The Bachelor Juan Pablo Recap Including a Ton of News & Notes

January 7th, 2014 | 23 Comments | Posted in The Bachelor 18 - Juan Pablo

A LOT of stuff to get to today before we jump into the recap. Many of you are returning here for the first time since Des’ season ended. If you are, welcome back. And also, you missed out on a whole hell of a lot. The whole season was being spoiled in real time during filming between September and November and your episode-by-episode spoilers were posted on November 20th, the earliest they’ve ever been posted. If you’re coming to this site trying to avoid spoilers, you’ve been warned, they will be talked about in every column. It’s pretty much impossible for me to recap the show and NOT reference the fact that I know what eventually happens. So just know every recap will include spoilers throughout. Those who are hanging on to last season in hopes and thinking I was wrong then, so how do you know I’m right this season? Well, not much to say. I guess you’ll find out. Just know it is.

Lets first start off with when I joined Jason & Molly’s podcast earlier this summer to discuss all things Bachelor franchise related. If you didn’t give a listen then, check it out. We talked about a lot of good behind-the-scenes stuff:

Part 1: http://kiroradio.com/listen/9961572/
Part 2: http://kiroradio.com/listen/9961650/

Here was a funny email I received a couple weeks ago that I thought I would share with you:

“Hey Steve,

Love your blog, I’ve gotten to the point where I only read your blog now and don’t bother watching the show because your blogs are much more interesting anyways. I wouldn’t normally think about writing you but I thought you would find this interesting. I was browsing through people on OK Cupid and who else pops up but Elan. You’d think that a producer of the Bachelor franchise could find plenty of women to go out with, but I guess not. Haha. Here’s pics to prove he’s on there.”

Elan1Elan2

Scary. Just scary. What would you do if you were matched up with him? I’m sure he’s a great guy, fun at parties, and can tell a giant Twitter lie with the best of them but, ummmmmm, yeah. Delete.

A lot of the talk shows used “Bachelor” material in their monologues last night, including Jimmy Fallon who had a little fun at Kat’s expense. Funny, we’ve known Kat’s name for over 2 months now and I never actually looked at her name that way (fast forward to 2:25 of the clip):

Of course, Jimmy Kimmel had Juan Pablo on the night of his premiere, which he does every season. And his bit is to pretend he knows nothing about the spoilers, then “guess” who the final few women will be. Last night, he said he thinks the final three would be Andi, Nikki, and Renee, and he thinks Nikki will win. Ok, this bit is getting kinda old, no? Really Jimmy? You’re able to base that off one episode? Sure you’re not. Then again, he called Juan Pablo out for tweeting on Saturday about the Kansas City Chiefs game, Nikki’s hometown. I noticed that as well. Not to mention, the night before, Juan Pablo tweeted about the Missouri football team during their game against Oklahoma St. Whatever. Whether he made those tweets or not, doesn’t change what happened back in St. Lucia in November.

Based off what I saw on Twitter last night, seemed like quite a few girls from this season threw viewing parties last night for the premiere. Kat even held one in Scottsdale where she raised over $5000 for the John C. Lincoln Health Network. Then it looks like next week, there’s an event in San Francisco that Kat will be attending which you can as well: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/teamkat-bachelor-viewing-party-tickets-9644289329. If I didn’t already have plans (you know, stuck at home watching the show and taking notes), I totally would’ve been there.

Lets do a quick compare and contrast, shall we? For the last few seasons, the lead of the show always puts out a blog on Tuesday mornings on People.com giving their thoughts on the previous night’s show. Here was Juan Pablo’s blog from last night. Damn, that was a hell of a ghost writer he had for himself. Compare that blog to the complete, unedited conference call transcript he did with the media before the season, and tell me if you think Juan Pablo actually writes/talks like he did in today’s blog. Yikes.

The ratings are in for the premiere, and the “Bachelor” delivered it’s highest in 3 years. I already did the research for you. Sean’s premiere episode drew 6.9 million viewers. Ben before him drew 7.7 million. For Juan Pablo to draw 8.4 million up against the National Championship game, pretty much proves the point I make every season. This show is going nowhere unless they just decide they wanna stop making it. It’s also further proof that what I do doesn’t negatively affect their show in any way, shape, or form. You break it down even further, it drew a 4.1 in their target demo, women 18-49. That’s a HUGE number, even for this show. Which is great for me. Keep it coming, boys. It’s fun doing this for a living.

In the episode-by-episode spoilers back in November, I updated you on four of the women that were already in relationships or hooking up barely minutes after getting booted and returning home: Kylie, Amy, Christy, and Lucy. Here’s an update on that update:

-As far as I know, Christy is still dating Chicago Bears safety Chris Conte. She should probably reconsider though since his pass coverage skills are below league standards.

-The SnapChat guy, Evan Spiegel, dumped Lucy. Awwww man, I wonder why? Did you see anything on last night’s show that would make you reconsider whether or not you wanted it to be publicly known you were dating her? Man, I couldn’t find one thing. Crazy Evan. What’s a matta’ wit you?

-A new development happened on this front since we last spoke. Alexis (eliminated last night) started dating Michael Garofola from Des’ season. Man, Michael surely is making the rounds in this franchise, isn’t he? The guy has been on three dating shows since the turn of the century, and just as late as this past September he was in AshLee’s pants from Sean’s season. Now he’s moved on to some new fresh meat in poor little Alexis. She has no idea what’s hit her. Just three months ago this guy had diarrhea of the Twitter and Instagram telling us how much he was in love with AshLee. How quickly he moves on. I don’t know how he even nabbed Alexis in the first place since she’s way out of his league, but this guy personifies everything that happens to these bachelor guys once they’re on the show. Unfortunately I have a feeling Alexis will be suffering the fate of those before her in the near future. Get out while you can, Alexis.

-And Amy L. has had an interesting few months since she got booted from the show. First she went back to her ex-boyfriend, a former FSU football player. But apparently after that, Michael’s partner-in-crime (and seducing contestants) Brooks joined in the fray, and started hugging up on Amy. Enough so, that these four spent New Year’s Eve together down in Miami, where Amy and Brooks got their love on:

AmyAlexisgroupdate

I’m sure Brooks and Amy’s night of passion will last centuries that Nicholas Sparks will be writing books about. And by centuries, I mean by next week probably. Good luck to the two of them. I’m sure a girl who plays Cinderella at Disneyworld in Orlando (no, she’s not a TV reporter anymore) and a guy from Utah are going to be verrrrrrry monogamous with each other. This is all very funny to me. Anyone else have any stories of bachelor guys on the prowl for this new crop of meat? Feel free to drop me a line.

So the schedule this week is that on Thursday, I will combine the “Reader Emails” and “Dr. Reality Steve” column. Not sure if it’s gonna be like that every week or not, but at least for the time being, it looks like that’s what’ll happen. Also, coming Thursday night is the return of the live video blog here on the site. I didn’t realize I haven’t done one since Sept. of 2012. Yikes. Time to bring it back, so be sure to catch that. Whew. That was a lot to get out before I started. Lets get to what happened last night…

23 thoughts on “The Bachelor Juan Pablo Recap Including a Ton of News & Notes

  1. This is going to be an amazing season of recaps. Juan Pablo is comedy gold. Thanks for the laughs, Steve!

  2. I watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette every season…do not miss….except this season. I can not understand the man. I don’t know what it is something about his accent, my ear to brain filter….nothing makes sense at all. I’m not watching this year but I’ll come here to read your recaps….that’s all I really need anyway!!! Thanks so much!!!

  3. Great recap! Hysterical and a great way to start the season off. I would like to add one thing about how the lead knows the names at the end and who to give the roses too; the names are on the roses as well. :-) . Great recap Steve and keep them coming.

  4. Two things I’m surprised weren’t mentioned in this review because of their craziness:

    - Nikki calling herself a “baby doctor” in a weird voice after realizing that Juan Pablo may not know what “pediatric” means. That awkward pause was killer.
    - Juan Pablo seemingly asking if one of the girls (hot pink dress) was pregnant by touching her stomach and asking “what’s this belly?”. Her response “there’s nothing in there” and his reply “ok, that’s OK” was just bizarre.

    This season is going to seriously deliver.

  5. Great recap! This is the first season that I’ve decided to read the spoilers as you post them (since I couldn’t care less who wins). I think doing things this way will make it much more fun!

  6. Just got to the part in the episode where Andi divulges she’s a lawyer and Juan Pablo goes “wooow, you read a lot”. Which reminds me that in his bio from last season when asked what his favorite book was he said “I don’t read”.

    I don’t care, I love it. I love this season.

  7. I discovered your blog halfway through Des’s season, so this is my first time being here from the beginning. How I ever made it through this show without you, I’ll never know.

    Anyway. Was it just me, or was JP coming off super pervy by unabashedly staring at each girl’s a** as they walked by? And his comments? “Oh wow!” “This limo is the best!” It was weird. And uncomfortable. Like most of the season probably will be.

    Lastly, I’ve watched this show for a few years, and can’t remember a time where someone came off so poorly in regards to being genuine about the process (well technically, he came across compeltely genuine since it seemed he could care less). At least the other guys/gals they’ve had can fake that they want to find a spouse.

    Can’t wait for this season’s train wreck!

  8. I wish there was a way to determine how many people strictly watch the show because of your recaps, Steve. If it wasn’t for me being able to come here and read your take on the show, I would have zero interest in watching. This season is going to be a complete and utter train wreck and I will be watching strictly to follow along with your page. Keep up the great work – and if anyone from the franchise happens to be reading this, please leave Steve alone from now on and let him do his thing – he is a big part of the reason your viewership is what it is.

  9. I watched about 15 minutes of last night and then fell asleep which I knew would happen, so thankfully I have your recap to let me know what happened. If nothing else, this season should be amusing instead of plain boring. Thank you Steve for helping me to get through this.

  10. When did Sean Lowe become a model for Talbot’s?

    My heart bled for dumped before the wedding Lauren. If JP had given her the 1st impression rose I would’ve given him major points. Wouldn’t have meant she was a contender, but she needs the self esteem boost.

    JP is such a phony and so affected.

  11. The only ego that’s boosting, is JP’s.
    He isn’t going to boost someone’s “ego”
    He was probably coached who to give the rose to – because she came out of no where with her boring dress and watching grass grow, personality.
    Worst first impression rose ever.

  12. Juan Pablo went to college in Rochester New York, not Ithaca…he was born in Ithaca.

  13. Did anyone notice Juan Pablo’s goal replay? He fished the ball out of the net as a keepsake…… Which means he probably didn’t score very often and most likely was a borderline pro. And trying to take the ball out of the net is poor sportsmanship. It’s showing up the goaltender. Notice the goalie took a little swipe at JP? And that was the best soccer footage they had of the guy?

  14. @rob22 – I noticed the same thing! It was sort of sad that that was the “best” footage they had. That, or the producers are trolling, which I’d respect.

  15. Hi Steve – I’ve been reading your posts forever and decided to join tonight. I think JP has that Latin lover thing going on. Which can be great but doesn’t make for interesting conversation a few years down the road. At least to me. I’m a sucker for accents though so he could even make the most tedious things exciting with his accent. Although I’ll admit I did fall asleep watching the season opener – probably not a good sign.

    Thanks for being great Steve!

    ;-)

  16. Great recap. Because of these this season will be interesting to watch. I could have sworn that when JP as on JK Live he said he sent 27 girls home. I deleted the episode already but thought it was funny and maybe a spoiler too.
    Thanks again Steve for the posts.

  17. After watching the premiere I think Steve is dead on about his opinion that Juan Pablo only became the bachelor to further his opportunities and career. He seemed far more interested in how good looking the women were than trying to see who he could start an early connection with. And as someone else pointed out too, he was checking them all out big time as they walked by and into the house. It was hilarious.

    I’m thinking maybe I’d have a different opinion on Juan Pablo if I was oblivious to his Instagram and especially Twitter posts, but I cannot get over the annoying tweets and how dumb he looks by his random words being capitalized in them. And while many women swoon at his accent, it does nothing for me. I may need to start watching this season on mute.

  18. Steve! Yes, the overpaid and under-knowledged plagiarists will by flying in circles above you again. The cliche’ that flattery is a compliment is true but rest assured you will always have the sexiest IQ! (We love you!)
    Hilarious note on night one. The ‘mom’ in the group, (Renee), had no idea how old Camila was. Every gossip, TV, Celeb, etc… website carried the Juan Pablo/Camila story, (in two languages), with her age included. How did she miss that except by never having any real interest in the first place?
    Idea. Instead of having losers drive away, why not use the Survivor’s Template by having a second chance round like Redemtion Island? Have the limos bring the girls to a nearby hot tob hotel where James and Ben are waiting. They can let the dejected, sex-deprived love seekers battle it out on Consumation Island!
    Finally, if Juan Pablo is truly anti ‘white girls’ and refuses to pick from this line up of absolutely beautiful brainiacs, he should have a soccer style penalty round. Send in Super Goddess, Big Brother racist Princess Aaryn Griess and Latin hater Amanda Zuckerman for a weekend to sling racial slurs at him. That will make him appreciate the sincerity of the girls who really brought their hearts and dreams with them.
    The unspoken act of not choosing a woman to marry based on her heritage is as demeaning as shoving Flava Flav down our throats for three seasons while he was actually engaged.
    There’s too many REAL people out there looking for real love who are both interesting and sincere to have to be reduced to network scripting.
    He will truly turn out to be ‘The Lone Ranger’ afterall.
    BTW, Great call on Andi! She would make a great Bachlorette. Maybe she can cross examine the potential suitors and throw the liars and cheaters in detention.
    Keep up the great work, Steve!

  19. Don’t know if you noticed this, Steve, or anyone else reading, but the first four girls who got roses at the rose ceremony are the final four! Go back and watch – Nikki, Clare, Andi, and Renee were the first four to get roses. Hmmm, makes one wonder.

  20. Um, socalmike, Steve already said the final four got the first four roses in his recap above….

  21. Yikes! Am I missing something??? Sadly it appears that ABC has made a change this season … NO full episode available of The Bachelor to watch online unless I “verify” my TV provider amidst a list of providers I’ve never even heard of. Clearly I’m NOT going to change my cable bill (or pay extra) in order to watch one, individual show … As a busy Mom, who routinely deals with homework & kid’s bedtimes between 8-930pm most nights, it looks like I won’t be able to watch The Bachelor any longer. Love your recaps @RealitySteve but clearly they go hand & hand with watching the show and sadly it appears that has come to an end for me ….

  22. Not a JP defender, but the grabbing of the ball out of the goal, is common if your team is losing. No one keeps the ball, ii is just trying to speed up play since your team is
    behind. ( the clock is always running, so limited time)

    For the first time in at least 10 seasons, I watched the full episode. There is just too much comedy to do my usual FF.

  23. The doctor, thanks for the correction. In that I’m not a soccer fan, besides watching my teenage son play…. Who corrects me frequently whenever a make an observation about what was happening during the game….so I have to say I’m never going to “get” soccer, and I’m especially not going to get a Latin soccer player who doesn’t read or speak the language real well.

    The comment above about Nikki having to use “baby doctor” to JP because the word “pediatric” put him into the full deer in headlights look, was just classic. There have been lots of self absorbed tools on this show, but I don’t recall one with as little intellect as JP. I have a feeling that mocking his lack of intelligence is going to be THE major theme, even above his superficiality and his inability to even fake his real intentions.

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