deny all chat requests. AKA, “will you accept this rose?”
More info in the release below and via this link you’ll see a great video demo from Chris Harrison showing the ease of use of the app.
Can I provide more info, images or video assets to help you share this exciting news with your readers?
Looks like some PR firm forgot to take me off their mailing list on that one. I don’t think they were sitting in a room saying, “Hey, make sure you tell Reality Steve to promote this. He’s always been great to us.” Anything for my boys, Christopher and Mikey. There’s your free pub for today reaching a gazillion readers. I’ll expect my commission check in a month.
And finally, every once in a while, I’ll get an email about the “Bachelor” auditions, and someone who went to go audition or whatever. June is a big month for them doing casting calls, and someone sent me this video of a girl they know that applied that’s a blogger (SabrinaSaysBlog.com). She’s already recapped her audition in Seattle from this past weekend and this was the video she sent in. I gotta say, I have no idea if this girl will get cast or not, but just on production value alone, I’d think this is one of the better audition tapes they’ve gotten. I’m sure they’ve received thousands over the years, and I’ve watched maybe 3 total, but this is the best of the three. I just get the impression that most people just sit in front of a camera and talk, then show clips of them interacting with other people, or out doing some activity. Sure, she might need a little more practice on that Lumineers song on the guitar, but to splice it in with the original song I thought was very clever. The only thing wrong with her video is her saying she wants to be on the show because she’s ready to fall in love. Oh Sabrina, haven’t you learned by now? This show isn’t about love. Never was and never will be. But I get that you have to say that to butter them up a bit, so I’ll give you a free pass. Check out Sabrina’s video and good luck to her.